Chapter 8

Blaine looked at Kurt in apprehension, stilling to wait for further instructions. He shut his eyes, biting his lips when Kurt started roughly messaging his balls. He let out a low moan when Kurt´s hand slid up, brushing the sensitive skin before dipping lower. Immediately Blaine spread his legs wider, in an attempt to silently plead Kurt for more than he was giving. That was what made Kurt give in, sliding one digit over the soft pucker in fascination.

“Sh-Shit, please.”

Kurt gently shook his head and let both hands run over Blaine´s upper body, seizing himself at just how much he enjoyed Blaine´s frustrated sigh. In a replica of Blaine´s sensual prelude, he kissed down Blaine´s cheek, then down his ear, nibbling on the earlobe while his hands massaged the whimpering mans nipples. Then he licked a trail down Blaine´s neck sucking on the spot above his collarbone that made Blaine´s breath hitch at contact. The moan of his name, muffled by the arm Blaine had thrown over his face, made Kurt beam with satisfaction. He had done that. For once he had the power and it made him feel lightheaded.

“Do you want to come?”

Blaine nodded sharply. "Please. Touch me.”

“I don´t think I will.”Kurt grinned dirtily at having Blaine trapped below him on the sofa.

Biting his lips in frustration, Blaine only sank further into the couch with any attempt to move against Kurt, who started to lick and nibble on his throat again, one hand slowly trailing down Blaine´s body, following the happy trail down and to the erection that was leaking pre-cum. Gently, he let the back of his nails run up and down in the underside of Blaine´s cock, relishing in the sounds he caused. When Blaine tried to speed things up by snapping his hips up, Kurt´s other arm pressed him down and he continued his lazy movements, leisurely drawing circles on Blaine´s balls.

“Kurt!” Blaine yelled, face red with pleasure. "Please! oh- oh god.”

Kurt laughed, blowing cold air against Blaine´s wet neck, watching the goose bumps rise. "What? You wanted me to touch you.”

“Plea-please. That´s n-not enough.”

Blaine´s eyes clenched shut when Kurt´s hand finally encased the erection and very slowly started to move his fist down. "Is this what you wanted?" The low moans escaping Blaine´s tightly clenched jaw made Kurt only demand more. He finally gave in to the urge to kiss Blaine, the desperate look on his face along with the bright red of his bitten lips now irresistible. Kurt sighed at the familiar taste that came along with the kiss. The kiss they shared was as intimate as their touches and when Blaine threw his head back in pleasure, Kurt subconsciously followed his. After one more kiss, Kurt let go and sat up, noticing the foreign heat between his legs and felt comprehension slowly catch up with him.

Everything stopped.

Kurt frowned, releasing Blaine´s cock to stroke his own, now hard, in wonder. The simplest touch made his toes curl and his eyes roll back. It scared him. He darted up from the couch. “I – I –“ he stammered, backing off, ignoring Blaine's worried expression. "Excuse me.”

Walking was awkward when you were hard, but Kurt found that running was even worse. He managed to get to the bathroom anyway, letting the door bang shut behind him. The brightness of the light startled him and it took a second or two to remember why he had fled in the first place. Once more, he looked down at his cock, still finding it mostly hard. Kurt glanced up, not knowing what to do and saw his face in the mirror. Hallowed cheeks with tight stretched, pale skin he was familiar with, but something was different. He stepped closer, looking carefully, and noticed his pupils were blown wider than he had ever seen them.

How was all of that possible? Normally it took forcefully shutting out his panic and disgust of sex in addition to stimulation to get hard and often it vanished quickly. Most men didn´t care enough to pay his needs any attention either when they were controlling him.

Control.

Tonight it had been him that was in control. Everything they did was meticulously planned out by him and he´d be able to stop at any time. He had stopped just now and Blaine had not forced himself on Kurt. That was still a possibility though. The memory of the dream in which he´d been raped by Blaine was enough for his penis to get flaccid and his heart to flutter in fear. He didn´t know what Blaine would do now, but he´d get through it. He always did, even though it had never felt that difficult to do.

