Chapter 30

‘What is it, kiddo?,’ Burt asked, as Kurt peered into his phone screen.

‘May I be excused for a moment?,’ he asked, lifting his head, wondering what was so incredible that Blaine was this eager to tell him.

His grandmother nodded kindly, as his father gave him a suspicious look.

‘Blaine?’

‘Yeah, he wants me to call him, so…’ He waved his hand at the door, to indicate he was going to step out.

‘Blaine?,’ asked Frances conspicuously. Her smile wavered a little.

‘He’s my best friend, Granny,’ Kurt said, resisting the strong urge to roll his eyes right at her.

Not waiting another second to see if the conversation went any further, he went out into the hall and grabbed his coat. The chill outside wasn’t exactly inviting, but he’d been wishing for a moment alone since morning. As soon as the front door closed behind him, he dialed Blaine’s number and leant on the porch railing.

‘What is it that I’m not gonna believe?,’ Kurt asked immediately after Blaine picked up his call.

Blaine giggled excitedly on the other side of the line.

‘So I was at the mall, I got the scarf at the Gap, and there he was,’ he said, confusing Kurt even more.

‘He who?’ Kurt knitted his brows, trying to figure out who his friend could be referring to.

‘The guy from the skating rink!,’ Blaine replied happily. ‘His name is Jeremiah and we went for coffee, because he was just about to go for his lunch break.’

Black dots danced in front of Kurt’s eyes and he inhaled deeply to stop the sensation. He really wished he could feel happy for Blaine, but there was no way he could push away the thought that it was him that his best friend was supposed to go on coffee dates with, not some Jeremiah guy.

Still, he knew deep down that something like that would happen sooner or later. Blaine was way too attractive not to have people lining up to date him.

‘Oh, really?,’ Kurt managed to choke out eventually. He felt like he was going to be sick.

‘Yeah. What are the odds, right?’

‘Right.’ Kurt paused for a second. For the first time since he met Blaine, he truly did not want to talk to him. ‘I gotta run. Call you later?’

‘Sure. Bye.’

Kurt offered his tentative goodbye and ended the connection.

The cold air began to bite at his exposed hands and face, but he didn’t acknowledge the feeling. He rubbed his fingers against his temples, fighting a threatening headache.

He hadn’t realized that he dreaded this moment, until it happened. Not only was Blaine having a crush on someone, but that someone seemed to be interested in him as well. And how was Kurt supposed to compete for Blaine’s attention with that guy? This Jeremiah was definitely older, he wasn’t some loser high-school student like Kurt. And Blaine had had a great time at that coffee date, it was evident from the tone of his voice.

If Kurt had ever had any hope to become something more than a best friend for Blaine, now it was entirely gone.

The front door creaked behind him, startling him.

‘Kurt, honey?,’ his grandmother’s voice said tentatively.

He hurried to turn around and compose his face, but the attempt was pitiful.

‘Did something happen?,’ she asked, taking a step in his direction. Her movements were hesitant.

Kurt shook his head. ‘No, it’s nothing.’ He struggled to pull the corners of his mouth up and keep them that way. It worked for less than five seconds.

‘Okay. If you say so.’ Her gaze kept on boring into Kurt’s face queryingly.

He rolled his eyes.

‘It’s just that Blaine likes someone,’ he said, shrugging his shoulders. He had no idea, why he was even telling her that, especially after her not-so-enthusiastic reaction to his coming out earlier. But there was no way this conversation could get back to Blaine, and Kurt wouldn’t probably see his Granny for another ten years, so why not tell it as it was?

‘And?,’ she prodded.

‘And that someone isn’t me.’

They stood in silence for a moment, their eyes locked on the twinkling Christmas lights in the house opposite. It was still early, but the sky was already growing dark.

‘So… is your friend…,’ she began carefully.

‘Blaine,’ Kurt offered.

‘Is Blaine… gay… like you?’ He could tell his grandmother didn’t like saying the G-word; that shudder that accompanied it probably had nothing to do with the temperature.

‘Yes, he is.’ Kurt paused, wondering whether he should go ahead with what he wanted to say. ‘I can see you’re not thrilled about this. I’ve had enough cr- enough bad things happen to me and told to me not to recognize homophobia when I see it. But I really don’t want my own grandmother to think that I’m a pervert of some sort. Blaine has been there for me on so many occasions when I needed to just know that I’m worth something. I don’t think I even believed that really before I met him. He’s not just my best friend, he’s my- my haven. I don’t know where I would be now if it wasn’t for him. I could be lying somewhere in a ditch without a scrap of self-respect left. Or I could be dead.’

Frances listened to him, not daring to interrupt, but Kurt could see she wanted to ask about that last part.

‘I met Blaine when I- when I ran away from home.’ The memories of those few weeks he spent away from home were always confusing for Kurt. They always brought with them a wave of guilt mixed with bliss. That period was simultaneously one of the most miserable and most wonderful in his life.

‘You two are close, then?’ It sounded more like a statement.

Kurt managed a small smile. ‘Yes, we are.’

‘You are not wrong when you say that I’m- uncomfortable with the situation,’ Granny said. ‘I am, maybe because I never took the possibility into consideration. But your father seems to be fine with it, so I can make an effort and try to accept it, too. Although, I must be honest, I’m not sure if I’d want to be invited to your wedding.’

The words sent a shot of pain through Kurt’s chest. But well, it could’ve been worse. At least she didn’t disown him or tell him to get the hell out of her house.

He nodded his head slowly. A thought of another wedding entered his mind, and then the memory of his mother’s funeral.

‘Granny?,’ he said quietly. ‘Why didn’t you come to visit us since Mom- died?’

It took her a moment to compose a reply and stop the sudden trembling of her hands. Her eyes began to glint more than before, betraying the inflowing tears.

‘It hurt too much to see you,’ she said, looking fondly at her grandson. She traced her fingers down his face. ‘You look too much like her. There’s some of your father, too, but you are undoubtedly my Ellie’s son.’

‘You really think I took after Mom?,’ Kurt asked. He’d always hoped to be like his mother; as caring, as loving, as beautiful inside and out.

‘Oh yes.’ Granny smiled at him. ‘But there was another reason why I couldn’t come. For a very long time I was fighting with myself. I knew it wasn’t rational, I always knew it wasn’t his fault, but… I blamed your father for her death.’

Her smile dimmed, and Kurt frowned.

‘What do you mean? Dad had nothing to do with what-’

‘I know, I know,’ she interrupted him. ‘I’m just a silly old lady who lost her only daughter in a senseless, senseless accident. I felt like she would still be here, if she’d never met your father.’

It didn’t make much sense to Kurt, but he didn’t say anything. He knew very well how stupid people could be in mourning. It wasn’t that long ago that he had to move out of the house where his mother used to live. He had almost lost it, when he caught on that her things had to be moved from their rightful places. That didn’t follow the patterns of logic either.

He digested everything he’d been just told for a moment before speaking again.

‘So is this… this reunion a new start? Or should I expect to never see you again?,’ Kurt asked timidly.

‘I’d like the former,’ she said. ‘Maybe I’ll even change my mind about the wedding.’

Kurt almost smiled, but his thoughts turned back to Blaine and his lips stopped halfway up.