Kurt tried to still his movements as Blaine worked his way through what he needed to say. Of course, Kurt knew these things, and he was trying he really was, but looking down at Blaine he knew he could do better. He just had to. He kissed Blaine once, chastely, before stroking his cheek and looking into his wide eyes. “It’s okay.” Kurt was panting and he hadn’t realized it, and god his voice, it was wrecked. “Slower, more lube, its okay to tell me, anything Blaine.” He punctuated this with another kiss. “I’m listening. Now I’m listening. Kurt wanted to say more, or he wanted not to have to say anything really but Blaine needed him to speak and he hoped he was making some kind of sense because all he could really focus on was how badly he needed to be inside Blaine right now. Now, now, right now, faster, already.

He couldn’t work his brain around things like caring about Blaine’s needs, wanting Blaine to get off with him so they could do this again, and again, and again. It was already too much, so he decided to leave t be. He pushed it down with all the other things about how great this all felt and why he didn’t hate Blaine all of the sudden. He brought himself back to the base feeling of it all. He wanted pleasure, and to get he would give it. There was something about Blaine hat made him need it, need the give and take. He needed Blaine’s breathy sighs and throaty moans almost as much as he needed air. As much as he wanted to be buried inside Blaine right this minute he also wanted Blaine to continue begging for more.

“I’ve got you.” He added softly as his breathing returned to something more manageable and he pulled back so that he could once more coat his fingers in lube. This felt like moving through water, slow motion compared to the frantic moments that came before. This time his claimed Blaine’s mouth as his fingers worked back inside Blaine’s ass, and Kurt made a point to keep his fingers and tongue in unison, fucking Blaine slowly from both ends. He couldn’t stop his hips slowly beginning to join the rhythm as his hard on pressed and rubbed against Blaine’s hip, but he did stay in control of himself. For real this time, not just in his mind. Blaine felt slightly looser now, but Kurt knew there would be some initial pain. So he did the only thing he could think to do. He slid very carefully and very slowly out of Blaine and began untying the scarf that held his hands. If everything worked out the way he hoped t would he could always have Blaine again, and take him while he was tied, but right now, he just couldn’t. It lost the allure it had before. He wanted Blaine’s hands on him as he took him and this was the only way that could happen. When he’d freed Blaine’s hands he fumbled around on the bed for the almost opened condom wrapper and found it.

Kurt thought of all the ways this could happen, and he remembered his first time as well, and the few other times he’d taken someone elses virginity. He’d learned right away he preferred control and he preferred those with experience, like him. This time would have to be slow, at Blaine’s pace. Blaine needed to be able to come one way or another and he wouldn’t be able to if he was in too much pain. Kurt hadn’t come his first time because his partner was an ass and didn’t even offer the courtesy of a reach around, and Kurt had never gone near him again.

Condom in hand, Kurt moved up to Blaine’s side and pulled him close to whisper in his ear. “I’m going to go slow Blaine, so slow, but keep talking to me, okay? I’m going to take care of you.” Kurt swallowed hard and nearly choked, but the words were out and for what it was worth they were true. He pulled on Blaine’s shoulder just a little bit. “Roll towards me now.” He whispered. Then he pulled the condom out and rolled it down over his cock and tried to keep his focus off what was about to happen. Blaine had to come and he had to come first. Maybe they could go again later. Right now wasn’t about him and for the first time in a very long time, Kurt felt nervous, and unsure. He kept that all to himself though as he reached over and hitched Blaine’s leg up over his hip. At this angle he wouldn’t be able to get very deep, but for Blaine that should be just about right.

“Ready?” He asked Blaine quietly as he ran his hand over Blaine’s leg and hip, slowly.

Kurt slowed down. Blaine could feel his breathing rapidly return to something that resembled healthy as Kurt told him to talk, tell him what he needed because Kurt was promising to give him what he could. Blaine managed a small smile and let out a soft breath as the weight that had settled into the pit of his stomach disappeared. It was replaced with something more fierce and pressing, something that left hi mouth dry and his body trembling. The desire that had disappeared beneath the discomfort came back with a tremendous force, and Blaine was trembling underneath Kurt’s hands as his fingers pushed into him again. This time, it was slow, and Kurt’s kisses had Blaine trying to decide whether he wanted to rock down onto his fingers, or to pull up and kiss Kurt harder. His indecision left Blaine making small, needy noises into Kurt’s mouth as he kissed him back. His eyes fluttered closed and slowly, he began to rock his hips against Kurt’s fingers while pleasure spread through his body slow and warm.

