“Kurt? Are you feeling alright” Rebecca asked concern evident in her tone.

Kurt continued staring at the notebook in front of him. He had spaced out a while, he was supposed to be sketching but he hadn’t done anything yet and Rebecca was starting to worry.

“Kurt!”

Kurt was pulled from his thoughts and looked up at Rebecca. “What? Oh sorry I kind of checked out for a bit”

Rebecca raised an eyebrow at him. “For a bit? You’ve been like this most of the day, maybe you should go home, I can-“

“No!” Rebecca looked startled at his outburst.

“I mean no, it’s fine, I’m fine just a bit distracted, that’s all” Kurt didn’t want to go home. Home meant being alone. And he didn’t want to be alone.

“I’ve noticed…did you want to talk about what’s bothering you?”

Kurt sighed and slumped back in his chair. There were a lot of things bothering him. He was tired and irritated; he was working long hours and was barely sleeping. Things he had gotten used to dealing with were getting harder. Usually, he had someone to relieve the stress with, but he hadn’t had time to go out. He thought about calling the guy he met at the restaurant he had dinner with Blaine, but most nights he was tired and just wanted to sleep, but even that wasn’t happening every night.

Most nights were spent thinking. And all he thought about was Blaine.

“Do you remember Blaine?” Kurt asked her.

Rebecca tilted he head to the side in curiosity “Anderson? Of course, I’m a huge fan, I still can’t believe your friends with him, and didn’t tell me; I could have gotten an autograph from him months ago”

“yeah, well…..” Kurt rolled his blue eyes at her “do you remember the guy I told you about after we had just met in Paris?”

Rebecca thought for a second “yeah I do, your best friend that got married, the one you were in love with, you said that you were so heartbroken you decided to move to get away from him”

Kurt nodded, he and Rebecca had become fast friends after meeting in the fashion house in Paris, she had also moved to Paris from London because she caught her boyfriend sleeping with one of her classmates. They were together for almost two years, she had been devastated so she decided to leave and start fresh somewhere else. After she told him about her boyfriend over a bottle of wine, Kurt told her about his best friend breaking his heart.

“Well, Blaine….”

“No! Oh my god! Blaine was the guy!” she said incredulously.

“Yeah…”

Rebecca sat in her chair still a little stunned at the revelation.

“I don’t know what to do….the last thing I expected was to see him again…”

She looked at him sadly “have you seen him again, since the show?”

“Yeah I did a few nights ago, we had dinner…I’m still not sure if it was a good idea” he said sadly.

“Do you… still, have feelings for him? “She asked him.

That was a loaded question. Did he still have feelings for Blaine? He would like to think that he didn’t but he knew that was maybe not the case.

“I-I don’t know…I spent three years trying to forget him and move on, I thought even if I did see him, I wouldn’t feel anything for him…” he let out a frustrated huff “…when I met him for dinner, I didn’t want to feel anything, just for a few moments I wanted to pretend that things could be back like they used to, you know? But I couldn’t let myself get dragged back in; I worked too hard for that to happen.”

Rebecca considered his words before she spoke, Kurt patiently waiting for her opinion. “Do you think you were ever over him?”

He thought for a bit “I don’t know…even if I did let him back in my life, I don’t think I could do it”

“It depends on what you’re willing to risk, are you willing to let him back in your life? Is he worth being friends with again and still having that lingering chance of him breaking your heart” she said honestly.

Kurt thought about it. He wanted to be friends with Blaine again, he didn’t want to be cold and distant from him, but it was a defense mechanism. The only way he responded to him. It’s how he protected himself from heartache. He didn’t know if Blaine was worth it anymore. He thought he had suffered enough. He didn’t think he could do it again.

“He didn’t want me, and I’ve accepted it”

Rebecca looked at him with a solemn look on her face “so what are you going to do?”

He knew what he needed to do, he needed to stop seeing him and just forget about Blaine, and because nothing was worth all the heartbreak he felt when he had left Blaine.

“I won’t see him, that’s all,” he said with a shrug of his shoulder.

Rebecca stared at him, she wasn’t sure if she believed Kurt. She didn’t know him before Paris, but she was sure that the ‘ice queen’ exterior was not him. Whatever happened with Blaine left him completely broken.

“Sometimes things are not that easy”

---------------------------------------

Blaine sat on the floor of his home office, just strumming his guitar mindlessly. He thought about going to the studio but he didn’t want to be around anyone.

Lately, he was just lost in his thoughts. Most of them are about Kurt.

He knew he shouldn’t feel the way he did. And the more he tried to push them away, the harder it was to ignore them. He loved his husband and that’s what he kept saying to himself.

But Kurt coming back into his life made him question a lot of things. He never thought of Kurt in a romantic sense. He loved Kurt but he never thought he was in love with him.

Lately, he and James had been drifting apart. The constant fights and tension were overwhelming him. He thought maybe he had just hit a rough patch. But he knew that it wasn’t the case.

