The fresh air hits my face, it feels nice on my skin. I run across the courtyard and go sit at my usual hiding spot. I crawl behind the bleachers, this place served its purpose last year when I wanted to hide from the bullies. The benches are the perfect cover; it gives you a perfect view over the whole courtyard but people would only see you sitting here if they really focused. I let out a loud, frustrated scream before crying uncontrollably.

Who was I fooling.

Everything is such a mess. My life isn’t on track.

Everything I fight for, everything I work so hard for always seems to fail, every effort ends up being a lost cause. I’m not smart, I’m not attractive. No one will ever love me. Ugh, I don’t even like myself so why would anyone else? I feel so alone in this stupid world.

                   Ok, I admit, some days are good but most…most are just bad. UGH!

                        I can’t tell anyone how I truly feel, I don’t want to bother them with this.

                                                    No matter what I do, no matter what I try nothing will ever change because ….no one will ever hate me as much as I do.

                                                              Meeeh, I don’t know how to get through the days, I just play along.

Follow the script as I think it would be like for normal people. Happy people.

Will I ever be happy?

                   If anyone asks me if I’m okay, what do I say? Well...I smile...and tell them I’m okay. What else would I tell them? I don’t even know how to put in words how I really feel.

Hmm, I hate always feeling like such a mess while I see everyone around me being loved up and happy. Hearing romantic stories about what he said or what she said or how much they like each other. It’s not that I think they don’t deserve it. No, it’s more that I wish I could be one of those people too. Don’t I deserve it too? But…I don’t get to look at someone and feel intensely happy, I don’t get someone telling me ‘I love you’. I don’t get someone who’ll make me feel like I’m the only one in the world.
I don’t.
Simply because, no one would even think twice of me as ‘special’.

What do people even see when they look at me? Probably even less than what I see, when I look in the mirror.

                                   Splendid.

I frown, only just now noticing him sitting on the grass. Crap, how long has he been there? He definitely wasn’t when I hid under here, I would’ve noticed him. But how long has he been here then? Has he heard me? And what’s even more annoying…why does he always seem to be, where I am too? Seriously, does he have a 6th sense to find me or something?
Mind you, I’m probably giving myself too much credit. It’s not like he was looking for me, in fact he seems to want to be on his own. I peer between the benches, feeling safe behind the bleachers, knowing that he can’t see me.

He runs his hands through his hair, I see his shoulders fall down as he lets out a deep breath. It seems all so weird and unreal, none of what he’s doing is making any sense. He picks out a notebook from his bag and starts scribbling down. I watch his every move, wondering what he’s doing and why he’s not surrounded by his newfound group of admirers. If you think about it, it’s crazy how fast he’s made friends. Loads of girls and guys seemed to have queued up, wanting to be his friend. I don’t understand why. He’s so annoying and stuck up. Yeah, he looks good but as far as personality goes…he sucks.

A noise behind me scares me and makes me jump up. I bump my head against the metal benches and curse, which I immediately regret. As I sit back down, even more hiding in the shadows then I was before, I see how Blaine’s eyes are pointed in my direction. I sit as still as possible as he peers this way, trying to see where the sound came from. I pray that he won’t see me, thinking of what could happen.

I get flashbacks to how it went down when the bullies had found me here once.
It wasn’t nice.

I hold my breath as he gets up, getting scared that he might come this way but immediately feel relief fill my body as I see him enter the school again. That was close. I let out a deep sigh and rub my head. That’ll definitely become a bump.

--

I join the others back at the lunch table, ignoring their looks. “Where’ve you been?” Rachel whispers under her breath. She sounds worried.

“I just needed a moment.” I whisper back, my head still hurting. The others try to keep up a random conversation to give us some privacy, I notice Finn’s eyes dart to the two of us sometimes but ignore it.

“Kurt, I’m worried about you. Why won’t you talk to me?” She looks hurt. “You know you can trust me.”

I feel so awful for lying to her. “Can…can I come to your place tonight?”

Her face changes and she smiles, “Of course you can.” She hugs me tightly and whispers in my ear, “everything will be okay.”

I close my eyes, enjoying the feeling of a real hug, and smile.