Dad, I just want to say...

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Dad, how are you? I

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Dad

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I just don't know how to thank my father, a part of me doesn't want to bother even though he's trying, and yet I don't know how to talk to him anymore.

"Hey there, I have a thing about phones, when you're with me, you don't use 'em." Jeremiah says coyly as he takes the seat across mine. Those eyes, familiar, hypnotizing, his. "Blaine, I was joking."

"Huh? Oh...sorry..um..how was your shift." my voice shakes. "My shift, the same everyday, people come in, I pretend to be interested in them, tell them I think the shirt looks quite good on them, their boyfriend will like that color as a gift and thank them for paying for my rent." he replies sarcastically. I have no idea how to respond to it so I take a sip of my coffee avoiding his gaze. "Sorry, my life in the store is so mundane. I'd rather we talk about you and that voice of yours. Dalton is very lucky to have you."

"You seem to know a lot about show choirs, do you sing?" I ask. "I know a lot about the Warblers simply because I used to go to Dalton. My parents cut off my tuition after some ...incidents." he replied slowly. "But my brother goes there, he's a freshman and really wants to join the you guys." "He should! Auditions for freshmen are happening soon I think." I say enthusiastically.

Silence fills the space between us and I start fidgeting in my seat, I drink more of my coffee while he licks the cream from his straw and takes a long sip of his frappe. I look around to find an old man from across this little coffee shop looking at us. No, not looking, judging. I manage to cover the side of my face he can see with my hand and continue to look down. Jeremiah starts to move, before I could react his hand was on mine, moving it away from my forehead. "Don't. Nobody's opinion of this, of you, will change if you hide away, so don't." I gaze up and there they are again, emeralds on his face, his eyes, telling me everything's alright.

Dalton is filled with this infectious energy, joyful and well Christmas-y. Red and gold ornaments frame the fireplaces, a 10 foot Red Pine stands by the staircase and potted poinsettias are scattered around the campus. The Warblers have one performance left before the holiday break and most of the professors have been very lenient the past few days. With one class left for today, I take my seat next to David, who I find busy folding pieces of art paper, looking slightly frustrated. "You okay there Sir?" I ask lightly shoving his shoulder. "This is hell, get some paper and help me fold these." he commands. "Uhh, what exactly are you doing?" I ask. "Paper cranes, Wes and I started last night, they're for Tara. He wants to give her a thousand of these for their anniversary. A thousand? Of all the people I could room with it had to be the romantic dude with these elaborate gifts!" he mutters flicking the finished crane into a brown paper bag. "Why a thousand? Slow down and show me," I say trying to understand what he's doing. Our professor doesn't show up for class and we manage to fold a few more before rehearsals. I find the folding quite entertaining. I've never done anything like it before, "Does this look right? What else could you make with these?" I ask, showing him my work, "That's good. Hey, yours looks better than mine, drat. Wes and I found this book in the library, it's quite entertaining. If only we weren't pressed on time, we could do all the pieces." David says.

We arrive at our rehearsal space to see most of the Warblers scattered around, a bit less rowdy than usual. Nick trying to teach Jeff to fold properly on the floor. By the couch is Andrew cutting boxes of art paper with some freshmen seated together, folding like a production line. And Trent, who looks up as we walk in, sorting the paper cranes by color and size on the tables. "Where is Wesley? I cannot be stressing on paper cranes right now, I should not be stressing on anything! Did they have to be different sizes?" he exclaims removing his blazer. "Do you want to fold? 'Cause this is way too complicated for my patience!" Jeff huffs. "You're rushing it, origami is an artform Jeff," Nick responds holding up a crane proudly and Jeff slumps and slides down the couch. I sit next to them and continue folding.

