Blaine wasn't doing any better. Days were bad and nights even worse. He blamed himself for everything and anything. The lie, the situation, the way he used to treat Kurt so poorly at the beginning that he'd hurt him, the way he treated him during the fight and hurt him then as well. He blamed himself for not being good enough, for not being able to fully help Kurt to heal and to inflict upon him even more damage than necessary. But on top of everything else Blaine blamed himself for losing Kurt and his love once again. He had had a second chance and messed it up so badly this time that he was sure that nothing would help him to get Kurt back.

Santana had decided that this time no one would let Blaine close up and that he would almost always have someone with him. But Nick had to work at the bar often and Santana had to do God only knows what. So Jeff was there for Blaine. The blond was very happy to be able to be there and support his friend in this. He had been so hurt to lose Blaine's friendship the first time that he was sold to the idea of helping the man no matter what. Luckily he was quite good at it and was able to handle hours of Blaine's self-degrading behavior.

"I just… I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm just… I just don't know what to do or where to go from now. I'm not even sure I could go anywhere."

"Ok Blaine, you have to stop doing that." Jeff started. He looked at the curly haired man, expecting at least to make eye contact. When nothing happened, Jeff forcibly turned Blaine around so they could face each other. He made Blaine look at him and continued.

"You have to stop doing this: the self-loathing and blaming and self-depreciation. This has to stop. When you got back with Kurt and during the whole time you two were together you changed so much, man. I remember when you first came to the bar; you were so shy and sorrowful. No one could come near you or talk to you because you felt so unworthy. But then Kurt happened, and he loved you and made you feel worth it and showed you all the good you had in you. Yes, the lie and all that crap kind of destroyed your relationship." Blaine and Jeff winced at the word, but the blond didn't let Blaine speak and proceed, "But man, you learned so much from your relationship with him about you and what you were capable of. Don't forget all of this. Keep it preciously and work with it. I mean, you became an awesome teacher, you have lots of ideas in you and you know you can do it. Don't close up once again. Kurt wouldn't like to see you like that even if he is so mad at you that he won't talk to you. Do it for yourself and if you can't, do it for Kurt, for me or for anyone that can motivate you. But mostly do it for you, dude. Feed yourself with all the love you received and gave during those months and keep on being a better man, a better version of yourself. If you do that, you'll conquer the world and all the men will want you!" Jeff finished excitedly, moving his hands and arms to give life to his speech. It was the first time he'd given a pep talk like that and hoped it would be enough to be help his friend.

"I don't know, Jeff. It's just… It feels like without him, nothing is simple or easy anymore. I'm tired of struggling, I'm tired of trying." Blaine admitted.

"Hey, what about you keep on trying even if it's hard, even if you feel like dying to show Kurt and everyone else what you are capable of? I'll be here for you, man. Nicky will be here for you and God protect all of us, Santana will be here for you. We'll try together. Alright?"

"Yeah." Blaine agreed shakily, on the verge of crying again.
"Ok then, go shower and then we will go eat at the bar. I want to see my boyfriend and we both need to eat. We are grown men after all, we need food!"

It was one of those nights when Sebastian would just sit down and listen to Kurt. It had happened a lot during the last few days. The man needed to vent and to rant, he needed to get out of his system all the conflicted emotions he had between everything from when he lived with Blaine, the memories coming back little by little, and the lies. Kurt was completely lost, not knowing who to blame or how to deal with everything he knew. So Sebastian just let him rant until the man fell asleep from all the emotional exhaustion that was self-inflicted.

There was only one thing that was starting to piss Sebastian off, and that was the way Kurt talked about Blaine. The man would be so harsh about the teacher that even Sebastian found it too much.

"I just can't believe he would do something like that. How can you manipulate and lie to someone for months, for months! How can you pretend to love someone that way? He must be sick and twisted to act like that…"

"Kurt, just one second, shut the fuck up." Kurt did just that, waiting for Sebastian to do or say something. "Yeah that's much better, like that." Kurt glared at his friend and crossed his arms silently.

