The next morning was awkward, to say the least.  Blaine and Kurt barely exchanged a word before they came down for breakfast, and while Blaine was helping Carole with the dishes, Kurt loaded up the car with their bags, telling everyone he needed to get back early for school.  Even the half-eaten chocolate mice looked more convincingly cheerful than the four of them.  Blaine didn't even get to say goodbye to Howard, who had slept in, missing the morning drama.

This time Kurt didn't offer to let Blaine drive.  The atmosphere in the car was bordering on suffocating, and so when they drove down the main street of the little town, approaching the train station, Blaine forced words out of his mouth.  “Let me out here.  I'll take the train back.”

Kurt gave Blaine a piercing look, and continued on.

“Kurt?”

“Don't be childish.  You're not taking the train.”

Great.  Now on top of being an idiot, and not on his boyfriend's side, and not listening, he was childish. 

“Kurt, I'm sorry, can we just talk about this?”

Of course he didn't manage to spit out this piece of original dialogue until Kurt was merging on to the turnpike just ahead of a giant eighteen wheeler.  Kurt's only response was another angry glare.

Finally they were back in the city, inching towards Blaine's apartment.  Blaine texted Sam, but he wasn't home yet – they hadn't even left.  He didn't envy him that traffic filled drive back in from the Hamptons, although at least he wouldn't be trapped in a car with Kurt.  Blaine knew it was just a mood, but it still wasn't much fun.  As they pulled up in front of Blaine's building Kurt double parked and jumped out, grabbing Blaine's bag from the backseat.  Blaine had barely steadied himself on the sidewalk when Kurt slammed into him, hugging him so hard he almost couldn't breathe.  “I love you,” Kurt murmured into his hair, then dashed back into the car and drove away, leaving a very confused Blaine staring after him.

----------

That afternoon, as Kurt paced around his apartment, the texts started coming.

From Blaine:  I love you too.

From Blaine:  Where did you go last night?  I was worried about you.  Did you go to the park?

Nothing got by Blaine, Kurt thought to himself.  Blaine had probably figured out that Kurt probably hadn't gone back into his uncle's house, because if he had, Kurt would have talked to his dad, and Burt never would have let him get away with this ridiculousness.

From Blaine:  I woke up when you came in.  I should have said something, but I was scared.  But you could have said something too.

From Blaine:  I know you might not be reading these, but I'm thinking about you.  I'm always thinking about you.

From Blaine:  Sam got the worst sunburn on the tops of his feet.  He's still in the car on the way back, by the way.  But he texted me a picture.

Blaine continued on in this vein, live texting his day to Kurt, apparently undeterred by the fact that Kurt wasn't responding.  God, Blaine knew him so well.  Kurt's mind was too muddled to talk to Blaine right now, but the stream of texts grounded him, reminding him that Blaine was still there, whether Kurt could respond or not.

From Blaine: Remember that day in the McKinley courtyard when I told you that you were a star?  You are, Kurt.  I don't know what you're afraid of, but you are a star.  You always will be, whether it's at NYADA, or on Broadway, or just in our living room.  I love you so much.

 “Our living room,” indeed.  Did Blaine even realize he wrote that?  How could he be so sure of them even when they were fighting?  Were they even fighting?  There was no way Kurt could let this one go unanswered.

From Kurt:  I love you too.  A crazy amount.

From Kurt:  I have to go to NYADA now to rehearse for the freshman orientation show.  Talk later.

As soon as he hit send, he realized his mistake.  “Talk later,” he had said, when he most definitely didn't want to talk later.  Just like that first conversation with Blaine at the hospital back in June when, dizzy with Blaine's presence, he had promised to talk later, before knowing what on earth he was going to say.  But this time was different.  He thought he had a choice to make, but it wasn't looking very black and white anymore, and he didn't know what to do.

And once again, Blaine had hit the rhinestone squarely on its bedazzled head.  Kurt was afraid.  Heart stoppingly, paralyzingly afraid.  A few months after he and Blaine had called off their engagement, Kurt had fortuitously landed a part in the chorus of Book of Mormon.  Blaine was right, of course, he loved performing, with every bone in his body.  Kurt cringed when he remembered how sharp he had been with Blaine last night when Blaine insisted that it was who he was.  But Kurt thought he had explained this to Blaine, that he had understood that even when you had what everyone thought would make you happy, what you yourself had assumed would make you happy, it didn't necessarily turn out that way.

