Have you ever liked somebody so much you just want to lock yourself up in your room, turn on sad music and cry?

That’s what I’ve been doing for the past few days, every night I came back from school. Tonight is exactly the same. I really thought he was different. Did I make it all up in my head? No. I know he is, I know he’s the guy that I got to know over the past few weeks.

I grab my phone and open a new text “Hey…” what do I even say to him? “can we talk about Monday?”
No. I delete it. I can’t. He would probably ignore me and that would be even worse. For now I could just pretend that he doesn’t have credit or that he is busy, but knowing you are being ignored by choice is worse.

A loud banging on my door makes me jump up. Is it bad that I’m hoping for it to be Blaine? I feel slightly disappointed when it’s Rachel, but then again, feel happy seeing her here.

“Let me in! I’m staying over, again.” She smiles.

“Rach…why aren’t you sleeping yet, it’s performing night tomorrow.” I say staring at her in disbelief.

“Exactly! And that’s why I’m here. To force you to go to sleep, too!”

“Rach…”

“No! Don’t try to argue with me!” she says crossing her arms, “you need sleep, Kurt! Rest your voice! Tomorrow is a big day for both of us.” She smiles.

“Maybe for you. I don’t have that much to do.” I mutter.

“Kurt Hummel!” she’s giving me a death stare now, “shut up and get in that bed!”

“Oh how I feel sorry for Finn, right now.” I joke but she doesn’t take it lightly and just orders me to go to bed, again, “Rachel, did you forget I’m gay? Your flirting isn’t turning me on the slightest.”

Rachel sighs and decides to ignore it. I crawl in bed, knowing she’ll throw a fit if I don’t. She crawls in next to me and gives me a cuddle. I turn off the lights and lay there in silence, my thoughts going crazy in my head.

“He seems so unhappy.” I mumble.

“Kurt…I hate to say this but you can’t-“

“I know. I know I shouldn’t care…but I do.” I admit.

“You are strong Kurt, you’ll make it through.” She whispers, “Stop worrying. We have an important day tomorrow.”

I don’t say anything anymore. I just keep going over things in my head. The Blaine that I knew, smiled even at his worst. He’s as good as I am at painting on masks, maybe even better. Not seeing him smile ever since Monday really has me worried.

-

“Oh my God, I am so nervous.” Rachel says, putting on her make-up. I don’t reply, my throat feels too dry, “This is it, Kurt! This is it!”

“Rachel, you’re overdoing the blush.” I tell her. She looks at me in shock, not believing that I just said something like that.

“Well, then help me out for Christ sake!! I can’t be on stage looking like a mess!” she screeches. I roll my eyes at her and fix her make-up.

“You’ll do great Rachel. You were born to do this.” I smile. She smiles back and gives me a hug. Out of the corner of my eye, I notice Blaine doing his make-up. He looks good yet...sad.

“Guys!” Gina calls us together, “This is the moment you’ve all worked very hard for. I have faith in you all and trust it’ll go amazing! Go out there and nail it! Have fun!” she smiles, “You really were the best bunch of people I ever could’ve asked for. I am so blessed to have you all. Good luck out there!”

I look at Rachel and we wish each other good luck. She kisses my cheek and whispers in my ear. “You’ll do great.”

--

I’m watching the show from the side whenever I don’t have to be on stage. Rachel is so great and I know that one day she’ll make it, she’s so talented. However, the one who really took my breath away is Blaine. He was simply wonderful! No words will ever be able to describe it but I was mesmerized. It’s right then that I realize that no matter what I’ll try, I will never be able to forget about him. He moved me in a way, no one else has before. He knows as much about me, maybe even more, as Rachel does and it doesn’t bother me. I trust him with my secrets. It’s right then, at that point, that I know. That’s when I realise. I am in love with him.

The show finishes and we all take our bow on stage. Tonight went amazing, I don’t think it could’ve gone any better. We all leave the stage and Rachel is buzzing. “EEEEEEEEEEEE, I can’t believe how great that went!” she pounces me, “Kurt, you were amazing!” she smiles.

“So were you.” I smile, “I’m proud of you Rach.” I say.

She hugs me again. “let’s go celebrate.” She smiles, “let’s find Finn and go celebrate.”

“Uhm Rachel...I need a minute on my own.” I tell her, she follows my gaze and sees Blaine. She sighs softly but nods understanding.

“Good luck.” She hugs me again, “We’ll be at my place if you still want to come afterwards,” she tells me and I thank her. I smile when I see how Blaine is still on stage, going over his steps again.

He’s so amazing.

This isn’t going to be easy.

I swallow.

Here goes nothing.