Chapter 5

Whenever there was no service on Sunday, the village emptied in three quarters as most of its inhabitants would go to attend church in the neighbouring congregation. Both the Andersons and the Hershbergers would bring out their buggies and travel the fifteen miles at the break of dawn to listen to sermons and praise the Lord in song.

The only member of the Hershberger family who consistently refused to go was Kurt. He was quite convinced that if God existed, he'd be perfectly fine with the Amish boring themselves half to death once every other week. For Kurt that was enough of a sacrifice, made only to get his family off his back.

To Blaine, Kurt's absence on those Sundays was glaring. He would always search the crowd in the hope he'd see the bright blue eyes and the porcelain skin that didn't get any darker regardless of how long Kurt had been working in the sun. But Kurt was never there.

So when opportunity presented itself to Blaine to stay behind that Sunday, he jumped at it without hesitation. Someone had to keep an eye on one of the Andersons' mares that was heavily pregnant and her going into labour seemed imminent. It was somewhat surprising to Blaine's family that he offered to skip church to take care of the boring and potentially difficult task, but the bishop was glad his youngest son was willing to take on some more responsibility.

What he didn't know was that his son was planning to spend the day with his new boyfriend.

As soon as the Andersons' buggies disappeared in the distance, Blaine bolted out the door. He was hoping that despite the early hour on Sunday and staying home, Kurt would already be up and about, and – more importantly – alone. The Hershberger farm was quiet when Blaine got there, panting from the run. He didn't know the property too well, only the spots where service and sings took place whenever it was the Hershbergers' turn to host the church. He went first to the barn, the pigsty and the stable, but without success. He was beginning to think that maybe, for whatever reason, Kurt did join his family for service this Sunday.

He was just going to check the house, when the front door opened and Kurt stopped on the threshold, folding his arms over his chest.

'Looking for something, mister?,' he asked playfully.

'You,' Blaine said with visible relief and jogged up the porch steps to meet Kurt. Without thinking, he pulled the other boy into an embrace, inhaling his scent.

'Didn't all of you go to church or something?,' Kurt said, pulling gently away.

'No, I'm on horse delivery duty.'

Kurt raised his eyebrows queryingly.

'You're delivering horses?'

'No, I just have to make sure one of our mares gives birth safe and sound. She may still not go into labour for days, but my dad wanted someone to stay.'

'And you volunteered?'

Blaine nodded with a shy smile, dropping his gaze to the floor.

'Do I sense an ulterior motive?,' Kurt asked.

'Yes, you do. I was hoping that- maybe- you'd want to come over to my place and hang out while everyone's out and I'm on duty?'

'I would.' Kurt paused, squinting his eyes. 'And by hang out you don't mean watch a horse in labour, right? 'Cause I'm not getting anywhere near a vagina, horse or human.'

Blaine blushed, unsure whether or not he should laugh at the blunt remark.

'Let's hope that won't be necessary,' he replied evasively. 'So- please?'

He made the best puppy dog expression he could muster. If there was any doubt left in Kurt, it melted away with that look.

'Okay, fine.' He rolled his eyes in feigned annoyance. 'As long as there are no vaginas, I'm in.'

'No vaginas,' Blaine confirmed with a bright smile, not even bothered by the word anymore.

With that, he grabbed his boyfriend's hand and tugged him down the steps.

It took them a few seconds to remember that they were in plain sight, but as soon as they did, they jerked their hands apart, exchanging apologetic looks. They tucked their hands in their pockets in an attempt to suffocate the desire to go back to the unacceptable expression of affection.

They walked through the fields in silence, their arms brushing against each other every once in a while. There was a rare serenity in the air; too few people remained in the village to even count and it felt as if the two of them didn't even have to hide. They stayed carefully apart nonetheless, just to be safe. One could never know when a gossipy neighbour would jump out from behind a barn or stable.

But when the door shut behind them, no one could touch them. Kurt couldn't resist and stole a quick kiss from Blaine, before glancing around the tiny hall. There were no ornaments, only rough, hand-carved furniture and a simple staircase in sight.

'I've never been to the bishop's house,' Kurt said. 'I wouldn't have thought I'd come here under such circumstances, though.'

'What circumstances?,' Blaine asked innocently.

'That I'd come here to make out with his son.'

'Make out? I thought I said hang out.'

Kurt barked out a laugh.

'You did, but I hoped you meant something else.'

Blaine's expression fell a little and he bit his lip uneasily.

'Is that all you want from me?' His voice was barely audible, even though the house was completely silent.

'What? No!'

Kurt jumped up to him, cupping his face to make him look up at him.

'You sometimes act like you're after nothing else than, you know, making out,' Blaine said with resignation.