When he got the part in Mormon, Kurt threw himself into the role, and very soon was contentedly drowning in it.  Because between the show and school, he was able to fill every waking minute with work, leaving no time to think about losing Finn, or his father's health problems, or Blaine.  And if as a result he also didn't have time for socializing, or even visiting his dad, well, that's what being a working actor was all about. 

The fact that having his Broadway dream come true didn't automatically make him happy had taken a while to dawn on him.  Instead of dancing through life, he was sleepwalking, and he didn't know how to wake up.  But this summer, miraculously finding Blaine, reconnecting with Rachel, seeing a different side to Sam, and even feeling like he was making a new friend in Cora, well, this was more than wonderful.  It was like walking through a doorway into a new life, one sprinkled liberally with laughter, and hope, and joy.  It was Oz, brightly colored and full of song.  Not scripted songs, sung over and over by rote, but heartfelt serenades and whispered lullabies.  And the thought of losing that – especially of losing Blaine again - terrified him.

Kurt eventually headed over to NYADA for rehearsal, welcoming the break from the thoughts careening around each other in his head.  But no sooner had he run through the first piece and sat down to wait for his next number to be called than the whole mess was thrown in his face again.

“Kurt and I probably won't be here for the performance, so you might want to choose a backup for our roles,” Cora was explaining to Madame Tibideaux, who raised an eyebrow in response.  “We're auditioning for Pippin tomorrow, and the callbacks are Tuesday.”

Madame Tibideaux had the slightly pained look she often adopted when faced with Cora's declarations, but her voice was as calm as ever.  “Auditions are excellent practice.  Next time, however, please give me more advance notice if you have a conflict with a NYADA obligation, even one that doesn't count for a grade.”

Cora plopped down right next to Kurt, despite the presence of dozens of empty chairs.  Right, he thought, we're friends now.  Try not to snap at this one today, too.  He took a breath and tried to speak normally.  “Cora, I'm curious.  Who told you I was auditioning for Pippin?” 

Cora looked at him quizzically.  “What, is it a secret?  Sam told me.”  She scooted in closer, and whispered conspiratorially, “You know, until this weekend, I was worried that Sam had a crush on your boyfriend.  Crazy, right?”

Kurt ignored this comment – he didn't have time now to get into the intricacies of Blam.  He had bigger things to worry about today.  He scrubbed at his face and tried to focus.  He wasn't sure at what point Blaine had talked to Sam, and what he had told him.  Had Blaine really thought that Kurt was going to the audition and breaking up with him?  That was just insane.  He thought back to the conversation with his dad, trying to imagine how Blaine could have gotten that message from what he said.  He supposed it was possible, especially if he hadn't heard the whole conversation.  He was worried about what was going to happen when they both went back to having classes full time, and all the other pressures that the fall would bring. But how could Blaine believe he didn't want him, when everything had been going so well?  Didn't he trust him? 

Now Kurt had yet another problem.  Madame Tibideaux thought he was going to the Pippin audition, approved of him going, and didn't even mind that it conflicted with their performance.  Would it look strange to back out now?  Would she think less of him for it?

----------

It was Tuesday afternoon, and Blaine and Sam were at NYADA, waiting for the show to start.  They obviously weren't part of NYADA's freshman orientation, but Rachel was performing, and had asked them to come.  At least this auditorium was less intimidating than the round room, and there were plenty of corners for Blaine to hide in.  He tugged distractedly on his plaid bowtie until Sam slapped his hand away.  “Stop fidgeting, man.  You're making me nervous.”

The last few days had been confusing.  Kurt hadn't called him Sunday night, which was fine.  Blaine understood how Kurt could get when he was upset, and although he didn't like it, he knew that it usually didn't mean anything dire.  But then it turned out Kurt really was auditioning, after insisting to Blaine that he wasn't going to.  The fact that Blaine had only learned this through Cora, who came over Monday night and spent almost an hour telling Sam and Blaine about every moment of her audition as well as Kurt's, kind of hurt.  Did it mean Kurt had changed his mind about whether he could be in a relationship and a Broadway show at the same time, or had he changed his mind about his priorities?  Was he so annoyed with him about their fight that he decided to do a show after all, and break up with Blaine?  He really didn't think so, but it would be awfully nice if Kurt could let him know what was going on.

