The boys did what they could not keep the confessions they've shared and the feelings behind them secret. As the weather grew warmer and sunnier with the coming of April, they started spending more of their time together, helping each other out in their daily chores. People would comment that it seemed they'd made friends for life and Kurt would chuckle under his breath, correcting them in his mind that Blaine was a partner for life.

Josh's suspicions seemed to have waned as he watched them joke around and bicker much like any other boys he knew. And somehow the distance Kurt and Blaine had to keep around others brought them closer together. Now they were truly becoming the friends they were reckoned to be.

The difference could be seen only when they were alone. And they did their best to make sure no one would ever catch them red-handed.

On the second Sunday of April, to Bishop Anderson's unconcealed discontent, Blaine decided to stay home instead of going to the neighbouring village for service. His guilt was significantly less powerful than he would have expected, but it still tugged at his insides a little as he made his way through the greening fields to Kurt's house. As much as he was sure of his feelings for Kurt, what he felt about his faith and abandoning it was another matter. For now he was hanging in the balance, striving with all his might to somehow be both, to have both. But the slightest wind from either direction threatened to make him lose that strenuously maintained balance, and fall so far down he wouldn't be able to recognise himself anymore, whichever side he would land upon.

Still, if he was going to stay behind, he wanted to spend with Kurt as much time as was possible. Simultaneously, he couldn't stop his brain from nagging at him for that. The more time they had together, the more tantalising their separation was likely to prove in case Kurt left on his own. Blaine tried chasing those thoughts away by reminding himself the agony of not being with Kurt for longer than a minute. He would deal with the other problem later; for now he wanted to push it far, far away from him.

Kurt was worried about the same thing, only he had no power over what was going to happen. As much as he wanted to somehow convince Blaine to leave the Berlin Township with him, he knew full well how much he would hate himself for forcing his boyfriend to do anything against his will. It tortured him to be this helpless and to have so little time left in the worst case scenario, but he knew how much more it would torment him to see Blaine unhappy because of him.

He waited for Blaine, sitting at the front steps, and smiled crookedly at him as soon as the other boy emerged from behind the corner of the house.

'Hi,' Blaine said with a timid little wave of his hand.

The grin on Kurt's face widened, as he stood to his feet to go back inside the house.

'Hi.'

Kurt entered first, holding the door open for Blaine, glad he could offer such a small courteous gesture without anybody noticing from the outside. Once they were safely locked in, he slipped his fingers into Blaine's hand and led him up the creaking steep wooden staircase to his tiny room in the attic.

Apart from a simple narrow bed, the furniture of the room consisted of nothing more than a small chest of drawers and a chair. The sloping ceiling wouldn't allow anything more, even if Kurt needed it.

The bed was only wide enough for the two of them if they pressed their chests together and tangled their legs, but for an unknown reason that was the most comfortable they'd ever felt. They were lying fully clothed, tracing fingers on each other's faces as if to try and remember every feature better, to map every inch of skin, to be able to imagine every contour of the other's body whenever they close their eyes. They never said it out loud, but they were both doing this in case.

In case they were left with just their memories.

Kurt was playing with a stray curl that fell to Blaine's forehead when the latter broke the contended silence.

'Can I ask you something?,' Blaine said timidly.

'Why are you even bothering to ask me that? Of course you can.'

'It's about your mom- and your dad. The real ones?,' he added, even though Kurt caught his drift without it and sat up on the bed. 'I mean, I know that your mom had an accident and that was why you ended up- you know-'

Kurt nodded slowly, gazing off into space. Suddenly, he seemed like he was drifting somewhere in the distance, apart from Blaine, torn away from everything, belonging nowhere. The way he'd used to feel until recently. He pushed the feeling away.

'I don't know too many details either,' he said. 'Actually, I know very little.'

Without looking at Blaine, he slipped to the floor and reached his hand under his bed. A moment later, he took out a small wooden box from under it and placed it on top of his duvet. Blaine moved to make room for the box and sat down on the floor on the other side of the bed.

'What I know is that she was driving through the township,' Kurt started. 'Apparently, she was going too fast and her car crashed. I don't think it was a serious accident, but she was far along and she went into labour because of the stress. That's what Ruth says anyway. They never told me where exactly it happened, but I gathered it was somewhere near the farm. I mean, it only makes sense and there's this one walnut tree- on the left-hand side of the house if you're coming up the road? Its bark's scraped in one place, pretty low on the trunk. Like something crashed into it. I think that's where it happened.

