He didn't know if he should wear the bowtie.

Blaine frowned at his reflection and tugged at the dark red bowtie he'd only just finished adjusting, untying it and pulling it free of the collar of his shirt. It was too much for his first day back at school; he would draw too much attention to himself, make himself a target...

Exhaling deeply through his nose, he began to relive his first Christmas with his boyfriend, letting the memories fill his mind and push away the negative thoughts and older memories from his first high school, just like his therapist had taught him. When he felt calm again he returned his attention to the mirror and his outfit. He smoothed the bowtie between his fingers, conflicted. He wanted to wear it; he thought it looked good with his ensemble. He didn't want to wear it; it was over-the-top and he wasn't Kurt, he didn't have the confidence to pull it off.

There was a knock at the door just as he let out another sigh.

"Come in," he called out, not shifting his gaze from his own reflection. He saw Kurt enter the room behind him over his shoulder.

"Morning," he greeted him brightly. "Are you almost ready? Breakfast is out." He pressed a kiss to Blaine's cheek when he reached his side. When Blaine did nothing but hum indecisively and pluck at the bowtie in his hands, Kurt frowned. "Wardrobe problems?"

Blaine glanced at him briefly. "I can't decide whether to wear this bowtie or not," he explained. He shook his head at his own behaviour. "I'm being ridiculous. I'm just projecting my nerves about today onto my outfit now."

Smiling, Kurt reached over and took the bowtie from him. "I thought you said you wouldn't get nervous?" There was a teasing undertone to his words. He slipped the bowtie under the collar of Blaine's shirt.

"I know. I know. It's just silly last-minute jitters," Blaine said, watching the Kurt in the mirror step closer as he tied the bowtie around his neck. He could feel Kurt's breath on the back of his head, the warmth of his body, his fingers brushing his skin as he adjusted the bowtie, sending tiny shivers racing through his body.

Kurt's hands came to rest on his shoulders. He dipped his head and kissed Blaine's neck softly. "Wear the bowtie," he breathed. He mouthed at the skin beneath Blaine's ear.

Letting out a shuddering breath, Blaine tipped his head back, his eyes fluttering closed as Kurt continued to kiss his neck and jaw - gently sucking on the skin, smoothing it with his tongue, pressing quick, dry kisses to the underside of his jaw, taking his earlobe gently between his teeth...

A soft moan escaped Blaine without his consent and he felt a warm blush stain his cheeks. Kurt, however, was spurred on by the sound and his kisses became open-mouthed and contained more teeth and tongue. His chest was pressed against Blaine's back and Blaine could feel each of his heavy, gasping breaths. He tipped his head back further and was rewarded with Kurt's mouth on his, kissing him with fervour, their lips sliding together and Kurt's tongue darting out to trace the line of Blaine's bottom lip.

Kurt's breath, warm and gasping, ghosted over Blaine's parted lips, the intimacy of the sensation sending pleasant shivers through him. He raised his head until he captured Kurt's upper lip between his own lips, sucking it into his mouth, and causing Kurt to clutch tightly at his hips with a desperate groan.

"Guys, we're gonna be late!"

Their lips parted with a smacking sound as Kurt jerked his head up to stare, panicked, at the mercifully still-closed door. Blaine straightened up and smoothed out his shirt somewhat guiltily as if they had actually been caught by Finn and not just interrupted.

The sound of shuffling footsteps reached Blaine's ears. "Guys?" Finn called again.

Kurt cleared his throat. "We'll be down in a minute," he shouted.

"Well, hurry up! If I'm late again I'll get a detention."

As Finn shuffled away again, Kurt stepped out from behind Blaine to check his hair and clothes in the mirror. "Trust Finn and school to ruin our fun," he grumbled. He gave Blaine a flirty smile in the mirror that had Blaine's already racing pulse leaping.

