Chapter 16

They stepped out onto a busy street in Lima full of dread. This was it. A strange place and no more helpful strangers. This was when their lives changed for good. Not the moment when Abraham bid them farewell for the last time, but when they truly felt just how alone they were.

Their hands were gripping each other a little too tightly, as if they were holding on for dear life. And it really felt like that. Like they would die, if only they lost sight of each other. So they didn't let each other go, not even for a second.

'Ready?,' Kurt choked out finally.

'What for?'

Kurt shrugged.

'I have no idea. Life maybe?'

'How about we try and find your dad?,' Blaine suggested.

His boyfriend eyed him dubiously.

'Any ideas how we could do it?'

'Not really, no.'

They sighed. It was the feeling of being lost that terrified them more than anything else.

'So what are we gonna do now?,' Blaine asked. 'We can't walk from door to door, asking if they know anyone named Burt.'

'I know,' Kurt said resigned, dropping his gaze to the ground. It was surprising how bad freedom could feel. He'd never thought how much easier it could be to lose his way out in the world. The community made him feel like a captive, but at least he had a clearly defined purpose in life. Now he was left with a goal he didn't know the way to. All he could think of doing was fulfilling the dream that he'd had forever: becoming what he was supposed to be, being English, being normal, being happy. 'How about we get some English clothes?,' he asked finally.

'We shouldn't spend money on clothes now, you heard what Sandy said, it's going to be tough.'

Kurt nodded, thoughtful.

'True,' he agreed after a moment, 'but we need to find jobs and a place to stay, and we have to look our best, don't you think?'

***

After half an hour of wandering about the city centre in an attempt to find out where they could find a mall, they got directions from a motherly-looking woman Kurt stopped in the street. (He felt terribly silly, and it seemed to him that their Amish clothes made people think they were begging or trying to convert them. It reminded him of what he'd heard Drew say about them and he pushed the thought back. There was nothing that he'd ever wanted more than to stop being seen as Amish.) So there they were, in front of a metal-glass-and-concrete building, staring at the main entrance for a minute longer than could be considered normal. Kurt had to force himself not to glance around every other moment, convinced they were drawing curious looks. This wasn't Holmes County anymore; in Allen County people weren't much used to seeing Amish teenagers around, or at least that was what Kurt firmly believed.

'Aren't we gonna go in?', Blaine asked quietly.

Kurt sighed and rubbed his eyes.

'We are, we didn't walk all this way for nothing.'

Self-conscious and overwhelmed by the rush and noise of the outside world (the only other town they'd ever visited was Millersburg, and it wasn't even half as noisy as what they'd seen of Lima so far), they walked into the mall. The bright lights hurt their eyes, unaccustomed to artificial light, and made everyone's skin look sickly and pale. There was some loud music with a thumping bass line playing in the background, but you could hardly hear anything other than the beat.

The boys expected there would be multiple stores, but not quite as many. They went into a couple of promising-looking clothes shops, only to leave quickly, as they realised how high the prices were. In the community, it never felt like had to worry about what they wore; the clothes were virtually identical, and always provided when needed by the women in the family. Now, it suddenly seemed like a different planet, and as familiar as Kurt wished it would be to him, it wasn't.

But it was fascinating. He couldn't stop himself from running his fingers over the soft cashmere sweaters and silk ties, no matter how silly he looked doing it. The colours, textures and patterns caught his attention to every rack and display table he passed. An entirely new world of experience opened right before him, and he wished he had money to buy at least one small item with an extraorbitant price-tag. He promised himself that one day, when he's no longer homeless, and he's earning his keep, he would save up for something incredibly expensive, something that would look nothing like what he used to be forced to wear back in the community.

Blaine was also going through the aisles in wonder, taking the foreign world in. Racks of smart suits, button-downs, pants, and polo shirts. He made a list in his mind of what he would buy if only he had the money. But it wasn't until he found a small shelf with a selection of bowties that he knew what he wanted to have. Not now, when money was tight and running out quickly, but one day he knew he'd have as many bowties as he could.

Eventually, they found a relatively inexpensive shop and decided to buy the few things they thought they would need most.

'What do you think?,' Kurt asked Blaine, twirling on his heels in front of the changing room mirror, careful to show his boyfriend every reason why he should tell him the immodestly tight pants he was trying on were the right choice.

Blaine did his best not to look at Kurt's pelvic areas. It was too huge a risk of public humiliation.

'Great. You look great.' He cleared his throat and turned away, embarrassed.

Kurt chuckled under his breath and tugged Blaine into the changing room, pulling the curtain close behind him. He put him in front of the mirror next to him, forcing him to look.

'You should take a better look,' he murmured in his ear, making Blaine blush.

'A- Absolutely amazing,' Blaine said finally, still trying to stop the inflow of highly inappropriate thoughts into his mind. Not here. Not here. Not now.

Kurt sent him a smirk in the mirror before stealing a kiss from him, and pushing him back out of the changing room.

'That's better, but now I have to change and you have to find something for yourself.'

Eventually, they left the shop with a few items they found the most necessary and practical. It wasn't much, yet it managed to make Kurt feel a little better. English at last.

Shopping didn't pull their thoughts away from their worries for too long, though. They spotted a couple of window notices, offering part-time jobs in the shops, but when they asked if they were still searching for new staff members, the shop employees only gave them a sideways, incredulous looks, before telling them that they weren't (and they were really crappy liars. Although deep down, Kurt could understand why they wouldn't want two such freaks in Amish clothes working with those masterpieces made from fabric).

A little disillusioned, they dragged their feet out of the mall. They needed a place to stay that wouldn't cost them too much, and they needed work, if they were hoping to avoid living under a bridge somewhere. They asked a couple of passers-by if they knew a cheap motel, and were directed further east. Their feet were beginning to hurt, but neither complained.

Before they managed to reach the recommended motel, Kurt stopped abruptly in front of glass doors leading into a coffee shop. The sign above said THE LIMA BEAN. And right below Kurt's eye level, there was a piece of paper taped on the inside of the door, saying HELP NEEDED. FURTHER INFORMATION AT THE COUNTER.

Kurt and Blaine exchanged a look.

'I'm not sure I'd be good at making coffee,' Blaine said dubiously. 'But if you want to ask, go ahead.'

'I just don't want any opportunity to pass by, you know,' Kurt told him. 'They'll probably say no anyway.'

With a shrug, he took a step forward and pushed the door open. A bell sounded as they walked in, making a few heads turn towards them. The young man at the counter gave them a fleeting look; it was promising that he didn't stare.

'Um, hello,' Kurt said. 'I'd like to ask about the job? Are you still looking for an employee?'

The guy looked up. The name tag on his chest said Alan.

'I guess. You interested?' Alan looked them up and down; although he didn't seem to approve of their choice of outfits, it didn't look like he saw them as somehow worse for it. 'Cool. But you'd have to talk to the manager.'

'Great.' Kurt smiled. That was a positive development. 'Where can I find him?'

'Her,' Alan corrected him. 'And she's not in today. She should be here tomorrow morning, though, if you wanna see her.'

Kurt assured him he would come back and thanked him. Cheered up and carefully optimistic, he turned to Blaine. It wasn't a promise of a job, but it was enough to make him feel like maybe they had a chance of surviving in this world on their own. Blaine gave him a tiny smile, and they went back out into the sunlit street.