Yes, he had made his share of mistakes in life, and he might even admit to having a hairbrained scheme or two at one time or another. He was at once too cynical about humanity and too optimistic about individuals, and he had a tendency to shoot off an icy response before he properly thought through the consequences. And he had even done a number of things that, in hindsight, could easily have turned into something much worse than they did.

But even he could not be dumb enough to take romance or relationship advice from Rachel Berry.

Her suggestion that he confront Blaine and track him down and refuse to allow him to run away seemed just this side of "completely insane", and he intended to stay as far away from that line as humanly possible. For one thing, if the guy had run away from just a kiss, Kurt suspected that any further pursuit would leave Blaine heading for the hills at breakneck speed. For another, if someone - say, Mercedes since apparently she had long harboured affection for him beyond what he realized - were to pursue him vigorously after the point at which he told her politely he wasn't interested, that would be rude. Even more rude if she kept after him after he literally ran away from her.

That didn't make him feel much better to think about, realizing how much that meant Blaine must really not want anything to do with the idea of kissing him.

The point, however, remained: you should treat the people you like with respect, and it would not be respectful to keep up a relentless pursuit when they said 'no.'

And for another thing...again, this was Rachel. The girl who had practically stalked Finn while he had a girlfriend and made pretty clear he didn't intend to leave Quinn anytime soon. The girl who, if she could have? Would have assigned herself every duet with Finn for more than three years...and had actually come close to accomplishing that. The girl who was currently dating him because he was her only ticket out of town and because he couldn't be interested in any other girls. Not exactly a relationship expert.

Also kind of completely insane.

That being said, he didn't know that the advice Mercedes had heavily implied through most of the break was any better. She thought he should stop talking to Blaine alltogether. Back off. Learn to be happy on his own and secure in himself and not worry about what Blaine thought about any of it. That Blaine was potentially in a position to return his advances was irrelevant, she had said; the fact was, if he ran away that meant he didn't like Kurt back, so Kurt should just leave it alone and not keep being around him if he couldn't handle that.

She also thought his analysis of why Blaine had been showing interest was ridiculous. She didn't say it in so many words, but the look on her face when she explained about the flirty songs and the touching and the genuine niceness and Blaine's inability to look away when he sang...it was pretty clear.

To be fair, she wasn't entirely wrong; the dating arrangement with Rachel was precisely as insane as she made it out to be. Unfortunately it was also more necessary than she seemed to understand, so he was going to have to live with her confusion and mild disdain for now. Someday he might be able to explain it to her, just not yet.

Which left the big question: If both of them were at least a little bit wrong, then where did that leave him? And, more importantly, what did that mean he was supposed to do?

Obviously Rachel's advice had to go immediately. But not seeing Blaine was absolutely out of the question. Even just the couple weeks over break without seeing the boy on the way to class or at Warbler practice, he felt emptier - and not just because the butterflies he got in his stomach and the warm feeling that radiated up and down his entire body were gone when Blaine wasn't around. As much as he'd missed Mercedes and his dad and everything he'd ever known at the beginning of the year - missing Blaine was that five-fold.

He missed asking Blaine about his day. Or seeing him at lunch and talking about how annoying the French teacher was being. Or feeling like there was someone he could go tell if he was having just one of those days who would let him ramble on about the frustrations of being stuck wearing a uniform or whatever other stupid thing was at the top of the pile of annoyances at that particular moment...and then make him feel better. He missed watching Blaine sing - and oh god, his voice-

It wasn't about being in love with him. Well, a little bit, but it was more than that and less all at the same time. He missed Blaine because, with the possible exception of Mercedes, it was the best friendship he'd ever had. In some ways - and he hated to admit it because it felt like sacrilege - but in some ways it was a better friendship. Stronger. More accepting of who each other was instead of the playful attempts he and Mercedes had at making each other into the person they wanted the other to be.

