Kurt stood up at the altar looking at nothing specific, lost in his thoughts. He had this swirl of emotions and didn’t know that the strongest was sadness. Anger? Disbelief?

He wanted to scream at the top of his lungs, he wanted to cry so hard until he couldn’t and wanted to laugh like a maniac all at the same time. He took a slow steady breath to try to stay calm as possible, but it didn’t stop the ache he had in his chest.

Kurt looked over at the groom on the other side; he was as tall as himself, built with broad shoulders, piercing green eyes, and short blonde hair. He was handsome. He could see why his Blaine would be with someone like him

Blaine.

Beautiful, kind, and loving Blaine.

He mentally shook himself, and he had to stop thinking about him that way. He was getting married, he just had to make his brain stop thinking about him, but he just couldn’t.

Kurt was his best man, he guess he should be happy for him, be more enthusiastic, but how could he when he knew he was hopelessly in love with his best friend. He hated being dramatic, but he felt like he might die from the pain.

Kurt was brought back from his thoughts as it all came to the end.

"I do," James said with a wide smile.

"I do," said Blaine with what Kurt imagined was his most charming smile.

At that moment he felt something change within him. He decided to immerse himself in the cold heartless facade he had created for himself over years of bullying and torture he had endured. Because love was not worth the pain. Not anymore. Why love when no one would feel the same about him.

"You may kiss your new husband"

They kissed; everyone cheered and clapped at the new happy couple.

It was over for Kurt.

Blaine turned round and has his stupid grin on his face, he reaches out to hug Kurt, he always lived to be enveloped in his warn strong arms, but today it just hurt.

"I’m married Kurt." his arms were still around his best friend.

"Always stating the obvious" Blaine just laughed at his remark.

Before Kurt could say anything else, James pulled Blaine away, while sending Kurt a warning glare

"Honey bear, there trying to take pictures" Kurt mentally gagged at the term of endearment.

As Blaine was whisked away he gave Kurt an apologetic look before he was enveloped in flashing lights.

Kurt walked over to Rachel both standing out of earshot from the people around them; glad Wes and David were currently being tortured by James as they posed for pictures.

"I need a fucking drink" as he pinched the bridge of his nose, his head felt like it was about to explode.

“I thought you were going to pass out up there...are you ok" Rachel knew it was a stupid question to ask, Kurt was far from ok, but he knew she was just worried about him.

"Do I look that awful? Not the high point of my day it probably can get much worse actually" he tried to say it with as much sarcasm as he could but he knew he failed miserably. She reached out and gave him a sympathetic squeeze

"You want to head out? If we leave now we get first dibs on the champagne" she gave him an exaggerated wink. It almost made him smile.

Almost.

"Yeah, we could probably avoid being in the pictures if we leave now...”

Too late.

"Kurt! Rachel! Come over here, we're doing group pictures!" Kurt rolled his eyes as James screamed at them to go over, currently, he was standing behind Blaine with both arms wrapped around his waist, laughing at something James had said to him.

"God, fucking bloody hell," he said under his breath as he walked over.

Rachel leaned over and whispered in Kurt’s ear. “don’t worry we'll get booze in you soon"

"Not soon enough"

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A couple of glasses of champagne later Kurt started to feel a little buzzed, he was sitting at the table for the bridesmaids and groomsmen, but luckily everyone was up and dancing except Rachel and Wes who were currently getting more drinks at the bar.

"Kurt, are you doing ok? You look a little pale" Rachel asked a little sad.

"fucking fantastic actually" he knew it was the alcohol, and he didn’t want to snap at Rachel, and he instantly regretted it, he was just being a moody bitch.

"I’m sorry Rachel"

Rachel just smiled at him" its ok honey, don’t worry about it, I understand"

He just gave her another sad smile as he downed the rest of his drink. He saw Wes heading back from the bar holding three drinks with dark amber liquid, he assumed it was whiskey.

"Ok, so I got us something stronger," he said as he handed Kurt one of the drinks.

"Thank you, Wes"

"No problem man, I thought you could use it" Kurt nodded and downed his drink, feeling the familiar warmth and burn down his throat. Both Rachel and Wes were the only ones that knew his current dilemma, he was thankful for them and for keeping his secret.

