Chapter 4: Stay

The apartment was eerily quiet. If Kurt didn’t know better, he’d be sure everyone slipped out, leaving him alone. But he was aware that Blaine’s roommates simply wanted their friend to get a chance to rest.

He was still a little bit incredulous that they let him sit there for the last three hours and left him there alone, apparently not worrying he could rob them or anything of the sort. He was grateful for that, but at the same time, he was becoming increasingly nervous.

There he was, sitting for going on four hours in a stranger’s living room, waiting for said stranger to wake up after a terrible day of getting his body hijacked by his alternative personalities. How was Blaine going to react to Kurt? What if he’d completely forgotten having met him? What if he really hoped to never see him again? What if the text was all Liam? Liam was decidedly hot and all, but Blaine was… Blaine.

When he’d just figured out he’d been there for over four hours and it was probably time to leave, a door creaked somewhere in the apartment. Kurt’s body stiffened, alert. His heartbeats were deafening in his ears.

The person that appeared in the door of the living room a few seconds later was certainly Blaine. Or at least the body was Blaine’s. His right hand was firmly clasped on an arm of a stuffed Winnie the Pooh toy that had definitely seen better times, while he was rubbing his eyes with his left. Once he looked up, his gaze still hazy from sleep, he hugged Winnie defensively to his chest, a scared look on his face.

‘No, no, easy, Bl… sweetie, I’m Kurt, I’m- Blaine’s friend,’ Kurt hurried to say, jumping to his feet a little too quickly and making the alter cringe back. ‘Sweetie, it’s okay,’ he added gently.

The Blaine-shaped child slowly dropped his arms, never letting go of the toy completely, as if it was sown to his hand. Kurt sat back down on the couch and patted the space next to him. With a mixture of fear and timidity, the child took a few klutzy steps towards Kurt, and flopped unexpectedly heavily on the cushions.

‘What’s your name?,’ Kurt asked, trying to be as delicate and careful as possible.

The child pursed his lips for a moment, pulling Winnie close to his chest again.

‘Boo,’ he finally answered in a childish, squeaky voice.

Kurt didn’t know what else to say. Not long ago he was almost getting sucked off by the same person who was now sitting next to him, clutching a stuffed bear and acting like a shy toddler. The experience was surreal.

They are not the same, Kurt told himself. There’s Blaine, who’s nice and sweet, and adorable. There’s Liam, who’s a slut, a sexy, inappropriate slut. And there’s Boo, who’s… He took another look at Boo. Who’s a scared little boy.

Kurt inhaled deeply. He had probably no more than one chance of earning Boo’s trust and he didn’t want to fuck this up.

‘Winnie, huh?,’ he asked, pointing at the toy. ‘Is he your favourite?’

Boo raised his large, innocent eyes up at Kurt and nodded solemnly.

‘Yes,’ he whispered, hugging Winnie tighter.

‘You wouldn’t want to lose him.’ It was a statement.

Boo shook his head and yawned hugely.

‘Do you wanna sleep?,’ Kurt asked gently.

Another nod and Boo rubbing his eyes again told him yes.

‘You can lie down here next to me with Winnie, and I’ll make sure you’re both safe.’

Kurt gave Boo a small encouraging smile. After a moment of hesitation, Blaine’s alter pulled his feet up to the couch an curled into an embryo position, surprising Kurt by putting his head in his lap. Kurt stiffened for a moment, before realizing it could make Boo think he didn’t want him there, so he forced his muscles to relax. Trying not to disturb the boy, he reached to the other end of the couch to snatch a blanket that laid there folded neatly into a rectangle, and wrapped it around Boo’s body.

It didn’t take more than a few minutes for Boo’s breath to even out. He never stopped holding on to Winnie so tightly that had the toy ever been alive, he would’ve strangled it.

Kurt didn’t dare move an inch at first, worried Boo would wake up and get scared or something. There really was no way to foresee what would happen if he woke. But once Kurt was quite sure the boy was soundly asleep, he ran his fingers lightly over Blaine’s curls. Having his hair unrestrained by gel made him look more youthful and the locks were soft to the touch. Kurt thought he could keep his hands in them forever.