Blaine’s thoughts were controlled entirely by the way that Kurt was handling him. When it was fast and angry and hurried, about getting off and control, all Blaine could think about was the way that he was falling apart under Kurt’s hands. He wanted to hit him, a thought that hadn’t crossed Blaine’s mind since a fight in the fourth grade with Trevor Binton after he’d stolen his fruit cup and then pushed him in the dirt in his new outfit. However, Blaine also wanted to kiss Kurt until his lips were numb and swollen, and he wanted Kurt to hold him down and force him to do what he was told. This, though, the slow burning desire, was eating away at every one of those thoughts. Blaine was struggling to hold onto one negative thought about Kurt, filled instead with thoughts of needing to hold onto Kurt and feelings that were definitely not hatred.

When he felt the silk loosen its hold on his wrists, Blaine snapped back to the present, blinking himself down to earth. He moved his wrists in small circles as the blood resumed its normal circulation and lifted a trembling hand to rest on Kurt’s arm. It stayed there for only a moment before skittering up to rest in the small hairs beside Kurt’s ear. He would have kissed Kurt, but he was looking for the condom. Blaine bit his lip in thought for a moment before he settled on verbalizing what he thought, remembering Kurt’s request for him to talk. “Thank you,” he whispered, even though he didn’t need to. His voice had been working against him from pretty much the moment that he’d been tugged inside of the room, sometimes too rough, sometimes nearly gone completely. Now was one of those times, but his voice grew stronger as he continued to talk. “Thank you so much. I just want to be able to…” Blaine turned pink and closed his mouth, struggled, then added “hold you. Or the sheets.” His eyes widened as Blaine shocked himself by the things that ran through his head and out of his mouth without a filter, but it was already spoken.

Blaine sighed, thankful for the opportunity to focus on something other than the way his filter had disappeared, as Kurt whispered into his ear. Hot air hit the shell of Blaine’s ear and he quivered for a moment at the sheer intimacy of the act, and then nodded jerkily at Kurt’s words, incapable of forming a coherent reply. “I’m going to take care of you.” That was the last thing that Blaine had expected Kurt to say, but he’d said it, and then he was rolling onto his side and readjusting in small shifts once his leg was over Kurt’s hip. Blaine heard the wrinkle of the condom wrapper and glanced down to watch Kurt roll it onto himself. He tensed, then forced himself to relax.

The warmth of Kurt’s hand on his leg made Blaine’s shoulders go slack and his body relax. He leaned his neck forward and kissed Kurt softly on the lips before he pulled back and nodded. “Yeah, I’m ready.” He wanted to warn Kurt to be careful, but he felt like it was unnecessary. Blaine convinced himself that he was just being overcautious, and that this would feel good. Everything else had, especially when Kurt had actually slowed down. And Blaine wanted this. Desire ran through his entire body, and it seemed like it was trying to drown him. Blaine was more than willing to go under. “Well, I’m nervous, really. But if you stop I think I might actually explode.” With a chuckle, Blaine splayed his fingers across Kurt’s shoulder blade, flexed, then relaxed. “I, I liked the way it felt…with your fingers, so I mean, I should, this should…” Blaine gave a nervous chuckled and pressed his lips tightly together for a moment, then exhaled slowly.

“I’m ready.”

In that moment, that space of a moment between when he’d asked Blaine if he was ready and when Blaine finished answering him, the world changed. Kurt couldn’t have said then just how it changed, there wasn’t time to stop and think through the whole meaning of it all, but he knew it just as sure as he knew that what he was about to do was not fuck Blaine Anderson. Maybe that’s what he’d set out to do but somewhere along the way that idea had been covertly taken over by the need please Blaine. All of that, the world shifting the realization that this wasn’t just another fuck, or a series of upcoming fucks, all of that was reflected in Blaine’s liquid amber eyes in that tiny moment of waiting. Kurt wanted to dredge up the fear from before, when the weight of all of this had felt like too much and he’d been secretly terrified, but it wouldn’t come. Not with Blaine’s open gaze there, just there before him, and Blaine’s voice, saying that he was ready, and that little nervous laugh. That one laugh that somehow summed up everything inside of Kurt in a way no sound ever should. No matter what happened from this moment on, Kurt knew that he was tied to Blaine and it should have been horrifying to realize that but instead it just was. This wasn’t the same world that had existed a moment ago, everything was new here. Anything was possible.

