Chapter 25: Optimistic

‘You’re a musician, right, Blaine?,’ Carole inquired politely at the dinner table.

He nodded in response, swallowing a mouthful of lasagne.

‘Yes. Actually, there’s a producer that wants to get me signed to a label,’ he added proudly.

‘Oh, that’s wonderful!,’ Carole said enthusiastically.

‘Kurt mentioned something about that,’ Burt cut in. ‘Who did you say that producer was?’

Kurt forced himself to stop looking at his boyfriend in adoration to answer his father. He was positively glowing ever since he and Blaine came down for the family meal.

‘Santana’s girlfriend,’ he said finally.

‘And how’s Santana?,’ his step-mother asked, taking a sip of wine. ‘The last time I saw her was on TV.’

‘She’s- you know, Santana,’ Kurt told her. ‘But I guess she’s happy. Lindsey’s really sweet and she puts up with her, so that’s good, too. Even though I used to think Santana and Brittany would end up getting hitched.’

His dad and step-mother nodded in agreement. Even Finn, who’d been quiet and tense all night, staring intensely into his plate, bobbed his head up and down by a fraction.

‘Brittany?,’ Blaine asked.

‘She went to school with us. Unitard photo, blonde?,’ Kurt prompted.

‘Let me guess, she was in your glee club,’ Blaine said, his lips tugging up at one corner.

‘Yup. You have to meet everyone at some point.’

The conversation went on about the New Directions and their triumphs. Kurt kept on hoping that would drag his step-brother into the discussion, but Finn only answered when directly questioned. It was frustrating to watch him so withdrawn, and after a while Kurt was close to the point in which he’d jump up and yell “What the hell is wrong with you?!” at him.

Before that could happen, though, to everybody’s surprise, Finn offered to put the dishes in the washer. A minute passed after he had gathered the plates and disappeared in the kitchen, and everyone was casting furtive glances at the others. No one knew what his problem was. No one, except for Blaine.

In a swift movement, Blaine got up from the table and glanced at Kurt.

‘It’s me,’ he said.

His first instinct was to go upstairs, take his suitcase and leave, catch the earliest train for New York City and run away. After all, this wasn’t his place, or his family. He was an intruder and a disturber of peace.

But he’d already tried running away from Kurt and that didn’t end particularly well. So instead of going back to Kurt’s room, he turned to the kitchen.

He was right in thinking this wasn’t his family. They weren’t. His fear, though, was not good enough reason to give up on them becoming family at some point. If Finn had a problem with him, it was probably best to solve it right away.

He entered the kitchen, digging his fists in the pockets of his tight jeans. Finn didn’t hear him come in, too busy placing the dishes in the washer with a series of clinks and clanks. Only when he shut the machine an turned around did he notice him.

‘Dude, you scared me!,’ he said with annoyance.

‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to,’ Blaine replied softly. ‘Can I ask you something?’

Finn folded his arms over his chest.

‘You just did. But go ahead, shoot.’

‘What is your problem with me?’

This caught Finn off guard. He’d really tried not to act suspicious, but it seemed he could count it as a failure. He slumped hopelessly at the kitchen table and motioned Blaine to sit opposite him.

‘I don’t have a problem with you,’ he said, his eyes tracing the edges of the tiles covering the floor, just to keep them off his brother’s boyfriend. ‘I just have a problem.’

‘What with?,’ Blaine pressed on.

Finn only rolled his eyes, his irritation reaching a new level, though it was impossible to tell who or what was its object.

‘God, dude, I’m really trying here, okay?,’ he said eventually, throwing his hands up helplessly.

Unlike Finn, Blaine never stopped looking at the other man. He’d seen this nervousness, this unease many times before. Only never before had a person reacting this way been one of the closest things he had to family.

‘It’s because I’m sick, isn’t it?,’ he asked softly. ‘You don’t know how to act, because I’m crazy.’

No answer came for a moment, embarrassment pouring over Finn, mixed with a strange feeling of relief. Then he glanced at Blaine, his heart pounding; there was no way to tell how Blaine would react. He’d said himself he was crazy.

But all Blaine did was nod sadly. He didn’t even seem upset or surprised. He just sat there in quiet, his head going up and down infinitesimally. It wasn’t that it didn’t make him feel anything; it still depressed him how differently people treated him, constantly walking on eggshells around him. By now, though, he’d grown accustomed to it and the familiarity of the feeling seemed to have numbed it down to a short sharp pang in the heart.