Before Blaine went to sleep Monday night, when Kurt still hadn't contacted him, Blaine caved again and sent him a text.  He wasn't going to bother him all day long like he had on Sunday, but he had to say something.  Blaine deserved a voice in how this all turned out, and he wanted to make sure Kurt knew his position loud and clear.

From Blaine:  Have faith in us.  I do.

Whatever happened, he wasn't letting Kurt give up on them.  Kurt had convinced him to give this a try back in June, when Blaine had worried that Kurt wouldn't want him in his still wobbly state.  Kurt had asked Blaine to give him a chance, and he had.  Now he needed Kurt to do the same.  It didn't matter if real life was busier than their laid back summer, Blaine knew they could make it work.

The lights flickered and everyone took their seats.  Madame Tibideaux came out and said a few words about the vocal performance and musical theater departments, then introduced a few other professors, who each had something to say about their areas of expertise.  Blaine noticed Sam's head drooping and bumped his shoulder against him.  “Sam,” he hissed.  “Wake up.”

“Sorry, man.  It's nice and dark in here.  Just like that art class we took.”  Sam and Blaine had signed up for a course on the history of the portrait as a way to fill an arts requirement, but a huge overheated lecture class where the majority of time was spent with the lights off, gazing at pictures on a screen that seemed far, far away, had been a recipe for disaster for both of them.  Luckily they could view all of the artwork online, so even though they slept through most of the lectures, they did okay.

Finally the curtains opened and a spotlight shone on the first performer, his back to the audience, the shadow of his top hat stretching out along the stage.  The music started up and the man slowly turned around as he began to sing.

Willkommen, bienvenue, welcome!
Fremde, etranger, stranger.
Gluklich zu sehen, je suis enchante,
Happy to see you, bleibe, reste, stay.

It was Kurt, and not surprisingly, he was fantastic.  He sang the part of the emcee with just the right amount of strange, a hint of something wrong, of a welcome for perhaps the wrong reasons.  What was surprising, however, was that Kurt was on the stage today at all.

“Hey, I thought Kurt wasn't going to be here?” Sam whispered to Blaine, echoing his own thoughts. Blaine didn't know what to think.  Did Kurt change his mind again?  Did he blow off the callback?  He tried to just enjoy Kurt's performance, but as the number went on, he became more and more uncomfortable.

Leave your troubles outside!
So - life is disappointing? Forget it!
We have no troubles here! Here life is beautiful...
The girls are beautiful...
Even the orchestra is beautiful!

When the Kit Kat girls and boys came out, his unease continued to grow.  Of course Rachel was Sally Bowles, and she looked lovely in a slightly seedy way, as was appropriate for the part.  But seeing Kurt in this role right now, flippantly making coarse jokes, was just weird.  Cabaret was all about the stealthy approach of evil.  The whole number made his stomach turn.

Of course, that was the point.  As the show went on, it seemed that Madame Tibideaux's theme was to explore the various emotions that musical theater could provoke, with a focus on the uncomfortable and nerve-wracking.  This was no fluffy, feel good production.  There was little mention of love in this performance, unless you counted the disturbing “There's No Place Like London” from Sweeney Todd,  which made Sam squirm in his seat.  Even the finale – one of the only moderately upbeat numbers -  was a salute to the uncertainties of a life as an actor, with the group singing “I Hope I Get It” from A Chorus Line. 

After the curtain closed, Blaine and Sam remained in their seats.  Sam gave Blaine a questioning look, but he couldn't come up with anything to say.  “We should wait for Rachel, right?” Sam asked.  Blaine nodded, and Sam put his arm around Blaine, pulling him over until Blaine rested his head on Sam's shoulder.  Maybe Kurt would come out too, or maybe he wouldn't.  Blaine couldn't guess anymore.  He was just going to wait.