While Kurt tugged at the bottom of his waistcoat and tweaked the tips of his coiffed hair, Blaine examined his own reflection - kiss-swollen lips, flushed cheeks, darkened eyes, a neck spotted with a few red marks. He traced a finger over one of them, rather liking how it had been created by Kurt's mouth. Kurt made a soft apologetic sound.

"Sorry, I didn't think; you're going to be starting school with hickeys all over your neck." There was a small smirk on his lips, though.

Blaine tugged the collar of his shirt higher to hide one of the larger marks. "You're not sorry," he retorted, kissing Kurt's cheek and stepping away from the mirror to grab his school satchel.

Kurt just laughed lightly and took Blaine's hand, leading the way out of the room and down to the kitchen for breakfast.

After they'd eaten there was a scramble for everyone to get ready to leave and then a few minutes later Blaine was sitting in the car with Kurt and Finn on his way to school for the first time in almost a year. Kurt had let Finn drive and was sitting in the back seat with Blaine, holding his hand and occasionally giving it a supportive squeeze. Blaine stared out the window the entire ride. He was more determined than nervous now and was even a little bit excited. He kept picturing scenarios in his head of sitting next to Kurt in class, holding his hand under the table at lunch, and chatting with him by his locker before they were joined by Rachel and the rest of Kurt's friends whom Blaine hadn't put faces to yet. Admittedly, these situations were a bit too perfect and he knew attending McKinley wouldn't really be like that, but he could try to make it as close to idealistic as possible.

Idealistic started to slip the moment Finn steered the car into the school's parking lot. A small group of smoking girls glared at the car as it passed them, and as they neared the main building Blaine spotted a group of jocks in their letterman jackets laughing at a younger boy scurrying up the steps and into the school. He tightened his grip on Kurt's hand.

Once Finn had parked and the three of them were standing by the car with their hands tucked into the pockets of their coats to protect them from the biting wind, Kurt told Finn that he and Blaine would meet Burt and Carole in the principal's office, and Finn promised to let them know when they arrived.

A hand was placed on Blaine's back and he snapped out of the trance he was in, staring at that group of boys by the doors and stumbled forwards. Kurt removed his hand as soon as he started walking and Blaine was painfully reminded of how they couldn't be too affectionate towards each other while at school.

"I'll take you to the receptionist where you'll get your timetable and stuff," Kurt explained as they crossed the parking lot, walking further apart than they usually would. The distance between them felt alien to Blaine. "They want you to see Miss Pillsbury after that, don't they?"

Blaine blinked. "Miss Pillsbury?" he repeated in confusion.

"Oh, sorry, you wouldn't know. She's the guidance counsellor," Kurt explained. "And the closest the school has to a therapist."

The frown on Blaine's face smoothed out. "Oh, right. Yeah, I have to see her."

They neared the main doors and Blaine watched the group of jocks nervously out the corner of his eye, just waiting for them to say something. When they reached the steps and the boys continued to talk amongst themselves, ignoring him and Kurt completely, Blaine relaxed, wondering darkly if one of them was the Karofsky guy who harassed Kurt. He assumed not, because surely Kurt would have mentioned it if he was.

When he entered the school, Blaine was hit with the feeling of familiarity. He'd obviously never been here before, but there was a strong resemblance to his old school - the plastic floors, the stale air, the banks of dull metal lockers, the buzzing of dozens of voices from the people filling the corridors. Blaine stuck close behind Kurt as his boyfriend wound his way through chattering students, most of whom didn't have the courtesy to move out of the way to let them passed - something else familiar to Blaine from his old school, the feeling of being invisible. He was grateful for that feeling today, though; better that than the ‘new kid stares.'

Kurt was muttering darkly under his breath by the time they reached the principal's office. He gave Blaine a tight smile.

"Welcome to McKinley: where everyone is manner-less and disrespectful to you unless you're wearing a letterman jacket or cheerleading uniform."

Blaine lifted his shoulders in a small shrug, still clutching his satchel in front of him like a shield as he stood stiffly at Kurt's side. "I'm used to it. My old school was exactly the same."