‘I know I can’t really make you change the way you feel about this,’ Blaine started slowly. ‘I can only ask you to treat me like I wasn’t sick. Please? You should probably be careful what you say around me, but other than that, I really don’t need to be treated any differently than a regular person.’

‘I can try,’ Finn told him. His attempt at an encouraging smile was pitiful.

‘Thanks. Just so you know, I’m not dangerous, not to others, anyway. And if any of my alters shows up, remember they’re not really me, they’re their own people and should be treated as such.’

Finn nodded in acknowledgement.

‘Should I know anything more about them?’

Blaine took a moment to consider it.

‘Don’t be surprised if Liam hits on you, he has no boundaries and hardly understands the word straight,’ he said. ‘If Boo shows up, just make sure he has his Winnie the Pooh. It’s in my things somewhere. Also, he may cry a lot, so don’t be freaked out if he does. You don’t have to worry about Kathryn, she’s gonna love you. And I don’t think we have to worry about Cooper showing up for now.’

With a deepening frown on his face, Finn noted everything in his mind. Maybe he wasn’t going to feel completely at ease around Blaine quite yet, but it seemed there was much less to be concerned about than he’d thought.

‘Why don’t you think he- Cooper? – will show up?,’ he asked.

‘He generally does when I’m alone.’ Blaine shrugged. ‘I don’t think I’m gonna be alone any time within the next week.’

He began turning away, back towards the door. He was quite satisfied with the way the conversation went. It was uplifting.

‘Wait, Blaine?’ Finn stopped him halfway to the door. ‘You said you’re not dangerous- to others. Does that mean you can be dangerous to- like- yourself?’

Blaine gave him a joyless smile.

‘Yeah. Something like that.’

***

It was late when Kurt and Blaine returned to their room. The rest of the evening passed with much less awkwardness, even though Burt and Carole kept on eyeing Finn restlessly.

‘What did you tell Finn?,’ Kurt asked his boyfriend when the door closed behind them. ‘It was like you were some kind of step-brother-in-law whisperer or something.’

‘I just asked him not to freak out about my DID,’ Blaine replied dismissively.

‘So it was about that, huh?’

‘Yeah, but it’s fine, I’m used to this.’

Kurt sighed, grabbing his suitcase and throwing it a little too forcefully on the bed. He hated how normal it was for his boyfriend to be disregarded and treated unjustly because of his disorder.

‘It’s not fine. I hoped at least my brother wouldn’t give you crap about it.’

‘He didn’t know how to act, it’s nothing new,’ Blaine said soothingly and put his arms around Kurt’s waist. ‘We talked, I explained some things to him and now he knows. It’ll be fine.’

Circling Blaine’s neck with his arms, Kurt inhaled deeply, the familiar scent of his boyfriend comforting and safe as much as being home. The way it felt made it seem like there was no other place where they could ever belong. No other person that could ever be as much that piece of themselves that had gotten torn away and lost in the beginning of time.

‘You’re being very optimistic today,’ Kurt murmured against Blaine’s neck.

‘Is it bad?’

Blaine took a tiny step back, just enough to see his boyfriend’s face without losing the warmth of their bodies almost flush against each other. Kurt was smiling at him widely and sincerely.

‘Not at all, it’s wonderful. I love seeing you like that.’

‘So you don’t love seeing me when I’m mopey and depressed?,’ Blaine asked warily.

Kurt rolled his eyes, catching Blaine’s hands in his own and brushed the knuckles softly with his lips.

‘I hate seeing you depressed, because your smile is too beautiful to ever let it fade. I hate seeing you depressed, because there isn’t much I can do to help with some stuff. I hate seeing you depressed, because I don’t want you to suffer ever again and it reminds me that I can’t simply take all of that pain and hurt away.’

With every word Kurt said, Blaine felt like his heart was closer and closer to exploding. He wanted to tell him something meaningful, but nothing he thought of was good enough.

‘You gotta want me to cry again,’ he tried joking, but Kurt didn’t get even a second to laugh as Blaine’s lips crushed into his fervently. ‘What did I ever do to deserve you?,’ Blaine added when they parted, just a breath against Kurt’s neck.

‘You didn’t have to do anything, you deserve all the good in the world.’

‘Kurt?’

‘Hm?’

Blaine took a deep breath, the thought of what he wanted to ask still scary, even though they’d gone over all that before.

‘Could you take me to the cemetery tomorrow?’

‘Of course,’ Kurt replied, his thumbs caressing Blaine’s knuckles gently. ‘I told you I would. As long as you’re sure.’

‘I am.’