Rachel bounced over and Blaine and Sam got up to greet her.  She excitedly pulled them both into a big hug, throwing Blaine off balance. Rachel still hadn't seemed to catch on to the fact that launching herself at Blaine was a bad idea.  “Thank you so much for coming, guys!  I thought the first number went really well, even though we just learned the choreography on Sunday.  Not everyone can pick it up as quickly as I can, but this time I think it worked.  Did you like my solo?  I'm thinking of adding it to my repertoire, it might make a good audition song.  Then again it was a little depressing, and that's probably not the right feeling for an audition song, you don't want the director to feel sad when he thinks of you…”

Blaine stopped trying to follow what Rachel was saying as he saw Kurt coming through the crowd towards them, his face still shiny from washing off his stage makeup.  Kurt came right over to Blaine, ignoring Rachel completely.  “Hi,” Kurt said, the color of his eyes intensified by the royal blue sweater he had on.  “Before you say anything, I have a proposition for you.”  He looked uncertain, as if Blaine was going to reject his request outright.

“What is it?”  Blaine's heart was thumping in his chest.

“Come back to my place.  I promise I'm done being cryptic.”  Kurt stepped closer and stared right into Blaine's eyes, placing a gentle hand on his arm.  “I want to get under the covers with you and hold you close and tell you everything.”

Blaine took a deep breath.  “Okay.”  Kurt wanted to be with him, that had to be a good sign.  He glanced at Sam, who was still standing beside him, a steadying hand on his back. 

“It's cool, dude, go ahead.  After that show I'd like to crawl under the covers too.”

They were spared the awkward walk back to Kurt's apartment when Nate offered them a ride in the cab he was taking uptown.  Nate seemed a little confused by their subdued mood, but the drive was short and soon enough they were at Kurt's building, Kurt digging his keys out of his pocket.  “Did you leave your bag at school?”  Blaine had just now realized Kurt wasn't carrying anything.

“I'll get it tomorrow.  I just wanted to get home with you.”  Kurt got the door open and led Blaine inside, straight back to his bedroom.  He glanced quickly at Blaine, and then proceeded to pull off his sweater.  “I wasn't kidding about getting under the covers,” he said softly, taking a pile of pajamas out of a drawer.  “You don't have to change if you don't want to.”

Blaine almost didn't, reluctant to give up the security of his buttoned up shirt and tightly fastened bowtie, but the appeal of cuddling up to Kurt with only soft t-shirts between them won out.  He took a shirt and pants from the pile Kurt offered him and went to the bathroom to change.  Blaine felt his hands shaking as he tried to cajole his hair into submission.  He had to calm down.  Whatever Kurt had to say, it couldn't be that bad, not unless he had developed a strange cruel streak and was intending to break up with him and then kick him out onto the street in his bare feet and pajamas.

Kurt was in bed when Blaine came back into the room.  He held the edge of the blanket up.  “Come here.”  Blaine slid under the covers, and as he was pondering the appropriate amount of space to leave between them for this bizarre conversation, Kurt wrapped his arms around him and pulled him tight against him.  Kurt put a hand to Blaine's head and laced his fingers through his curls, and settled the other warm against his lower back.  Blaine snuggled into Kurt's neck, feeling himself relax as Kurt stroked and soothed him. 

“I'm sorry I've been so weird the past few days,” Kurt said quietly.  “I'd like to try to explain.”  Blaine nodded against Kurt's chest, and he continued.  “Thinking about the Pippin audition really threw me for a loop.  I was kind of freaking out about it even before you said anything to me.  It brought up a lot of issues that I had been avoiding.  Then when I couldn't make you understand, it made me question whether I was making the right decision, and whether we were even on the same page regardless of what choice I made.”

Blaine's breath hitched but Kurt kept on talking, rubbing his back as he spoke.  Blaine tried to accept the comfort of his touch, and really listen this time.

“I know I shouldn't have left in the middle of the conversation.  But the things that were coming out of my mouth frightened me.  I know you're on my side, I swear I do.  But I was so confused, and I didn't want to make it worse.  I had convinced myself that I lost touch with everyone last year because being in a Broadway show while going to NYADA full time was too much for me, and that if I tried it again, I would lose you.  Now that I have you back again, and Rachel, and some semblance of a social life, I don't want to do anything that could endanger that.  Endanger us.  This is too good, Blaine.”  Kurt pressed a kiss to his cheek, and Blaine hummed in response.  “But it turned out I had already fucked up, because I said something that make you think I was going to break up with you, which I never intended to do.”  Kurt paused and pulled back, turning until he caught Blaine's eyes.  “Never.  You get that now, right?”