"Hey guys, David, how many did you finish?" Wes enters, almost bumping into David, carrying two full paper bags of yellow paper cranes. "I haven't counted, good thing Blaine was there, how many more do you need?" David answers, dumping the cranes we managed to fold onto the unsorted pile in front of Thad. "About 800 more, I should've thought of this earlier, it's only three days away. I got the members of the fencing team folding too, I hope we finish before Friday." Wes sighs. "We need to rehearse. Thanks for this guys, I really owe you all one, but let's leave this here and warm up. Notable alumni will be present at the Yuletide Dinner and we need to be perfect. The cranes can wait."

"Wait, where's Kurt?" I ask Jeff as we stand up. "He has to study, Mr. Connor gave him some extra coursework for missing the start of term, by extra I mean a shitload, we're helping him tonight after rehearsal." Nick replies. I take out my phone, and start typing while we take our places by the piano.

A unibrow doesn't look good on you, stop reading so hard before that becomes permanent. :D Can I come over too? I know Connor likes long essays and I'm a bit of a History junkie. :P

:D You are hilarious! Of course you can. Now stop texting before Wes gives you the eye! :D See you. :D

I almost giggle at Kurt's reply and true enough Wes was giving me the signal to put my phone away and focus on our harmonies.

Trent and I were given solos this time, we had to stay for a few more notes while the others left for dinner, to study with Kurt and to continue folding cranes with David. "Don't forget this part Trent, the phrasing, then we're changing the tempo. That's when you come in Blaine, just for this verse, then all together." Wes instructs. We run through the solos a few more times before Wes rushes off to his room where David and their fencing buddies are pulling an all-nighter for the paper crane project.

"You going over to Kurt's?" Trent asks as we head to the coffee machine by the dining hall. "Yup, how about you? Nick and Jeff are there, latte?" I say. "No thanks, but I have a feeling you're still going to buy two and I can help you bring them up." I punch in the numbers for four cups. I look to my side and find Trent smiling wildly, leaning his head against the wall. "Are you sure?" I ask him again and he just nods still looking a bit excited about something. "Your smile is infectious, you know that? It's like all the Christmas spirit from these decorations are right there on your face." He grabs the first two cups and says, "Kurt is really amazing right? I mean, all he's been through, now he's here, with us, with you." "Yeah definitely, I mean he's strong, kind and really talented." I say taking the last cup from the machine.

"Do you think Kurt's ever had a boyfriend?" Trent breaks the silence as we go up the staircase. "Uh, he hasn't told me anything specific, but I bet Nick and Jeff can answer that for you, I know one thing but I don't think it's my place to say." I say, I had no idea Trent felt that way. "I can try to ask him for you, is that why you've been jittery just now and you don't want to join us? Trent! Is that why?" I tease and his expression changes, as if I said something silly. "Sometimes Blaine Anderson, I want to slap you, but right now the coffee is holding me back." "What?" I ask, confused. "Nevermind." he sighs as we reach Kurt's door. I knock.

Kurt answers, rubbing his eyes,"Ooh, coffee, yes..perfect..I mean..Hi!" "Hey!" I manage to say. Trent sighs loudly and hands me the coffee cups for Nick and Jeff, "Sorry I can't stay Kurt, I have to walk away from Blaine here, the urge to hit him with a book is slowly rising. On second thought, hit him with a book for me, he needs to open his eyes a tad bit wider. I'm off to Wes'. Have a... productive night." Kurt's eyes widen as Trent walks down the hallway with the gait of a supermodel. "He's been acting weird tonight. So, how's the studying going?" I say as Kurt leads me into his room where I find Nick and Jeff on the floor, asleep. "Help me get these blankets over those two" he says.

We manage to go over most of Kurt's extra course work including 3 of 5 essays before we see the sky turning a playful pink-orange shade. He shifts from his desk chair and stretches, "I have never pulled an allnighter for coursework, for my Annual Musical Film Adaptation Marathon maybe, but never for school." I get off the floor as well, "Breakfast?" I ask. "Sure, let me just..." Kurt slumps down to his bed and falls asleep, I move his bed covers right up to his chin and he lets out a little snore.