Kurt just looked at him for a moment, before turning towards the receptionist. The woman behind the desk folded her paper, looking annoyed at the interruption, and set it to one side before peering up at them with an eyebrow raised, clearly waiting for them to explain their purpose for being there.

"This is Blaine Anderson, it's his first day here," Kurt told her, lifting a hand to indicate Blaine.

The woman flicked her bored gaze to him. "Anderson?" she repeated. "Right, we have your stuff here." She swivelled round in her chair slightly to sift through some files and papers lying in an untidy pile on a nearby desk.

Kurt shot Blaine an encouraging smile as they waited.

"Here you go." The receptionist pushed some papers towards Blaine. "Your timetable is on top, there's a note from the guidance counsellor, and some forms you and your parent or guardian need to sign. Your enrolment was sorted a few days ago by a-" she squinted at the page in front of her "-Mr. Hummel, but there's still a few last bits of paperwork to complete."

Blaine took the pages with a slightly trembling hand and flicked through them quickly, pausing on a form asking for a parent's signature.

Kurt understood what he was thinking. "Can we give the forms back to you later?" he asked the receptionist. "My dad will need to sign them and he's meeting the principal just now."

At his words, Blaine's head shot up. The receptionist merely shrugged. "Whatever," she said, already reaching for her newspaper.

Kurt turned away from her, rolling his eyes and stretching out a hand towards the papers in Blaine's hands. "Let me see your-"

"Your dad will sign my forms?" Blaine interrupted him quietly.

Kurt's reaching hand froze. "Of course he will; he's your guardian, isn't he?"

Blaine lowered his eyes back to the form. "I guess he is. I've just never really thought of it that way before."

Kurt smiled softly at him. "You're part of the family now, Blaine." His expression changed as a sudden thought occurred to him. "Except not in the same way as Finn, because that would just be weird with us dating."

Blaine chuckled lightly and handed Kurt his timetable. "You wanted to look at this?"

"Oh, yes." Kurt grabbed the timetable out of his hands and scanned the columns with a furrowed brow. Blaine watched him with mounting anticipation - he hoped he had some classes with Kurt.

Kurt's forehead smoothed out. "Good," he said, giving Blaine his timetable back. "They did what I asked and put you in the same period as me for all the classes we share."

"You asked them to do that?"

A bell rang and Kurt set off down the hall, Blaine scurrying along after him. "I told them it was the best thing for you given your situation - which it is, but I also just wanted to see you," Kurt explained with a grin.

Blaine jumped behind Kurt when a girl hurrying past them almost knocked him over with the large file she was carrying in her hands. All around them the halls were steadily emptying as people headed into their first class of the day. Fewer people meant that he was more noticeable, and Blaine found himself the subject of many a curious stare as he followed Kurt passed a row of lockers and around a corner to the guidance counsellor's office.

Another bell rang.

"I have to go to this meeting with Figgins now," Kurt apologised. He glanced briefly over his shoulder at the office behind him. "But this is Miss Pillsbury's office - I'm guessing she just wants to help you with starting school again." He shrugged. "We have second period class together, so I'll meet you here when I've finished with Figgins, ok?"

Blaine smiled and nodded, glad he wouldn't be facing his first class at McKinley alone.

Kurt returned his smile. "Good." Something behind his eyes shifted and he cast a quick look around them, before moving closer and brushing a swift but sweet kiss on Blaine's cheek. "See you later," he said softly.

Blaine watched him walk down the corridor until he rounded the corner at the end and disappeared from view. Hitching his satchel strap more securely onto his shoulder and taking a deep, settling breath, he stepped up to the guidance counsellor's open door and knocked on it.

A young, doe-eyed woman was sitting behind a neat desk inside the small room. She had been scrubbing at a pen with a small cloth, but looked up at the sound of his knock, smiling widely and setting the pen and cloth carefully down on her desk.