Blaine nodded, his heart in his throat.

“So, I guess I just got scared when we started arguing.  I didn't want to open my mouth again and make it worse.  Then you sent me all those texts on Sunday, still talking to me even though I was being stupid.  Still insisting that I loved performing, which I obviously do, even though I yelled at you when you said it – which I'm sorry for, by the way.  Even when I didn't call you, you still insisted you had faith in us.  Anyway, everything you said made me really stop and think.  And I may have realized something pretty important.”  Kurt took a breath, and tilted his head back to look at Blaine.  “I got the causation backwards.”

“What do you mean?”  Blaine shifted, sliding on to his side so he could see Kurt better, and taking his hand in his.  Kurt squeezed back, looking down at where their fingers were laced together, Blaine's thumb rubbing against his palm.

“Performing didn't make me unhappy.  It was the other way around.  I threw too much of myself into work and school because I was so unhappy.  None of that was going to fix the fact that Finn was gone, that my dad was sick, and that we were over.”  Kurt blinked and swallowed hard.  “But at least if I scheduled myself into being busy eighteen hours a day there wasn't much time left to think about it.  Of course, that just made it worse, because then I didn't have any time to try to stay connected with anyone, which might have helped with the whole unhappiness thing.  But it wasn't performing that made me unhappy, it's just that it wasn't going to magically heal me, either.”  Kurt sighed, frowning a little at the thought.

“And now?”

“Honestly, I still think being in a full fledged Broadway production and going to school full time is ridiculous.  I've only got one year left at NYADA, and I'd like to make the most of it.  And finish on time, not stretch it out any further.”

Even if this was reasonable, Blaine thought, it still didn't explain everything.  “Then why did you audition for Pippin?”

Kurt huffed out a laugh.  “Cora told Madame Tibideaux we were both auditioning, and her response was that it was good experience.  So I felt like I had to go through with it.  That's mostly why I couldn't call you yesterday.  What I was doing didn't even make sense to me, I had no idea how to explain it to you.”

Blaine considered this.  He was certainly familiar with the feeling that his life wasn't making any sense.  “But you didn't go to the callback today.”

Kurt smiled wryly, his foot finding Blaine's under the covers and poking him with a cold toe.  “I didn't get a callback.  Ironic, isn't it?”

“Kurt, I'm so sorry,” Blaine began, but Kurt interrupted him. 

“No, don't be.  I knew after the audition that I wasn't who they were looking for.  The members of the Pippin ensemble need to be real acrobats who can sing, not singers who can do a little amateur acrobatics.”

“What about Cora?”

“She got a callback, but I'd be surprised if she gets the part.  But who knows, she was actually pretty good on the trapeze.”

“I wish I could have seen you on the trapeze,” Blaine mumbled, then blushed when he realized what he had said.   

Kurt just giggled.  “What, my performance today didn't turn you on?”

“Ugh, no.  You were great, but it really creeped me out.”  Blaine was pretty sure he could go the rest of his life without seeing Kurt perform as the emcee again.

“Yeah.  Carmen's muse took a weird turn. She's going to give the freshmen nightmares before they even get started.”

“Makes me feel kind of stupid for singing love songs at that Wednesday night concert.  She must be wondering why she even asked me to perform.”  Blaine couldn't help but feel that his song choices were a bit less sophisticated than the angst ridden numbers he had witnessed this afternoon.

“Are you kidding?”  Kurt brushed a curl off his forehead, and gazed into his eyes, making his heart skip a beat.  “You were amazing.  She let you into her class again next semester, didn't she?”

Blaine nodded.

“Then she obviously thinks you have talent.  Which you do.”

Blaine took a deep breath, not ready to fully change the subject yet, despite how nice it felt to hear Kurt praise him.  “So, my slightly creepy star, where does this leave us?”

Kurt smiled.  “I suppose ‘in bed' isn't the answer you're looking for?”

Blaine smiled back and shook his head.  “Nope.  Although this was a good idea.”  He ran his hand up and down Kurt's arm, feeling his muscles move under his warm skin.  “Is it weird that I always feel better when I'm touching you?”

“Um, no.  If you haven't noticed, I feel the same.  Why do you think I wanted us to talk this way?”  Kurt snuggled closer, pushing Blaine on to his back and resting his head on his shoulder.  “Plus if we ever finish this conversation, we'll be well placed for make up sex.”

