What a silly thing it is to think that I could magically be ok.

Of course, it was wonderful to hear Jillian's voice every evening. Her soft ebb and flow telling me how she loved me.

Of course it was wonderful to be back at Dalton, back to singing, dancing, pianos, friends.

It wasn't nice to lie.

To have Jeff and Nick fawning over my every move.

To have Trent practically wailing at my ailment.

To spend my off hours in Kurt's room, not doing much other than listen to the quiet lilt of Pavarotti.

To have everyone care and show it all back in there faces be reassuring them over and over that it wasn't anything other than black ice, black ice, black ice.

Rehearsals were freeing but tedious. Wes kept a clinical eye over all the proceedings, making us stop and practice every twelve part harmony that missed one note, every counter-melody that seemed a little too strong. Redoing my choreography wasn't to bad for Hey Soul Sister, I just end up walking around and looking about as bubbly as any injured person can, but on Titanium I had to be completely taken out. It wasn't detrimental to my conscience or anything, I wouldn't want to have to change the choreography for everyone just because I can barely dance, but it did but a bit of a damper on rehearsals.

It was on the first day of our eight hour rehearsals (so lovingly scheduled by Wes) that Kurt looked like he was about to explode with news. I didn't get to talk truly talk to him until the evening though.

As soon as rehearsal let out he glued himself onto my good arm and pulled me carefully up the half-spiral stairs, on which we had met seemingly lifetimes ago.

"Blaine Devon I have so much to tell you that could not possibly fit in a text!"

"Ok?"

"Come on! We can go to my room, I have to feed that bird anyways."

When we reached his room he flew onto his bed, quickly arranging himself like a little Indian prince, and pouring some birdseed in the Warbler's cage, "Ok, so you know how I went over to Brittany's house to meet with the girls?"

Oh.

Interesting...

"Yeah."

"Oh my god! They were so different. I mean it was a little uncomfortable at times, but it was nice to have a break from my boy-filled life. Everyone needs a little pink now and then."

"I'm not sure every guy would agree with that, but ok."

"Well I mean Brittany had no idea what was going on except that her dolphin was in her room, and she kept trying to introduce me to her cat. Mercedes was sweet and pretty remorseful at how she treated me, she spent a lot of the time apologizing, and Tina got a whole new hairdo which looked so good on her, she got rid of all the weird highlights finally. Mercedes also told me about her new wardrobe which does NOT just consist of awkward zebra print! Of course Santana spent the whole time making lewd comments about our relationship..."

He trailed off there blushing. I didn't really understand anything that just came out of Kurt's mouth, but I nodded and gave an encouraging smile.

"I think we could really work things out. I mean, this one get together didn't suddenly make us best friends or anything, but with time, I think it could be good again."

I didn't really like how quickly Kurt was setting his heart out back in the savannah where it could so easily be trampled on by elephants, but I wasn't about to be some kind of jealous, controlling jerk.

"I think it's good that all of you are trying."

"Yeah. Oh my god Blaine, you should have seen Brittany's shrine to her cat. She claims that her religion is Cataism. Seriously, that girl has problems, it's like she is in a permanent state of drug induced highness."

"Isn't most highness drug induced?"

"Shut up. But yeah, she can freak me out sometimes."

"Better to worship cats than something crazy like tarantulas."

"Oh god, a shrine of tarantulas, stop. No. Just...no."

"Someone doesn't like their arachnid friends."

"Arachnids are NOT my friends."

"Shh, Kurt, the ones in the ceiling can hear you."

"Oh god... Now I am acutely aware that they are living over my head, watching me sleep."

"Fun image isn't it?"

"Go away Blaine Devon."

"I'd rather not."

"Fine then, since Pavarotti got his dinner would you care to join me for ours?"

"I'd be delighted." We left the room, "So, question."

"Hmm?"

"Is Santana out and proud at school with her cataistic girlfriend yet?"

"I know that Santana is out but I don't know if people have noticed yet, they are already quite...open with each other. Honestly I don't even know if Brittany would notice, I don't think she understands 'being out'. She asked one time if the reason I dressed so pretty is because I spent a lot of time 'In the Closet'."

"Oh my god."

•••

Simon: you doing alright? How is it being back?