He was so busy staring down at the boy in his lap, those long dark eyelashes and slightly puckered lips, that Kurt didn’t notice Wes walking back into the room.

‘I see you’ve met Boo,’ he said in a hushed voice. He sounded a little like a loving father.

‘How do you-?,’ Kurt started, but a quick wave of Wes’ hand at Winnie sufficed for an answer. ‘Oh. Yes. He doesn’t seem to be very talkative, though.’

‘He’s not, he barely says anything,’ Wes said. ‘The others say he’s just shy and scared of people.’

Kurt frowned; that was another piece of information he didn’t expect.

‘The others talk about- each other?,’ he asked. ‘They’re aware of each other?’

Wes nodded slowly. ‘Yeah, they know. They know they’re there for Blaine and they’re very protective of Boo, especially Kathryn. But they also kinda think they’re real, separate beings.’

Kurt looked back down at Blaine. He hadn’t even noticed he’d been stroking the curls all along and his hand stopped suddenly. This was weird, wasn’t it?

‘Do you wanna stay here? Or do you have somewhere to be?,’ Wes asked quietly, seeing a confused look enter Kurt’s face.

‘I-,’ Kurt said. ‘I don’t want to wake him, so… Is it okay if I stay?’

‘Sure.’ Wes smiled kindly. ‘He’ll be happy to see you.’

‘You mean- Boo, Blaine or Liam?’

Wes chuckled quietly.

‘Blaine. I mean Blaine.’ His face turned serious. ‘If he’s the one who turns up when he wakes.’ He sent Blaine a worried look. ‘I’m gonna go crash. If you need me, my room’s at the end of the hallway.’

Kurt gave him a nod of acknowledgement, before realizing he probably should freak out. He swallowed hard, as he watched Wes leave the room.

***

An hour later Kurt was beginning to doze off, his hand still buried in the dark curls, so the second Blaine stirred, he noticed, sleepiness leaving him immediately.

Blaine sat up, releasing Winnie from his grip and sliding from out of Kurt’s caressing hand. For a second it was obvious he didn’t know what was going on. He groaned, when Winnie came into his line of vision. Boo’s appearance made it clear why he didn’t remember much from the day and why it was already night. And then he noticed his pillow. Or what had served him as a pillow. A pair of slim knees, a lap. Not Wes’ or Sebastian’s, that was obvious. He’d already seen those from up close a couple of times after some of Boo’s visits.

He raised his eyes very slowly, not entirely certain he wanted to see who it was.

‘Kurt?,’ he asked, his hands automatically reaching to flatten his hair. ‘What- What are you doing here?’

Kurt exhaled, relieved. He wasn’t even aware he’d been holding his breath. At least he wasn’t dealing with another alter. He wasn’t quite sure he was ready for this just yet. God, and who said he would ever meet another one? Blaine could throw him out before he would manage to say “Sorry for overstaying my welcome”.

‘I was babysitting Boo,’ he said stupidly, but Blaine relaxed a little.

‘Oh. And it didn’t freak you out?,’ Blaine asked, picking up Winnie and putting him neatly on the couch next to him.

‘A little, at first,’ Kurt admitted. ‘But then he just slept, so it didn’t even feel like he was someone other than… you.’

He could feel a blush coming up to his face. But he wasn’t the only one who felt a little awkward.

‘How did you even get here?,’ Blaine asked finally.

‘Someone texted me this address,’ Kurt said with a shrug. ‘Liam, I guess. So I figured something might be wrong and I came.’

Blaine’s jaw dropped. A sudden urge to pinch himself came upon him and he almost gave in. A guy he liked, an amazing, kind, hot guy cared for him enough to come and check up on him after meeting him – the real him – once. He didn’t have to, but he did. He knew about Blaine’s disorder, but he still came. He knew and stayed.

He knew and didn’t run away from Blaine. He ran to him.

The realization swept Blaine off his feet for a moment.

‘I- um-,’ he stammered. ‘Thank you.’

Kurt managed a small smile.

‘You’re welcome,’ he said, shifting in his seat into a more comfortable position, ‘So- How are you feeling?’

Blaine fell back to the cushions, digging the heels of his hands into his eyes.