Kurt felt a smile tug at his mouth and he was smiling at Blaine, to reassure him maybe, to convey that he understood what Blaine was going through, also because how could he not while Blaine clung to him like that? Then he was leaning forward, kissing Blaine just one last time before he reached between them again and took himself in hand. He rubbed slow circles with the head of his cock against Blaine’s entrance and then he was slowly pushing inside. Blaine was still so fucking tight. So tight. “It’s okay.” He heard himself say. “Try bearing down, push against me and relax, and breathe.” He didn’t know how he was forming words or thinking words at all because he was inside Blaine and it felt even more incredible than he’d imagined. Blaine was all tight heat and closeness in a way that had never meant anything to Kurt but suddenly seemed like the only thing that mattered. He leaned forward slightly and brushed Blaine’s lips lightly, still he held his place in Blaine and didn’t push any further in.

His body began to shake from the effort of holding back but soon he felt Blaine’s muscles give a tiny bit and he pushed in again, just an inch at a time, always stopping and searching Blaine’s face for any sign that the pain was too much. His free arm stroked down Blaine’s back and he shifted himself a tiny bit closer to Blaine before sliding in the last little bit. He was only about halfway in but that was all this position would allow for. Kurt held very still then, his hand pressing into the small of Blaine’s back and his lips pressing Blaine’s in a silent request. He would wait. Just like this, until he was sure Blaine was okay. It had to be good for Blaine; it had to be because the thought that he could lose this was too much to handle right now.

Just that tiny half thought made Kurt shiver as he waited for some sort of sign from Blaine. So he pressed his lips closer to Blaine’s and drew him in to a deep, lingering kiss. Nothing mattered, that was the ironic thing. Ten minutes, twenty minutes ago, Kurt had thought the only that mattered was fucking Blaine into the mattress. Many times. Now, nothing mattered but this, and Kurt didn’t even have a name for this or a point of reference for what this might be. It just was, and it was everything and Kurt’s chest actually ached from the sweetness of it and his heart stuttered as he poured his whole being into that kiss, that space, that moment.

In the time that it took Blaine to form the words “Oh, God,” when he felt Kurt’s cock pressing against him, Kurt was already pushing in, and Blaine’s mind went blank, then started racing with thoughts and feelings. The first feeling to register and stick was discomfort, which quickly gave way to pain. It was never too much, but his face turned up into a wince for a moment at the initial shock of it anyway. His fingers curled downward on Kurt’s back and held tight, muscles tense and trying and failing to relax and go back to the calm he had moments before. “Hurts, Kurt,” he whimpered, then tried to breathe in again. “Does it always hurt?” Blaine’s mind was swimming with thoughts that pulled him away from the moment. He wanted Kurt to stop. He wanted Kurt to do anything but stop. He wanted Kurt to hold him tighter and whisper in his ear and kiss him and tell him that everything was going to be okay. Blaine squeezed his eyes shut, trying to fend off the attack of his mind on how he was feeling.

Somewhere, from in the back of his mind, Blaine heard Kurt. “It’s okay.” Blaine wondered absently if it was his mind playing tricks on him, telling him that Kurt had heard what he wanted and answered his thoughts. But then the talking continued, instructions on how to deal with the discomfort. His eyes blinked open at this, and Blaine could still feel Kurt, very hard and very real, pushing inside of him, but he could also feel the way that Kurt’s lips brushed against his so softly that Blaine wasn’t sure he’d really felt them at all. Blaine took a deep breath in, then exhaled, and all at once it was like he could function again. He relaxed and did what Kurt told him to do, pushing his hips down and making sure to take deep, even breaths.

In between breaths and Kurt’s shallow almost thrusts, something gave, and Blaine could feel Kurt pushing further into him. Blaine cried out softly and tilted his head forward so that he was resting his forehead against Kurt’s. He took another deep breath, and air came cool and welcome into his lungs before Kurt stilled and was kissing him again. Blaine caught Kurt’s lips and his hand relaxed against Kurt’s back before sliding down to his waist. Blaine kissed him back slow and thoroughly, and by the time he pulled away, his cheeks were pink, but he wasn’t panting. His breathing was just deeper, coming from somewhere in his stomach rather than his chest. When he trusted his voice not to fail him, Blaine swallowed and opened his mouth. “Feels full,” he said softly, talking almost but not quite into Kurt’s ear. “Not…it doesn’t hurt. Not anymore, but it’s different. I want, I need, I don’t know.”

Blaine shifted his leg on Kurt’s hip and pulled his hips upward, off of Kurt, before pushing slowly back down, sinking until he was back in his starting position. The pleasure that thrummed through his body made Blaine freeze. He blinked, swallowed, and then took a breath. And then another one for good measure. “Oh.” Blaine licked his lips. “That, Kurt. I need that.” So he did it again, lifting his head so that he was looking into Kurt’s eyes, and then he shifted his hips up to do it again, earning a slightly different angle, and Blaine gasped, pleasure flickering through his eyes and across his face. Distantly, Blaine registered that this was sex, that he was no longer a virgin. And then the thought that came immediately afterward was that he couldn’t believe he’d waited so long to feel this kind of pleasure. “I, you can move, Kurt. Please move. I need you to, okay?” His voice grew more frantic the more he spoke, not knowing where it was coming from. One thing he knew for certain, though, was that every second that Kurt was still was another second that he was missing out on the way it felt.