'I'm not,' Kurt assured him. 'I act like that, because- I don't know, I guess it's easier to hide how awkward I am. But it doesn't mean I'm here just for the kissing and stuff.'

'You're awkward?,' Blaine asked doubtfully. 'Have you met me?'

'I have. You're adorable. And I'm a good actor, I suppose.' Kurt shrugged. 'But if you're still not convinced, let's make a deal – I won't kiss you again until you let me.'

Blaine considered it, an involuntary smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

'Fine. No kissing. Hanging out, not making out.' He stopped for a second, perplexed. 'Then what are we going to do?'

'Hang out, like you said. Talk. Watch the horse.'

'I thought you wanted to stay away from that,' Blaine reminded him.

'Only when it's in labour. Trust me, as soon as that starts, I'm off.'

'That's a deal then.' He hesitated. 'What if I won't let you kiss me by then?'

'I'll still be waiting for it tomorrow.'

***

They kept their distance, careful not to get too close to each other as they wandered about the Anderson farm, checking up on the animals and doing whatever else Blaine had to take care of. They talked and laughed, the conversation flowing as easily as it used to back when they were just kids at school. It had been years since then and the time proved to be crucial in the way they saw each other, but despite that, not much had changed in how well they got along. The long while they spent barely interacting at all didn't mean a thing.

'Can I ask you something?,' Blaine said as they were sitting on the porch steps of the Anderson house. There was a sudden tone of solemnity in his voice.

'Sure. Shoot.'

'You're not very religious, are you? I mean-'

'You mean that I don't believe in God.'

Blaine opened his mouth to speak and hesitated. He didn't want it to sound the way it had sounded. He also didn't really know how to handle someone who not only didn't share his beliefs, but outwardly denied having any beliefs at all.

'I didn't- Yeah, uh, I guess that's what I mean.'

'Then no, I'm not religious,' Kurt confirmed. 'I just don't get how you can take everything for granted, or make yourself live without everything that normal people have for the illusion of living happily in heaven forever.'

'It's all in the Bible.' Blaine shrugged. 'And you know, that's why it's faith, not knowledge.'

'The Bible says many things,' Kurt countered. 'Leviticus says what we're doing, who we are is wrong and I refuse to believe that. I can tell right from wrong, and who we are is just not wrong. And when it comes to faith- I just don't suppose I have it.'

Blaine stayed silent for a moment, letting Kurt's words sink in. One thing was certain – no matter what he did or did not believe, Kurt was a good person. He could be bitter and a little harsh with people, but he would never purposefully cause anyone harm. Aside from that, he was also quite convincing.

'I don't really agree with everything that's in the Bible either,' Blaine said finally. 'I mean, I don't think the earth just appeared as it is now on God's word. Not that God didn't create it, but the seven days thing doesn't seem plausible. And I don't agree with the stoning of adulterers and slavery in Leviticus.'

'How about the gay thing?,' Kurt asked seriously, his eyes peering into Blaine's.

The other boy sighed deeply. That was where he was torn. Everything that he knew, everything that he had been taught had been challenged by this strange magnetic feeling that he had for Kurt and that kept on growing stronger.

'I don't know. But it doesn't feel wrong, being with you. I feel- better around you than I do around anybody else.'

Kurt's face wrinkled in a wide smile.

'I hope you meant that.'

'I did.'

They stared at each other with eyes full of amazement for a moment. It felt more intimate than anything else they had ever experienced, as if they really were gazing deep into each other's souls. Unconsciously, they leant forward, until there were mere inches between their faces.

'Kiss me,' Blaine said softly.

'Not here.'

Blaine groaned, throwing his head back and almost hitting the banister behind him. Without waiting another second, he pulled Kurt up by the hand and through the door, finally pushing him against the wall of the dim-lit hallway.

'Kiss me,' he repeated.

And this time Kurt didn't protest.

A minute later the sounds of horses' hooves and buggy wheels on the dirt drive made them break apart, half in horror. Kurt gave Blaine one more quick peck on the lips, before putting his hand on the door knob.

'See you tomorrow? Like always?,' he asked.

'Sure.'

Kurt smiled at Blaine and opened the door, almost bumping into the bishop and his wife.

'Oh, good afternoon, sir, ma'am. I was just leaving,' he greeted them, immediately switching to Pennsylvania German.

The bishop acknowledged him with a tiny nod and let him through. Kurt turned around once more on the porch.

'See you, Blaine,' he said casually, and jogged down the stairs, ignoring the rest of the Andersons as they watched him from next to the buggies. He didn't see the frown or the suspicious look that Josh sent his way. If he had, maybe he wouldn't have started prancing like a happy puppy on his way through the fields back home.