Chapter 9.

Blaine hadn’t expected anything when he had packed, but had still taken fresh clothes, pyjamas and some toiletry just in case Kurt asked him to stay. When Kurt actually had, Blaine hadn’t hesitated. He looked in the bathroom mirror as he brushed his teeth, his skin was still glowing from the shower, his hair bounced with wild curls after having washed out all the gel. He didn’t want his hair to be too out of control at school. However, Kurt had seen his hair like this before... every Saturday even, for that matter. He changed in pyjamas and joined Kurt in his bedroom. Kurt had already changed and was sat cross legged on the bed.

“Could you close the curtains?”
Blaine smiled and, just as if they’d been doing it for years and years, went to close the curtains before joining Kurt in bed. He felt somehow nervous; it wasn’t like he hadn’t spend the night with Kurt the previous day, but it felt different now. Kurt smiled and leant in for a kiss. At first soft and slow but quickly building up, as he trailed his hands up Blaine’s chest, knotted his fingers in his hair. A soft moan escaped Blaine and boy did Kurt love it when he did that. He felt Blaine’s hand snake around his neck, cupping it as he deepened the kiss.

Blaine’s teeth grazed Kurt’s lower lip and this time a growl formed in the back of Kurt’s throat. As their lips collided again, he slightly opened his lips and Blaine took the invitation and slipped his tongue in, his taste even stronger and more overwhelming than before. Kurt moaned loudly now and he dug his nails in Blaine’s scalp as their tongues massaged each other. When they broke apart they were both panting. Kurt’s chest was rising rapidly, feeling lightheaded. Blaine smiled as he tried to catch his breath. He clung onto Kurt as if his life depended on it, he needed him every second of the day as close as possible. They kissed until their lips ached and lay down. Kurt, even though he was the tallest of them two, was the little spoon. It usually was the other way around but Kurt preferred being the little spoon. He loved the feeling of being held by someone, especially if that someone was Blaine.

**

The next few days, Blaine stayed at Kurt’s house every evening until his dad got back home. It had been the best four days he’d spent in years. Filled with good conversation, getting to know each other even better, sharing secrets no one else knew, laughing together at stupid things they’d done. It seemed like the perfect relationship, apart from the fact that they had to pretend to the outside world that it didn’t actually exist.

**

Weeks passed and Kurt tried to divide his time and attention equally between both Santana and Blaine. He found it more and more difficult not to flinch whenever Santana kissed him. He’d gotten so used to Blaine’s lips that anything else just felt wrong. As time moved on it’d also gotten harder for Blaine and Kurt to meet up. Santana had seemed to have picked up on something and was acting clingier than ever, scared of something going wrong and the truth coming out, and she demanded even more of Kurt’s time than she usually would. The few times Blaine and Kurt had been able to meet had always been in secret and way too short.

As Blaine saw Kurt leave after another one of their secret dates he felt a sharp pain in his stomach. He knew it had been his choice to be cast as the ‘other person’, but he had hoped Kurt would eventually break up with Santana, and he was still hoping. So when Kurt dashed back home from their meet up in the park, Blaine couldn’t help but feel Kurt didn’t even care anymore about the secrecy, that he’d found a way for him that worked out. But what about me?, Blaine thought, and for the first time in the few weeks they had been going out he felt like maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all. In the beginning he had found it even a bit exciting, the teasing Kurt part and it being a secret had seemed like something exciting at first, but he’d soon found out it was only a poisonous gift.

**

Kurt walked in the choir room and joined the other boys. Puck was halfway through telling a story and Kurt could tell it was about a girl he’d picked up in the weekend. “You wouldn’t tell from her looks but man she had some tricks up her sleeve,” Puck smiled broadly. Ugh, straight sex is so-, his thoughts got interrupted by Puck addressing him, “Kurt, I bet Santana has got quite some nice tricks, too.”
Kurt flushed, “Oh..uhm..well.”
“You two have? You know?” Finn raised a questioning eyebrow.
Kurt looked at his hands, “Well, you know...we...”
“Kurt! Man, you’ve been going out for a year! Don’t you think it’s time to seal the deal!”
“Seal what?” Quinn asked as she entered and to Kurt’s relief Puck changed the subject.

Not long after everyone had arrived, Will came in and announced the new assignment. “This week’s assignment is Hope,” he said writing it down on the whiteboard. Kurt muffled a chuckle as he saw it written in a downward angle. Mr. Schue always failed at writing in a straight line. It’d become a joke amongst the members. “Hope,” Will continued, “I thought of it as a fitting theme, seeing as it’s a month to Christmas. Hope is a powerful thing! I want you all to find a song that describes the best what your interpretation is for this. Now, has anyone prepared something they wanted to share?”

