Blaine and Kurt continued to run into each other from time to time. It couldn't be helped. Not only were they attending the same school and living in the same neighborhood, they were also both majoring in musical theatre, thus ensuring they had multiple classes together. Kurt couldn't help but wish that he had just been accepted last year- then at least he wouldn't have to see Blaine on such a regular basis. But as it was, he had to settle with seeing his ex every few days, and in the worst cases, listen to him sing. At least he wasn't in the same dance class as Blaine. He wasn't sure if he could endure that kind of torture. 

Of course, there were other times when he saw Blaine as well. It wasn't as if they had the same group of friends, but Blaine and Kurt had a lot in common after all: they liked to spend time around people who enjoyed the things they did. Well, to be honest, Kurt was a little torn at times about whether he wanted to be around his so called friends or not, but Rachel seemed insistent that he maintained some form of a social life. Though honestly, her overbearing nature did nothing but pull on his conscious at times, telling him that she was being too good of a friend for him to feel so bitter.

But regardless, as things ended up, a lot of the time if Kurt or Blaine was invited to a party or get together of some kind, the other was there as well. Though, Kurt usually tended to remedy the situation immediately. By leaving. He knew at some point he was going to have to speak to Blaine again, but until that time came, he was content with ignoring and avoiding him. 

Though if Kurt had believed in God, he would say that the big man had it out for him. He often found himself spotting that familiar head of tamed curls, and if Kurt was being honest with himself, it was far more often than would be considered normal. They lived in New York for Christ's sake, along with eight million plus other people. Yet wherever he went, there was Blaine; when he was in the library, out to get coffee, at the movies, shopping... Blaine seemed to be everywhere that Kurt was. 

“It feels like he’s stalking me.” He had confided to Rachel one night, who had just brushed off his paranoia with a laugh, before handing him a glass of vodka and pink lemonade. She seemed to be doing that kind of thing a lot. Laughing when he was being an idiot, getting him drunk when he was feeling down, taking him out to dinner when he was bored. In general, just the things Rachel usually did for Kurt. He hadn't even realized she had ever stopped acting like his best friend until she started to behave normally again. And by then, he was too busy enjoying (or sometimes dreading) her sudden thoughtfulness to contemplate what had happened.

It was just another one of those nights when Rachel had a sudden burst of inspiration and brought him to a new italian restaurant with another one of their friends, Grace, when Blaine yet again popped up: this time as their waiter. Kurt glared at Rachel, his eyes accusing, but when she whispered, “I had no idea, I swear,” he knew she was telling the truth.

“I will admit, I feel like I'm missing something here guys. Don’t leave me out of the loop!” Grace interrupted Kurt and Rachel’s hushed voices, and they looked up guiltily.

“We don’t mean anything by it Grace... it’s just....” Kurt grimaced. 

Rachel finished for him, “Blaine’s here.” 

“Blaine? Blaine as in ex-boyfriend-Blaine-who-broke-Kurt’s-heart Blaine?” She murmured, her carefully styled eyebrows rising high up into the thick fringe of her bangs. 

“Yeah.” Kurt replied sullenly. 

“Son of a bitch. Let me guess, it’s the stupidly attractive waiter, isn't it?” Upon seeing Rachel’s nod, she muttered to herself, “Hmph. I knew my gaydar was getting better.” 

It was only then that she seemed to realize she wasn't being very sympathetic to her friend, and quickly added, “Oh, Kurtie! Don’t worry about him. It’s not your fault he’s too ignorant to let this piece of hot shit-” She gestured at Kurt, “-escape. Hell, if I was a gay man, I would totally be all over you right now.” 

Rolling his eyes, Kurt let a smile grace his lips, “I hate it when you call me that, but thanks for the sentiment. I think. Though I would like to add that we are in a public place right now Grace, which would probably make you being ‘all over me’ a little inappropriate.” 

Grace just shrugged. 