'They've always acted like they didn't want me to ask questions. Well, Ruth has. Abraham's just been keeping his mouth shut because of her, I guess. But he gave me this,' he gestured at the box. 'This is everything they gathered from her things after the crash. I'm not even sure they knew exactly what they gave me.'

'What do you mean?,' Blaine interrupted him with a frown.

Kurt smirked at him and lifted the lid.

The box was full of random things which initially looked like trash. Only on second thought Blaine started distinguishing shapes in the haphazardly arranged stack of papers and fabric. There was a pink scarf, made of a synthetic material and printed with small blue flowers; Kurt took it out gingerly, as if worried it would rip to shreds at the slightest touch, and placed it next to the box, revealing some more of its contents. A battered paperback copy of Pride and Prejudice, a worn faux leather wallet, and finally a creased photograph.

Kurt's fingers stopped for a moment over the picture before he took it out and handed it to Blaine.

'It's them.'

The people in the photograph were young and unabashedly happy; the man, wearing a baseball cap and a plaid shirt, had his eyes only for the petit woman he had wrapped in one of his arms. His gaze was so full of love it, the emotion overflowed from the frame. And the woman, Kurt's mother, radiated with joy, as if she couldn't believe she got to have him by her side. Her son resembled her in many ways, so that she seemed almost familiar to Blaine. Carefully, he turned the picture in his hands to see if there was anything on the back. Written in a nice clear hand were two names: Elizabeth & Burt, followed by the date July, 1993.

'They look so in love,' Blaine said, musing how it could have happened that ten months later Elizabeth ended in the middle of Amish country alone, giving birth to her son. 'But she- you mom- she died, didn't she?'

He extended his hand to pass the picture back to Kurt, who took it with utmost care, and ran his eyes for the millionth time over his parents' faces.

'Yes.' Even though he never got to meet her, and he never truly lost her, talking about her was challenging. 'Something went wrong, they couldn't stop the bleeding and couldn't get help to her in time. When someone finally got to the phone* and got an ambulance, it was too late. All they could do was pick up the body and call child services. And then Ruth and Abraham told them they'd want to adopt me. And they did.' He shrugged, but his face was anything but indifferent. This was the saddest Blaine had ever seen him. 'In a way, you know, I'm glad and grateful that they did. I just wish things were different. I'm glad I didn't end up in an orphanage or the foster system. But then, I just wish my mom didn't die. Or they knew who my father was. All they had to go on was his first name and a good bet that he was from Lima, 'cause my mom's last known permanent address was in Lima and she left there in early September 1993. They wouldn't bother looking for him.'

'So that's all you know?,' Blaine asked gently.

Kurt nodded and wiped away a tear that spilled from one of his eyes. He placed the picture together with the other things back in the box and placed the lid securely on top of it. Before he could return it to its place, Blaine caught his hand on the closed box.

'You're going to find your dad. I'm sure of it. Even if it's going to take time, you will find him,' he said with conviction. 'We'll find him.'

Bewildered, Kurt raised his wet eyes from their linked hands to Blaine.

'What do you mean "we'll find him"? Do you mean what I think you mean?,' he mumbled.

Blaine bit his lip in hesitation. Did he really mean it? Did he somehow make up his mind without realising it? Was it ever even his decision to be made? Or was it being decided completely outside of himself from the very beginning? Could he ever really decide anything else?

'I- I guess I do,' he stuttered finally. 'And anyway, I want you to be happy. You'll never be happy here, so if I can help you search for your happiness, I will do it. Whether this happiness will include me or not in the long run.'

'Why?' Kurt frowned. 'Why would you want to help me if you wouldn't stay?'

'Because I love you.'

Kurt barked out a laugh through his freshly welling up tears, getting to his feet abruptly and breaking the connection of their hands.

'You don't get it, do you? I don't think there is a happiness for me in the long run that wouldn't include you.' He turned to the window to hide his tears from Blaine as they started to flow freely. 'You'll never get it.'

Before he knew it, Blaine was standing behind him, his arms holding him in a firm embrace, his chin propped in the nook made up of Kurt's neck and shoulder, fitting so perfectly like it was its designated place.

'I only don't get it, 'cause I don't know how I could ever be so lucky,' he whispered. 'I've been trying to search my heart and my mind about this whole mess. You know it's been tough for me. But I've been becoming surer and surer about this- I don't think I could ever be happy without you, either.'

'So you'll leave with me?' Kurt's voice was small and hopeful.

'I will. I will.'