
Jan. 30, 2012, 6:31 p.m.
Jan. 30, 2012, 6:31 p.m.
I miss us. -Blaine
Most of Kurt wanted to delete the message. Most of him wanted to delete Blaine's number forever, block it and never answer his texts, or calls, again. But somewhere deep inside Kurt there was still a bit of that boy who fell in love with Blaine. There was still a little ember that kept the cold outside away. Kurt wanted to just count it as a bad couple of months and forget, but that little ember wanted him to remember forever, to get Blaine back, to love him again. There wasn't any way Kurt could extinguish that little bit of warmth. But he could fight it.
Kurt shoved his phone back into his jeans and walked into the house. He told Burt hi, and assured him that yes, his first day back was everything he could ever dream of. He thanked Carol for the bottle of sparkling apple cider she gave him as a welcome-back present. Yes, it was his favorite, yes he was absolutely thrilled.
And yet through all of it there was a nagging part of him that wanted to bring out his phone and answer Blaine's text. That little ember inside of him just wanted to pull the phone out and tell Blaine that he hated him, or that he loved him. That little part kept debating over which.
After dinner (Stromboli and sweet potatoes, one of Carol's many specialties), Kurt went up to his room and popped in his copy of RENT: The Final Broadway Performance and laid in bed. Halfway through I'll Cover You there was a knock on the door. Kurt said, in a tired voice:
“Come in.”
In walked Finn, arms crossed, with a sheepish expression on his face. Kurt motioned to the bed as a welcoming gesture for Finn to sit down, but Finn just stood awkwardly in the doorway, closing the door behind him as he entered.
“Hey Kurt, I wanted to ask you about something.”
“Finn, I really can't help you with the Glee assignment. I'm sorry, but it's not fair to you or me if I help you pick it.”
“No, dude. It's not that. It's just...” Finn's voice trailed off.
“Well, out with it, then.” Kurt was a bit harsher than he should have been, and immediately regreted it. Finn had been nothing but nice. Kurt quicky added a smile and Finn relaxed a bit.
“I was thinking. I really missed you when you were gone.” Kurt blushed a bit before Finn continued. “I wanted to get you something as a welcome back present.”
“Finn, that's really sweet, but completely unnessecary. I have everything I could ever want right here. You've been a wonderful step-brother. I thank you for that, but seriously, a gift is far too much. Rachel got me a cupcake and that was too much. I'm just happy to be home. To be back with New Directions.”
Finn was waiting patiently for Kurt to stop, but made no movement to interrupt. When Kurt finally stopped speaking, Finn smiled his big, goofy smile.
“Kurt. I already got you something. I didn't check with you beforehand because I knew that you'd expect nothing. I just wanted to show that I really do like having you back, man.”
Finn opened the door and grabbed something that was directly outside the door. Finn held a box with holes in the sides. There was a bow on top with a tag that was simply labeled: For Kurt. Finn handed the box to his stepbrother and Kurt shook his head in disbelief at his brother's thoughtfullness.
Kurt opened the box and looked inside. There was an audible gasp followed by an equally audible scratching sound. In the box was a kitten barely the size of Kurt's hand. It was gray all over except the top left part of its face.
“Oh my god, Finn. How did you know?!” Kurt had been begging Burt to get a kitten for years but Burt kept putting it off, saying that the timing wasn't right, they couldn't afford one. Kurt eventually stopped asking, but he never stopped wanting.
“Burt said that you'd always wanted one. I figured now was as good a time as any, dude. She doesn't have a name yet. I figured you'd want the honor.”
“Finn. I don't know how to thank you enough. This means more to me than you can even imagine. My...my mom loved cats. She always wanted one, Dad said, but she was allergic. He said she used to keep a calender with kittens on every month and mark off every day. Dad said she used to go to their friend's house and visit the cats dispite the fact that she'd come home with a stuffy nose and itchy eyes. She loved cats so much, but she couldn't have one. Now the house can finally have what it was missing all those years ago.”
By the end of his speech Kurt's eyes were filled with tears and his hands were shaking a bit. The kitten mew'd from inside her box, prompting Kurt to pick her up and set her beside him.
“I never knew, dude. I just...thought you liked cats. Burt didn't say...Well. I'm happy. I'm glad I could do something for you.”
Finn started to turn and leave when Kurt lept of from the bed and threw his arms around the tall boy. The kitten mewed from the bed and Kurt squeezed his stepbrother. Kurt put a lot of unsaid feelings into that hug and was glad that Finn couldn't read minds.