"You must be Blaine Anderson," she said, getting to her feet. "I'm Miss Pillsbury and I'm the guidance counsellor here at McKinley." Her voice was quite soft and almost nervous sounding. She smiled encouragingly at him and gestured to the chair pulled up in front of her desk. Blaine sat down gingerly on the edge of it, glancing around curiously at how impeccably ordered everything was.

"I read the file that your therapist sent over and I'm very impressed with your determination to come back to school and move on with your life," she said, opening the slim file sitting in front of her and flicking through the pages. "I don't think many other people in a similar situation to yours would be able to do what you're doing."

Blaine lifted his shoulders in a small shrug. He didn't think he was particularly strong or brave. If it wasn't for Kurt he would still be hiding in an attic and if it wasn't for Burt and Carole he'd be shivering on the streets somewhere.

"Kurt and his family helped me a lot," he told her. "I wouldn't be sitting here if it wasn't for them."

She nodded, her eyes wide. "Of course, I'm sure their help and support has been invaluable." She looked down at his file again. "Your therapist mentioned how grateful you are for Kurt."

That didn't really begin to cover what Kurt meant to him or how much he had to thank Kurt for, but Blaine couldn't really disagree with the statement. "He rescued me and gave me hope again," he said, feeling his throat tighten with emotion.

Blinking rapidly, Miss Pillsbury closed Blaine's file, smoothing her hand over the cover. "How are you feeling about being at school today?"

"I-" Blaine bounced his right leg. "A little nervous, I guess, but I'm ready to be here."

She nodded and slid his file an inch or two across her desk so that it was lying precisely in the centre. Blaine stared down at it with some amusement - a guidance counsellor with what appeared to be OCD? That was different.

"I'll be available for you to come talk to any time during school hours if you need to," Miss Pillsbury told him with an encouraging smile. "If you ever feel overwhelmed or- or if you're struggling at all then don't be afraid to come and see me and we'll have a chat and sort it out for you, ok?"

Blaine nodded and thanked her, already losing interest in what she was saying. He had a meeting with his therapist tomorrow and another one every week after that to check on his progress at school and to make sure he was still happy, so he couldn't imagine why he'd need to see a school guidance counsellor on top of that. He imagined she was thinking that there was a chance he might breakdown in class or even have another panic attack, but that wasn't going to happen, Blaine was sure of it. He'd fought to have this life and return to school and he'd fight to keep it. He felt more confidant and sure of himself than he had in months. There would be no more setbacks caused by his past.

He barely listened as Miss Pillsbury spoke about the difficulties every new student faces and explained in reassuring tones how this was normal and Blaine didn't need to worry if he felt that way. He kept a polite smile on his face as he pretended to listen; what she was saying was nothing his therapist hadn't told him already or things he could have guessed himself.

Precise in everything from the positioning of her pamphlets to her schedule, Miss Pillsbury glanced at the clock and gave Blaine a small smile. "You have to head off to your classes now, but remember what I said: you're free to drop by any time you need to talk."

Blaine got to his feet and picked up his satchel. "Thank you. I'll keep that in mind." He began inching his way towards the door, throwing a hopeful glance over his shoulder to see if Kurt was there yet but only seeing a short section of deserted corridor.

"Is someone showing you the way to your next class?"

Blaine nodded at her again, taking another step backwards towards the door. "Kurt is - we're in the same class together."

Miss Pillsbury smiled. "I hope your first day here goes well."

After thanking her again, Blaine hurried out into the corridor just as the bell rang and the sounds of hundreds of students leaving classrooms filled the air.

"Ready for your first experience of a McKinley English class?"

A smile spread across Blaine's face at the sound of Kurt's voice and he closed the few paces between himself and his boyfriend eagerly. He raised a hand and caressed Kurt's arm briefly, aware that they would never really have complete privacy here.

"As ready as I'll ever be," he responded brightly, his mood instantly improved now that he was with Kurt again.