Me: I guess it's good, Dalton is always good, but it's hard

Simon: have you told anyone yet?

Me: no

Simon: Blaine Devon Anderson

Me: oh god, Kurt's rubbing off on you

Simon: don't avoid the question

Me: I can't

Simon: they once said that meningitis patients who lost their hearing could never listen to music and then they invented cochlear implants. Don't say can't.

Me: Fine, but I haven't yet because I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm stuck in a maze

Simon: okay, I'm calling you. Get where you can talk on the phone.

About five seconds later my phone rang, "Wow Simon, you gave me so much time..."

"You in a good place?"

"I'm in my room so..."

"Okay then, I'm getting right to the point. Tell someone before it escalates and you're trapped in a funnel of lies."

"Are you speaking from experience...?"

"Somehow one of the soccer guys, he's already graduated, this was sophomore year, found out. I guess he overheard a phone call to my mom, but soon all the soccer guys were freaking out and asking why I had kept it a secret and it was like they were angry at me for not spilling my soul or something. I can see where they were coming from though, to them I hadn't just kept my life a secret, I had told a horrible lie. Blaine, that wasn't fun ok? Tell them, they won't be mad at you if you just tell the truth. They will probably be mad at your dad though."

"I don't want to worry everyone..."

"They're your friends. They will worry and I believe that they have every right too."

"I just don't know..."

"When do you start counseling?"

"I start on Tuesday."

"Good, it'll help."

"I honestly feel like I might break apart before then."

"It'll be ok. And I do mean that. You have plenty of people who will gladly help hold you together."

•••

School started back with a nuclear bang of rehearsals, homework, exams such that, by the time Tuesday rolled around, I had practically forgotten that my Aunt would be picking me up. About ten minutes before she arrived I ran into Carver in the dining hall.

"Hey Carver what's up?"

"Dude, you're not at rehearsal? That asian kid must have lost his mind."

"Yes, we did have to pry ourselves from Wes' clutches so that we could eat."

"He's to serious. He carries that bang-y thing with him everywhere."

"His gavel?"

"I guess? I was talking in class one time and he probably would have hit me over the head with it if my teacher hadn't walked in."

"Don't mess with that kid's academics."

"So there is a basketball game on tonight. I know it isn't football but it's still cool, want to come watch it?"

"Sure!" I had gone about twenty paces when it came back to me, "Oh! Oh wait! I already have plans?"

"Oh...ok... Wait. Are those plans with my roommate?"

"No they aren't. I'm going somewhere with my aunt."

"Oh, well maybe some other time we can watch a game?"

"Definitely."

"Have fun with your aunt."

I'm not quite sure what this evening will hold.

I walked as quickly as my brace would allow out to the front where my Jillian's car was already waiting.

"I'm so sorry, I forgot all about this..."

"It's fine, how was your day?" She asked as I clambered up into the front seat.

"Fine, crazy, but fine. I saw Ollie strapped into her carseat through the rearview mirror, "Hey O, what's up?"

"You're gonna be my big brother!"

"Um, yeah, I guess I am. Is that ok?"

"It's the BEST! You're gonna teach me how to ride a bike! And mommy said you can sing and play cool music things and so you're gonna teach me that too! Maybe you can sing with me and the princesses and then you can dress up as my prince and I can be Cinderella and we can live happily ever after! And-"

"Don't worry," Jillian leaned over to whisper in my ear, "I'm dropping her off at a friends house."

"And you're gonna make me a bunch of cookies all the time and go swimming with me and take me to the movies when mommy won't and-"

Neither Aunt Jillian nor I said much on the way, both of us just smiling and nodding at all the "wonderful, fantastic, amazing things Blaine is going to do as my new super awesome big brother." It was actually quite nice.

As soon as Ollie jumped out of the car at her friends with a wave, a sparkly purple backpack (my little cousin has style), and a "Bye mom! My Blaine!" the car became quite a bit more serious.

"How are you really?"

I'm starting to hate that question.

"I'm living."

I think she got the point because then she went into mom mode and just started asking me about every aspect of my classes, day, life.

To most kids this would be wildly obnoxious, but to me it was a foreign luxury.

