“Kurt! The casting list has been put on the notice boards!” Rachel shrieks, grabbing my hand and dragging me along through the hallway.

“Rach, calm down!” I laugh.

As we turn the corner, people are gathered around the notice boards. I hold my breath for a moment, I hate big crowds. We make our way through the people, getting close enough to read the paper, looking for our names. Rachel screams in my ear as she reads her name next to the role of ‘Maria’. I look for mine: Officer Krupke. I know what that means...my eyes skip to the name next to Tony. No surprise there, Blaine got the role of Tony, as I expected. But I still feel disappointed, once again I have failed at something. Deep down I knew Blaine had won our sing-off but I still had hoped. Now I curse myself for it, I should’ve known by now that wishing only wounds the heart.

The cheering next to me pulls me out of my train of thoughts. I see Blaine and some of his friends being excited over the outcome. Blaine turns to me and I shoot him a smile as to congratulate him.

”Oh my God hey Kurt, I didn’t recognize you, just then. You’re wearing boys clothes for once.” He smirks, looking me up and down with a smug glare.

My smile drops immediately and I turn back to Rachel. “Can we go?” I simply say in a whisper, my voice sounds hoarse. She looks at me with understanding eyes and nods. As we walk away I bite the inside of my cheek. I don’t understand why he’s being like this to me all the time. I had really thought that after the sing-off we were kind of okay. I didn’t feel threatened by him anymore, neither had he been awful to me in the past few days. Then he goes and does this! What is his problem?!

Rachel grabs my hand and gives it a squeeze “Ignore him, Kurt. He’s not worth it.” she whispers, obviously noticing that I am upset.

“You know what, no! I won’t let him ruin my year, I am not going through all of this again!” I stomp. I stop, turn and walk back to where we came from.

“Kurt! What are you doing?!”

"Let me do this, Rachel!" I say, walking off.

I can’t find him, I have passed his mates in the hallway but he’s not with them. The upside to that is that I’m also certain that he'll be alone. I spot him walking in the toilets. I’m fuming! Right now I don’t even care if this would end up in him beating me up. I am sick and tired of the way he’s treating me!

In rage I walk through the door seeing him stand there, clutching the sink, looking in the mirror. His face is paler than usual but I couldn’t care less right now. He frowns at me when I shut the door with anger.

"‘What did I do for you to hate me so much?!” I demand, my voice louder than I had planned.

“Drop it, Kurt!” He spits, staring in the sink.

“No!! From the first day you arrived here you made me feel unsafe and you even seemed to enjoy it! So tell me! Tell me why you insist on making me feel miserable!” I yell.

"Drop it." He says again.

"ANSWER ME!"

“Because you remind me of me!!!” He yells back, his fist hitting the door of one of the cubicles. His breathing is uneven, there is a long pause during which neither of us know what to say. I don’t know where to look but I can feel his gaze on me, “And I never meant to make you feel miserable.” He mumbles, fumbling with his hands.

“B-b-but…” I shut up again and look down. I’m not able to formulate a proper sentence so I let the silence fill the room again. I open and close my mouth a few times more, trying to say at least something but failing each time.

"Kurt,” his voice sounds different; broken, “I'm sorry if I made you feel miserable...it's just...," he sighs. He seems to be looking for the right words, "you just remind me a lot of my younger self. A fragile, young boy." he looks up, meeting my eyes. The hurt I see in his eyes looks very familiar.

"So...you hate me because I remind you of....you?" I swallow. I feel confused, I don’t know what to say or do. I don’t know whether to feel insulted or comprehensive.

"No." I notice how he tenses his body and for a second it looks like he’s going to walk closer to me. He bounces on the balls off his feet for a short moment, changes his mind and settles back against the wall. Another sigh. "I don’t hate you…I hate myself."

I feel my mouth drop and stare at him in disbelief. I look at him trying to understand but he’s avoiding any eye contact. After another long and tense silence, he looks up again. "I'm sorry." he says, his voice shaking.

I somehow manage to compose myself and try to find the right words. "Do you....do you want to talk about it?" I ask, still confused about everything that’s just been said. But I also know that if I were him I would want someone to ask me the same.

"No." he shakes his head. Something I would've replied too.

"I understand." I nod.

"Maybe another time." he whispers barely audible.

We look at each other. Two tormented souls in one small room. The same room where he saw me at my lowest, he's now showing me his. I see the same eyes again as the ones I saw when we were performing 'Perfect'. His eyes are beautiful and perfect, but written with hurt. They glisten in the light, and I want to do something but I don't know what. He gives me a little smile and I smile back. I open my mouth again to say something but the moment gets interrupted by some bloke walking in. He looks at the two of us with puzzled eyes, shrugs and walks in one of the cubicles.

I turn back to Blaine and notice how in a matter of seconds he's put on a brave face again. His eyes still show the hurt but his face is just a façade. I notice it easily, I'm a master at doing so myself. He gives me a short nod and walks out.

I stay put, not able to move as I try to process everything that just went around in such a small, unpleasant smelling place. How will this affect things?