Kurt looked into Blaine's pleading eyes. He wanted nothing more than to answer him, to give him what he wanted. But things were too confused at the moment and he knew it. They just had sex right in the middle of an argument. He wanted to do this, but he wanted to do it right. So against his instinct that was screaming at him to kiss Blaine and answer his question, Kurt simply put a light kiss on the man's nose.

"Tomorrow, Blaine. We'll talk about all this tomorrow. I want to answer your question but I know that once we're gonna start talking we aren't going to stop and we both need to sleep on what happened."

"Ok…alright. Can we at least, hum, cuddle?" Blaine asked timidly.

"Of course" Kurt moved a little closer into Blaine's embrace and they both fell asleep, lulled by the other's regular and calming breaths.

In the morning, Blaine woke up to a light touch on his nose. He opened his eyes slowly to meet blue orbs. Kurt was watching him silently and tracing the lines of his face with one of his finger. Blaine smiled sleepily at the other man and let himself be woken up by the gentle touch.

Kurt started at Blaine's nose, following with his triangular shaped eyebrows, he slowly made his way to the side of his right eye where crinkles were forming and took a few seconds to look at Blaine's eyes. He got lost in them for a few seconds before tracing the man's cheekbone with his finger and moving to his jaw. He then followed the chin and moved up to the other cheekbone, the eyebrows, and came back to Blaine's nose. The touch was light and timid, but tender and calm. This touch carried so much emotion that Blaine couldn't help but be overwhelmed by this simple touch. He never stopped looking at Kurt while the man was tracing his face. He loved how Kurt looked at him while he was learning the little flaws of his face all over again. Kurt moved gently to his nose and didn't stop, shyly brushing his fingertip against Blaine's lip. His finger stayed there for a few minutes, tracing the bottom lip and caressing the top one, it was obvious that Kurt was lost in the man's lips and to bring him back to the world Blaine simply kissed Kurt's finger.

They locked eyes, smiling at each other and now both fully awake. With a sigh Kurt stood up and put his underwear back on along with his shirt before turning to Blaine. He helped him back up with a fond smile.

"How about we make breakfast and we talk while eating it?"

"Can we eat it in the blanket fort?" Blaine wondered expectantly. Kurt chuckled lightly and shook his head.

"I hardly think we can call it a fort but yes, we can eat breakfast in the blanket fort."

Kurt started to prepare the batter for pancakes while Blaine put some clothes on and came to the kitchen to help him. They worked together like they had done it numerous times before, without a bump and completely in synch, finding every little occasion to touch whether they did it consciously or not.

When all their food was put on the tray they went back to the bed made of pillows and blankets in the living room and sat comfortably.

"So, hum… What do you remember? Anything new?" Kurt sipped his coffee and answered.

"I remember everything now. Well, there are still bits here and there that I don't remember but just like everybody else I can't remember everything. I remember college and my classes; I remember how I met Sebastian and when I started my job, everything that I wrote, my friends. So yeah…" Kurt finished lamely. "I remember my life, I remember lots of stuff."

Blaine noticed that Kurt didn't really give him any details about the past years and if his behavior was any indication he didn't really want to.

"Can I… Would it be okay if I speak first?" Kurt nodded, motioning for him to go ahead. Blaine took a deep breath and tried to sort out all his thoughts to know where he wanted to start.

"I need you to understand everything from my point of view so you'll know I didn't want to trick you. So I'm going to tell you how I spent the past years first. Alright?" Once again Kurt just nodded and Blaine continued.

"After you broke up with me, I moved to New York with Coop. But I rapidly cut everyone out. For years I barely talked to anyone. I shut myself down, I was recluse and afraid of everything. I felt like I wasn't good enough, that nothing I could do or say would be good enough and it was easier to just shut everyone out so I wouldn't be a disappointment to them, I would just be disappointing myself. I felt so unworthy and useless that I couldn't bear to bother people with my pathetic self. Mostly because year after year I ached and waited for you to come back but at the same time I just hoped and wished you wouldn't because who would want someone like me? Someone who just can't get anything right in his life? So I just hid, from my friends, from the world and at some point from myself."