I walk out to his balcony, the cold air piercing my face. I've never seen the grounds this early during this season. Everything seems so pure, so soft to touch. Slowly specks of ice start falling from the morning sky and without even thinking about it, I open my mouth to feel the little crisp cuts of snow on my tongue.

"What are you doing?" I ask Seth as I close my mouth after catching a snowflake. "Snow angels, make one!" he giggles. I join him, moving my arms and feet to carve out an angel onto the pile of snow in our backyard. "Wait how do we get up without messing them?" "I don't know, Mooooooooom, moooooooooom!" Seth screams. His mother rushes out, "What, what is it? Are you okay, are you hurt?" Seth laughs, "No, we're fine, but could you help us up please, we don't want to mess the angels we made." "Don't ever do that again, it scared me," she says as she hoists him up by the arms, carries him out of the mold he made and does the same for me. "Thank you Ma'am" I say. "Woooo! Angels!"

My dad walks out with a tray of hot chocolate and cookies. "Dad! You're home!" I shout and run to him. He puts the tray down and opens his arms. "Hey there squirt, been having fun?" he asks as I lay my head on his shoulder. His arms envelope me, warm and secure. I snuggle into this red knitted scarf my mother made him He's wearing his favorite grey work coat. "I got you something, it's a gift." I jump from his embrace and run into the house, "What is it? Where is it? Is it a dog, a airplane, a race car?" I stood in the middle of our living room to find a huge black shiny thing. Seth and his mom walk in with their hot chocolates. My mother emerges from the kitchen and carries me, "It's an airplane honey, and that is what we call an upright piano." "It's pretty. What does it do?" I ask. My father reaches for me and sits me on his lap. I watch his hands move through the black and white keys, and for the first time, I hear this melancholy sound, a song I never quite learned the title of, but to this day I remember..

I wander around the corridors, mini boombox in hand, hoping to bump into Trent, or Wes or any of the Warblers. The Yuletide dinner has most of the students scrambling to get things ready. I never signed up for any service committees and the organizers for the Christmas Spectacular have been calling almost daily. My duet partner for the show has been there rehearsing on her own and I have to be performance ready by the time I meet her. I send Trent another message, we could practice for the dinner and maybe my duet after his class or wherever he is at the moment.

I walk into our rehearsal space to find Kurt concentrating on his book, brows downcast again. It's starting to snow outside, Trent still hasn't replied to any of my messages. Maybe Kurt could use a little break. I wonder how we sound together? I sneak further into the room, he barely even notices. I drop the player with a bang, making him jump.

"Hey," I say with a grin. He looks up, looking a little tired but still smiling, "You scared me." "Good, 'Cause I'm actually Marley's Ghost and I'm here to tell you to stop studying so hard." I try to whisper playfully taking the seat across him. "What's with the boombox?" he asks. " I need you to sing with me, well, rehearse with me. I got a gig singing 'Baby It's Cold Outside' in the King's Island Christmas Spectacular." "Ahh, a personal favorite. Too bad they'd never let us sing it together. I mean.. as.. two... artists." he replies. "So, you gonna help me out here?" I ask. "Anything to get me to stop reading about Charlemagne." "Very good then." I say as I close the book in front of him on my way to the boombox.

The music fills the room with a merry air, I spin around and motion Kurt to sing. He gets out of his chair and walks around the room playfully,I follow him, frolicking. His voice is soothing, perfect. I wish he was the one I'd be singing this with, it would make it much easier to get through that day. Though my father would probably disapprove.

We cover most of the rehearsal room, spinning, chasing, joking around until the song ends. I unexpectedly let out a little laugh . "I think you're ready," he says. I sigh, stand up, and let the truth roll out of my mouth, "Well, for the record, you are much better than that girl's gonna be." I take the boombox and leave, rushing past the New Directions' adviser who was walking into the space.

I take one deep breath. It would be better if Kurt was there, or Wes or David, anyone. I wish they could be there.

From the corner of my eye I see Trent, Nick and Jeff running away from the double doors. Jeff almost tripping on his own feet. Where are they going?

_tbc_