There was a knock to the door, before Blaine came in. He remained at the door, as if he was afraid to startle Kurt, but Kurt still steeled himself for the inevitable, every hint at desire gone from his body.

“Kurt, are you alright?” Blaine asked softly. "Did I do something wrong?”

All the fear drained from his body. Blaines assumption left little room for doubt, even with Kurt´s cautious nature. "No. Oh god no, Blaine.” He walked to him, hands hovering over the shoulder. Now that they did not have sex, it felt awkward for Kurt to interact with him."You were perfect.”

“Are you sure? I want you to be comfortable. We don´t have to have sex today, and you don't have to top if you dont want.” The hand grabbing at Kurt´s felt as gentle as only Blaine´s could be. "We can just go watch the movie. Or we could cuddle. Just - as long as you feel good about it, I´m fine.”

The lingering mistrust vanished and Kurt stepped back into the persona he had created. Kurt´s muscles loosened as he let himself kiss Blaine softly. "Its my fault.” He admitted.

Blaine didn´t seem surprised, just cupped Kurt´s face with his free hand. "Dont be ashamed. It was a ridiculous request to ask you to top when you dont always get hard. You tried and made me feel good and that is more than I ever should have asked for.”

“I got hard.” Kurt blurted out.

“Oh.” Blaine did not to seem fazed at all, he just remained a steady force Kurt easily felt himself being drawn to against his will. "Then why did you leave so suddenly?”

Before that moment, lies had come so easily to Kurt. Now they seemed to weigh on his tongue, letting him finally tell Blaine a small portion of the truth. "Because it surprised me. No one has ever gotten me hard without endless attempts of blowing or stroking me to at least get something out of it for them. It caught me off guard.”

Kurt expected him to laugh, or maybe preen at the compliment, but he only seemed concerned, so Kurt tried to kiss away his doubt. It started off soft but quickly Kurt set a different pace, licking his way into Blaine´s mouth and pressing his body flush against Blaine´s. Soon Blaine was just as enthusiastic, hands running up and down Kurt´s body, but Kurt wouldn´t have it. It was finally his turn to take control.

“Go and get the lube and condoms.” Kurt growled, pushing Blaine away. After a slight hesitation, Blaine complied, going straight back to the bedroom. Kurt followed, standing by the bed and waiting until Blaine had the utensils, then laid on the bed.

“Join me.”

Blaine did, positioning himself on top of Kurt, who began slowly teasing the other man. He ran his hand ran up and down Blaine´s crack, lingering on the pucker he found before moving on, and running the other up and down Blaine´s thigh while scraping his teeth carefully against one of Blaine´s hard nipples. It didn´t take long to have Blaine hard and leaking against Kurt´s stomach and thrusting in an attempt to find more friction.

Kurt continued teasing the other man until he could feel himself getting hard, finally allowing it. Blaine was rubbing his wet erection against Kurt´s and for a moment they lost themselves in the pleasure and moans of each other, movements getting faster as the pleasure increased. Kurt´s body shook as he stopped Blaine from moving this time but he needed to do what Blaine desired to most.

“Please, Kurt. I need you to touch me. I need to come.” Blaine begged.

Kurt didn´t give him an answer at first, watching as Blaine started trying to find something to help him find friction.

“You won´t come from anything but riding my cock, Blaine.”

Blaine stopped and Kurt doubted his choice before realizing how Blaine´s gaze had become even more heated. Kurt giggled lightly at seeing how disheveled Blaine looked, his normally tame curls messy and only one sock still on, but he didn´t feel guilty because Blaine just giggled along, as if understanding Kurts thought process, and soon they were back at kissing heatedly, the broken moment forgotten about.

“I want your cock in me.” Blaine forced out between moans "Now.”