"Kurt you have to stop doing that. Yes, Blaine fucked it up, big time. He lied to you for months. Get the fuck over it. You are the man that forgave your high school tormentor, why can't you forgive the one that you love?"

"Oh, mentioning the man that shouldn't be named. You are really bringing David into this? Really? While we are talking about him, when were you supposed to call him back?" Kurt said cockily, happy to talk about something other than his inability to forgive.

"Shut up, Swiss cheese. We are not talking about my fear of commitment here, we are talking about you. Stop being a bitch about Anderson would you?"

"And shouldn't you be on my side?"

"Not when you're wrong. You've been meaner to him than to anyone else. So quit it. You are so self-centered that you can't even see what the man had done for you."

"Oh please! He didn't do much…"

"Okay, that's it. You pushed it too far this time Hummel. You can blame him; you can call him names, but don't deny or belittle what he's done for you." Sebastian said in a harsh tone, visibly angry at Kurt. "He turned his world upside down to take care of you. He was so fucking afraid of everything and anything the first time he came into your room. He had a freaking panic attack! But even if he was scared to his bones he sucked it up and he did something he wasn't comfortable with just for you. For weeks he didn't approach you because he was afraid or whatever. He didn't just directly jump your bones. He took care of you, he helped you with whatever was going on, he loved you and treated you the best he could. So stop fucking degrading him."

Kurt looked at his friend angrily. Sebastian must have been pointing out true facts but it didn't change anything for Kurt.

"He lied to me, Bas. I don't know about what and I don't know to what extent but he lied to me. How could he say he loves me when he doesn't know me, he was, at best, in love with a memory of me. I'm not the one I was six years ago…"

"Yeah and neither is he. Stop whining, it's fucking irritating. He lied to you because he and your father thought it was the best thing to do. But from what I saw the man loved you and you loved him. It was disgustingly sweet and caring. You two were glued together and so in synch that it seems that you've never been apart. It kills me to say that but you two are made to be together. Yeah, you have to forgive him and shit. But seriously, just look at me in the eyes and I dare you to tell me that you weren't happy with him during those past months." Sebastian looked at Kurt expectantly, but the man didn't say anything and looked down quickly.

He wasn't ready to admit it out loud or to anyone but himself, and even in the safety of his own mind it was difficult to admit it but it was true. He had been happy with Blaine. He had been happier than ever before if any of his new memories were any indication. Blaine had made him feel loved and cared for, safe and supported. He just didn't know how to forgive Blaine for breaking his heart. Because beyond the lie there was also the fear of Blaine not being in love with him, the person he was now and not just the person he had a memory of. And Kurt was still unsure of who he truly was so how could he show this side of himself to Blaine when he still has to figure it out?

So beyond the lie, there was fear and insecurity. Of not being the one Blaine remembered or wanted. And this thought alone was enough to make Kurt build walls and it was better for him to be angry at someone than to long for him. So he had opted for bitterness and anger.

Sebastian saw perfectly the conflicted emotions of Kurt and saw that the man was putting everything on Blaine for no reason and that he knew it.

"Kurt, look, I know it's tough for you but you can't stay mad like this, it's not healthy. I'm not saying you have to forgive him for everything if you're not there yet but at least acknowledge what he did for you." Sebastian tried, unsure of how his friend would understand his proposition.

"I… I know he did… things for me. I'm just not sure if it means the same now that I know the context of everything. It's just making me question everything, every little action, every little word. I'm over analyzing everything and it's maddening. I don't know what was truly him and what was part of the pretense. I want to believe so badly that everything he did was because he truly loved me but I know it wasn't, and just the thought of that… Bas, it's killing me."
Silent tears started to roll down Kurt's cheeks. It was the first time that Sebastian had seen the man break down in front of him like that. He had been mad, furious, angry or over excited over the years. But never had Sebastian seen Kurt break down like that because of someone or something. He awkwardly hugged Kurt and tried to soothe the man.