He was confused and didn’t know what to do. He sometimes thought about leaving James, and then he felt guilty, James had done so much for him he couldn’t just leave him for no reason.

He knew Kurt loved him three years ago, but he wasn’t sure if he still did. From their dinner earlier in the week he could tell Kurt was very different than the boy that used to be his best friend. He was cold and distant. His attitude towards him felt strained and awkward.

Blaine was sure Kurt didn’t feel anything for him anymore.

He noticed that he started playing a familiar tune and decided to sing. Singing in some way cleared his head. So he hoped it would let him get some of his emotions off his chest.

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness

Like resignation to the end, always the end

So when we found that we could not make sense

Well you said that we would still be friends

But I’ll admit that I was glad it was over

But you didn’t have to cut me off

Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing

And I don’t even need your love

But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough

No, you didn’t have to stoop so low

Have your friends collect your records and then change your number

I guess that I don’t need that though

Now you are just somebody that I used to know

He played for a couple of more minutes before the door opened and walked in an angry-looking James. He was still in his suit so he had just gotten out of work and was holding a newspaper in his hand.

“That was beautiful; I haven’t heard you play that before”

Blaine looked at him in surprise he didn’t expect James for another couple of hours “oh I was just playing random things”

“Maybe you’ve found some inspiration,” James said icily to him.

Blaine looked at him confused and wondered what his problem was. “Not really…is there something on your mind James?”

He frowned at him for a few seconds before he spoke.

“Have you been with Kurt?” James asked him his tone controlled but Blaine could hear the slight edge in it.

Blaine knew he couldn’t lie to him, because eventually, he would have found out anyways, he just didn’t tell him about it because he had said he didn’t want him to see Kurt. So he decided just to be honest with him. He looked up at him from where he was still sitting on the floor.

“Yeah I did we had dinner a couple of nights ago…that’s all” Blaine said slightly annoyed at him.

James glared at him before he threw a newspaper in front of him. He didn’t know what it was about and why James was acting like an asshole.

He picked up the paper and on page six was a picture of himself and Kurt standing outside the restaurant while Blaine gave him a peck on the cheek. Blaine’s eyes widen in shock and started to panic. He should have been more careful. But it was too late, the damage was done, and he didn’t know how he was going to handle this with James.

Blaine placed the paper and his guitar on the floor and got up avoiding James' eyes. Blaine was feeling nervous again, James was standing there, his face getting red, to Blaine he looked like he was about to explode in rage. He hoped he could calm him down enough before the fight got out of hand.

“What the fuck is that Blaine?”

“I was just saying goodbye to him, as friends, I didn’t expect someone to take a picture. It was nothing James, please don’t make this bigger than it is” Blaine hated it already; he knew James wasn’t going to let it go.

“I'm sick of finding out like this. Do you know what they’re saying about this? They're saying that you’re cheating on me Blaine, with him!” James' face was getting redder by the second. Blaine thought maybe he had been drinking again.

Blaine rolled his eyes at him, he knew it would piss him off more, but he couldn’t help it when his husband was being a jealous idiot.

“They took something completely innocent and turned it around, nothing is going on there. It was just dinner!”

“I asked you not to see him! You don’t love me enough if you feel the need to go around behind my back seeing other men!” James stood there staring at him as his voice grew louder.

“He’s not some guy! He was my best friend for ten years James! I get to see him if I want. You need to stop telling me what I can and can’t do!” he didn’t want to add fuel to the fire but he was tired of James controlling him.

“I am your fucking husband! A husband that’s only given you everything! Are you not satisfied enough you have to go and see other guys?”

“What is it with you constantly accusing me of cheating? When have I ever done it? When have I ever given you a reason to doubt me!” Blaine was getting angrier by the second; he was tired of arguing with James about the same stupid things.

“As I said, you don’t love me, after everything I’ve done for you; this is how you repay me, by making me look like a fool. Do you think I want people’s pity because my husband is cheating on me?

“I AM NOT CHEATING ON YOU!” James was not listening to him.

“Why should I believe you, for all I know, you’re already planning to leave me SO YOU CAN BE WITH HIM!”

“Why don’t you just listen to me for a minute, I am not cheating on you, please just listen, please” Blaine didn’t know why he was begging because he didn’t do anything wrong, but James somehow made him feel like he did.

James let out an annoyed huff and crossed his arms not looking at Blaine “why should I, I told you not to see him, but you did anyways, so why should I trust you?”

Blaine felt angry and betrayed. He hated that James was always making him feel bad about himself “I don’t understand why you think I would be cheating on you with Kurt of all people; he’s just my friend….” James looked at him skeptically. “…I don’t know what to tell you James…it was just an innocent dinner, two friends catching up, that’s it, you have to believe me, I have no reason to lie to you” he hope that was enough to calm him.

“What do you want me to do James? Do you want me to leave you because if you don’t trust me I see no reason to be with you?”

James' eyes widen in shock; Blaine hoped he had gotten through to him.

He ran his hands through his blonde hair in frustration. They stood there in silence while Blaine waited for James to say something.