Even that wasn't entirely accurate, though, because Blaine had his moments. He had his times of telling Kurt to tone himself down and not talk about being like a girl in public and not-...not sing songs in male ranges, which how confusing was that? Because if he wasn't allowed to be like a girl in public, or at least wasn't allowed to talk about how much of a killing he would make running a translation service for all the hapless Dalton boys trying to impress girls for dates, why precisely was he required to be like a girl when it was just the two of them?

He just didn't even know anymore. But it had been two weeks and he missed his best friend desperately.

Which meant, he concluded, that nothing should change. Sort of. In a way, everything had to - no more flirting. No more...trying to pursue him. No more wistful glances across the commons during meetings or trying to find excuses for Blaine to touch his arm. No more duets, though that one might about kill him.

But at the same time...seeing Blaine all the time. Getting to actually talk to him. Because even if Blaine didn't return the more-than-friendship feelings Kurt had...he at least wouldn't be repulsed by the fact that Kurt had feelings for another boy. And probably had had feelings like that himself at some point for another young man...who unfortunately wasn't Kurt, but he could learn to live with that. Maybe some things were more important than having a...a boyfriend right now. Maybe having a friend was worth more.

And if it would keep him from losing Blaine entirely, he was willing to give it a shot. Especially because there was something he'd been wanting to share with Blaine for more than a week now, something he knew Blaine would love, and it had been driving him crazy in anticipation.

He found himself milling around outside after his father dropped him off and headed back toward Lima again. He didn't care that it was barely 25 degrees out; his coat was warm enough, and the new navy, red, and Dior grey-striped scarf Carole had given him for Christmas was functional as well as aesthetically pleasing. After ten days of not being able to see the boy, ten long days of thinking to himself "Blaine would love to hear about..." or "Blaine would laugh at..." or "Blaine would hate the mushrooms on this..." - which was the point at which he knew this might be just the tiniest bit unhealthy...after ten days Blaine would theoretically be back within a fairly short period of time.

He wasn't back already; Kurt had checked the dorm first thing. Unless Blaine was keeping his door locked now and refusing to answer knocks in case it happened to be Kurt at the door, but that seemed a little farfetched and potentially paranoid.

Kurt had finally decided that maybe he needed to go inside when he saw a boy trudging across the quad with a suitcase - a boy clad in a coat exactly like Blaine's, with the same side-parted hair that seemed to glisten for all the product.

His heart leapt as he tried to simply walk in Blaine's direction rather than run, unable to stop the grin that crossed his face. "Blaine! How was your break?" he called, trying to sound casual.

Blaine froze. Of course Kurt would be the first person he saw. That was his luck. of course the person he least wanted to see, the person on campus who scared him the most, would be the one he ran into immediately upon returning.

If he thought there was any way to run the other direction, he would have. If he had any common sense at all, he would have. The way his stomach twisted up in a knot when he saw Kurt meant he absolutely should have.

...It was just that the boy was so beautiful.

He smiled and it physically made everything in him ache - his chest, his stomach, his eyes, his cheeks, all burning as he tried to force himself not to care, not to want this thing that just kept creeping up on him, stronger and stronger every time. "Hey, Kurt," he replied weakly. "Okay, how was yours?"

"Okay. It was uneventful, really, but good being home. Rachel was...Rachel, but I got something you have to hear. You'll love it. Let me run to my room and get it, then meet you over in yours in a few minutes?"

Blaine knew that he should have said no. He should have absolutely said no to Kurt being anywhere near his room, let alone in there, just the two of them, with music of some kind-

But the word "Okay" was out of his mouth before he could stop it.

Kurt beamed and clapped his gloved hands together excitedly before disappearing up the front steps of Everett House as Blaine trudged on to his own dorm, cursing himself all the way.

This was a horrible idea. This was the last thing he should ever be doing. But how could he say no?

He barely had time to get his coat off and set down his suitcase before Kurt was knocking on his door, clutching an album. "Mercedes gave this to me. It's this incredible new musical, it just premiered about six weeks ago. It's a lot closer to the old style than you like, I know you prefer West Side Story with all of the dancing and unusual orchestration, but I think this is just...there's something about it that just feels iconic already."