“Thank you so much.”
“Anytime.”
Finn left and Kurt sat back on his bed, looking at his gray and white lump of fur. He nuzzed her head with his closed fist and scratched under her chin with his free hand. The kitten began to purr and roll all over Kurt's bedspread.
“What's your name, sweetheart?”
The cat looked up at him with its blue eyes and blinked. Kurt smiled. He didn't believe in ghosts, or heaven, or angels. But Kurt knew the cat's name. He looked into those big blue eyes and picked the cat up, bringing her to eye-level.
“You're name's Amelie. My mom always wanted a kitten like you, and now you've got her name. She'd be happy, and I expect you to be a good cat, just like she'd have wanted. Use your litterbox, don't shed everywhere, especially on my clothes. Keep out from under Burt's boots. He's a bit clumsy and might step on you. He'll love you, though, even if he's not used to saying your name.”
The kitten looked up at Kurt for a while. She wove herself between his arms and plopped into his lap. She sat there for a while and purred. Kurt pressed play on his DVD player and turned off the lights. He began to doze off a little. There were those few passing moments of almost-asleep before Kurt was jerked back awake by the sound of Baby, It's Cold Outside. Amelie was lying next to Kurt's head on the pillow, and she began to stretch her little paws as he bolted upright to grab his phone. The film had ended a while ago and Kurt switched off the television before looking at his phone. The clock read 1:17 AM in bright blue letters.
I don't like Dalton without you. -Blaine
Kurt looked at his phone in disgust and tossed it across the room. He pulled Amelie in close to him and rubbed his cheek against her soft coat. She was filled with warmth. Kurt felt a strange sense of comfort in that tiny body. It was as if nothing could touch him now that Amelie was there. Kurt knew it was stupid to get attached to a kitten that had only shared his bed for a few hours, but there was something about knowing that his mom would've loved it. It was like being closer to her. It was like hugging Amelie was the same as curling up next to his mother's dresser and smelling her perfume. It was like a wave from beyond a veil. It almost made up for every time he'd ever had to answer the phone with, “No, she's dead, this is her son.”
Amelie purred. Kurt smiled at the kitten and got out of bed, leaving her to sleep. He'd fallen asleep much to early, and now the night was just calling him, he grabbed his phone and left his room walking quietly down the hallway. Kurt walked down to the basement, passing Finn's door and making sure not to wake him up. He opened the door to the room that Burt had soundproofed especially for Kurt's use.
Kurt looked down at his phone and shook his head. A sad, longing feeling filled him. Kurt might be completely done with Dalton. He might really hate what Blaine was doing to him. He might even hate the fact that Blaine thought of him at nearly two am. But that stupid, stubborn little ember inside of him wanted to text him, to talk to him, to hold him in his arms again. Kurt looked at the wall to wall mirror in his dance room. He walked over to the piano. His pale fingers touched the keys, bringing out a sad, slow song. Kurt opened his mouth and poured his sadness, his longing into song.
Your fingertips across my skin,
The palm trees swaying in the wind, images,
You sang me Spanish lullabies.
The sweetest sadness in your eyes, clever trick.
Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy.
I thought you'd want the same for me.
Goodbye, my almost lover,
Goodbye, my hopeless dream,
I'm trying not to think about you,
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance,
My back is turned on you.
Should've known you'd bring me heartache,
Almost lovers always do.
We walked along a crowded street,
You took my hand and danced with me in the shade,
And when you left you kissed my lips,
You told me you would never ever forget these images, no.
Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy,
I thought you'd want the same for me.
Goodbye, my almost lover,
Goodbye, my hopeless dream.
I'm trying not to think about you,
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance,
My back is turned on you.
Should've known you'd bring me heartache,
Almost lovers always do.
I cannot go to the ocean,
I cannot try the streets at night,
I cannot wake up in the morning,
Without you on my mind.
So you're gone and I'm haunted,
And I bet you are just fine.
Did I make it that easy to walk,
Right in and out of my life?
Goodbye, my almost lover,
Goodbye, my hopeless dream.
I'm trying not to think about you,
Why can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance,
My back is turned on you.
Should've known you'd bring me heartache,
Almost lovers always do.
The last note finished with a long, wavering note. A single tear fell down Kurt's face. He looked up from the paino and into the mirror. Kurt closed the piano and closed the curtains letting in the moonlight and streetlamps. Darkness hit the room, and Kurt walked back up to bed. Amelie cuddled up close to him, and Kurt let his waking dreams take him.