The next day at school was just plain awkward.  I hadn't said a word to Kurt after I got home the night before and I hadn't said a word to Riley either.  I didn't even text her to say goodnight.  None of the glee club members wanted to say anything to me because they didn't want something to happen again so we all just avoided each other.  Typically I would be so thankful that it was a Friday, but now I knew I had to come up with a creative way to avoid everybody over the weekend too.

If there was one thing Riley needed it would be if I sang her a song, and I knew the perfect one. 

I was walking down the hall after school to go to glee club when I saw it; one of the football players had Riley cornered and was yelling at her.

"What's it like having a fag for a brother? Huh?" 

"He's more of a man than you will ever be!" She spat back.  She kept saying that but I had yet to prove that to her.

"Really?  Cause that's not what your Dad said when he left those bruises on you."

I couldn't move. Why was I so weak?  I was literally paralyzed by fear.

Before anything else could happen Kurt went running by me to Riley's side.

"Are you really so weak that you have to pick on a freshman girl, Karofsky?  Cause if you ask me you're the vulnerable one.  I suggest you get lost before things start to get ugly."  I saw fear cross Karofsky's face and immediately disappear.

"Whatever.  You better watch yourself loverboy.  As for you," he turned to Riley again, "Keep yourself and your fag of a brother away from me."  And he walked away.

Kurt enclosed Riley in a hug as he rubbed circles on her back like he had done so many times for me.

Being the coward that I am I turned and ran in the opposite direction.

When glee club finally started I was ready for this all to be over.

"Mr. Shue?  I have a song prepared.  Can I sing it?"

"Of course."

Everyone gave me suspicious looks, especially Finn.  He was really starting to piss me off.  I am Riley's older brother, not him.  And if he thinks he can just come in here and take that away from me well he has something else coming for him.  I avoided looking to Kurt and Riley wouldn't even look me in the eyes.

"You all know what this is about so... here we go."

                I don't know why she's with me

                I only brought her trouble since the day she met me

                If I was her by now I would have left me

                I would have walked away but now I've broken away

                Somehow instead she forgave me

                She said, ‘A women's got to do what she's got to'

                Even if it means she denying herself the truth

                Cause when you're in too deep you wake up and it's too late

                You've falling in love in the worst way

                And if you don't go now then you'll stay

                Cause I'll never let you leave never let you breathe

                Cause if you're looking for heaven baby it sure as hell ain't me

I could see the jaws drop around the room as people realized what I was doing exactly.  I knew that some of them might come to the realization that I was asking Riley to just leave me alone but Riley would know better.  She and I have talked about this song a hundred times.

                So walk away, walk away

                Save yourself from the heartache

                Go now before it's too late

                Walk away, walk away

                Save yourself from the heartache

                Go now before it's too late         

                But still she stays

Riley and I have compared the song to Mom and how we wished she would walk away from Dad.  About how in this song the way he was asking her to leave was gracious.  Not selfish.

                She's standing in the heart of darkness

                Saying I know you got a soul even though you're heartless

                How could any women in her right mind be so blind?

                To find something to save instead of walking with me she should have walked away     

                She finds color in the darkest places

                She finds beauty in the saddest of places

                For such a groovy headstrong city girl could have had the world

                But you're falling in love in the worst way

                And if you don't go now then you'll stay

                Cause I'll never let you leave never let you breathe          

                Cause if you're looking for heaven baby it sure as hell ain't me

I was beginning to regret my decision to sing this now.  Riley was shaking her head at me and I had never seen tears stream down her face so quickly.  She clutched herself to the chair while Rachel grabbed her hand.

                So walk away, walk away

                Save yourself from the heartache

                Go now before it's too late

                So walk away, walk away

                Save yourself from the heartache

                Go now before it's too late

                But still she stays

                But still she stays

                Yes she stays

With the last line of lyrics Riley ran out of the choir room and I followed closely behind her.

Riley was faster than me and I lost her in the hall somewhere but that didn't matter because I knew my sister; she would go to the stage.  She had this silly belief that the stage is the only place that a person cannot hide behind anything.  Anytime you are up there it is just you and the audience and there is no hiding.

I slowed down to catch my breath before entering and I could hear the rest of the members running after me too.  I let them; if they wanted a show to watch well a show they were going to get.

I opened the door and I could hear Riley shouting.

                I'M STANDING UNDER A WHITE FLAG

                CAN YOU HEAR ME? CAN YOU HEAR ME?

                I'M STANDING FOR EVERYTHING WE HAVE

                CAN YOU HEAR ME? CAN YOU HEAR ME?

When I turned the corner I saw that she was sitting on the edge of the stage looking up to the ceiling.

"GOD! WHY CAN'T YOU HEAR MY VOICE?  I HAVE ASKED YOU TIME AND TIME AGAIN TO BE WITH MY BROTHER AND LOOK AT WHAT YOU HAVE MADE HIM.  LOOK AT WHAT YOU HAVE MADE US."

It was obvious to me that the rest of the members had entered the auditorium now because I could hear Quinn gasp through her tears as she heard Riley's prayer.

Riley looked up at the sound and broke down.  I ran up to be next to her.

"Riley, I can't put this off any longer.  What is wrong?"

"How could you sing me that song, brother?"  Her voice was soft now.  She was done yelling.  "You know what we both compare that song to."

"Exactly.  Riley, can't you see that you are doing to me what Mom is doing to Dad?"  I put my arm around her.  "I'm not good for you."  The tears started to form in my eyes and I tried to blink them back.  The other members were moving forward now and I put my hand up to stop them about halfway.  I couldn't have them be involved right now.  "I have caused you so much trouble and so much sadness in your life."  My thoughts became unfiltered and everything came spilling out of my mouth.  "You need to leave me like we wanted Mom to do to Dad so many times.  We might not have been enough for her to save but you are enough for me.  It's only going to get worse, Ri."  I let the painful memories of the nights Riley and I would stay up just hoping Mom would come in and take us away.  "God, why weren't we enough for her to save?"

"BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T LOVE US!"  She was looking up at me again and started taking short shallow breaths, "Don't you get it, Blaine?"  She turned and looked back to her hands.  "Haven't you figured out how I knew about your scar?"

I hadn't given it much thought since our conversation that morning last week. 

"I guess I just figured that you saw it one night while I was sleeping." 

"God, Blaine.  You're so naïve sometimes.  I've known about the scar since the night Dad gave it to you.  Mom told me."

"Wait, how does Mom know about it?"  I pulled away from Riley now because I didn't like where this conversation was going.

Tears began to flood down her face again.

"That night while you were in the kitchen I tried to escape to my bedroom but Mom held me in the living room.  She covered my mouth so I couldn't scream for you."  Riley took a break while the memories unfolded in her head her eyes looked fogged over as if she were watching them like a movie in her brain.  "I heard Dad yelling all those things at you and all of the sudden you went quiet.  Mom pulled my head back by her mouth so she could tell me what was happening.  She told me how she and Dad had planned the whole thing out so that when you decided to tell them you are gay they knew exactly what you were going to get.  She told me it was her idea."

I couldn't look at my sister anymore and I couldn't look towards the middle of the auditorium because I knew that the other members were listening to Riley retell this horror story.  I stared down at my shoes and they began to blur as the tears started to flow freely.

"I heard you start screaming when he put the lighter on your back.  I wanted to help you so badly.  Mom had me held so tight though.  And then when it was all over she told me that if I ever told you about her she would make it ten times worse for both of us.  I'm so sorry, brother."

I didn't know what to say.  Riley had been living in fear of our mother just as I had been living in fear of our father, except I didn't notice her fear.  All faith in humanity that I had had disappeared.  I began to think out loud.

"That's why you were so scared when she called you the other night."

"Blaine, that wasn't a happy birthday call... That was a warning call.  She wanted to know if I had still kept her secret.  She has these little sayings, just like you and I do, except hers are more of warnings."

"So all those times she pretended to be scared of Dad?"

"Just an act."

"But why?"  That's what I could wrap my brain around.  Why would my mom go through all this trouble just to hide from me that she was the one behind it all.  "Why not just tell me that she was behind it?  It would have scared me more."

"I don't know."  Riley wiped her face and laid back on the stage.

I turned to look at her.  Her legs were still dangling off the edge of the stage and her arms were pulled high above her head.  It made part of her stomach stick out from under her jacket and I could still see the light outlined bruising.  Her eyes were closed and if I didn't know any better she could have been sleeping.

"But, Ri, there's still something I don't get.  Why did you get so mad at me?"

Her eyes popped open and her entire body stiffened.

"Because I was afraid you had figured it out and you had seen how much of a coward I am."

"Coward? Sister, you are the bravest person I have ever met.  You stood up for me against both Mom and Dad.  You hid your fear of Mom from me for an entire year because you wanted to keep me safe.  You faced living in a strangers house by yourself and have transferred to a new school with new people and I have yet to see any of it get to you.  All those things... they're not easy to do and you took them on one after another."

"But I didn't tell the truth."  She sat up again crossing her legs and turning to look straight at me.  "I put you in danger again because I didn't tell you about Mom a year ago.  You're my brother and I love you more than anything in this world but the second that trouble came around I ran."

"If you ran then tell me how you came out of this whole thing having to go to the hospital when I could cover my bruises with some stage makeup?  You didn't run.  You stood there right in front of me and took the punishment that was meant to be mine.  You protected me; that's not running.

"You are the best sister anyone could ever ask for.  You go through so much pain for me but somehow you always come out protecting me.  Like today with that football player, you could have just ran like any normal person would have done but you stood up for me."

"But I still needed Kurt to come protect me."

At the sound of his name I heard Kurt shuffle a little.  I looked up to the group now and saw that Sam was holding Kurt back from coming to us.

"That doesn't mean you're a coward it just means that you can't handle everything that life throws at you on your own.  That's why God gave you me."  Riley scoffed to herself as if I were missing an inside joke, but I let it slide because I wanted to clear more things up with her.  "Can I ask you one more thing?"

"Of course."

"Do you really hate Kurt?  I mean, I know I am living with him and I spend a lot of time with him, but I thought that you and Kurt got along?"

"No." Riley was shaking her head, "That was so stupid of me and I'm sorry for that.  I'm sorry to both of you."  Riley turned and looked at Kurt this time.  "I just needed to say something to get you out of my room and I guess I just figured that if I went for something that was really going to hurt then I had a better chance of you not fighting me.  I didn't mean any of it."  She waved Kurt over and Sam let him go.

Kurt came to the edge of the stage and Riley took his hand.

"I meant what I said the other night.  You have done so much for me, even today, standing up to Karofsky like that.  I wouldn't want anyone else to be with my brother, you're really good for him."

"What are big brothers for?"  Hearing the words again gave the Riley the final sense of relief that she needed and I knew that whatever had been bothering her all week was gone.

For the first time in a very long time I felt that everything was going to be okay.  That everything was going to go back to normal.

Mr. Shue again called rehearsal to be over on account of Riley and I and the rest of the members flooded out of the auditorium.  I stood up and grabbed Riley's hand to help her up too and pulled her into a hug.

"We're going to be okay, Ri."  She pulled away from me but I kept my hands on her sides.

"You promise?"

"I promised."

Riley looked up at me smiling.  Not just any smile though, a smile that reached her eyes.