They set off down the corridor, Blaine lagging a little behind Kurt with his uncertainty of which way they were going. "How was the meeting with the principal?"

Kurt sighed wearily and Blaine felt his heart sink a little; that didn't bode well.

"Well, I explained everything to him," Kurt said as they wove their way through the streams of people shuffling along to their next class. "I even showed him the scar on my ribs - which I was not comfortable doing. But, I don't know..." He shrugged.

Blaine stared at him, almost tripping over his own feet as he waited to hear the rest of what happened. "Surely he'll do something to stop it? Have more teachers out in the corridors or warn the school of the consequences of bullying at least."

They paused to let a small group of girls in cheerleading uniforms pass. Kurt gave Blaine a pitying look over his shoulder.

"The thing is, the faculty seem to think that if they pretend there's no problems on campus then it's all ok and none of it really exists. Unless they get solid, hard evidence for something, they won't do much of anything about it."

Blaine followed Kurt with a familiar dejected feeling building inside him. It sounded like the exact same thing that had been going on at his old school - teachers not giving a shit about the students and only caring about their pay checks.

Having fallen behind from the horror washing over him, Blaine hurried to catch up with Kurt. "Your dad didn't stand for that, surely?"

"He's not happy," Kurt agreed. "He got Figgins to agree to talk to Karofsky about it, which he wasn't going to do originally because there's ‘no solid evidence,'" Kurt scoffed, making quotation marks with his fingers. "Dad threatened to take the issue to the board of education if Figgins didn't do it."

"So, he's going to talk to Karofsky..."

"Today, after school. And then he's going to meet with my dad and me again and we'll go from there," Kurt filled in. Blaine hated how unhopeful he sounded. He automatically raised a hand to stroke Kurt's cheek comfortingly, but remembered where he was and let his hand fall with a heavy sigh.

"This is our English classroom," Kurt announced, stopping in front of an open door. He peered inside. "You'll have to introduce yourself to the teacher and then you can come sit by me. I normally sit alone in this class, so there's a free spot next to me."

Blaine's heart clenched upon hearing this, but as he was unable to give him the kiss he wanted to, he just nodded and followed Kurt into the nearly-full room. He had been so preoccupied with Kurt he'd missed all the curious stares directed his way as he'd walked through the halls, but now that he was in a small room and shyly approaching the teacher's desk he could feel the weight of each of the questioning gazes from every student in the room as if they were an actual physical presence on him.

Even the teacher stared at him, the intensity of his gaze increasing when he introduced himself. Blaine could practically see the teacher's thoughts displayed in his eyes. That's the kid with the family problems; the one who was too insecure and troubled to come to class until today. Blaine had never been so glad of bending the truth in his life.

The eyes of the students followed him all the way to the back of the room. He dropped down into the chair next to Kurt gratefully. Kurt glared at their classmates and they all looked away, although some of them continued to dart quick glances back at him.

They were cornered by Rachel the second they left the class.

"Why didn't you tell me Blaine was starting today?" she demanded, sounding hurt. "If it hadn't been for Finn and all the gossip about a new guy hanging around Kurt I would have had no idea he was here!"

Kurt looked like he was holding back a sigh with a lot of effort. "It was only decided a few days ago and we've been too busy preparing to let you know."

Rachel folded her arms across her chest and let out a huff. "You could have come and told me this morning; you know I always go to the choir room before classes start to practice." Not seeming to notice Kurt rolling his eyes, she turned to Blaine with a wide smile. "How's your first day been so far?" she asked eagerly, latching herself onto his arm and marching him down the hallway towards their next class which, unfortunately, they all shared.

Blaine flashed her a smile, looking to Kurt for help as Rachel steered him through the crowds of muttering students with surprising strength. He had forgotten how intense Rachel was.