Kurt hummed, spreading Blaine´s ass cheeks and let his knee rub against the sensitive skin of Blaine´s lower body. It was a sight to behold to see Blaine so frustrated and needy above him and he started to understand another reason for being hard. Thinking about his own leaking erection let his resolve break and he grabbed the lube. Before he could even offer to prepare Blaine, however, it was ripped from his hand and the desperate man had two fingers buried into himself. Hungrily, Kurt watched digit after digit disappear only to reappear again. He needed to feel what it was like to cause someone else such intense feelings, because Blaine´s face was serene and his gasps and moans were the music caused by the pleasure he must feel. It was surprising, seeing someone enjoy what Kurt had to endure.

“N-now? Kurt! Now!”

“Not now.”

Hesitantly Kurt held the wrist of the hand that Blaine was preparing himself with and for a few seconds he didn´t look away from Blaine´s blazing eyes. Then he moved Blaine's hand with his, up and down, driving the finger in and out and in, altering the angles of his thrusts. His own erection was quickly becoming painful but he couldn´t take his eyes away. Not yet. Not when it still fascinated him how he learned which angle and which speed made Blaine moan the loudest. Which made him yell out Kurt´s name is distress. What made him look as Kurt as if he was the center of the universe.

“You are so beautiful, Blaine” He whispered into Blaine´s face, barely realizing what he was saying. The attempt at a smile he received in return was more than enough to satisfy. 

He gave Blaine´s erection one last stroke while driving Blaine´s hand in fast and deep before pulling it out. He wanted to tease and wait, Blaines fumbling with the condom quickly crumbled the last of his resolve. He swatted Blaine´s hand away, pulling it down himself and he barely had it fully on before Blaine was on top of him, impaling himself on Kurt´s cock.

The tight heat was like nothing Kurt had ever felt before. His experiences with sex had nowhere prepared himself for the wall of pleasure that hit him as Blaine sank down to what felt like the last inch of the base of his cock.

“Blaine.” Kurt breathed out against Blaines shoulder. He felt the body above him move, using an arm on the couch cushion and his legs to pull up. Kurt´s hands instinctively held on to Blaines hips, pushing him higher as he felt the friction suck out all the air in his body. His head was thrown back, lips tightly pressed together to hold in anything he´d regret doing because of how this felt.

“Kurt. Look at me.” After opening his eyes, Kurt lost all inhibitions. He moaned again as he thrust his hips up, stealing both mens breath. With every motion, they became more synchronized, learning how the other would move and to move in return. Kurt found himself holding on to Blaine, desperate for reassurance. Along with the intensity, Kurt never lost the purely gentle feeling that was Blaine. It was always reachable, even as he bit into Blaine´s shoulder and drove into him at an angle that made his cock go in even further and repeated his movements, fast and rough. It felt incredibly good. His hips pushed up whenever Blaine moved down, creating friction and immense pleasure.

Sex didnt hurt for once.

When Blaine came, Kurt felt the mans entire body tense on his cock and that threw him over the edge as well, Blaine riding him until both were completely spent. Their lips were left connected, tongues exploring and following each other with every movement.

Kurt´s hands never stilled on Blaine´s body, stroking and squeezing to elicit another moan from Blaine, that vibrated through his body. It felt intense and warm to be so close without promise to more. Right now, Kurt was high on want and desire he granted himself. He knew that it was a temporary feeling so he made sure to know every slope, ever dimple of Blaine before he let reality catch up with him.

“I don´t want to stop.” Blaine whispered between kisses.

“Me neither. God, Blaine.”

He felt himself harden again, still inside of Blaine´s body. When they had sex for the second time that day, Kurt never once let his eyes wander from Blaine´s, his hands holding on to Blaine as if he was his anchor and Blaine holding on to his as if Kurt was his.