"Hey, I know it's hard and you're completely lost here. But I think that there is one thing you need to know. Blaine loved you. Weeks ago or so, you two were cooking together and I was pretending to listen to you, I saw how he looked at you. You can't fake the love I saw in his eyes. Blaine loves you. You don't have to think about the lies as a mistake. He did this because he loved and loves you. He pretended and moved his world around just to ease your recovery. He stepped way out of his comfort zone and faced everything he feared just for you, okay? So don't think that Blaine didn't love you, because he did and it made me want to puke." Kurt chuckled lightly at this and hugged Sebastian back tightly.

They stayed like that for minutes, Kurt lost in thought and Sebastian just waiting for him to be ready to talk or to move on.

"He… If you think about it, Blaine remembered a lot of things about me, even after six years without seeing me." Kurt started, more to himself than to discuss with Sebastian." He remembered my love for cheesecake the first week, I never thought too much about either but he made me coffee… and it was perfect. And then there was the little … he talked to me through the writing process saying things about me that I didn't even know and he had a full portfolio of my papers." Kurt stopped, letting the information sink in for a minute. "Bas, he had a full portfolio of all the things I wrote for the magazine!"

"Yeah, yeah, great for him." The taller man said, unimpressed.

"No you don't get it. The magazine is big but not that big. You can't find the early articles I wrote online. You have to have bought the issue and collected my article to have them all. It means he collected them through the years." Kurt said, amazed by the gesture.

"Like I said, he is not a complete douchebag. Now that you had your big epiphany I'm gonna have to go. I have some naked men to satisfy." Sebastian stood up quickly and started to put his coat on.

"Thank you Bas. For putting up with me. I know I'm a mess right now so just… thank you okay?" Bas waved at Kurt like it was nothing. "And since we are talking about heartbreaking shit, as you would say," Kurt added cheekily before returning to his serious tone. "You should call Dave."

"Watch it, Hummel." Sebastian warned before stepping out of the place.

Kurt quickly cleaned his living room and went to bed, thinking again about all the little things that Blaine had done for him, or said to him. He remembered the scared look of the beginning and the loving one he got after a while, he remembered the light touches and the sex-driven ones. But he couldn't completely think about them without wondering what had been real, or if anything had been real at all.

"Alright ladies and gentlemen, my boy here needs to sing his heart out so shut the hell up. Anderson, come up on stage! Oh, and ladies, if you want a little one-on-one…"

"Thank you, Santana." Blaine cut the Latina off while grabbing the mic out of her hand. God knows what the girl was able to say to a crowd. He had gotten out of his place, just like Jeff had said, and they spent the remainder of the day eating and talking. It was good and Jeff kept the conversation on light topics, for which Blaine was grateful. At some point Nick's shift ended and the man joined his boyfriend and friend at the table. Much later the girl had entered the bar like she owned the place and decided that tonight they all had to sing something, which was the reason Blaine was standing in front of everyone waiting for his cue to start singing.

The broken clock is a comfort,
It helps me sleep tonight
Maybe it can stop tomorrow
From stealing all my time

And I am here still waiting
Though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best,
Like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning

The broken locks were a warning
You got inside my head
I tried my best to be guarded,
I'm an open book instead

And I still see your reflection
Inside of my eyes
That are looking for a purpose,
They're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain is there healing
In your name I find meaning

So I'm holdin' on,
I'm holdin' on,
I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hangin' on another day
Just to see what you will throw my way
And I'm hangin' on to the words you say
You said that I will be ok

The broken lights on the freeway
Left me here alone
I may have lost my way now,
Haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart that's still beating
In the pain there is healing
In your name I find meaning

So I'm holdin' on,
I'm holdin' on,
I'm holdin' on
I'm barely holdin' on to you

Blaine finished his song, not aware of his surroundings. This was him and his way to bare is soul and feeling. He poured every tear he'd cried, every sleepless night and hopeless moment into every word. He was on the verge of crying but went back quickly to his table, finding Santana's arms. She rocked him a bit and kissed him on the cheek before excusing herself to the lady's room. Once she made sure she was alone without any member of the little pack she opened her phone to send a text, attaching the video she'd just made of Blaine's performance.

[From Santana]
We need to have a little chat. Watch the video and join me at Dalton, the bar, tomorrow evening. And for fuck's sake, calm down the sexual tension.