Chapter 36

No one at McKinley could recall a calmer beginning of February. The recent events seemed to influence the student body enough for them to tone down their usual festive mood before Valentine’s Day. Plans were made quietly, and the songs rehearsed for the unofficial Glee club night at Breadstix on the 14th were just a little bit less upbeat than usually.

Since the funeral and soothing his conscience, Blaine was much more grateful for what he had than he ever was. It barely crossed his mind that his parents had no idea of what was happening in his life; it wasn’t relevant. He could see himself in Karofsky very clearly, and could only thank God or whatever higher power there could be, that unlike Dave, he had the love and support he needed.

Having Kurt to talk about it and understand him without question – and often without words – was the thing he was most grateful for. His heart had always warmed up at the sight of his best friend, but recently, it was positively melting whenever Kurt turned up. Those ocean deep glasz eyes were so unchangeably caring, those arms always so comforting.

Never before had Blaine felt closer to his best friend.

And neither had Kurt. Somehow – even though he wouldn’t have thought it possible anymore – they were so close any distance between them was imperceptible. Kurt did continue to keep the nature of his feelings from Blaine, but ultimately it turned out it didn’t matter. Love is still love, and love is patient. And so was Kurt’s, patiently waiting for maybe one day having Blaine and being Blaine’s.

The afternoon of February 14th was a little melancholy for Blaine. He didn’t mind spending the evening with people he loved, even though they were all just friends, he was really happy he had that. Still, it awoke his longing for something more again. His crush on Jeremiah had passed without Blaine even noticing it, and was now almost entirely forgotten. He just couldn’t push away the feeling he wanted something that was in everybody else’s reach, but beyond his own.

Blaine was sitting by the piano in the Hudson-Hummels living room, taking advantage of having the instrument to himself, and waiting for Kurt to get ready. He didn’t mind sitting around as Kurt was getting dressed and coiffing his hair, and he couldn’t complain anyway, since he showed up an hour early.

One thing that Blaine missed at Aileen’s was his grand piano. Now he couldn’t just go downstairs and play whenever he wished so; consequently, he could often be seen by the choir room piano after hours, or taking over Kurt’s instrument, as its owner watched him play with a blissful expression.

That day a melody kept creeping into Blaine’s mind, familiar yet unidentified, for hours. Unable to focus on anything else as soon as he was in one room with the piano, he started figuring out how to play it. He knew it was a song he knew by heart, but somehow, he couldn’t pinpoint it, the arrangement playing in his mind on repeat somewhat more melancholy than the one he’d always known. But what was it?

He tried out a few chords, finally reaching those that satisfied him, and he began to hum along, lyrics still escaping him. It was a love song, his intuition told him, poppy one, a girl sang it… Didn’t it say something about Valentine’s Day?

A line popped up in his mind out of nowhere.

‘Now every February, you’ll be my valentine, valentine…,’ he sang quietly, smiling to himself. How could he not figure it out earlier?

He went on with the song, his fingers striking the keys lightly, his voice accompanying the piano in a melodious whisper. As he played, his mind started drifting off. He was wondering what made his mind subconsciously drag this song out. He couldn’t even recall hearing Teenage Dream in the last few weeks or so. Was it the date, or was it something different?

Blaine ran through the freshly made arrangement one more time, as if he’d been playing it for years. An unconscious dreamy smile slipped onto his face, softening his features and warming up his insides. He didn’t notice the figure that came into the room, smiling in the exact same way, and had been standing a few feet behind him, listening.

The last note rang in the air for a moment, and only when it died out completely, Blaine turned around to see his best friend watching him.

For a second Blaine felt suddenly self-conscious, but then the only thing he could focus on was the way Kurt looked in the carefully assembled outfit that clung to his body, showing all its assets perfectly. Blaine’s heart began to beat much faster than it usually did; his stomach appeared to be making flips, but it didn’t make him nauseous at all. It crossed his mind that it was probably what people felt when they were high.

‘I wouldn’t have guessed a Katy Perry hit can be turned into a sweet, romantic ballad,’ Kurt said, ‘but apparently one Blaine Anderson can do that.’

Impossibly, Blaine’s heart sped up even more. A wave of heat flooded his cheeks. What the hell was happening to him? Kurt had praised his talents too many times to count, and yet it had never before made him react like this.

‘What brought this on, anyway?,’ Kurt asked, studying Blaine. There was something different about him, a different look in his eyes, but Kurt couldn’t tell what exactly it was.

Blaine managed to shrug his shoulders and look away, even though that was the last thing he wanted to do in that moment.

‘Valentine’s Day, I guess,’ he mumbled.