X

Blaine´s own album was playing in the background, after Kurt had insisted that they´d listen to it. Blaine had sunken powerless back down onto the couch once it was running, lying down to face Kurt, his eyes closed in exhaustion. Still, Kurt felt Blaine´s hands running down his torso, gentle like a light breeze but causing a sizzling in his skin like the currency between connected wires. It was Kurt´s turn to look and force himself not to think too much but to see Blaine and memorize his features. His soft eye-lashes that curled long and thick on Blaine´s round cheeks. His triangle eyebrows underneath soft curls sticking to his forehead. His plump lips Kurt reached out to kiss again. The fact that unlike him, Blaine had no creases on his forehead but light wrinkles by his eyes, only noticeable when they were accompanied by the dimples in Blaine´s cheek when he was smiling like he was at that moment.

All the lights on you are alive

But you can´t point the way to your heart

So sublime when the stars are aligned

Kurt´s breath got stuck in his throat when Blaine reopened his eyes and looked at him. The way his chest felt too full, breaking at the seams, was foreign to Kurt but when he looked into Blaine´s hazel eyes, always focused on him, he knew that he wasn´t alone in all this. Solitude was nonexistent when Blaine did everything to stay connected and Kurt had cautiously let him in.

“But you don´t know” Blaine sang along to his own song, his voice joining the record. “You don't know the greatness you are.”

Cause Blue eyes

You are destiny´s scene

Cause Blue eyes

I just want to be the one

Not for the first time, Kurt wished for time to stand still and to stay in this moment forever. Surrounded by Blaine´s beautiful voice like a blanket. Here he could forget all his sorrows and stop thinking and just bathe in the feelings keeping him warm. Still there were so much more he wanted to do before he had to return to his true self that he sat up when the slow song ended and grasped Blaine´s hand.

“I want to draw something for the charity auction.” He said, pulling on Blaine´s hand. Giddiness seemed to bounce randomly through his body as he smiled down at the blissfully stretched out Blaine.

“Now?” Blaine mumbled into the cushion.”Can´t we just stay here a bit longer?”

“But I am inspired now.”

No further complaint was given, because somehow that was all it took to convince Blaine to take his outstretched hand and follow him to the art room. It was strange how the foreign apartment had become so familiar to Kurt, that he didn´t even need to see where to walk.

Kurt also noticed his skin feeling different now, when he moved, but not uncomfortable. There was no need for shame when both of them looked disheveled. Kurt just hoped he´d be half as cute as a tired and blissful Blaine. This was what he wanted to draw as well, now when Blaine was no longer a rich benefactor, but the man he had slept with.

The man that Kurt didn´t know received a look like he was special to him.

“Clear canvases are there in the corner, choose whatever size you want. I´ll get you the paint and brushes.”Blaine walked over to what looked like a huge treasure chest. It gave Kurt a nice view of his butt when he leaned down and he felt himself blush for some reason when he saw the tip of Blaine´s cock peak out between his thighs. He distracted himself with picking a medium sized canvas.

”Do you already know what you want to draw? The demand on art is very diverse so don´t ask for an expert´s advice.” Blaine´s voice came muffled from inside the huge chest.

“You.” Kurt said.

Blaine stilled before turning around with the widest smile Kurt had ever seen anyone wearing. He automatically answered with a closed-lipped smile that was his very own sign of happiness. One of them was the first to move, but by the time they met in the middle of the room to kiss, art supplies pressed between their bodies, Kurt had forgotten whom. Both laughed when they pulled away, neither sure why but not really caring about that.

I´ve been roaming around

always looking down

And all I see

“Should I pose for you in all my glory?” Kurt giggled again when Blaine flexed his muscles, dropping several bottles of paint in the process.”Let my naked body be your muse and my massive muscles be painted for the world to admire? Make all of them hot, bothered and jealous of what your eyes have stared at for hours?”