“Maybe I'm into that kind of thing.” She deadpanned, before grinning.

Eyes glinting, Grace took a sip of her drink that the unfairly attractive ex-boyfriend Blaine had brought to the table earlier. Kurt seemed to be back to normal, as he was talking now to Rachel about what they wanted to order and looked significantly happier. Mission accomplished, Grace. Nice work soldier. She snorted a laugh into her drink, ignoring the glances from her friends.

You are not allowed to talk to him. That was what Blaine kept telling himself. He was convinced that if he kept thinking it and muttering it under his breath, he would eventually believe it. 

“What was that?” Eric, his roommate asked. Eric worked at the Italian restaurant as well. They had both wanted to be waiters together, but Eric had unfortunately gotten stuck with a job as a dishwasher. 

“Nothing, sorry.” Blaine replied, opting to just think the words after that. After all, he didn't want to known as the waiter who went around muttering under his breath. 

He had first noticed the trio walking in when Eric, who had been cleaning tables, had spotted a girl he claimed was hot. Despite telling Eric that Blaine was indeed very gay, the younger boy always forced Blaine to look anyways, saying that just because he was gay didn't mean he couldn't appreciate beauty in a woman.

Blaine had rolled his eyes, but eventually agreed and poked out of the kitchen as the hostess sat them. He inspected the tiny redhead, agreeing that she was attractive (for a girl) and then stopped, jaw slack, when he spotted Kurt standing next to her. 

He would admit, the girl was probably pretty enough to be a model- despite her petite stature- but next to him she looked plain, ordinary. In Blaine’s eyes, no one could outshine Kurt, with his knowing blue eyes and little side smirk when he was making a sarcastic comment. The same look he wore now, appearing much more like himself than he had when they had last talked.

“Are you going to go get their drinks? That’s your table.” He heard Eric say from beside him. 

“Shit-- yes, uh, yeah.” 

He took a breath, straightened his back, put on his best smile, and walked up to them. Kurt had been ignoring him ever since the incident in the cafe, and no matter how much it hurt, he didn't want to make this harder for either of them. So instead of saying what he was thinking, instead of begging Kurt to give him a chance, he simply spoke in his cheery ‘waiter’ voice, “Hi, I'm Blaine and I’ll be your waiter tonight. Can I get you something to drink to start off with?

A few minutes later when he returned with the sodas and set them down on the table he avoided eye contact with all of them, just for good measure, “Are you ready to order, or do you need another minute?” 

The redhead spoke, and Blaine figured that since he didn't know her, it was probably okay to make eye contact. He looked up, surprised to see her sharp, defined features looking so wild. She looked pissed. But she didn't say anything, staying tight lipped and muttering her order in a clipped tone. Even after she finished, she continued to so steadily glare at him that he never even managed to look away until after both Rachel and Kurt had ordered. Which was incredibly awkward, looking at one person while you were talking to someone else. 

After what felt like hours, he finally turned to move away from the table, and he heard Kurt mutter before he was out of earshot, “Could you possibly be any more subtle?” 

“Please. Asshole deserved a good bitching out. He’s lucky we’re in public.”

Rachel spoke then, “Come on, don’t be like that Grace. You don’t even really know Blaine. What he did was bad, but-” 

Blaine had walked too far away to hear any more, but he felt his heart move up to his throat when he finally recognized the tone Kurt had used. He had been defending him. Defending him against an attack he surely deserved. That was that. Blaine would text Kurt after he got out of work and see if they could meet up sometime. Even if Kurt didn't want to get back together, or even be friends (though the thought made him cringe) the least Blaine could do was try to clear the air. He didn't think he could stand this much longer. It seemed as if when they had broken up, everything had shattered apart. And now things just kept getting worse and worse, Blaine constantly felt like he was walking on broken glass, trying so hard not to get even more cut up than he already was. It was a painful cycle of falling down and standing back up, all the while wondering if he would ever be steady on his feet again.

