Over the course of the next week things got both easier and harder for Blaine.  For one thing, his dad wasn't supposed to come home until Sunday so him and Kurt got to hang out every day after school.  They would sit at Blaine's kitchen table and work on their homework together.  Most of their homework time consisted of Blaine asking Kurt questions he was too embarrassed to ask anyone else.  But Kurt never judged Blaine; he understood that some people just need a little more help understanding certain topics.

Some nights Burt would even come over to the Andersons house and the four of them would have dinner together. Blaine absolutely loved those nights.

But things with the football team had not gotten any easier for Blaine.  Dave would constantly harass Blaine about certain girls at practice and some of the other boys had even joined in on Dave's theory of Blaine being gay.

This is what wracked Blaine the most.  He would spend his nights in his room hiding from everybody trying to clear out his thoughts.  How was anybody supposed to know any of that until they fall in love? And his parents had never said anything to him about it. What if they were going to be angry? What if Cooper stopped talking to him? What if the people on the football team started bullying him?

The truth was that Blaine knew.  Deep down he knew the answer but he couldn't bring himself to admit it.  There were too many unanswered questions.  Maybe he was just too young. Maybe he did just need his first kiss to figure it out.

Kurt worried about Blaine.  He could see right through the fake smiles he put on all week.  He could see how distant his eyes were sometimes.  He could see how distraught he was every day after coming out of the locker rooms after practice.  But Kurt wasn't worry free about himself, either.

Kurt, like Blaine, was so unsure of himself.  His whole life people had been telling him he was different.  People had always just assumed he was gay, including Burt.  After his and Blaine's conversation on Friday he was more unsure than ever.  At first, he thought that he was gay and just too scared to admit it, but if Blaine was having the same feelings then maybe what Kurt was feeling was normal.  Maybe he was ‘normal'.

Sure, he still got butterflies when Blaine would pat his knee while they were studying, and Blaine's smile was still special to him, but that's just how best friends are, right? Maybe Kurt had been mistaking a crush for a friendship this whole time. The only thing Kurt was sure of is that he and Blaine needed each other now more than ever, and they were going to figure this out.

Tom was so excited to surprise his family.  It was Tracy's birthday on Sunday so he was planning on coming home from Michigan a day early.  He had already called and changed his ticket and would be home in the early afternoon on Saturday; plenty of time to make dinner for everyone.

Blaine missed Cooper.  He didn't come home nearly as much as he did last year. Blaine missed the nights the two of them would stay up late, without their parents knowing, and just talk.  Sometimes Coop would even tell him about his girlfriend and about all the crushes he had growing up.  Blaine wished Coop would be here right now.  He needed his big brother to just listen and understand.

On nights like tonight, when Blaine was feeling particularly lost and confused, he would curl up on Cooper's bed and bury his face in the pillows.  Even after two years they still smelled like him.  He knew that this wasn't anywhere near the equivalent of getting advice, but just the thought of Coop was enough to calm Blaine a little; help him think rationally.

Blaine couldn't help but let the tears roll down onto the pillow.  He knew twelve year olds weren't supposed to cry, but sometimes it's okay to cry; that's what Cooper would have told him at least.  Blaine pulled the covers over his head and pulled his knees to his chest and began sobbing.  He wished he could stay here like this forever; to always have something over him to protect him from the world, to act like his shield when things got hard and confusing.  He wanted to stay under the covers and leave his thoughts above them.  All Blaine really wanted was to go back to the simple days when the hard hitting questions were about having chicken nuggets or chicken patties.  But nothing could protect Blaine from himself.  This is who he was. Blaine was gay.  He was gay. 

The tears streamed faster from his eyes and his breath caught in his throat.  All of the muscles in his body tightened while he tried to work passed the lump in his throat just to breathe again.  He felt so alone.  He had nobody to talk to, nobody to listen, nobody to just be there.  The more he thought about the truth the harder he cried.  Blaine forced his fist in his mouth to try and stop the wailing that came from his lungs.  He knew his life would never be the same.  His muscles began to shake uncontrollably and Blaine gave up the fight.  All of the emotions flooded throughout him as he screamed into the pillow.  He wasn't sure how long he cried before sleep took him over but it felt like an eternity had passed.

Burt sat Kurt down on the couch after dinner.  "What's up, buddy?"

"What do you mean, dad?"

"Look, I may not be smart, but I ain't dumb either.  I know something is bothering you."

Kurt looked down to his fidgeting fingers before taking a deep breath and looking up at Burt again.  "Nothing's wrong, Dad. I swear."

Burt paused for a moment looking down at his son.  "I don't believe you, you know that right? I know there is something going on here.  I also know that when you're ready you will come to me; take your time."  Burt patted Kurt on the shoulder and got up from the couch to go load the dirty dishes in the dishwasher.

Kurt quickly made his way to his room before his dad could see him crying.  He wished he could tell his dad everything.  Tell him about Dave and the bullying, and about Blaine's problem with the football team.   Mostly, though, Kurt wanted to talk to his dad about his sexuality.  He had so many questions now but asking them only made the situation seem real and scary.  He was doing everything in his power to just forget about it.  But who can forget the day they realize they're a freak?  Kurt still remembers every word of what his father said when he was eight, but they haven't talked about it since.  He was scared that his dad had just said that when he was little to lighten the mood.  What if he thought differently now?  Kurt couldn't tell Burt about Blaine being gay, and he had no right to know that Blaine was struggling with it.  No, Kurt decided he needed to keep it all to himself.  At least until Kurt and Blaine were both ready to talk about it.

