I love Rachel. We went straight to hers after school, did some homework together while her dads pampered us with food, drinks and even suggested singing us a song. It’s been such a lovely night, I really needed one like that. This sure beats being home alone with my own thoughts. What I appreciate even more about Rachel is that she hasn’t forced me to talk about it, yet. She just accepts the fact that I don’t feel like talking about it at the moment. She knows that when the moment’s there, I’ll bring it up.

We’re about to watch “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” when Rachel jumps up again and makes her way into the kitchen. She comes back with two big jars of Ben&Jerry’s. My mouth already starts watering at the thought. “Kurt, I got you ‘Rocky Road’, the ice cream needed for when you’re going through a tough time,” she hands me the jar and I give her a smile as in trying to tell her ‘you’re unbelievable’, she settles next to me and opens her own Ben&Jerry’s jar. I laugh as I see which flavour it is: ‘Fairly nuts’. She gives me a quick wink before pressing play.

“I love that movie.” Rachel sighs, sinking down in the comfy pillows even more.

“Mhm.” I nod, I only follow the movie from time to time,  I’ve got other things on my mind. Not that it matters, we’ve seen this movie so many times before. “Rach...,” I start, “I don’t want you to think that I don’t trust you. I do, you’re my best friend, I love you. But...there’s just some things I can’t tell you. Not because I don’t want to but because I don’t know how.” I mumble, “I appreciate how much you care about me, your support means the world to me. I know it’s not easy, it wasn’t easy last year and you were there for me but...it’s not over yet. I’m still fighting. But...no one, not even you, can help me with this. I just want to ask you a favour...,” I look at her and see how she’s patiently waiting for me to continue, “No matter how difficult I may be, no matter what I say or mainly don’t say, please never let go.”

“Never.” She says before grabbing me again and hugging me. “Best friends are forever.” She whispers.

After a long moment, I break the silence. “Rachel, do you think it’s okay if I stay here tonight?”

“Of course, silly.” She smiles, “you’re always welcome here.”

-

The evening is coming to an end and we crawl in bed. The softness of this bed, the warmth of this house. It all feels so nice, it feels like a proper home. Something I’m not familiar with. My bed is comfy, yes, sometimes way too comfy even, but you know what they say...a house is not a home when there’s no one to hold you.

“Night, Kurt.” Rachel says.

“Night, Rach.”

I sigh with content, I feel so safe here, I feel happy. The silence of the night is overcoming both of us, I can hear Rachel’s breathing slow down already. “Rachel?” I whisper.

“Mhmm.”

I swallow before letting out a deep sigh, “That Blaine guy is really getting under my skin.” I admit.

“I thought so.” She acknowledges, “Kurt, he’s got nothing on you. You are an amazing singer and you’ll get the leading role in this musical, okay? I believe in you and I know you’ll kill that audition. Believe in yourself.”

“Yeah.” I don’t tell her that it is more than just the audition.

--

The bell rings and Rachel calls from the bathroom “Kurt, that must be Finn. Could you get it, I’m still doing my hair?”

I reply to her and make my way downstairs, opening the door to a surprised-looking Finn.

“Good thing I didn’t do my usual kiss-Rachel-the-moment-she-opens-the-door routine.” He laughs, “Kurt, what are you doing here?” he smiles.

“I stayed the night.” I explain, “Anyway, Rachel isn’t quite ready yet.”

“Oh, so you shared the bed with my girlfriend, while I was home alone. Nice, mate.” He laughs patting my back. In such a good mood, so early in the morning. Yeah, only Finn.

“Shut up or I’ll close the door again,” I wink, “Oh and since we’re on the topic. Since when do you and Rachel sext?” I ask still cringing with the thought.

“She told you about that?” he stammers, “I can’t believe her.”

“No, not really. She...uhm...let’s just say she should always double check if she sends it to the right person.”

“Oh.” He laughs, “Yeah, don’t worry about that. I don’t think we’ll be doing it any time soon, again. It’s not as cool as it sounds.” He shrugs.

“I think that’s more due to what’s in the texts.” I say trying –and failing- not to laugh.

“Oh, will you shut up about it already.” He rolls his eyes and I desperately fail at composing myself, laughing loudly. “Rach! Are you ready, yet? If I have to be around Kurt for much longer, I will not be responsible for my own actions.” He jokes.

“I’m here, I’m here!” she says, running down the stairs.

We walk to school and life seems to be back on track, I even genuinely smile. But my smile quickly disappears when the school building comes in sight and I remember that he’ll be there, too.