Tears were rolling down Kurt's cheeks. He didn't understand how this man could think so little of himself, but he knew better than to interrupt him, Blaine needed to say his piece not only for Kurt but for himself too.

"So that night when I got a phone call from your dad, I had no idea what to do but I just knew I couldn't stay away from you and you needed me. You needed me so, of course I was going to come and help as much as I could. But the moment I stepped in I knew I wouldn't be able to face you and then I had a panic attack and… I was afraid of you, of what you would think about me and I couldn't bear to see hate or disappointment in your eyes. But then your father asked me if I could help him with the lie. It wasn't supposed to become that big! It was just supposed to be convenient until you were settled into your place and feeling better. But you being…well, you. You took matters into your own hands and without even knowing it I was moving in with you. With the person I loved and feared the most. I was so scared of you Kurt and scared of what would happen. I couldn't let myself believe in the situation because I knew the minute you'd remember or see what a failure I was it would be over, once again. And I kept telling that to myself. That's why I kept you at arm's length at the beginning. I just tried to protect myself and tried to earn some time before you saw how much you didn't want to be with me."

Blaine wasn't looking at Kurt. He couldn't while telling him all of that. It was hard enough to have to explain everything, he didn't have the strength to do it while looking at Kurt, instead he kept his focus on his hands. Kurt slowly reached out to Blaine, knowing that the man would need support to go through everything once again. He took Blaine's hand in his and squeezed it. Blaine took the hand and brought it to his forehead, he closed his eyes and took all the strength he could from the simple contact to continue.

"But you have no idea how hard it is not to fall for you, Kurt. I tried, I really tried not to. But I just couldn't because you are you and nothing can keep me from falling for you every time I see you. So I fell in love with you, all over again and at some point I just couldn't tell what was part of the lie and what wasn't. I'm sorry I lied to you, I'm sorry lots of people lied to you. I don't know if it was the right thing to do and I will never know. I just wanted to help you get better, I wanted to do what little I could to just help you. I never wanted to take advantage of the situation, I never wanted to live a fantasy. I wouldn't have been able anyway; I was too scared for that. But I wanted to help you even if it was bound to hurt me, because I knew it would and it did. I just didn't think I'd hurt you too in the process. So I'm sorry, Kurt. I'm sorry I lied to you, I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier and you had to discover it that way. But to be perfectly honest I would do it all over again if I had to. Because no matter how hurt and scared I was and you were, no matter how badly I handled things, this situation, all of it… It helped us becoming us again. And I couldn't be more grateful for that. It brought us together. So I'm sorry, so sorry for how hurt you were but in a way I'm grateful. And this time I won't let you slip away from me. What we had during these weeks, what I want to believe we still have, I want to fight for it. I want to fight for you and I won't lose you, Kurt. Not again, not this time. Now that I found you again I'm not letting you go. Never again. I promise."

And Blaine looked so sure of his statement. So sure that he wouldn't let Kurt slip away from him this time. Kurt couldn't help but smile at the man's determination. He was so happy to see a positive and strong emotion on the other man's face. Kurt squeezed Blaine's hand again, blushing a little at the end of Blaine's explanation but he stayed silent, not wanting to interrupt in case Blaine wasn't finished. They stayed silent for seconds before Blaine spoke up.

"Tell me about you, Kurt. Tell me what happened to you during these past six years." A frown appeared on Kurt's face and the man looked insecure for a moment before composing himself.

"I, hum. I'm not sure this is a good idea. "

"Why not? We need to talk to each other, to sort things out."

"I'm not sure you're going to like the person I was the past years." Kurt admitted as silently as he could.

"I… Kurt." Blaine, frustrated, scratched his face and let out a sigh. "We are not going to solve everything today, or in the next week or month. I made mistakes, you made mistakes too, we lost each other in the process but we need to talk to each other to understand why we even got here in the first place."