Painted faces fill the places

I can´t reach

You know that I could use somebody

Kurt knelt down to pick up the  scattered paint, enjoying the gasp when he softly kissed Blaine´s soft penis before he stood back up. The expression on Blaine´s face was forcefully calm but his pupils were blown so wide, it tempted Kurt to try and get back to what they´d done beforehand once more. Instead he winked before walking away with swaying hips, over to the easel by the side of the room, leaving Blaine standing there with his mouth agape.

“As much as I would like to have you standing there like this, I´m afraid I need your help much more. I have never been good at drawing so it´s either your hand guiding mine and we pretend it´s my work or you will have to try and explain why a stick figure is the newest must have for every art fan.”

“You don´t give yourself enough credit.” Blaine said, as if he truly meant it. He still strode over and put the canvas onto the easel, before positioning himself flush against Kurt´s back. “But if it gives me the opportunity to stand behind you like this and pretend it´s just for the sake of art, I´ll gladly comply.”

You know that I could use somebody

Kurt was handed a brush and struggled with picking a color while hands ran up and down his body, dipping into every nook.”Is this how you always teach people how to draw? It seems rather distracting.”

“No, I´ll make you an exception. You see, to understand the structure of a body, you have to be able to understand each part of it. See,” Blaine cupped and then messaged his shoulders before letting his hands slide down, ”the width of shoulder blades, the muscles in your upper arms, the dip of the elbow and the delicacy of wrists has to be felt before it can be brought down onto the canvas.”

Kurt shivered at every word and touch, grip tight on the brush because otherwise he´d drop it. “Then shouldn´t I be the one exploring your body to understand every part of it?” He asked.

 “You already have. So many times.”

Someone like you

“Did they feel like enough to you, though?” Kurt asked, grinning cheekily at Blaine as he turned his head to him.”Should we stop touching?”

“I can never get enough of you, Kurt. Right now I need to be selfish and you will have to be a good student and pay attention to what I am trying to teach you or else we will have to have many more art lessons. ”Blaine´s hands ran back up his arms and then down his back to his ass.”All of me practically belongs to you, so technically my teaching methods work because you will understand my body because I do yours.”

It was bogus and Kurt gladly took that in stride when he dipped his brush first into hazel brown before applying a jade green on top of it.  The brush strokes were delicate after he got the hang of it, barely seeable if it weren´t for the stark contrast of white and his mixture of darker colors.

Meanwhile Blaine did exactly as he had promised, fingers running over Kurt´s torsos. “Feel the dimples in the back before the body curves out for two spectacular globes and then down into lean calves-“
“Blaine, you are not helping much.” Kurt interrupted. His breathing had started to become heavy under the attention his ass cheeks were given, messaged by broad hands.

“Why? What am I doing wrong?”

“You are distracting the great artist from his work. These are not circumstances this great artist can deal with.”

Blaine´s laugh vibrated against his back.”Oh, is that the case? Am I distracting you with my hands?” He drew patterns on Kurt´s hipbones next. ”As a teacher I am responsible for what you learn. The shape of hipbones that I shouldn't feel because you need to eat more, love. The valley of your stomach, the bumps of your ribcage, the flutter of your heart underneath that. It´s your body, my body, the art you are.I can´t teach you any better.”

 And all you know and how you speak

“I want to draw you though, not me.” Kurt said to distract from the warmth he felt at Blaine´s words.

“I am nothing compared to you.”

“That´s rubbish. I am too thin, pale as a ghost and my nose is awfully large. And have you seen my toes? One is so crooked, it´s a miracle it hasn´t broken yet.”

Blaine twirled him around then, ruining the canvas because the brush slipped over it as Kurt tried in vain to draw a sleeping Blaine.”You are imperfectly perfect to me.”

Kurt sighed, which made Blaine poke him in return and caused him to laugh.”Hey, I meant that, Kurt.”

“You have to say that though. It´s called telling white lies to people you date one-o-one. The truth would not be as wisely spoken.”

