“So would you be so kind to inform me as to what is going on with you?” Rebecca asked as she notices that Kurt was staring into nothing.

He looked up from his work in front of him; he knew he wasn’t at his best the last few days. He was distracted and lost in his thoughts. He had always managed to hide everything from people, and keep his emotion locked in, but lately there slipping through the cracks.

He felt like he was slowly crumbling and he knew he had to pull himself together before he ended up falling apart completely.

“I’m fine” he stood up from his desk and stretched his whole body ached, and he was exhausted from not being able to sleep.

“Even you don’t believe that” she put down the paperwork she had been working at. “Look darling, I know you have this insufferable habit to keep everything to yourself, but you need to talk to someone about what’s bothering you" she stood up and made Kurt sit back in his seat while she stood behind him.

“What are yo-” as he tried to look behind him.

“Just sit down, I’m trying to help you relax” she pushed him down on his chair and massaged his shoulders.

Kurt’s tensed up but then quickly relaxes as she rubbed out the knots on his upper back.

“mm mm, that feels fantastic…can I keep you?” Kurt closed his eyes; he thought maybe a day at the spa would make him feel a little bit better.

“I will stop if you don’t tell me what going on?”

“What! No, don’t stop…fine” Kurt didn’t want to talk about it, but he doubt Rebecca would let him drop it.

“The other day I…I went out with Blaine…”

Kurt couldn’t see Rebecca’s reaction, but the way faltered for a second while rubbing his back, he could tell she was a bit surprised.

“Really? Well, how did that go?”

“As bad as they always do, actually I thought that the night was going pretty well, until we went to my apartment” Kurt hated to talk about it, hopefully, he could cut it short.

“What! You went to your apartment! What happened?”

Kurt let out an exasperated sigh “nothing happened…we just had a small misunderstanding…look I rather not talk about it, it’s done and over with, we can probably move on now”

“Ok Kurt, you just had a shitty night”

“Always eloquent”

Kurt decided it was maybe time to go home, he wasn’t getting anything done anyways.

“Sorry, I’m just tired; I think I’m going home”

Rebecca perked up instantly “does that mean I can go too?”

“Where are you going?” Kurt asked curiously, Rebecca rarely asked to go home early.

Rebecca smiled at him “I have a date”

Kurt beamed at her “really? Do tell” he was happy for her, since her breakup a few years back, Rebecca rarely dated, she was ‘married to her work’ and that was her excuse for not dating. Kurt thought she was a catch and that any guy would be lucky to be with her.

“Just some guy I met a few weeks ago…” she shrugged.

“well I’ll be here early, and when you come back in I want to see you in that same outfit, then I’ll know you had a great night,” he said as he pulled on his coat.

“Kurt! It’s a first date, not a wank call”

Rebecca flushed bright red but she was still smiling.

“I’m just saying” he put his hands up in mock surrender.

“Just… get out of here, I’ll see you tomorrow” she finished packing up some paperwork and Kurt’s sketches.

“Ok, see you, I want all the dirty details tomorrow…”

“Just bloody go!”

Kurt laughed as he closed his office door.

----------------------------------------

When he arrived home he hung his coat and put his bag down. He shivered, his apartment was freezing. It was no better outside, the streets were cold and the temperature was low.

It was a few weeks before Christmas and he thought maybe he should start decorating; maybe it would warm up the place. The apartment still felt cold and empty.

He was standing in the hallway by the living room; he stared at his empty couch. The memory was still so vivid.

He walked over and sat in the same spot he had been in that night, he rested his head back on the couch.

He could still feel the weight of Blaine straddling his lap. His hands roamed the expanse of his toned back through his shirt. He could feel the warm wet lips gliding against his.

Kurt opens his eyes and looked around the empty apartment.

He wanted so badly to forget. To forget that night...to forget Blaine. But as hard as he tried he knew he never would be able to.

That night had been one of the best that he remembered having with Blaine, but at the same time, it was the worse. He was confused and he still didn’t understand what had happened, what had made Blaine bolt out of the apartment, mumbling drunken apologies.

One second he had Blaine’s tongue down his throat, the next his lap was empty and the front door was slamming closed.

He knew he had been an idiot to rekindle his friendship with Blaine. He allowed himself to let him back in, he was so sure that he would be safe. But in just a few seconds everything had fallen apart again.

It had been a few days and he had not heard from Blaine at all. It hurt him more than he wished it did.

He couldn’t believe how stupid he had been, he had felt that Blaine had wanted him, that Blaine had desired him, but he had been so wrong.

All the painful memories had come crashing down on him. The idea of knowing Blaine never wanted him, and would never want him made his heart break again.

Because all those kisses were never meant to happen.

He remembered the middle of their senior year in high school, both Blaine and Kurt still attended Dalton, they both boarded, but on the weekends they stayed at Kurt’s. Blaine was kicked out of his own home, but his father was still paying his tuition. So Burt let him stay in the guest room until they went to college.