Kurt's eyes sparkled even brighter when he got excited about something, Blaine noticed with a sad smile. He looked radiant talking about this new show, this soundtrack.

He could resist this. He could be strong enough to say no. He'd said no in the Commons before the break, he could do it again now if anything happened - and he suspected it might because it was obvious what Kurt had wanted and he doubted that feeling had gone away.

He forced a smile and said, "Then put it on. Mind if I unpack while we listen?"

"Not at all," Kurt replied. He slipped the album out of its sleeve and placed it on the turntable. As the first song began to play, he perched himself elegantly on the edge of the bed. Blaine dragged his suitcase onto the bed and began to carefully empty its contents, doing his best to avoid direct eye contact with the boy on his bed; after all, that was how they'd gotten into trouble before.

That had been his tell. And that had been Kurt's, too. If they could just avoid eye contact, they'd be fine.

He could do this. He could be stronger than this thing. He had to be; he couldn't tell his father until at least spring break, probably longer - his own cowardice had ruined his chances there, hadn't it? So in the meantime, he needed to just deal with things and handle them in as mature a manner as possible.

Kurt seemed determined to thwart his chances of that, though. He kept asking question after question - all innocuous, all very friendly and not at all romantic in nature. About his break, his family, how the show with Jean had gone- But Blaine couldn't answer them. Not in more than one or two syllables. If he did...if he even tried...he would reveal everything, and that wasn't something he could do right now.

But Kurt was right; he did like the music. He loved that it was a musical about music but in a different way than Music Man or one of the others. So many of the songs were about the power of song if you listened closely enough, about being swept away by beautiful melodies and losing track of time on a chorus's wings, and that was something he could definitely understand.

He didn't understand the number about the goats. Kurt said it might be something they had to see to understand; Blaine hoped so, otherwise it was a really misguided creative decision. Though he was impressed by how Oscar Hammerstein had come up with so many rhymes for the word "goatherd."

It was nearly forty minutes into the album when Kurt looked up from his now-reclined position against the pillows and offered quietly, "This one's my favourite, I think."

Blaine had draped himself across the foot of the bed sometime during Kurt's technically stunning performance of the song about climbing mountains done entirely in falsetto, and he looked toward Kurt. "Really? Not the one with the solfege?"

Kurt shook his head. "That one's fun, though for an upbeat number I think my favourite is Sixteen Going on Seventeen." He didn't add that he might have pictured it as a flirty duet between himself and Blaine immediately upon hearing it, only to grow sad as he thought about what the outcome of that would be. "No, this one's...this one's special."

He had listened to it easily a hundred times since Christmas Day, lying on his bed with his eyes closed, just...imagining. Picturing beautiful things that he didn't even know if they existed, but thought they might. Or that maybe he could make them exist, anyway, if he wanted them enough and could convince-

An ordinary couple
Is all we'll ever be
For all I want of living
Is to keep you close to me

They were simple images, really. Stupid, banal little things. Things that no one else would think of when they thought about dating someone, but he couldn't quite help.

It was ridiculous, the more he thought about it, because really shouldn't he be picturing them...going on dates or being like another couple their age? Or something like that? But he couldn't fathom that. He couldn't fathom being like one of the teenage couples in town, they would never be able to do that. Not in a million years. But he could imagine...

There were homosexual adults who had-...who were couples. Rachel's father and his roommate. Man #16 had someone he said he was in a "homosexual marriage" with, and while Kurt's initial thought had been that the idea sounded ludicrous, the more he thought about it...

The more he could picture that for himself. Like what his dad had with his mom, or with Carole, only...not. Maybe.

And something about the song just...made him believe it might really exist, was all.

To laugh and weep together
While time goes on its flight
To kiss you every morning
And to kiss you every night

He imagined them in the future. Ten, fifteen years older than they were now, in the New York apartment he had been imagining himself in since he was 10 years old. He imagined cooking dinner for them after they got home from work. He imagined waking up in the same bed - they would have the same bed wouldn't they? He imagined so, since Rachel's father and his roommate obviously didn't sleep in the separate bedrooms they had for appearances' sake.