Kurt nodded, seeing he wouldn’t get a fuller answer and that his friend was probably incapable of producing one.

‘Are you ready? Finn is waiting for us at the door, and we still have to pick Rachel up.’

Hoping his jelly-like knees wouldn’t buckle under his weight and his heart would finally slow down, Blaine sent Kurt a smile and stood up. His friend grinned back at him, dazzling.

***

That night, Breadstix was decorated with an absurd number of red hearts and was teeming with life. The New Directions reserved half of the restaurant for themselves, including taking hold of the rarely used tiny stage in the corner of one of the rooms. Everyone was in a good mood, soaking up the love that surrounded them, romantic or otherwise. The couples would stare deeply into each other’s eyes and whisper sweet nonsense into each other’s ears. Kurt would look at them and sigh quietly to himself, wishing he could be doing all that with Blaine.

The latter was the only one who was too preoccupied with the thoughts that were rushing through his mind to truly enjoy himself. Kurt noticed his best friend still hadn’t returned to being his regular self, but figured if anything was wrong, Blaine would tell him sooner or later. After all, it could be the same thing that was slightly bothering Kurt.

The Glee club had been preparing songs for the night for the last week, and now, one by one, all of its members took turns to sing, the rest doing background vocals in chorus. Their spirits were higher than they had been in the last couple of weeks.

Blaine was completely wrapped up in his thoughts and profoundly confused by the fuzzy feeling he got every time Kurt smiled at him or brushed his arm against Blaine’s, he didn’t even realize Rachel was talking to him, trying to get his attention.

‘Blaine! Are you still here?,’ she asked.

‘Earth to Anderson,’ Kurt said, finally breaking through his stupor. ‘You’re up.’

Still barely aware of what was going on, Blaine was pushed up and away from the booth they were occupying and Tina handed him the microphone. He gathered he was supposed to sing, but somehow he forgot what his song was, and the only one he could remember now was Teenage Dream in that soppy arrangement he did at Kurt’s house before. A few deep breaths and a moment of keeping his eyes away from everybody – his best friend, most importantly – let him clear his mind enough to focus, and once the music started playing, his confidence and memory were back.

‘You’d think that people would’ve had enough of silly love songs,’ he began, immediately putting on a wide smile. Performing always made him feel so much better, so much more like he was worth something after all.

He sang the first lines to the room at large, everybody swaying to the music and singing along. And when the sixth line came, his eyes fell on Kurt, who was staring back and mouthing the words as Blaine sang them.

‘I love you,’ rang out in the room, all voices joined, Blaine’s drowning the rest thanks to the speakers.

The first time the words sounded, something seemed to click in Blaine’s mind, he just couldn’t decide what it was. By the fourth time, as he looked directly into his best friend’s eyes, he knew.

How could he ever, even for a second, think he wanted or needed anybody else? Everything that he ever wanted and needed was this one person that had been right in front of him all this time. How could he ever be so blind and not see that?

He had no idea what to do with the piece of information that must have been there, lurking in the shadows of his mind for a long time, but he was absolutely positive it wasn’t just the mood of February 14th that made him draw this conclusion.

Blaine was quite sure he fell in love with his best friend.

***

‘Is everything fine?,’ Kurt asked, as they were walking up to the front door of Aileen’s house later that evening.

For the last couple of hours, Blaine had a funny expression on his face, that seemed to be in a constant flux between a dopey grin and a confused frown. Now he was knitting his brows again, and Kurt couldn’t hold the question back anymore.

‘What? Yeah, I’m fine,’ Blaine said, barely aware of what was going on around him.

‘You’ve been acting a little weird all night’, Kurt stated. They had reached the door and stopped, facing each other. Blaine turned his gaze away, afraid the depths of Kurt’s eyes might swallow him whole. ‘You sure you’re fine?’

‘I am.’ He looked up just for a second, his eyes sliding down to Kurt’s lips. He thought they’d never seemed so delicious before. If only he concentrated enough, he could swear he’d be able to remember exactly the way they tasted. ‘It’s just- Valentine’s Day.’

The excuse sounded lame to him, but in a way he could claim it wasn’t a lie. He really was wishing he could reach out for Kurt’s hand or kiss his lips before February 14th was over.

Kurt nodded understandingly. ‘See you tomorrow?’

‘Yeah.’ Blaine smiled at him, feeling his knees weaken, as Kurt pulled him into a hug.

‘I love you.’

For the first time, hearing the three words from Kurt made Blaine hold his breath in surprise. He’d almost forgotten they exchanged those professions of affection, they were just too natural to notice them anymore. Until now, when the meaning behind them changed for Blaine.

‘I love you, too,’ he choked out.