Kurt was back to swallowing hard and he could feel sweat breaking out across his forehead and trickling down the back of his neck while he held to Blaine. Hearing that Blaine was hurting froze Kurt in place. He’d known to expect and thought he was prepared for it but the actual words stuttering out of Blaine’s mouth lanced through Kurt like a knife. Blaine was so much better at vocalizing things that Kurt felt shamed by his lack of whispered reassurances. Instead he trailed light kisses across Blaine’s mouth and waited. He didn’t wait long though; Blaine was speaking again, almost right into his ear. Kurt shivered again, involuntarily, and forced his hips still once more. Blaine didn’t hurt now. Blaine wasn’t hurting, he had to repeat his to himself several times in order for everything to fully register ad sink in but before he could react Blaine did the most unexpected thing, he slid his hips back and up off of Kurt and then down once more. Their eyes met and held and Blaine’s mouth formed a perfect O as the exclamation fell from his lips. Kurt had no idea what his own face was doing because the feeling of Blaine shuddering and clenching around him was overwhelming all his other senses.

Blaine repeated the motion and it was slow and torturous and so damn good, so much better than anything, ever. The drag, the heat, the loss of all control, and everything was Blaine. Blaine in his arms and Blaine around his dick and if there were any conscious thoughts left they were gone now. There was just one thing that sunk in, that seeped through the fog of lust and need clouding up his bran and that was, “You can move, Kurt. Please move. I need you to.” Kurt nodded and his lips parted but no sound came out. He squeezed his eyes shut just for a second blocking out the warm bright eyes in front of him. Kurt tried again, “Okay…okay.” He whispered.

Kurt hadn’t realized just how hard he’d been fighting to be still until he tried to move and found his body refusing to work with him. He had a moment of embarrassment and was smiling sort of crookedly at Blaine before he could stop himself. Then his muscles relaxed and his hips pulled back a tiny bit and the embarrassment passed and was rapidly replaced by a racing need fr more of everything. Or just more of this. Just this.

He held Blaine as carefully as he could, but Kurt knew that he was holding tight, one hand around Blaine’s back and the other trapped for the time being between their bodies. Blaine’s leg, the one over his hip was like a comfort, a warm weight pressing him down and holding him steady as he gently rocked back and forth inside of Blaine. Kurt wanted to bury his face against Blaine, to hide his eyes because he didn’t understand this and he didn’t know what Blaine would see in his face but every time he moved to do just that some new feeling would fleet across Blaine’s face once more capturing Kurt’s attention and pinning him in place. His eyes stayed locked there on Blaine’s face watching, waiting to see what might skirt across Blaine’s features next.

He focused there, on Blaine’s eyes, on his mouth, on the sounds coming out of Blaine because if he let his focus drift lower then he would lose it and flip Blaine to his back and pound into him senselessly. He wanted to, god he needed to, but this was too perfect as it was and there was no way he was going to ruin it. So he kept his pace as steady he could and when he could no longer hold back Blaine’s name tumbled from his lips and he pulled his free hand loose enough to take Blaine’s cock in his hand and he slowly began to jerk him off in time to his thrusting. “Blaine, mmm, Blaine…ohhhh…nnnnng.”

Blaine. Skin. Sliding. Rocking, faster, not too fast, perfect, beautiful, “Blaine.” Whispered like a prayer against Blaine’s mouth and it as the only word in the entire world that meant anything to Kurt. Blaine, Blaine, Blaine.

The sounds that Blaine could hear were quiet noises of whispered groans from Kurt and his own broken whimpers and half inhales as Kurt moved. It was still slow, so achingly slow, and Blaine grasped tighter at Kurt’s back, trying to pull him in closer, deeper. He blinked, and when his eyes opened again, Blaine saw Kurt’s face. His lips were parted slightly, leaving enough room to exhale small puffs of air and to inhale, only to leave a different, more erotic sound rolling off of his tongue. Blaine made a half-noise: Kurt’s lips were gorgeous. They were plump and kiss bruised to a dark red, and Blaine couldn’t help himself from leaning in for just a moment to press a soft kiss against them. When he pulled back, he saw Kurt’s cheeks, flushed red, and Blaine was sure his own cheeks were red to match. There was something about the color on Kurt’s cheeks, though, that was drawing Blaine in.