As Kurt crawled into his bed that night he knew there would be no fighting off the monsters in his dreams.  They would come just like they did every night that Blaine wasn't with him.  Only tonight, the monster Kurt was scared of was himself.

Burt dropped Kurt off at the Andersons' on his way to work the next day.  Tracy made the boys their usual lunch: blue box mac and cheese with celery sticks on the side for Kurt and hotdogs on the side for Blaine.  After the kitchen was cleared Tracy left to go to the grocery store telling the boys she'd be back in an hour.

Once they were alone and up in Blaine's bedroom they could both finally say what was on their mind.

"Okay, Blaine, spill."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not dumb. Look at you," Kurt waved his hand loosely at Blaine, "You look like a zombie. The last time you looked this bad was the day after Coop left or college. I know you well enough to know that something is going on. So spill."

Blaine was silent for a few moments shifting his eyes around the room.  "Okay," he took a deep breath and turned so he was sitting cross legged on the bed facing Kurt, "Do you remember what we talked about last week?"

"About us being gay.... Or at least the possibility of it?"  Kurt quickly corrected himself. 

"Ya. That."

"Of course I do. I haven't stopped thinking about it. Why?"

Once again Blaine didn't answer right away.  Instead, he sighed while he flopped backwards and pulled a pillow over his face.  He could feel the tears welling up in his eyes again as he remembered spending half his night in tears on Cooper's bed trying to hide from himself.  If there was any person that Blaine was willing to break down in front of it was Kurt.

They stayed like that for a while, both silently letting the other one remain in their own thoughts.  Blaine only sat up when he felt Kurt intertwine their fingers.  He pulled the pillow off his face looked up at Kurt through his tears.

"Whatever it is, Blaine. You can tell me."

Blaine smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes.  "You know that's not the issue, Kurt.  I just... don't think I can say it."

"That you're gay?"  Blaine immediately closed his eyes at the words as a fresh set of tears ran down his cheeks.  All he could do was shrug his shoulders and shake his head.

Kurt immediately enveloped him into a hug, and Blaine tucked head face into Kurt's neck.

Kurt was the first to break the silence. "Me too." Blaine pulled back to look at his face, "Well, at least I think."

"You don't know?"

"How am I supposed to know? I'm only twelve. And I've never kissed anyone. I don't even know if I have ever really had feelings for anyone."

"How are we supposed to know what having feelings for someone is even like?"

"When we were little my dad told me that a crush should make you feel happy and it should be someone who cares about you.  And I heard Tina and Rachel talking about how they get butterflies and are all nervous around boys; it's all they ever talk about."

"Did you dad ever say anything about you having a crush on... a boy though?"

"I think it was something along the lines of," Kurt put on the deepest voice he could to try and mimic his dad, "'it doesn't really matter, as long as they make you happy.' So he never really said specifically, I guess.  I know that no matter if I am gay or not he'll still be my dad."

"So you think you are?"

"I told you, how am I supposed to know? There are so many missing pieces to the puzzle."

"Like a first kiss."

"Ya..."  Kurt awkwardly started flattening out the comforter they had managed to mess up during their conversation.

"The boys in the locker room talk about kissing sometimes.  I just, it seems so weird to me.  That someone's lips touching yours is supposed to mean something. Aren't they just lips?"

"I've thought about that. I guess I just wonder what is so special about it that people make such a big deal, you know?"

"Ya."  Blaine shifted his eyes up to Kurt; he thought about their relationship and how they had been through almost everything together.  Blaine was there when Kurt lost his mom.  He was there when Kurt was getting bullied.  Kurt helped pull Blaine out of this dark place after they stopped being friends; he brought a smile back to his mom's face.  Kurt meant so much to Blaine.  He meant everything.  Blaine needed Kurt to help him figure out what was going on; he needed Kurt to be the one person there when he knew for sure.  "Do you want to find out?"

"Huh?"  Kurt looked up from the bed and furrowed his eyebrows.

"I just.... You have always been there to... and if we just..." Blaine could feel the heat rushing to his neck and cheeks, "Nevermind. It was a stupid idea."

"Were you gonna suggest that we kiss?"

"Well... ya I was. But we don't have to. Just forget it."

Kurt sat staring at Blaine for a moment, "I want to."

Blaine pulled his head back so quickly he almost hit it against the wall behind him.  "You what?"

"Well, you're right.  We do everything together, so why not help each other out on this one, too?"

"Oh, okay."

Things got really awkward then.  Neither of them wanted to be the first one to lean in, they didn't know which way they were supposed to turn their heads either.  They just sat there for a few seconds too many before Blaine finally just went for it and pulled Kurt close to him and crashed their lips together.

It was a weird feeling.  Just having their lips pressed up against each other's.  Neither one made any movement; instead, they both sat there, Blaine with is hand on the back of Kurt's neck, Kurt with his hands wrapped together in his lap, in a chaste innocent kiss.

Both of their heads were so occupied and swirling trying to analyze the way this felt, the way their stomachs were both suddenly filled with a strange sensation, that neither of them heard the bedroom door open.  However, when they heard a throat being cleared they both jumped apart from each other and turned towards the door.  Blaine was sure his eyes popped out of his head.

"Dad?"