New Text Message

From: Blaine

Kurt, I know you don’t want to talk, but I really think we should meet soon. We can’t keep doing this.

New Text Message

From: Blaine

Come on, don’t ignore me. Please.

New Text Message

From: Blaine

I'm plenty aware you check your phone religiously. I just want to talk.

New Text Message

From: Kurt

I don’t think that’s a good idea.

New Text Message

From: Blaine

I don’t want to do anything that’ll hurt you Kurt. I know that probably doesn't sound true right now, but it is. And if you don’t want to be friends yet, I understand. But can we please just discuss this?

New Text Message

From: Kurt

We’re discussing right now. Go ahead.

New Text Message

From: Blaine

We go to the same school, with the same major, take a lot of the same classes, hang around with the same kinds of people, go to the same parties, and seem to run into each other a lot. 

New Text Message

From: Kurt

And your point is...? What? 

New Text Message

From: Blaine

Ignoring each other just makes things even worse. Maybe we don’t have to be friends. I don’t want that, but I’ll respect it if you do. But we’re adults, Kurt. We can be civil. 

New Text Message

From: Kurt

Okay. Civil. I can do that. 

New Text Message

From: Blaine

Thank you.

New Text Message

From: Kurt

You’re welcome.

Kurt was this close to apologizing to Blaine for what he said earlier. I don’t think what you did is really fixable. It was a lie, Kurt knew it. He had said it because he was hurt, not because it was true. And now all he wanted to do was let Blaine know that what Kurt had said wasn't okay. Just because Blaine had hurt him didn't mean Kurt was allowed to be cruel. But it just felt like reopening old wounds to bring it up now. He doubted Blaine even remembered it now. 

Of course he would. Blaine always remembers those things. He’s not as immune to words as he looks, you know that. And it wasn't like it was just something little that you said in passing. You were blatantly cruel.  

Kurt ignored his thoughts, flopping back onto his bed and closing his eyes. He was glad his guilt was back, he felt more like himself... but it just so much more painful. He wanted to shut off his emotions and thoughts and feelings and let himself drown in the quiet. But he couldn't. That quiet calling promised an easier life, a life where he didn't have to feel anything. But Kurt was so scared of it, so scared of himself, when he thought like that. People said there was no wrong way to grieve, but that wasn't entirely true. He knew they meant to exclude the possibility of suicide, but when his friends or family said things like that, it gave Kurt just that tiny push towards the edge, and he had to steady himself and back up before things got too out of hand. 

It wasn't like he was actively getting ready to off himself- no, it wasn't anything like that at all. It was just a thought; not quite fully formulated yet, and certainly not something he contemplated on a normal basis. It was just half of an idea, lurking in the edges of his subconscious, waiting to come out when Kurt was at his worst. Most of the time he could just barely feel it tugging on him at the back of his mind, never slithering up too far into the front of his thoughts,

But still, the fact that it was there at all was absolutely horrifying to Kurt. 

He squeezed his eyes tighter, bringing a pillow over his face, thinking he could scream into it but honestly not having the energy. So he just laid there, breathing in the soft feathers and letting himself dream for a minute that he was at home, with the game that his dad was watching playing in the background, waiting for Blaine to come and pick him up to go to the movies or out shopping. 

How did everything manage to fall apart so completely?

Blaine was constantly trying hard to meet expectations that were just past attainable. He always pushed himself, worked relentlessly, tried to be the best he could be. Blaine told himself he had to succeed, because he just couldn't stand the thought of letting anyone down. This 'thing', with Kurt, was no different. He was desperate to make everything between the two of them better, not only because he loved Kurt in such a raw way, not only because it felt like he was walking around with a limb missing, but because Blaine just couldn't stand the thought of failing Kurt.

Kurt had promised civility, but Blaine would go above and beyond that. Blaine would do anything- anything if it meant that he could make Kurt happy again.