Blaine glanced down at their bodies, intertwined, and he was hard-pressed to do anything other than shift his hips in time with Kurt’s shallow thrusts and try to remember to breathe. When he focused, forced himself to pinpoint one thing, he could hear the small shifts the mattress was making underneath them. He closed his eyes and let himself feel and hear, and the way that Kurt was thrusting inside of him was intensified. Blaine opened his eyes and clenched around Kurt, tightening both the inner ring of his muscles and the cheeks of his ass. Then, the next time Kurt pushed forward into him, Blaine could feel everything. His eyes raked back up to Kurt’s face and saw the lines in his forehead of concentration, then leveled to his eyes.

Surprise ran across Blaine’s face as he saw Kurt’s eyes. They were hooded and almost unfocused, but there was something behind them that Blaine couldn’t quite decipher. The most surprising, though, was the fact that Kurt was staring right into his eyes, and Blaine looked back at him, searching for some form of understanding until he heard his name cascade from Kurt’s lips. It was the same time that he felt a warm hand on his cock, and Blaine’s mouth dropped open in a quiet sound of need. “Kurt,” he murmured, and the name became a chant as he tensed, having to decide between thrusting into Kurt’s palm and pushing back onto his cock.

“Oh, God. That’s good, so good.” Blaine started to push himself against Kurt a little faster, his breath coming in harsher pants. He leaned his head forward to rest against Kurt’s shoulder and tried to push his hips onto Kurt’s harder, deeper, faster. Before he could think about what he was doing, Blaine dropped his hand down to the one that was wrapped around his dick and covered it with his own, feeling the familiar motion and urging Kurt to move a little more quickly. “F-faster, Kurt. God, you feel so good.” Good wasn’t the right word, and Blaine knew it, but his mind couldn’t find another word. His entire vocabulary had diminished to one syllable words and sounds that Blaine couldn’t begin to describe, and he couldn’t be bothered to worry about it. The only thing on his mind other than faster and good was “More.”

Blaine was so tight. Blaine was so damn good. This, all of this was so damn good, but then suddenly it was so much better. Blaine was clenching down around him and the pressure was so intense Kurt thought for a moment that he was going to lose it and come before he could get any farther. His hand slid down Blaine’s sweat slicked back until he was cupping Blaine’s ass and oh god that was perfect. They were moving together now, carefully and slowly and Kurt was having a difficult time staying focused. His eyes kept trying to roll back in his head and his body fought him for every inch he moved.

Kurt’s dick actually throbbed at the thought of faster and again at the thought of more. He wanted to, he really did. He was forcing this pace as it was and the strain of it was making him feel like he was fighting a losing battle. He wanted to give in and just let go, but if he did…if he did he was risking, well, he felt like he could risk everything. As long as Blaine was into it, enjoying it, asking for more he was safe. The thing was, looking into Blaine’s lust blown eyes; Kurt knew that not only was none of this safe, he didn’t want it to be anyway. Kurt took a shuddering breath, as deep as he could, and he pressed his forehead to Blaine’s and thought about offering some sort of warning, but when his lips parted there was no sound. Instead he just stared into Blaine’s eyes and hoped this wasn’t the worst idea yet.

In a quick but gentle move, Kurt rolled Blaine backward until he lay on his back with Kurt above him. Kurt used his hips to work Blaine’s legs further apart but he never pulled out and he never stopped slowly pumping his fist up and down the length of Blaine’s cock. He did wind up arching his back just so n a way that allowed him to bury his face against Blaine’s neck and then he slid forward and deeper into Blaine than before. Holy crap! “Unnnng.” He moaned incoherently into Blaine’s skin but his body continued from that point on instinct. Everything was heat and drag against his dick and Blaine beneath him and faster, yes faster, and deeper, deeper still. Kurt released Blaine’s dick and wrapped both hands around Blaine’s legs and held tight, trusting that Blaine would have enough friction with his cock trapped tightly between their bodies. If not, then they could always move again. Right now there was just this need that had to be answered between them. Faster. More.

Here, in the crook of Blaine’s neck, buried to the hilt in Blaine’s ass, Kurt felt unhinged. His lips tried to kiss, but his breath was coming too fast, his hands slipped along Kurt’s thighs, and he just let the fuck go.

Blaine could feel it when Kurt decided that faster was going to happen. He saw it in the way that Kurt looked at him, lips parted almost like he wanted to say something and then decided against it at the last minute, but he could also feel the way that Kurt’s thrusts became that much deeper. And Blaine would have sworn that there was something in the air that changed, too. It was almost dangerous, and Blaine knew then that neither of the two were in control of the situation, and Blaine was far more okay with that than he felt he should have been.