He could remember what it felt like, having Blaine sleeping beside him in his own bed back in Lima, and the idea of having that every single morning sent a shiver through him. He wanted that so much. More than anything else he could think of, more than getting out of Ohio even. More than performing on a Broadway stage to a thousand fans screaming his name. More than being a famous, successful designer like Christian Dior. More than anything he had ever wanted before in his life.

He wanted it so badly he could practically feel the dip of the bed beside him and almost smell Blaine's aftershave. His eyes snapped open and he glanced to check if maybe he'd imagined it into reality. No; Blaine was still at the foot of the bed, listening with a sad look on his face.

Maybe he was picturing it, too.

We'll meet our daily problems
And rest when day is done
Our arms around each other
In the fading sun

It was almost funny - his entire life, he had sworn the last thing he wanted when he grew up was to be stuck in the life his father had. He loved his dad, he appreciated everything the man had ever done for him and he understood the sacrifices that had been made to give him everything he could possibly have. But Kurt had never liked the realities of that life.

And yet suddenly, that was all he wanted. Not here, not in this backwards state or that horrible town, not in the rambler house with its old furniture and tacky curtains and lawn that constantly needed mowed. But the warmth, the casualness, the love?

For the first time in his life, he wanted to be ordinary; unremarkable in anything but the fact that the person he loved was another boy. Even then, that shouldn't be so remarkable. After all, if animals could do it...

If it was possible to be like any other human being despite being homosexual, as the survey said, then it had to be possible to be like any other human couple, didn't it?

He sang along quietly with the last part of the verse, staring longingly at the ceiling as he imagined Christmas celebrations with Blaine - with their elegant tree and stylish decorations, looking like something about of a 1940s holiday movie, hosting soirees with fascinating New York people and singing carols together.

He couldn't imagine anything more beautiful.

An ordinary couple
Across the years we'll ride
Our arms around each other
And our children by our side
Our arms around each other

Blaine wasn't sure whether it was the lighting or Kurt's voice that undid him. He wanted to say that it was the ethereal, almost cinema-style atmosphere as Kurt's face was bathed in a dusky glow from the west-facing window of his bedroom...but he had a suspicion Kurt's voice would have done the same thing to him even if it had been pitch black, leaving him unable to see the pale rosy cheeks or sparkling glasz eyes staring dreamily upward like Dorothy at the Kansas sky.

An ordinary couple
Is all we'll ever be
For all I want of living
Is to keep you close to me

His entire life, all he had wanted was to be ordinary. Normal. Unremarkable. That was what a person had to be to get by in the world, his father had taught him, and whatever he had to do to fit into that mold needed to be done. There could be no deviation - none whatsoever.

Why couldn't he bring himself to want it enough? Why couldn't wishing as hard as he wished make any of it easier? What was wrong with him that he couldn't fit?

Except he'd never fit. Not really. He'd been able to fake the rest of it, but he'd never been able to actually feel the way he knew he was supposed to. Not about the stuffy, suit-clad robotics of every interaction with the fake laughter and pre-practiced questions and canned responses. Not about the emotionless, joyless, loveless family life he was going to be forced into one day whether he liked a girl or not. Not about the myopic view of college selection and university life, or the list of acceptable careers for his future.

Not about singing. Not about performing. Not about being up there on stage, the only time he truly felt alive in his entire life.

He wasn't supposed to feel any of those things, either.

Maybe all of it was wrong. Maybe all of it was right.

Maybe all of it was what would later be chalked up to that euphemistic catch-all of "misspent youth." Maybe everyone else used to feel the way he did, got it out of their system, and settled down into their happy-but-joyless little prepackaged lives. Maybe if he got this out of his system...if he got all of it out of him he could then relax a little and stop feeling so much.

What did any of that mean for him? For being normal?

To laugh and weep together
While time goes on its flight
To kiss you every morning
And to kiss you every night

Kurt was back to singing along, so softly, so wistfully, as though his voice couldn't handle the amount of want he had for all of it to be true. As if it were just too much to even hope for, even in song where all things were meant to be possible. As if he couldn't bring himself to admit this was his dream.