“God, I’m sorry baby, I just, fuck… you know how I get, I let myself get worked up, but seeing that picture just made me insane… I just love you so much, I don’t want you to leave me…” he looked like he had calmed down a lot.

“I know James; it just hurts every time you say things like that to me. It bothers me that you don’t trust me” he said as he tried to calm his anger.

James brought his hand up to cup his chin and tilted it so he could look at him. “I’m an idiot sometimes; please just forgive me.”

Blaine studied his green eyes for a second, eyes that used to make his heart flutter. He decided not to fight him anymore and just forgive him “it’s alright James, I’m sorry too, I should have been more careful, I’ll call Peggy tomorrow, I'm sure she could do something about it.” Peggy was his publicist, so she was used to dealing with those kinds of things.

James smiled and placed a kiss on Blaine’s nose. “Ok we can talk about this later, I’m going to shower then we could go to bed” Blaine nodded and James placed a chaste kiss on his lips before he left the room and headed toward the bedroom.

Blaine let out a deep breath and slumped down on the couch before he ran his hands through his hair. Blaine was glad the fight hadn’t escalated and that James had calmed down, he knew they were going to talk about it some more, and James wasn’t going to let it slide.

Blaine’s head was throbbing; he was just so tired of the fights. James was wearing him out and he didn’t know how much longer he could do it. He was supposed to be happy with his husband, but he couldn’t remember the last time he felt like that around him. Sometimes there were moments when James was romantic and loving. But then he would be cold and distant, controlling and moody, and Blaine couldn’t keep up anymore. And he was getting desperate.

He got up and headed to the bedroom. He stripped down to where he was only wearing his boxers and an undershirt and climbed into bed.

He heard the water shut off and James walked out a few seconds later clad in only a towel, he could see he was still wet as the beads of water traveled down his muscular body. Blaine always thought James' body was amazing. He was lucky he had such an attractive husband, but lately, he didn’t feel the same desire he used to feel when they had just gotten together, sometimes it didn’t feel right. He didn’t think anything of it; he was sure James felt the same way about him. He thought it was something that happened to most married couples.

James dried himself off with another towel before he turned off the bedroom light and walked over to the bed.

Blaine noticed that James hadn’t gotten any underwear or pajamas. He heard James shuffling for a second before he heard him drop his towel, lifted the covers, and slipped in next to Blaine, wrapping his arms around him.

Blaine knew what James wanted, and he was not in the mood to give it to him. He could feel James kissing and licking his neck, while he felt his erection against his back.

“James, I'm not in the mood right now,” Blaine said as James continued to kiss him and ran his hands down his body.

James ignored him “baby, you’re wearing too many clothes…” Blaine’s breath caught as James slid his hand into his underwear and started stroking him. He could feel James' muscles bump into his.

“James, please stop….”

“Baby, just let me take care of you” at that moment James ran his thumb across the tip of his cock spreading the pre-cum, and he involuntarily thrust into the touch. He didn’t want to have sex, but his body was telling him otherwise. He could feel James' erection pushing harder against him.

James kept kissing him, as he slid his boxers off and pulled off his undershirt.

“Turn over baby,” he said as he leaned over to the nightstand to get the lube.

Blaine decided not to fight it, James was going to get what he wanted anyways, so he turned over on his stomach and rested his head on the pillow.

James was kneeling between Blaine’s legs behind him, he heard the snap of the bottle and then James was pushing his legs farther apart to get better access.

He circled his entrance a few times before he started to open him up, after a few minutes James stopped and then felt his cock push into him.

Blaine shut his eyes at the pain, it had been a while since they had sex but he didn’t let him adjust before he started pounding into him hard and fast. He bit down into the pillow until the pain subsided.

“Fuck baby you feel so tight so good-" James said as he kept thrusting into him.

Blaine was angry at himself for letting James have his way with him. Every once in a while when he wanted to have sex it was always from behind and Blaine hated it because it was so impersonal to him, and made him feel like a cheap way for James to get off, Blaine had even realized that James hadn’t even kissed him in the mouth, making him feel even worse than he already did. Blaine always bottomed so he knew James wouldn’t last any longer as his thrust became erratic. He would hit his prostate every couple of trust, but he knew James wasn’t worried about him; James just wanted to get off. So Blaine rutted into the sheets looking for his release.

James finally came inside him and trust a couple of more times riding out his orgasm, on the last one he hit Blaine's prostate making him come into the sheets.

James slumped over Blaine as he came down from his orgasm, before he pulled out and rolled off of him, Blaine hissed at the pain.

After coming down from his, he got up and walked into the bathroom to clean himself off. He came back out and put on his boxers back on and climbed back to bed. James shifted beside him as he wrapped his hand around him and pulled him against his chest, he placed a few kisses on his neck as they lay in silence before Blaine heard soft snores behind him.

Blaine shut his eyes tightly trying to willfully fall asleep but it never came, all he could feel were the hot tears coming down his face onto the pillow.