‘I don’t know. Tired.’ He paused and thought back to what Kurt had told him earlier. ‘Wait. So you were babysitting Boo, but Liam texted you?’

‘I think it was Liam,’ Kurt corrected him. ‘I don’t know if the others know you have my phone number. Or if they know who I am. And I don’t think Boo can text.’

‘I’m not even sure he can read.’ Blaine shrugged. ‘Did anybody else show up?’

Kurt hesitated. He wasn’t positive how much he was allowed to know.

‘Wes said they all did,’ he replied carefully, keeping a close eye on Blaine’s expression as it turned to one of despair.

‘Do you know- How long did they stay?,’ Blaine asked, as soon as he collected himself enough to form a question without his voice breaking or failing entirely.

‘I don’t know, you were- or Boo was- asleep when I came.’

‘When was that?’

Kurt looked at the screen of his phone and quickly calculated the time.

‘Almost six hours ago.’

Blaine’s heart seemed to be trying to break free from his chest, explode and melt all at the same time. He didn’t know how to call this feeling; was it gratefulness? Or maybe he was simply falling in love? Dangerously, blindly falling for the first guy who noticed him, not Liam, not his illness. Him. Blaine Devon Anderson. The guy with DID. The nutcase.

Only Kurt didn’t look at him like he was a crazy person.

Kurt looked at him with sympathy and concern, the depth of which reminded him of the only other person that ever looked at him similarly. The only person that never doubted him and never let him down. The only person that never stopped loving him unconditionally and never lost her temper with him, no matter what kind of crap any of the alters pulled.

He hadn’t seen anyone look at him like that since that last visit to Ohio before she died the year before.

And now there was Kurt, looking at him in the same way as his grandmother used to, but differently at the same time. Yet somehow, it was exactly the way Blaine longed for someone to look at him. He hadn’t even realized it until now, but once he did, it was blatantly clear.

Blaine was staring and Kurt finally dropped his gaze, feeling silly for staying.

‘Sorry, I think I should go,’ he mumbled, getting up.

A hand grabbed him by the wrist, stopping him. That was the last thing Kurt was expecting.

‘Stay, please,’ Blaine said quietly, hastily recoiling his hand.

‘Do you really want me to?,’ Kurt asked, his voice matching Blaine’s in volume.

‘Yes.’

Without another word, Kurt sat back down. He couldn’t find a rational explanation why he would want to stay in the first place. But this strange, unexpected need seemed to keep him in place. Even if he did leave, his mind would stay behind with Blaine.

By now he stopped even thinking of Blaine as a sick person. It wasn’t Blaine and his disorder. It was simply Blaine. Or rather Blaine and every fragment of his personality. Just something he was. Kurt was beginning to see the alters the way people usually see annoying traits in others. No matter how much you try, they won’t go away, so it’s best to get used to them. And, with a huge wave of astonishment, Kurt discovered he was fine with it. It was scary, probably the most terrifying thing he’d ever had to deal with, but he was willing to try. Kurt wanted to throw caution to the wind and for once try to get what he wanted. Even if Blaine didn’t want him, he could always use another friend.

It was a decision made in haste and with his mind clouded by the confusion of everything that had happened within the last couple of weeks. Somehow, though, it seemed to him as reasonable as deciding to have cereal for breakfast. So natural it couldn’t be wrong.

They stayed silent for a while, Kurt coming to terms with the consequences he could face in the future, Blaine trying to grasp everything that was happening, everything he was certain would never happen to him. They were sitting on the couch, awkward and expecting the other to make the first move, bodies carefully kept separate.

Finally, their furtive glances met and the eye contact didn’t break.

‘Could you- Could you hold me?, Blaine asked, his lower lip trembling slightly from the fear of rejection. He wasn’t sure he’d survive if Kurt’s answer was no.

Kurt didn’t say anything, he only extended his arm, inviting Blaine to curl up to his side, and Blaine obeyed, putting his head on Kurt’s shoulder.

He couldn’t remember the last time he felt this safe or this far from transitioning. Kurt’s arms kept him securely in touch with reality that for once he didn’t need or want to abandon.