Instead, all he could process was that he was being rolled onto his back, and then he was staring into Kurt’s face as he let his legs fall open and then were pushed wider still, watching as Kurt pushed further in, started to move faster. Blaine gasped and his entire body shuddered, but Kurt was still sinking into him deeper, and then again, deeper, and then Blaine really was full. “Oh, my God, Kurt. That, ah, so good. You feel so good.” Long, strong fingers wrapped around his thighs, and Blaine had to remember how to breathe when his attempt came out in a heady whine that trailed off into an outcry of something resembling the phrase “Oh, God.” He sucked in a deep breath, coming away this time with the smell of Kurt’s hair and his sweat and the smell of sex and it was overwhelming with the way that his chest and Kurt’s chest were rubbing against his cock.

For a while, there was near-silence as Blaine pushed back against Kurt, felt Kurt inside of him. There was the sound of skin slapping against skin, slicked with sweat and seasoned with rustling sheets and a not-quite-creaking mattress. This was joined by heavy breathing and soft noises, and Blaine couldn’t quite tell which noises were his and which were Kurt’s. If he was being perfectly honest, he’d long since given up on trying to figure it out. He could feel himself losing his grip on reality quickly, slipping into a world where every sound that wasn’t no meant yes and more, and he struggled to stay put, where he could feel and single out every single thing that was happening to his body.

Blaine brought his hands up, initially to find purchase on Kurt’s back, to pull him down and hold onto him for stability, but then Kurt thrust into him, or did something, because Blaine’s hands curled into the air and then dropped to the sheets, grabbing at anything he could and he saw stars. His back arched upward and he gasped. “Oh…Kurt. Yes. Oh my God, yes,” Blaine hissed, and then he was babbling, eyes wide and pupils blown as he spoke. “What was that? I don’t… I don’t even, just do it again. Oh my God, Kurt do it again, please. It’s right there, please, please do it again.” The pleasure rolled off of him in waves and crashed with increasing frequency around the pit of his stomach, spreading burning heat through his belly and making his toes curl.

Somewhere in the middle of everything, Kurt hit Blaine’s sweet spot and the game changed once more. He was almost uncontrollable beneath Kurt. He arched and twisted and begged and all Kurt wanted, all he wanted in the entire world was just to make it happen again for Blaine. And again. As much as he loved being pressed tight to Blaine’s body, burying himself in every possible way, he lifted himself up on his arms and maneuvered himself to make the next thrust really count. His shoulders and arms ached and his legs trembled but he slid almost all the way out before thrusting forward once more and there it was. He could feel it all along Blaine’s body and he could see it in Blaine’s eyes and it was on Blaine’s lips. “God Blaine.”

Then it was just a matter of shifting angles and striking again, and again until thought was gone until the room was gone until the world was gone. The only thing that existed was Blaine’s body around him, Blaine’s cries beneath him, and Blaine’s dick back in his fist where it seemed to belong. Kurt wound up on his knees, kneeling between Blaine’s spread thighs, his free hand wrapped around one of Blaine’s legs as he literally pounded in and out of Blaine with abandon. For his part, Blaine looked nothing like he did when he arrived in Kurt’s room earlier. He was flushed, deeply so, sweat gathered and rolled off him, and his gelled hair was in complete disarray, the gel no longer holding. Kurt fully intended to get his hands in that hair at some point but right now, all he could do was this, and he had to hold on for all he was worth.

He had to hold on even though there were no real thoughts left, only the desire to see Blaine come. Soon, he hoped, because Kurt was sliding toward the precipice now. How could he not, he was only human. There was only so much of this intense pleasure that any one man could take and every feeling was heightened by the sounds coming out of Blaine’s mouth. And wow how had he ended up down here again, sliding his chest against Blaine’s? He had no idea but Blaine’s legs were wrapped around his middle now and while he still had his hand on Blaine’s dick he couldn’t actually move his hand in this position, he was mainly just gripping tight and letting Blaine do the moving.

He wanted to be kissing Blaine, but his mouth just slid along Blaine’s jaw as he tried to remember to breathe when all he could do was pound his hips against Blaine’s with less and less rhythm. The precipice was looming and Kurt was speeding toward it now, he just hoped that Blaine was right there with him.

Kurt’s rocking turned into thrusting as Blaine begged him to hit that spot again, asking with his body and pleading with his lips. Blaine stopped attempting to understand where his feelings were coming from, choosing instead to let his eyes close and let his hands tangle and clutch inside of the sheets. Every time Kurt grazed against his prostate, Blaine’s mouth worked, making more sounds, noises, encouragement, until Kurt shifted his angle just so and Blaine lost the ability to speak. Then, Blaine tried to inhale and his breath caught in his throat, jaw dropped as he tried to swallow, tried to do something, anything, but all that he could do was keep rocking against him. Breathing came later, when Kurt moved again and Blaine could do something other than rut against him helplessly.

