It was like watching the world from another point of view. This lingering of hollowness and a sinking feeling haunted my body as my brain tried to fight against the thick fog that trapped my thoughts in. I can remember the call, I can remember the way my eye glanced blankly around the room seeing nothing but emptiness . It seemed like everything had changed over night, everything had gone strange. I remember standing but it was like my brain wouldn't connect my motions to me, I was just eyes looking through a lens...a robot.

"Blaine." I dragged my tongue along the roof of my mouth as I tried to rid myself of the numbness of my mouth "Listen to me okay?"

"hmm." I muttered feeling instantly drained as if it took all my energy to say that one word, if you could call it that.

"I need you to grab the shirt on the floor by your feet," I my eyes searched before they found the dark blue shirt laying almost directly by my feet. My thick eyebrows puckered in confusion "slip on the shoes by the door." I grunted feeling like the voice over the phone had more sense of my life then I did.

"Blaine?" the voice was a soft feminine voice rather then the monotone voice of the male "Blaine?" she said it breathlessly like she was trying not to cry "Do not turn on the TV or the radio okay? Are you listening?" I mumbledsomething in reply. "Drive straight here okay? Do not stop, do not look anywhere but the road. No radio, no TV."

"Okay." the burn in my throat made me wince as I tried my hardest to fight through the moving world around me. A soft sob was heard before the line went dead.

I can remember the drive and the way the roads seemed to go on for eternity with no end or purpose. I can tell you all of this but I cannot honestly tell you it was real. It plays in my head over and over like a dream, a nightmare. When I think back I wonder how I knew where ‘here' was or how the people seemed to go unnamed in my thoughts though they were people I spent years with. It was like a dream, a night mare. You just go and everything spills before you in a series of events.

"Blaine!" I entered the building only to find faces everywhere and I tried to smile politely because they all seemed to be watching me but it felt like everywhere I looked no matter how calm I tried to look, everyone was starring at me with these sad knowing eyes,

"Rachel." It came out more like a question as I tried the name on my dry lips.

"Blaine.." the soft pang of annoyance at the fact people kept popping up with my names on their lips like a death march, was washed away as I saw the aged face of a man I knew well.

"Mr. Hummel." Reality kicked in then as I let my wide eyes sweep around the building I spent almost everyday in, filled with reporters sitting watchfully around the wwalls. Faces of people who had gone to high school with me stared back at me with apologetic red rimmed eyes "Mr. Hummel?" My glance went back to the aged man in confusion

"Blaine." His slight southern accent was soothing but the way his eyes stared at me...I knew before he finished my name.

"W-where is it?" My eyes blinked back the burning sensation as I tried to stop the quivering of my bottom lip.

"Blaine.."

"Stop saying my name!" I yelled, the vein in my neck pulsing for just a moment before the emotions trapped behind the fog flooded through my body straight to the pain in my heart. "Where is it?" My eyes looked at everyone begging for anything, any signs of something.

"Its all okay." Was muttered before I found myself on the cold tile on the floor, the soft clicking of cameras muffled by the sound of my name repeated over and over accompanied with sobs.

"No..no!" I begged into the lap of some nameless person. I looked up after a few minutes and stared into the eyes of Rachel Berry "Where is his body?" The ripping of my heart could only be heard by me but the flexing of my muscles did not go unnoticed by Rachel. Her eyes looked up, meeting someone else's eyes before looking back at me.

"I need you to get up Blaine," Her voice was much like it was in High school, bold and articulated "I can't carry you," She said with a very slight twitch to her lips.

"Blaine," I fought the will to tell them to forget I had a name because it was becoming annoying and instead choosing to turn and stare at Burt Hummel who looked like his whole world was crushed "Carol and your co worker, Trent, are in there now." A deep sigh heaved from his chest as he tried to stay calm. I felt like a piece of shit for making this harder for him. "I need you to promise me you will be-" His voice broke because he couldn't say it . None of us would ever be okay but I nodded desperately, following him down the long hallway I had walked down so many time to get to the lunch room.

I knew where we were going but I felt like it wouldn't feel right just going in by myself. I was weak.

The world went mute as soon as I walked through the door, people moved aside like I was Moses, stopping mid sentence as I pushed passed. My eyes were set on the broke body on the metal bed.

As humans we believe the greatest heart break is someone leaving and never returning but the greatest heart break is knowing there is not a chance to redeem your self. Every word you have ever said, every lie and tear you made shed can never be taken back, it is all there in your memories as an unsolved problem because how can you apologize to death?

There is nothing there. There is nothing any where.

My heart thudded wildly behind my ribcage seeming to echo through my skull, the tears blurred as I stared into the bruised face of the boy, now man, I loved. It had been four years but the beauty never left him. Not even in hell. His body laid mangled under a thin cotton blanket. My hand hovered over his forehead before pushing the small chestnut waves away from his face.

Pain pushed through my body, stopping my breathing for a moment before I realized I was not physically hurt. His right eye was swollen shut and the purple of a bruise peeked out from the collar of his shirt. The skin on his face was spread tightly over the ridges of his face, his eyes sinking into his sockets.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," I muttered. It felt like eternity that I stood there staring at his face with his hand in mine as I tried to memorize every thing before he would be taken from me. The station doctor walked in trying to examine him but I didn't move, so he found a way to work around me.

Nothing else existed to me.

And then it happened, a sound like a hiccup almost out of no where and then ever so slightly of his cut lips moved with a vibration of a word, "Help."

My hand tightened around his, a feeling of hope running through my body.

It all happened so fast.

One minute he was laying there broken the next Kurt's blue eyes were open wide and a scream filled the air. The doctor came in trying to calm him down but he struggled, pushing and kicking everything that was in reach.

"You're not real! Get out of my head" He looked desperate like we were killing him, like we were making him suffer.

Burt stood at the door with a look of pain and a sob running through his body as Carol began rubbing his shoulder, a sniffle every now and then. Rachel hid her face in the chest of Finn Hudson as she cried and he looked at the floor in defeat. Here I stood, starring at the only person I loved and thinking that this was worse then finding him dead. I was the enemy.

Kurt's eye lids drooped as the doctor plunged a needling into his arm and then he was gone, the door slamming on the way out. Slowly I became the only person in the room.

I wish I had that empty feeling from earlier because as I stood here in yesterdays clothes starring into nothingness, pain was shredding through me in a white fire but I couldn't scream. I just stood there taking it, starring at the door and feeling like the world had sent Kurt back to confirm what I had already known.

I failed him.