Blaine knew how that felt. He knew how it-...how it was to want something like this so badly but know it was wrong, but know it couldn't happen, but believe fervently it shouldn't happen.

The sorrow in Kurt's voice as he sang...the longing...the want just- it did something to him. It struck something in him, pulled and twisted at some part of him that couldn't be put back again, and he didn't know how to look away. Not like last time, when it was because Kurt was positively entrancing with the way he sang and danced and flirted and flitted his way around the room. This was more like-...like if he looked away now it wouldn't just be the cause of unfortunate sexual frustration that was better than the alternative. It was like if he looked away now he would lose something huge that he couldn't ever get back.

Something he needed desperately.

It was so much more than mere want now, even as intense as that sensation had been. This wasn't just primal. It was like every part of him was being drawn out by Kurt's voice and he couldn't hold back anymore.

Maybe this wasn't wrong. Maybe everything was wrong, including the music. How would he know unless he-...maybe-

Before he knew entirely what he was doing, he had pulled himself up to his knees and moved across the bed, leaned in, and just...

His left hand cupped Kurt's jaw as he bowed his head, pressing his lips against Kurt's softly, experimentally. He knew in theory what this was, but the practical realities were so far removed from anything he'd actually done that he wasn't entirely sure what he was meant to do. Instinct kicked in enough to make sure he kept breathing, but beyond that he was on his own, and Kurt wasn't moving or doing anything in return and ohdeargod what he had done-

He started to pull back, then heard a sharp sudden inhale as Kurt's lips chased his the few inches he had retreated. He felt Kurt's hand slide up to the side of his face as Kurt suddenly seemed to awaken to the realization of what was going on, shaken from his stunned state of immobility by Blaine's attempt to end the kiss.

Once Kurt followed, he didn't retreat again.

We'll meet our daily problems
And rest when day is done
Our arms around each other
In the fading sun

They broke apart slowly, mutually, and Kurt's head flopped back against the pillow, eyes wide with the shock of it all. It was surreal. Blaine had just-...Blaine had kissed him, had wanted him, and even though he had a thousand thoughts spinning around the only one he could latch onto was simple.

Blaine had kissed him.

Over and over and over again, each time feeling just a little lighter and higher and airier until he felt positively giddy. Blaine liked him. Blaine had kissed him. Blaine wasn't trying to run away from him. Blaine started this, Blaine wanted this, Blaine had kissed him.

Blaine flopped heavily on the bed beside him, swallowing hard. As he watched the grin spread slowly across Kurt's face, lighting up the boy's features, the realization hit him.

He had done it. He had done it and had liked it more than he should have.

It wasn't getting out of his system. It wasn't like when the urge to sing hit, and if he picked the right song he could channel it all and make the urge subside for awhile. All he wanted to do was press against Kurt again, feel their lips together, feel Kurt's soft hand against his face and hear him breathing like he couldn't remember how.

He wanted this so badly and he didn't know how to stop.

What was he supposed to do now?

Feeling dizzy and desperate for something concrete, he reached out and grabbed the first thing he could get hold of - the shoulder of Kurt's shirt. Clumsily, he tried to pull it toward himself, and he felt Kurt's arm encircle him. He should have jumped away, demanded that Kurt leave, left himself until Kurt was gone, done something - anything - to reinforce to both of them that this shouldn't have happened and couldn't happen again but he-

He couldn't bring himself to. He wanted to, but want wasn't even in the game anymore; now it was about need, and he needed Kurt.

He flung his other arm around Kurt's waist, hands grappling for somewhere to hold as he clung, terrified of what he was and who he was becoming and all the things this beautiful boy made him feel, but unable to move away even a fraction of an inch.

Kurt's arms tightened around Blaine, unwilling to let him escape again. Not when things could be as perfect and right as the feeling of Blaine's lips on his.

An ordinary couple
Across the years we'll ride
Our arms around each other
And our children by our side
Our arms around each other