"It's- It's been alright. I've only had one class, so-"

"No, you can't really make a judgement based on just one class, can you?" Rachel interrupted, nodding her head thoughtfully. She swept her hair over her shoulder with the hand that wasn't clinging to Blaine's arm. "Most of the teachers are ok, though, and if you stick with me and the rest of the Glee club you won't really have to worry about the rest of the student body - that's what I find anyway." She lifted her chin importantly, a gleam appearing in her eye that was becoming all too familiar to Blaine. "I mean, there's no point in listening to people who don't have a clue about talent..."

She continued to ramble on and on about herself and how under-appreciated she was at this school. Kurt took advantage of the thinning crowds and sped up to walk alongside Blaine, shaking his head with a reluctant fondness at Rachel.

"She will stop eventually," Kurt murmured in Blaine's ear, sending a little shiver through him that made him wish they were at home. Kurt must have seen the longing in his eyes, because he smiled sadly and whispered, "Later."

Blaine sighed internally, wishing the world was less narrow-minded and that people actually followed through with all the equality and acceptance speeches they rattled off. This was the twenty-first century for crying out loud! They shouldn't have to keep secrets and pretend they were only friends just because they were both male. He should be able to hold Kurt's hand as they walked to class, lean across and kiss his cheek when he did something adorable; they should be able to do what straight couples did out in public without fear of abuse.

"I knew this was going to happen!"

Starting slightly as he came out of his thoughts, Blaine blinked in confusion at a triumphant Rachel, who was now standing in front of him and Kurt. She glanced eagerly between the two of them. "I knew it," she repeated.

"What are you talking about?" Kurt hadn't been paying any attention to her either, apparently.

"You two!" Rachel said happily, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "You're together!"

"Oh." Blaine noticed Kurt shoot a quick, anxious look around them to make sure nobody had overheard. "Yeah, we are."

Blaine watched Rachel with mild surprise as she beamed at them.

"I knew it!" she practically squealed. "I knew you had a thing for each other back when I first met Blaine." She looked between them eagerly as Kurt sighed and led the way into the classroom. "So, how long have you been together? How did it start? I want details!"

Rachel slid into the desk in front of them, but sat sideways in her chair so she could continue talking to them. Blaine happily listened as Kurt began telling Rachel their story. Despite the exasperated sigh he'd given earlier, Kurt was smiling as he spoke. The pure happiness on Kurt's face and the enthusiasm with which he spoke made Blaine smile; he remembered Kurt telling him how lonely he'd felt listening to his friends gush about their relationships. He was on the other side now.

The rest of the day went smoothly. The staring from the other students decreased after lunch and by the end of the day hardly anyone seemed to care. Blaine met the rest of Kurt's friends and after several minutes of sitting stiffly and worrying that they wouldn't like him, he relaxed around them. They all seemed genuinely nice and he clicked with Mike especially after sitting with him in one of the few classes he didn't share with Kurt. Kurt had been sweetly protective of him when they'd first sat down to lunch with his friends, warning anyone who asked any delicate questions and sending his infamous bitch-glare to Santana when she pestered Blaine about his love life and taste in men. Rachel spent most of lunch dropping not-so-subtle hints that Blaine should join Glee club and she was so persistent about it that even Kurt gave up on trying to get her to stop.

It wasn't until they were in the car heading home and Kurt was expressing his relief that he hadn't seen Karofsky or any of his thugs all day that Blaine realised he still didn't know who the people bullying Kurt were. He felt a strange mixture of relief and disappointment - he didn't want to face homophobic bullies again or see Kurt being bullied, but he wanted to stand up for his boyfriend and give those jerks a piece of his mind. It was probably stupid of him to want to, but it was something he was determined to do; he was done with cowering away from them.

"Did you end up applying to those colleges in New York?"

Kurt looked up from the novel he was reading for English class to find Blaine watching him with an odd expression on his face, one that immediately made him feel uneasy. He set his book aside.

"Yeah, I did," he replied tentatively.

Blaine nodded gravely. "Which ones have you applied to again?" he asked, avoiding Kurt's eyes.

"Parsons, FIT, and NYU."