Both he and Blaine had snuck out of the house one evening and had gotten Puck to get them alcohol with his fake id.

“Blaine, are you sure we should be doing this?” Kurt asked as he looked around McKinley’s empty parking lot.

“Kurt relax, you worry too much, it’s totally fine…I think” he reassured Kurt as he pulled a blanket and a small cooler from his trunk.

“Live a little”

Kurt rolled his eyes at him “fine, but if we get caught, just know that Burt will kill you first”

Blaine laughs and motions Kurt to follow him toward the school. He had no idea how Blaine talked him into doing this, but somehow he thought it was a brilliant idea to sneak into the school’s football field in the middle of the night to get drunk. He was hesitant but then again, Kurt could never say ‘no’ to Blaine.

They entered the field and walked to the middle, Blaine stopped right at the 50yrd line; he laid out the blanket on the grass and placed the cooler on the grass by him as he sat down, and he patted the spot next to him as he looked up at Kurt.

He sighed and sat down next to him, Blaine handed him a beer. They sat in comfortable silence while they sipped their beer. Blaine took out his phone and set up some music, he put the volume at a good level and placed it between them.

“This is nice,” Blaine said as he opened a second beer.

“And illegal” Kurt deadpanned.

“oh come on Kurt, tell me you’re not having fun, drinking on the field where most of you bullies play football, imagine how pissed they would be if they knew we were doing this on their precious field,” Blaine said with a huge grin that made Kurt’s stomach flutter.

Kurt thought of other things they could do that would make them even more pissed, but he dismissed the thought quickly.

“Fun being maybe getting caught or being murdered by my father, then yes I’m having a blast,” he said sending Blaine a glare.

“Just a little fun,” he said looking at him with large sparkly orbs, he hated the puppy dog eyes.

He tried to suppress a smile but failed “ok, maybe just a little”

Blaine laughed and clinked his bottle with Kurt’s “cheers to breaking the rules”

Kurt rolled his eyes and took a large gulp of his beer; he was on his second one and could already feel a slight buzz.

“You know your eyes are going to roll off your head one day” Blaine teased as he opened his third beer.

Kurt hit him playfully on the shoulder.

“Oww, abuse!” Blaine yelled playfully as he rubbed his arm.

They talked, drank, and listen to music. At one point they had ended up lying down next to each other, heads close as they stared into the starry night.

“Do you think there’s someone out there for everybody?”

Kurt rolled his head over and looked at Blaine; he thought it was an odd question to ask. Blaine had a boyfriend.

“I guess…I’d like to think so” Kurt hoped so, he wish that someday he would find the person he was supposed to be with, even though he already knew who he wanted that person to be.

Blaine rolled his head over, which made their noses almost touch. Kurt could smell the alcohol on his warm breath.

“I don’t think there’s someone to love me,” Blaine said sadly. Kurt could tell he was drunk; he slurred his word a bit.

“Of course, there is, your amazing Blaine, your talented, you smart, your funny…your beautiful…” he whispered the last part hoping Blaine was drunk enough not to notice.

Blaine studied his eyes, for a moment, Kurt stared back.

“you really think that Kurtie?”

Kurt smiled, he was definitely drunk, and Blaine only called him that when he was.

“I do” Kurt looked into Blaine’s warm honey eyes before he closed them, it was getting late and he was tired.

He really thought those things about him, because Blaine was the most amazing person in his life, he was everything to him, even if he was just his best friend.

Kurt suddenly felt something warm and soft against his lips, he open his eyes in shock and saw that it was Blaine’s lips.

He closed his eyes again and relished the feeling of his first kiss. Blaine moved his lips softly and gently against his. Kurt thought he might die from sheer happiness, but then Blaine swiped his tongue on his bottom lip and Kurt quickly pulled back.

No matter how perfect it had felt, he knew that he wasn’t supposed to be kissing Blaine, he had a boyfriend.

Suddenly Kurt felt extremely guilty, even though Blaine kissed him first.

Blaine leaned back and closed his eyes “thanks Kurtie”

Kurt didn’t know what to say or do; obviously, Blaine was drunk and wouldn’t remember it the next day.

It was the same day he realized he was deeply in love with his best friend.

Kurt finally managed to get off the couch and fix something for dinner. Throughout the evening as he cleaned and worked in his apartment, he thought about those kisses.

He had to stop before he went insane; he wanted everything to just go away. His heart broke like many times before.

Blaine was never meant for him, Blaine would never love him or see him more than a friend, and the only reason he kissed Kurt was that he was drunk.

That’s all he was, a drunken mistake.

Kurt was brought out of his thoughts as his phone vibrated. the number looked oddly familiar, but he could not remember.

He decided to answer it in case it was Rebecca or someone from the office.

“Hello?”

“I’ve missed you beautiful,” said a silky voice through the phone.

Kurt's jaw almost dropped to the floor in shock, of all the people it could be, he never expected his ex to call him.

After he recovered, He smiled.

His timing couldn’t have been more perfect.

He needed a distraction.

“Sebastian, how have you been?”