“Is that what you do?” Blaine frowned and let his hands fall to his sides.”Telling me lies to appease me?”

“No, I-“
“Because I don´t need that. I know I am not perfect, no one is. So whatever you think you need to hide from me, let me be clear, is something I could deal with. Tell me when you have a problem with me. Don´t let it fess to blow up at some point in our relationship.”

Kurt´s world crashed a bit just like that. Like someone had tilted something enough to let it roll dangerously close to the tables edge, far enough to let him glimpse the ground miles below. Reality crept up to him and suddenly he felt cold without his clothes on. This was not his actual life and it never would be. Everything he thought he had felt last night, now, needed to be tugged in tightly, next to the dreams of his childhood. He was a prostitute, sex should not impact him, it should repulse him. Realitiy was him being raped daily.

Countless lovers undercover of the street

You know that I could use somebody

You know that I could use somebody

“I am not lying to you just because I won´t always speak my mind.” He chose to say. Hands returned to caress his body and it was so easy to slip back into the pretense of a life he had built. Just for now he needed somebody he could use to keep his dream alive.”This night has meant so much to me, so please, I don´t want it to be ruined by a fight.”

“You´re right.” Blaine sighed.”I am sorry. We should really back up and let you finish your masterpiece for the auction.”

Someone like you

They did exactly that, Kurt getting frustrated because drawing was way too hard and how could one eye be so easy to draw if the other looked like crap, while Blaine was focused on reexploring Kurt´s body. Kurt hissed whenever Blaine would brush over sensitive skin or over the marks Blaine left on him earlier and more than once the brush slipped and ruined what Kurt was working on. The outline of a standing Blaine was mostly finished after twenty minutes, looking like a stiff figure with mismatched limbs and very disproportional body parts. It was horrible.

Off in the night while you live it up

I´m off to sleep

Waging wars to shake the poet and the beat

I hope it´s gonna make you notice

“Have I told you that I love your nose? I think it´s the cutest nose I have ever seen.” Blaine randomly mumbled into his shoulder blade.”Apart from your ass that is very distracting from your face sometimes. And your cock, yes I can´t not mention your cock at the list of things I love. But don't worry I love everything about you equally.”

Love. The word clogged up Kurt´s throat.

Someone like me

“You won´t like me that much once you take a look at how I have drawn you.”

Blaine peeked over his shoulder, hooking his chin over it. Silence filled a moment, before Blaine could express his opinion. That did tell a whole story in itself, not that it surprised Kurt. There was either very bad lying to come, or brutal honesty of an art critic.
“It is unique, let me tell you that.” Blaine finally said, which said nothing at all.

“Every painting is. Mine just is uniquely bad. The canvas was a very bad choice for my first try at drawing. I will repay you and then I can touch you a little while you create something beautiful for the auction to make up for my failed attempt.”

“No.” Blaine instantly complained.”It´s interesting, keep on drawing, use colors and have fun with what you do. If people don´t appreciate it, I certainly do.”

“Blaine, come on.”
“You didn´t actually think I´d let anyone outbid me, did you? I want your art and the remembrance of this moment for us and not for somebody else to misinterpret the meaning and pride himself on  someone else's piece of memory.”

Kurt´s breath got caught, his tongue dry as sandpaper.”Don´t be dramatic. It´s just a horrible drawing of you.”

“It´s your very own style of expressing your feelings. It doesn´t have to be pretty to have meaning to me. It means something to me because you are important to me.” He watched as Blaine slid between the easel and himself, his hazel eyes swimming with emotions.”I´ve been wanting to tell you for quite some time now and waited for the right moment to come up and present itself but why wait?”

Kurt slightly shook his head, knowing Blaine´s next words but not able to stop them. They hit him right into the guts, making him bite down on his lips and tipping him until he feel off the edge and the fantasy shattered.

“I am in love with you, Kurt.”

In love.

Kurt closed his eyes. Blaine, in love with him. Someone loved him.