With his gaze still lowered, Blaine nodded again. Kurt waited for him to say something else, for him to give some explanation as to why he'd asked completely out of the blue, but the seconds ticked by and Blaine didn't say anything, so Kurt broke the strangely tense silence.

"Why are you asking?"

Blaine shrugged. "Everyone is busy with applications right now and I realised I haven't heard you talk about college since the day I met Rachel and I wondered if your plans were still the same." He only gave Kurt the fleetest of glances as he spoke, directing most of his reply to the textbook lying open in front of him.

Biting his lip, Kurt worried a fold in the fabric of his pants between his thumb and forefinger. "Have you decided where you're going to apply to?"

Blaine shrugged noncommittally. Kurt opened his mouth to encourage Blaine to think about college more and to offer his help when understanding of what Blaine really wanted to know hit him like a lightning bolt.

The few feet of space between them on the bed suddenly felt like miles.

"Blaine," Kurt said softly, willing his boyfriend to look up and feeling relieved when he did, even though it looked like there was something beginning to crack behind Blaine's eyes. "I think we should talk about the future and what's going to happen after graduation."

Blaine stiffened. "You're going to go to New York where you'll live with Rachel and succeed at your fashion degree and build an amazing life for yourself," he rattled off easily, sounding as though he'd given the matter a lot of thought.

"And what about you?" Kurt whispered.

Flicking a page in his textbook, Blaine shook his head and dropped his gaze again, his mouth pressed into a tight line. "I'll be around," he said in a controlled voice. "And when I hear about all your successes or see your new clothing line in stores I'll be indescribably proud of you."

Kurt frowned, his feeling of dread heightening with each passing second. It sounded as though Blaine believed- Kurt couldn't even complete the thought.

He swallowed nervously. "You get a future, too."

When Blaine said nothing in response to this, not even looking up, Kurt shifted closer until they were sitting directly in front of each other.

"I thought that's why you were so determined to return to school, so you would be able to go to college and get the life you always dreamed of having?" Kurt couldn't believe that Blaine was giving up after coming so far and with his dream now on the horizon.

Blaine shook his head vigorously, still determinedly avoiding Kurt's eyes. "I'll never get my dream; I've gotten close, but I'll never get it. I can live without it, though. It won't be easy, but I can settle for staying in Ohio and getting a job here."

"Ohio?" Kurt repeated in disbelief. "Wh- But I thought you'd want to leave here! You said you did."

"I do," Blaine agreed. "But I don't think I can."

Kurt was flabbergasted. "Blaine, wh- Of course you can leave here! And what do you mean you'll never get your dream?"

When Blaine didn't respond after several long seconds, Kurt reached out and took his hand. At his touch, Blaine finally looked up and Kurt was shocked to see tears in his eyes.

"Blaine?"

"I'll never get my dream because I'll never make it to New York like you will. I won't get into college there and I won't get to study music there and I won't get to rent a too-small apartment with you and wake up every morning to the sound of the city and your smile." Blaine pressed his trembling lips together. "You're the biggest part of my dream, Kurt, and I just have to learn to accept that that dream will never be anything more than something I picture when I can't fall asleep at night."

Kurt's heart had begun to race in the most horrible way as a wild panic appeared as a dull burn somewhere in the region of his stomach. "What are you talking about? Why wouldn't you be able to come to New York with me?"

"I can't be the one who holds you back, Kurt. You're going to make it big in New York, you're going to achieve so much more than you ever dreamed of - I know it - and I can't be the one who makes you hesitate every time you get a new amazing opportunity, who possibly even makes you turn offers down. I won't be a dead weight in your life, Kurt." The sadness in Blaine's eyes and painful resignation in his voice made Kurt's heart ache in a way he never thought was possible.

He gripped Blaine's hands tighter, willing him to see sense. "But why would you hold me back? We'd both do our separate courses and get our different jobs, but we'd still be together. I don't understand how you could possibly hold me back in whatever I end up doing or how any of it would be affected by our relationship." He dropped one of Blaine's hands to cup his face. "You could never be a dead weight to me, Blaine," he assured him softly. "I love you."