Kurt grabbed the rest of Rachel’s champagne and took a large gulp, he thought maybe he should pace himself; this was probably not the time to get shitfaced. Rachel and Wes were thinking the same thing as they both threw worried glances at each other and him. Before both of them said anything the DJ started to talk through his microphone. A DJ? James probably won that one because he knew for sure Blaine always wanted a band at his wedding.

"Hope you ladies and gentlemen are having a wonderful evening. Now can we get both grooms to come to the dance floor for their first dance?"

Everyone clapped as James held his hand out for Blaine, he grabbed his hand and James twirled Blaine dramatically into the dance floor, Kurt rolled his eyes at the gesture.

The happy couple danced around to some generic wedding love song.

It was going to be a long evening.

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A couple of more drinks later, Kurt started to feel drunk, he barely remembered them bringing food out that he didn’t eat, knowing he wouldn’t be able to keep it down. Rachel got up and wrapped her arms around Kurt’s neck "you want to go dance?"

"I don’t think I could stand" he doubted she could make his legs work, and Kurt didn’t want to find out how drunk he was

"Well sober up, because your toast is coming up" she squeezed his shoulder and kissed the top of his head, and headed towards the dance floor.

Kurt started to panic, he stood up and started to walk toward the bathrooms swaying slightly as he went. He knew he shouldn’t have drunk that much.

Finally reaching the bathrooms, he went in and sighed in relief when he notices nobody was in there. He went and peed and then he washed his hands, he was trying to calm his nerves but he couldn’t as much as he tried, the sinking feeling in his stomach wouldn’t go away. He was drunk and tired and just wanted to go home and sleep.

Kurt splashed some water on his face and then grabbed paper towels to dry his face, he was surprised he still hadn’t cried, but Kurt doubted he had any tears left. As he dried his face he stared at himself in the mirror, he was tall, and slim, maybe too slim, he knew he had lost some weight, especially during the last few weeks before the wedding. He was pale and had plain brown hair, a pointy nose, and his often referred to 'feminine features' he always thought he was quite unremarkable, he wasn’t built like James he didn’t have the broad shoulders and the washboard abs, he didn’t have beautiful green eyes and golden blonde hair, he wasn’t 'hot' like people often described James, he could see why Blaine never looked at him like he looked at James.

Blaine was a little shorter, but the perfect height, he had his beautiful curls, his olive-tanned skin, and dazzling hazel eyes, physically Blaine and James were a very good-looking couple.

James and Blaine had met almost a year in a half ago at a party thrown by mutual friends, Blaine was smitten from the beginning like he always did with any potential boyfriend. At the time Kurt and Blaine were roommates, Blaine freshly graduated out of Julliard, and Kurt from Parsons. James was a very successful entertainment lawyer, so he was immediately drawn to Blaine’s talent and offered to help him out meeting some people that would help him with his songwriting.

The first time Kurt met James, there was an instant dislike for each other, Kurt thought he was pretentious and an asshole, and wrong for Blaine. James was very possessive with Blaine, so automatically Kurt was a threat to their relationship, especially since Kurt and Blaine were so close. So the two barely got along, they were civil to each other for Blaine’s sake.

Kurt tried to be supportive, and understanding of Blaine’s relationship with James, but the fact that he was in love with him, made it hard. Blaine was a very affectionate, caring, and romantic person and moved very quickly in his relationships, so it came as no surprise when he told him he was moving in with James six months into the relationship, and then engaged another six months after, and be married five months after that.

That day of their engagement was the worst day of Kurt’s life. He had always had the hope that one day Blaine would come to his senses and realize, he was in love with Kurt, that maybe after all the failed and miserable relationships, Blaine would realize that his best friend, who had been through everything together was the love of his life.

But it never happened.

Blaine was meant to be with someone beautiful and successful, he wasn’t meant to be with Kurt Hummel. He wasn’t good enough for Blaine, which he always knew.

So he settled with being his best friend because his friend was the only thing Kurt was going to be to Blaine Anderson.

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Clink, clink, clink

Kurt tapped his champagne glass to get everyone’s attention.

You can do this

Kurt started panicking as everyone’s eyes looked at him expectantly as he began his speech. He looked over at Rachel and she gave him a reassuring nod, with that he began.

"Hello everyone, I’m Kurt Hummel, Blaine’s best man...." Kurt regretted drinking he couldn’t keep his thoughts straight.