"Okay, okay." So Kurt explained. He told Blaine about all the hook-ups and one night stands he had. He told him how he felt so lonely and lost that it was the only thing he could do to forget a little, that and drowning himself in work. He'd had nothing but his work or his studies for the past years and it had made him feel like an empty body. The hook-ups left him feeling dirty and so used, his job giving him the feeling to fill his life when it was so empty. But in the end he couldn't fool himself and was left there thinking that he would never again find happiness or love. He explained to Blaine how hurt and lost he had been at first when the man didn't even come near him and how lost he had been about the whole situation. He told him how happy he had been when Blaine had finally started to warm up to him and come closer, let himself be more open around Kurt.

"I don't think I had been that happy in my life to be honest. I felt loved and cared for, I felt important and cherished. You made me feel like that Blaine. But then the memories started to come back and everything went downhill. It was like I was living in two different worlds and they just collided together so hard that everything crashed down. It was so confusing and I didn't understand most of it. I suddenly felt lonely and alone, empty and dirty and in the meantime you were here smiling at me and making me feel safe and beautiful. It was overwhelming and confusing. After I remembered the break up, that I made you leave, you have no idea how many nights I reached out for you because of my nightmares or how many times I called your name only to be greeted by a cold silence. I bought food for two people too many times to count or I started to talk to you only to remember that you weren't there."

Kurt stopped here for a few seconds, pondering his next words.

"You've never be anything but yourself with me and I fell for you all over again. Granted at first it was my body's memory but the more time I spent with you the more I fell for you, the new and the old you. I fell for your flaws, I fell for the recluse and insecure you. Because of how cared for and loved you made me feel. I know I didn't fall for a memory because the Blaine I thought I had in front of me in my hospital bed isn't the Blaine I'm facing now. You're still you but you changed, evolved and matured. You're different and I know I fell for the new you, not a memory. "

They were still holding hands, looking into each other's eyes sometimes, when Kurt needed Blaine to really understand something.

"But Blaine, you didn't fall for me. I wasn't really me during those months. I was … I don't even know who I was, I don't even think I know who I am right now. But the problem here is that even if we loved each other, and you loved me, you didn't really love me for myself. I wasn't myself and I don't know who you fell for. I'm not completely that person but I'm not the complete opposite. I broke your heart, twice. I did horrible things to you that need to be forgiven. You broke my trust and lied to me for so long. I need to relearn who I am and we are both so broken that I have no idea where to go from here. We've been so many different forms of "us", I'm shattered into bits and pieces of two different versions of myself and we've been through so many conflicted situations. I just don't know where it leaves us. Or if there is even a possibility of us."

"I won't lose you, Kurt. I will not let you slip away from me, not this time. I want to get to know you, all the bits and pieces that made you. I want to know who you are and were."

Just like the night before Blaine crawled into Kurt's lap and hugged him tightly, placing his arms around the other man's shoulder. Kurt brought Blaine closer and put his arms around the man's waist while he rested his head against Blaine's collarbone. It felt like this was the last time he would do this, it felt like a goodbye. It was bittersweet, the feeling of knowing something had to end but was wrapped up in a hug that could give you so much strength and came from a man that could make you feel more alive than anybody else.

Everything was just too complicated and difficult and at the same time Kurt was tired of fighting against himself and against the world. Why couldn't he simply have what he wanted?

Blaine shifted a little and looked into Kurt's eyes, not removing his arms from the man's shoulders. He sat on Kurt's lap, looking into Kurt's eyes and saw all the conflicts and the turmoil that were going through the man's mind. Blaine knew he wanted to fight for what they had left. No matter in what shape or form, he needed Kurt in his life. But Kurt had been right about something: he didn't really know a lot about him anymore, nor did Kurt know about him. They had lived together for months and learned all over again their little fads and routines but they had stepped into something that was them but not completely.

So Blaine, despite his fears and self-loathing, despite feeling not worth someone like Kurt, did the only thing that could help them get to know each other all over again.

"Kurt, would you go out on a date with me? Please."