Then, though, Kurt was too far away, and Blaine found the mind power to force his legs to work, to wrap around Kurt’s body and pull him closer, have him closer and touching, because even if he’d wanted it faster, Blaine needed to be close to Kurt, needed to feel the humanness to what they were doing. Kurt obliged without a second thought, falling back into something similar to earlier, with Kurt’s hand back to his cock and stroking quickly. It took Blaine a moment before he placed that each of Kurt’s thrusts were punctuated with another stroke, each ending with Kurt twisting his wrist just so and leaving Blaine’s mouth dry as sensation flooded and overwhelmed him. He wanted to be able to hold off, to experience this longer, but Kurt was hot and heavy on his body and in his mind, and the only coherent thought he could form was how much pleasure that brought him.

Blaine could feel his orgasm building inside of him, the warmth that was in his gut ratcheting up to a full-fledged blaze and spreading rapidly as Kurt’s hand kept up its rhythm. It raced down his spine and made his fingers go numb as Kurt’s hips started to lose their pattern. Blaine whimpered and then took a gasping breath. “Kurt, Kurt, Kurt,” he repeated, pausing between each utterance to swallow and to try to stave off the inevitable. It had the opposite effect. Hearing his name, the way that it sounded coming from his own lips: like a prayer, a need, a song, only made the fire burn brighter, and then Blaine’s back was arching, and he lifted a hand from the sheets to hold onto Kurt’s arm. “Oh, God. Kurt, I’m gonna—I’m—” And then he was, what was left of his warning choked off by a surprised gasp as he came, hot and sticky over Kurt’s hand and between their bodies.

His mind was flying. There was nothing for a long moment as he came, giving himself entirely over to the physical sensation, and then there was the mental euphoria of release. Blaine’s body shivered as he came back down to the realization that Kurt was still inside of him, still thrusting, and his body started a protest of being sensitive. He ignored it, instead focusing on the way Kurt felt now that his own immediate pleasure wasn’t the only thing on his mind. Blaine hadn’t realized it was until he could feel the pulse of every thrust, the way that Kurt’s lips slipped almost aimlessly around Blaine’s jawline, until he could feel the beads of sweat that had pooled and dropped and had matted the top of Kurt’s bangs to his forehead on his shoulder and neck.

And then Kurt tensed and Blaine could tell he was coming with the way that his muscles strained, feeling it in the difference of each thrust, and Blaine was left dumbstruck with one realization: Kurt was beautiful like that.

This was it; he couldn’t hold it off any more. He could feel that tug that disconnect between brain and body that somehow felt like pushing up out of his head. Each thrust took him that much higher and soon he would be flying. Then Blaine was close and Kurt marveled at how much those few words could do to him. Before he could think about it Blaine was coming hot and fast over his hand, between them, and Kurt struggled to see his face as it happened, if only for a second. Blaine, oh Blaine, but he was just perfect like that. All sweat, and flushing skin, and parted red lips, and eyes that almost glowed with golden intensity. It was suddenly too much to take in, he couldn’t keep looking so he fell back to kissing, trying to kiss, and he pulled his hand up and hastily wiped it against some part of the sheet before tangling it right into Blaine’s damp curls. Kurt held like that, tight, and close to Blaine as he tumbled over the edge toward his own orgasm.

Kurt strained, tensing everywhere. His hips stuttered and his balls drew up tight and there was that little space of a moment where his gut clenched tight and then he was spilling into the condom, into Blaine, falling, collapsing, sagging, and flying all at once. Free and gone and so, so high. Kurt’s eyes were screwed closed and he was still holding on to Blaine with everything n him and as he came down he relaxed his grip and blinked slowly back to some sort of awareness. Doing so hurt. It shouldn’t hurt at all he was practically boneless atop Blaine as it was but it hurt in his chest like he couldn’t breathe. It reminded him of the same ache from before, deep in the middle of his being and it throbbed with every pounding of his racing heart. He wanted to move, suddenly he needed to be off Blaine, he wanted to roll away or back because he couldn’t breathe and he hurt, and it was overwhelming, but the thought of pulling out of Blaine now was just terrifying and he couldn’t make any of it make sense.