Blaine leant into the hand against his face, squeezing his eyes shut as if Kurt's words were painful. "I'm going to be stuck with memories from my past for the rest of my life," he said without opening his eyes. "For the rest of my life I'll have nightmares about it and there'll be days I slip up and get overwhelmingly depressed. I'm never going to completely recover and I don't want to ruin your life with all of that."

Kurt felt himself beginning to shake. This could not be leading to what a horrified and panicking part of him was thinking; he would not let Blaine end things between them for his stupid, noble reasons.

"But you won't," Kurt insisted firmly, dropping Blaine's other hand and taking his face in both hands. "You couldn't ever do that, and all of that stuff you were talking about - the nightmares and the bad days? I don't care about how any of that will affect my life." Kurt gazed fiercely into Blaine's eyes. "I love you," he said, his voice breaking a little. "I love you and that includes all of the baggage that comes with you. If we're still together when we've finished college and got jobs - and I really hope we will be - any opportunity I get will be discussed with you before I make a decision and if I turn it down it won't be because you're holding me back, it will be because it wasn't right for me or it wasn't right for us. You're more important to me than any job."

A single tear slipped down Blaine's cheek. Kurt caught it with his thumb and brushed away the shining track it left on Blaine's face.

"I don't want to lose you," Blaine whispered wretchedly.

"You won't..."

"That's why I never asked you about your college applications," Blaine continued. "I was scared. I knew I couldn't get into a New York college and I didn't want to face that facts that you going there would mean I would lose you - because you shouldn't stay with me while you're in New York; you don't want me tying you to Lima."

Kurt held back the urge to shake Blaine to try and make him see sense. He couldn't believe Blaine honestly felt this way. How long had he been thinking like this?

Kurt swiped his thumb gently under Blaine's eye to wipe away the tear that had just escaped. "Blaine, stop it," he said firmly. "If you stayed here in Lima you would not be a tie. Besides, you're talking like I would never come back to Lima once I moved to New York. My family is still here, and if you were here I'd come back to see you as often as possible." He pressed a soft kiss to the tip of Blaine's nose. "And what's all this about you not being able to get into a New York college? What makes you think that?"

Blaine lifted his shoulders in a small shrug, still trapped between Kurt's hands and in his gaze. "My school history is all over the place; I spent a good six or seven months teaching myself out of borrowed textbooks - how is that going to look on an application form?"

"So, your schooling has been a bit unusual," Kurt agreed. "So what? You still get top grades all the time and you're enrolled in a school and attending classes now. They can't turn you down because you've had some problems in the past that kept you out of school for a bit, not when you're smart and eager to learn and a perfect student for their school."

Blaine sighed in defeat. "Maybe, but I've still missed the application deadlines for a lot of places."

Kurt's eyes hardened with determination. "When were these deadlines?"

"Well, NYU was January first..."

Kurt nodded, remembering this from his own application. "You're still going to apply. We'll write to them and explain your situation; they might make exceptions in special circumstances. You've only just missed the deadline."

The determination in Kurt's voice made a small spark of hope flare up in Blaine's eyes. Kurt leant in and pressed a kiss to Blaine's lips, smoothed his thumbs over his cheeks, and then let his boyfriend go and crawled across the bed to fetch his laptop.

"What are you applying to study?" Kurt asked as he fired up his laptop. "Music?"

"Yeah," Blaine replied, watching Kurt with slight awe. "I think I want to be a music teacher."

Kurt looked up from the computer screen to stare at his boyfriend. He could picture it actually: Blaine wearing a bowtie and sitting next to an eager child in front of a piano, pointing to the sheet music, and playing out the more difficult sections to show how they sounded. A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth at the image.

"You'd be a fantastic teacher," he said.

Blaine's face lit up in a hope-filled smile.