 Blaine loved him.

“You don´t have to say you return those feelings yet.”Blaine added as if to placate him. ”I can wait for that but I couldn´t wait with letting you know that you are loved.”

It was almost comical to the point where Kurt felt like laughing until his stomach protested and tears would flow over his cheeks. In love with a whore. Every night, different men had sex with Kurt, treating him like a doll they could use. But some promised him his love. The construct of stupidity, people were made to believe to distract them from the sharpness that was reality. Kurt was no such fool. This, everything that had happened in the past day, had been nice while it lasted, but ultimately that was all it was. A little indulgence while his plan worked out.

He should be elated because Blaine falling in love with him was the step he needed to have a chance of saving Finn. It was deception he needed to do next and Kurt was no longer focused on his own happiness but on the goal he had reached for weeks. He ignored the doubt coming with it and the guilt at leading someone on he couldn´t hate. For one reason or another, it felt soothing to release Blaine from his plight, even though it was a lie.

“I love you too.”

Blaine´s eyes widened before they glistened in unshed tears. His light laughter tugged at Kurt´s heart but he paid it no attention.”That scares me a bit, Kurt.” Blaine kissed him, long and deep. His hands felt almost painful with the grip they had on Kurt´s shoulder and neck.

“Why does it scare you?”
Blaine hugged him tightly against his naked body.”The last time someone said that to me, he didn´t mean it. I thought I would never dare to give someone all of me before you came along. You changed everything.”

Now it was Kurt´s turn to hug Blaine closer, hoping the guilt would subside along with the feeling of giddiness he tried to quench. There was no time to dwell on that.

“Don´t worry, I´ll take good care of your heart.” Kurt said around the lump in his chest.”I will take care of you.”

“Good. Because I have no intentions of letting you off the hook now.”

Nothing had ever been so reassuring and painful at once for Kurt.

I´ve been roaming around always looking down

And all I see

X

Hours later, hiding in the bathroom to avoid waking Blaine, Kurt let go and cried. Cried over what he had let himself feel, even though it was for a limited amount of time, cried because of the guilt he felt and the shame over what he´d let himself become. Blaine was just a few feet away, smiling in his sleep and hugging a pillow that substituted for Kurt. That just made him feel worse.

x

“Okay we established now, he´s too young for an annual ticket to museums and too old for a scooter. Though I still think a lexicon is something he´d be happy about. It´s great for doing homework or looking things up.”

Kurt shook his head, forcing a smile. Being with Blaine was more strenuous now that it made him feel awful about himself instead of hateful towards the man holding his hand in the mall. Also, he´d found himself slipping into his fantasy of a real relationship now and then, which was frustrating.

“Sometimes I wonder if you are an old men, forever imprisoned in the body of a 26-year-old, Blaine. Why else would you come up with ideas that only a senior would be happy about receiving as a birthday present?”

“Hey, if that is true, what does it make you?” Blaine teased back. His free hand held up a book about Vincent van-Gogh which made Kurt raise one eyebrow.”You always pick out things he is too old for, Mr. 21.”

“Rollerblades can be used by people of any age.”Kurt countered.

“Yes, but I have yet to see a twelve year old wear a Pokémon backpack.”

Kurt dragged him away from the book section, knowing Finn was not someone who enjoyed reading. People regarded the couple bickering in the aisles, mostly with friendly faces. Not that Blaine would have stopped showing the world his affection to Kurt if they hadn´t, he was constantly hovering around him. 
Kurt stopped in front of the shelves holding water pistols and Nerf guns, eyes drawn to the prices first. One of those was the one Finn had wished for and that would at least be a start. “For the record, I know that my brother would like the best Nerf gun, so you can take your grandpa stuff and we´ll see what he likes better.”

“Is that a challenge, Kurt?” Blaine wiggled his eyebrows.”Because you have to know that I don´t take challenges lightly. I intent on winning.”