Rachel raised her hand and she got to the floor. “Funnily enough it already matched this week’s theme, in my opinion.” Rachel said and started to sing ‘I won’t give up’. Kurt enjoyed listening to Rachel, she was without a doubt talented. But this time he was distracted, the conversation of earlier still going through his head. Were people really expecting him to have sex with Santana? Just the thought made him uncomfortable and then it dawned on him. He had to cover his mouth to muffle a gasp from escaping as he remembered the phone call with Santana and realization hit him.

“People are starting to wonder if...”
“If what?”
“Well, you know.”

Kurt’s eyes widened. Santana had never brought it up again but he realized that must’ve been what she meant back then.
After Glee club he pulled Santana aside, “San! When you called me, ages ago,” he hissed and before he could continue Santana interrupted him, “Now Kurt, you know I can barely remember what I ate yesterday, let alone that I-“
Kurt continued as if she’d said nothing, “Did you mean the two of us should have sex?” his tone was something between disbelief and disgust. Santana’s eyes widened and she blushed though her reply was just as sassy as always, “Took you long enough to figure out.”
“San! I like boys and the last time I checked you liked girls!” Kurt hissed, raising his voice lightly.
“I know, and I do! But Kurt, people are starting to ask questions.”
“Why not lie?! Pretend we did?! It’s not like we’ve been doing anything else anyway.”

She looked at him and for the first time he saw something in her that he’d never seen before: desperation. Kurt sighed, “So what?” he hated seeing Santana like this but he didn’t want to do this with her, especially not when he wanted his first time to be with Blaine.
“I don’t know,” she sighed, “people will be able to tell if we fake it.”
“People haven’t been able to tell for a year, San!” Kurt said and he sounded tired.
“This is different, Kurt.”
“How?!” he didn’t mean to be so snappy but this wasn’t exactly his favourite way to spend his time: talking about sex with a closeted lesbian. He ran his fingers through his hair, “Listen, I’ve really got to go but we’ll figure something out, okay.”

*

Kurt couldn’t believe today’s events. Having sex with Santana? That was one of the worst ideas he’d ever heard! Neither did he want to do it, just the thought of it made him feel nauseous, sure she was appealing but she had nothing he wanted and she definitely wasn’t Blaine.
Like the thought of Blaine had seemed to be magical, his phone rang and it turned out to be him, “Hey,” Kurt smiled, his voice much softer than when talking to Santana.
“I’ve missed you after glee,” Blaine spoke, “I waited a while but when you didn’t come...”
“I’m sorry,” Kurt apologized. It had become their daily thing to walk home together, and though they’d stopped holding hands in case someone saw, they loved it both as they always had something to talk about. “Santana,” Kurt said as if that explained everything.
“She’s quite needy lately,” Blaine joked but Kurt could hear the bitterness in his tone and felt a shot of guilt.
“Mhm, it was me this time.” Kurt explained, hearing in Blaine’s answer that it wasn’t helping the matter, “Am I not satisfying you the way you want?”

Kurt knew that even though Blaine was trying to joke about it he was hurting, and it killed him inside. He’d never lied to Blaine before but he hadn’t had the time to figure out if it was better to lie this time than to tell the truth when Blaine asked what he’d talked to Santana about. He recognized something in Blaine’s voice but couldn’t quite place it, so he replied with the truth figuring that once he ended up lying to Blaine, too, things would be really bad. “Santana thinks we should have sex.” Kurt thought he heard Blaine choke.

Blaine felt his stomach tighten. Sex?! What so kissing my boyfriend isn’t enough already?!, “Oh” Was all he said, his voice distant. He wasn’t sure anymore whether Kurt would decline it or not, even though he hated thinking so bitterly about Kurt and this whole situation, sometimes Kurt just made it impossible not to. Some relief washed over him as Kurt added, “I told her I thought that was insane.”
Blaine took in a breath, “Just to be clear. She meant ‘we’ you/her and not ‘we’ you/me, right?”
Kurt chuckled sadly, Blaine was trying hard not to show how much he was actually hurting but Kurt could still hear his voice crack. “If she had meant you and me, I would’ve sent her to buy condoms.” And even though they weren’t really discussing having sex together, Kurt blushed and his heart started beating faster. Kurt was rewarded with a nervous laugh of Blaine, too, and quickly changed the subject.
“Are you working this weekend?”
“Aren’t I always,” Blaine smiled and asked, “Are you coming on Saturday?”
“Aren’t I always?”
Blaine chuckled, truthfully this time, before they said their goodbyes and hung up.