"...well where can I start, Blaine and I have been friends for about ten years, we met at Dalton academy as I unsuccessfully tried to go spy on their glee club..." there were collective chuckles from warblers in attendance" ...yeah, well I was caught by their lead soloist and I’m so happy I stopped him on the bottom of that staircase because he helped me with a lot of issues I was having at my school, he was like my very own gay Yoda...." everyone laughed, and Blaine gave Kurt a bright warm smile, that made his heart melt, he almost forgot what he was saying.

"...um... then there was all the rest, high school, then college, then the stress, the hard work, the late nights drinking, all night studying, and the countless cups of coffee, and all of us almost pulling our hair out, but thankfully we dint because I doubt any of us could rock the bald look, well maybe Wes..." Kurt heard a "hey!" from Wes and everyone laughed.

"... like I was saying, every one of us worked hard, but I doubt anyone worked harder than Blaine did, he got himself through college, working at coffee shops and open mic nights, charming everyone with his insane talents and beautiful voice, but even after all the years and everything life has thrown at him, he still became, this....mature, responsible, compassionate, loving, ambitious, funny, wonderful man, qualities he has never lost, even after all these years...."

Kurt swallowed the lump in his throat, he couldn’t cry now.

"…You’re going to be a wonderful husband to James. I’m so glad for you James because you managed to get one of the good ones, I’m glad that there will be someone with him in this next important part of his life someone who is going to love him and support him."

In the next part, Kurt looked directly into Blaine’s hazel eyes.

“Blaine, I’m so happy that you found the person that you always wanted, the person that makes you happiest in the whole world, that person that you can share the whole world with, that’s all I’ve ever wanted for you. To be happy, and I hope that you are. Be good to each other."

With that, he raised his glass and drank.

Blaine gave Kurt a watery smile while everyone clapped as James' best man took the microphone from Kurt.

Kurt sat down before his knees gave out, he couldn’t believe he did it, he was glad it was without any tears.

Kurt looked over at Blaine and gave him the best smile he could give him before Blaine gave his attention to James' best man speech.

Rachel put her arm around his shoulder and kissed his temple" that was beautiful Kurt" he gave her a stiff nod. Still letting the moment sink in, he had just given his best man speech to the love of his life. It was a lot to process.

The rest of the speeches finished in a blur and soon enough the music started again and everyone resumed their dancing, including Blaine and James.

Blaine was resting his head on James' shoulder as they swayed to a slow song, he had his eyes closed, he truly looked happy, he guessed everyone was happy at their wedding, and he knew he would be if he was in Blaine’s arms...

Stop it, Kurt, your only hurting yourself more.

"Kurt! Earth to Kurt." Wes called my name again shaking me from my thoughts.

"Man are you ok, you kind of spaced for a bit." concern clearly in his eyes.

"I can’t do this anymore," he said bluntly as he looked him in the eyes, a look of sadness and pity filling Wes eyes. “I know Kurt," he said softly.

Kurt stood up suddenly" I have to go Wes, like now" Kurt started to panic again; he felt faint and was having a hard time breathing. The tears he had been trying to hold all night finally started to fall.

Wes looked at me panicked and worried “ok, I can take you home" he was glad Wes didn’t push him to explain further, he knew he just wanted to be alone, and he was surprised he had made it this long.

Wes guided them into one of the hotel hallways as Kurt slowly started breaking down. He enveloped Kurt in a hug and just let him cry into his shoulder, not caring if it was ruined.

When Kurt’s cries finally turned into soft sniffles Wes started to walk then towards the front lobby but Kurt stopped him" No I’ll call a cab, I don’t want half of Blaine’s groomsmen to disappear on him"

"Are you sure Kurt, I can always come back...”

"No, stay." his voice still sounding thick from the tears.

"Ok, what do I tell Blaine?"

Kurt bit his lip in thought, Blaine would notice his absence if he left." um... tell him I was sick, I don’t know anything, tell him I didn't want to bother him with it"

Wes snorted. "He’ll know it's utter bullshit, and then try looking for you"

Kurt was getting desperate now. “Just...please... just try, I need to go…" With that, he turned around before Wes could say anything else Kurt pulled his cell phone out from his pocket and dialed for a taxi.

When he got home he could break down completely.