Kurt pulled down the cheapest Nerf gun that looked like it was worth more than the money he´d spent on it, before putting it back and going for the one with the most features for twice as much. “You should rather be prepared to lose.” He pointed the Nerf gun at Blaine.

“What?” Blaine said, stealing the package from him.”Is the lawyer instinct coming through? Will I be convicted?”

He knew this was the time to joke but he was too tense and his life had never offered many things to laugh about. Instead he just forced a smile and grabbed the gun out of Blaine´s hands before walking off into another direction. He´d have to steer clear of feelings and stick to his plan.

“We will find out which presents he likes better when you give him his on his birthday.” Kurt said drily.

Blaine was beside him in seconds, carrying another Nerf Gun. The other hand shot out to take Kurt´s again.”Oh my God.” He then said overly loudly.

“What?” Kurt looked around, expecting to see something that could have caused Blaine´s astonishment.”Please tell me you have just spotted a discount on Dior suits.”

A look at Blaine however revealed that it was Kurt he was looking at with wonder. It was intense enough to immediately cause Kurt to avert his gaze. He wondered if Blaine felt the sweat on his palms or the pulse racing in his veins because Kurt was frightened. Scared of the feelings he couldn´t pinpoint and of being caught in his web of lies.

“Kurt.” Blaine said with a fond voice. ”You actually want me to meet your brother? In person?”

“Yes? Is that a bad idea?”

“No! It surprised me that is all.”

Kurt stopped to pick up silver wrapping paper and golden ribbon. He needed Christmas presents as well, it was right around the corner and Finn whined a lot if he only got one present for both occasions. “Why does it surprise you?”

“You´re secretive.” Blaine picked up red paper.”That is why it´s an honor to meet someone that precious to you.”

“He is.” The next words got caught in his throat before he forced them out. ”But so are you.”

He wasn´t prepared to be spun around and kissed. Soft lips made the lump in his airway dissolve and he unconsciously he opened his to try and get more of Blaine. His body had leaned into Blaine´s as well, seeking out the warmth on this December night.

“Was there a mistletoe?” Kurt breathed inches away from Blaine´s mouth, his eyes still closed.

“I don´t need a reason to want to kiss you. Whenever I do it´s just me giving in to a need I constantly feel.”

Kurt kissed him this time even though he did not want him to shut up.

In the end they had a lot of presents and stuff to load into the town car of Blaine and Kurt decided to take Finn´s birthday presents with him now and leave his Christmas ones at Blaine´s apartment. On the way there they sat in the backseat, shoulder to shoulder, drinking hot cocoa. The drink wasn't the only thing paid by Blaine that day.

“What if he doesn´t like me?” Blaine asked as they were stuck in New York's everlasting traffic jams. “I have never spent much time with children, since I am the youngest in my family. What if I make a grave mistake?”

“You already have when you bought him that damn lexicon.” Kurt joked, mind blissfully numb with kisses and touches that had him tightly spun in his fantasy again.

“You think so? Oh my god, I am not going to give it to him if that is the case. Does he like candy? Is he bribable? Now I´m nervous.”

“No need to be.” Kurt squeezed Blaine´s hand.”He´ll love you just because you make me happy. That´s how Finn is.”

Blaine smiled.

“But don't you dare give him candy. Too much of it and he becomes a tornado that can´t be tamed.”

“Understood. No candy for him.” He kissed Kurt. ”More candy for me.”

Later Blaine was reluctant to let Kurt go but as tomorrow was Finn´s birthday, Kurt would never allow himself to miss their morning ritual. That was why he almost needed to shove Blaine out of the car and only felt his emotions deflate as he watched him vanish behind the foyer door. As always he let himself drive to the door of an uptown apartment afterwards and walked the rest of the blocks to his place when the car was out of sight. 
The fast beating of his heart lingered in his ears while the taste and touch of Blaine remained on his lips.