Blaine laughed and tried to kiss Kurt, but Kurt moved at the same time and it didn't quite work, the kiss landing on his chin instead.  This just made them both laugh, and the fact that Kurt started tickling his ribs didn't help either.

“Hey, wait a minute,” Blaine said, finally capturing Kurt's hand and catching his breath.  “Stop distracting me.”

Kurt sighed, but then settled down, propping himself on an elbow so he could look at Blaine.  “You're right.”  Blaine braced himself, a little bit worried as a serious look came over Kurt's face.  “Here's the thing.  I told you that you could rely on me, and then I made you doubt me.  I didn't mean to, but I'm still sorry.  I never want you to doubt me.  And I'm not going to do anything that puts us in jeopardy.”

Blaine heart warmed to hear this, but he still thought Kurt was selling them short.  “Just because we're together doesn't mean you should have to turn down opportunities to nuture your inner star, Kurt.  What we have is real, and getting stronger all the time.  Maybe this whole thing is just a reminder to us both that we can trust what we have.”  Blaine ran a finger down Kurt's chest, poking him a little for emphasis.  “You shouldn't be worried that you're going to lose me if you get busy for a while.  This summer has been beyond wonderful, with so much free time to spend together.  But we'll make it work when reality sets back in, too, no matter what that means – school, or shows, or jobs, or all three.  Who knows, an opportunity might come along that's too good to pass up, and you should be able to take it.”

Kurt shook his head.  “I appreciate what you're saying, and I'm willing to make exceptions, but I still think there's a limit.  There are only so many hours in a day, and I want to be able to spend some of them with you.  Lots of them, even. How can that be wrong?”

Blaine bit his lip.  “Okay, when you put it that way, it doesn't sound wrong.  I guess I have to trust you to make your own decisions on this one, huh.”  Blaine grinned.  “Plus, if I get into Mass Transit, I want you to have enough free time to come to my concerts.”

“Wait, you auditioned for an a cappella group?”

“NYU's oldest all male ensemble.  I've got a callback Thursday night.”

“Blaine!”  Kurt grabbed him into a tight hug.  “You're going to be a Warbler again!”

“Let's not count our songbirds before they're hatched,” Blaine mumbled, his face pressed into Kurt's shoulder.  “But yeah, I really hope so.”

“What made you change your mind about trying out?”  Kurt released his hold, but kept his hands clasped to Blaine's shoulders.

“I guess I realized it was a little hypocritical of me to be angry that you weren't following through on your dreams, when I was doing the same thing.”  Blaine raised his head and looked shyly up at Kurt.  “You make me feel like I can do anything, Kurt.  Like the things that have happened to me don't have to hold me back anymore.  Like I can be the person I always wanted to be.”

“You make me feel that way too.  You give me courage,” Kurt smiled broadly at him, as they both remembered that message from years ago.  “You always have.” Kurt nuzzled up against Blaine and then huffed out a laugh.  “Our living room.”

“What?”

“When you were texting me on Sunday, you said I'd always be a star, whether it's at NYADA, or on Broadway, or just in our living room.”

“And?”

“How can you be so sure that we're going to have a living room?  That we're going to make it this time?”

Blaine grinned.  “We're soulmates, Kurt.  I just know.”  He pressed a soft kiss to Kurt's mouth, lingering against him as he continued.  “Or, if you prefer, third time's the charm.  Either way, I'm never letting you go.”

As they lay there exchanging gentle kisses, knowing they had time to just enjoy each other, and that more heated touches were sure to follow, Blaine found himself thinking back to that day in June when he had run into Kurt at the hospital, so excited that he practically floated all the way home.  So much had changed since then, for him and for Kurt.  But the feeling in his gut that day, that seeing Kurt again had to be a good thing, no matter how confusing or awkward, had turned out to be true.  Having Kurt in his life again was like the sun coming up on a new day.  Somehow their reunion had given them each the opportunity to shine a warming light on all of their hurts, to heal together, and to start to grow together into something stronger.  Maybe what the two of them had with each other had started out as just a teenage dream, but Blaine felt sure that if they just kept going like this – communicating through words and touch and song, no matter how hard it was sometimes – they could make that dream a reality.