Instead he burrowed against Blaine’s neck and blinked his eyes rapidly against the feeling that he might weep from the contradictions in his body. There, buried in Blaine’s warmth, Kurt relaxed finally and was able to enjoy just resting here. It was okay, he told himself. That was just a really intense orgasm, more intense than he was used to and that’s why he felt so out of control. It made sense. It did, and now he just drifted and let nothing matter, nothing at all. Slowly he withdrew from Blaine’s body and rolled them both back to their sides before wrapping his arms around Blaine and sighing bodily against him.

The first thing that Blaine felt after Kurt came was when he pulled slowly out of him. Blaine inhaled deeply, hardly registering that he was moving back onto his side until Kurt was wrapped around him. When his body was back in functioning order, Blaine tentatively lifted his own arm and let it rest in the space between Kurt’s arm and waist. It was hot and sticky with sweat, but he wanted nothing more than to lie there for a long time, if not forever. He tilted his head to rest against Kurt’s neck, pressing soft kisses as silent thank yous to the side of his neck, under his jaw, and stopping next to his Adam’s apple where he breathed softly. Internally, though, there was almost nothing calm.

Kurt and Blaine had actually had sex. Blaine had come in expecting an explanation for Kurt’s behavior earlier, not this. He’d expected anything but this. He’d expected yelling or hitting, or an ambush, but not…Blaine opened his eyes and blinked before shifting closer. No, he hadn’t expected this at all. Among the wreckage of his expectations somewhere was Blaine’s virginity, gone and forgotten about. Blaine closed his eyes again and curled his body into Kurt’s, hunching over his shoulders and tucking up his knees. When he could feel air in the spaces that Kurt’s body didn’t touch, Blaine rolled over onto first onto his stomach, and then once more so that his back was pressed against Kurt’s chest. He took one of Kurt’s hands and held it in his own, making shapes with the pad of his pointer finger before tugging it over his body to protect himself from his freakout.

Instead of the freakout, however, Blaine found his eyelids getting heavier and heavier, and he wanted to do nothing more than to wrap Kurt tightly around him and sleep away the fears that he had. All of Kurt’s rules were broken. They’d slept together, but would Kurt still say that they weren’t boyfriends? Thoughts clouded Blaine’s post-orgasm haze, and Blaine took a deep breath in, counted to three, and forced himself to exhale the trepidations that they had. They would talk about it. They had to talk about it.

“Kurt?” Blaine asked, his voice quiet but sure. In the silence, Blaine knew it wasn’t the right time to bring it up, to ask the question that he knew somewhere in his chest would ruin everything, shatter the illusion that this was okay and that he wasn’t going to get hurt. He hesitated for a moment, then pressed a kiss to his shoulder, tasting salt and Kurt. His body once again threatened to pull him under, and give him over to sleep and dreams. Even above the covers Blaine was warm and sated, satisfied and comfortable. “I can stay the night here with you, right?” The question was a poor substitute for what he meant to ask, what he needed to ask, because as Blaine tangled his feet and calves together with Kurt’s, he knew Kurt wouldn’t make him leave. Not yet.

Kurt felt warm and heavy now, all over. He was wrapped around Blaine and he couldn’t move at all but somehow Blaine still could. Kurt mumbled a weak protest as Blaine rolled back to his back and again when he rolled all the way over until Kurt was spooning him from behind. Still, he supposed this was nice too and he quickly rolled off the his condom, tossed it in the general direction of the waste basket and proceeded to tuck Blaine right against him. Blaine’s slightly shorter stature came in handy here as Kurt was able to pull Blaine right in under his chin. The position felt natural, it felt good, and right in ways that Kurt never stopped to question. His knees curled into the back of Blaine’s and Blaine pulled his hand around until it was resting over Blaine’s thumping heart. Everything was so cozy and drowsy and nice that Kurt forgot all about things like showers and clean sheets and strict anti cuddling beliefs and he just melted there behind Blaine. His lips found their way to the top of Blaine’s head and he just listened to the quiet sounds of Blaine’s breathing, until Blaine spoke up. Asking to stay.

“As if I’d let you go now.” Kurt murmured and he shook with sleepy laughter. “You belong right here, Blaine.” He added softly as sleep finally pulled him down into unconsciousness.

Kurt slept soundly through the night. If there were dreams they were pleasant because when he began to come to he felt a sort of warm lingering presence all around him. He didn’t want to let it go so he fought to keep relaxed and asleep, but try as he might he was waking up and soon the real world would invade his peace. Kurt rarely had peace. He hadn’t known real peace for years and even the majority of his nights were spent in sleeplessness or nightmares. So to imagine being tucked in a warm bed with a warm body n your arms, to imagine intimacy and caring, things he never sought in realty because people couldn’t be trusted, well it was too nice to let go of. He clung to it, he clung to the false hope, he clung to the imaginary boy in his arms even as he cursed himself for the weakness of the moment.