The therapist or consoler or whoever's office was in an old generic strip mall that seemed about as inviting as escargot, but I was trying very hard not to judge the book by it's cover, so I let Aunt Jillian check me in and then amused myself with the waiting room's last-season fashion magazines.

"They are pretty out of style huh?"

What?

A skinny yellow-blonde guy who was probably only about twenty five was smiling down at me.

"Um, yeah..."

"Are you Blaine?"

"Yes?"

"Fantastic, I'm Hayden."

"Nice to meet you."

"Why don't we go back to my office."

Oh.

So he's my counselor.

Interesting.

"Yes, sure."

His office turned out to be a little closet like space painted with fairy-dust-green walls and two plush yellow chairs separated by a desk.

"So to start out, I've been briefed of your case, though any details will need to come from you. Also, your aunt went through great pains to find me so I would probably thank her if I were you. I work with a lot of cases in the lgbt community, I hope you don't mind that your aunt mentioned your sexuality-"

"No, that's fine."

"Good, you seem pretty comfortable with yourself, that's one step ahead of the game. But as I said, I work a lot with people who aren't cisgender as they generally feel more comfortable talking about someone who gets it."

Oh...

"Yes," Hayden chuckled at my expression, "This is my husband, we got married in New York last August." He slipped a picture out of his wallet, it showed him proudly kissing a handsome asian man's cheek. I couldn't help but give a smile at that (albeit a shy and quasi-nervous smile).

"I...um...I didn't really expect there to be that big of a market for a lgbt counselor."

"Well they aren't all 'out of the closet' yet."

"Right, good point."

"So Blaine, we can finish with more introductions as we go along, is there anywhere you would like to start."

Anywhere, everywhere, nowhere.

What cam out was, "I feel quite lost."

•••

We didn't actually get that far into anything, I didn't feel quite ready to divulge my whole soul yet, but it felt wildly liberating to talk to someone who could truly help and look at me with more than a queasy pity in their eye.

I slipped quietly into Jillian's car, staring at my hands because I didn't really know what to say. Just as she started the car I breathed out a barely audible, "Thank you."

"Anytime." She patted my knee.

Who knew that something that small, that normal, could evoke such a tingling glory.

•••

Sectionals.

Oh god.

All twenty eight Warblers stood in the senior commons, adjusting ties, hastily polishing the last scuffs off shoes. Outside the double doors the whole school was waiting to send us off on the bus, any who wished to attend would ride on a later bus.

The air held a not-so-quiet undertone of static electricity. If you lingered long enough in one area you were bound to get shocked.

Thad had already asked me about fifteen times if his pants were ironed good enough and Nick was stalking the room muttering the lyrics to his solo continuously. I looked over at Kurt to see him biting his nails.

"Since when do you ever do anything to your perfect nails?"

"Shut up, I'm nervous."

"I think it's adorable."

"Well yeah you would because you are apparently superhuman and never EVER get nervous for a performance."

"Performing is fun!"

"Yeah, unless you fall on your face and die."

"You won't fall on your face and die."

"Oh really?"

"I'll catch you."

Oh those eyes. He was looking at me with wonderment engraved in polished cerulean. His hand had stilled in his teeth and before pausing to think about how flirty it would seem (and maybe I was sort of going for flirty) I grabbed his hand to stop his teeth from grinding down his perfect nails and held the soft fingers tightly in my own.

His eyes grew even wider.

"Ok, OK! Are we all ready?"

Wow Wes, way to ruin the moment.

"We are going to go out and be professional no matter what happens, but you better win. Deal?"

A chorus of "yeah...?"'s filled the room.

"Good because we are too great to lose. Let's go get 'em." He made an awkward fist pump gesture and then began to open the doors.

As soon as the other students saw us they bust into catcalls and cheers. We were all smiling and fist bumping everyone as they waved good luck signs and streamers. As I passed Wes I gave him a poke, "Nice pep talk, it was quite moving." Wes just gave a refined nod and herded me towards the waiting bus, not catching the dripping sarcasm.

I somehow made it through the crowd still holding Kurt's hand so we shared a seat near the back of the bus. A confetti covered Jeff and David sat down in front of us while Nick and Trent sat beside us. Unlike David, Thad was actually helping Wes with the "official headcount".

"God that would never have happened at McKinley, they would have been throwing slushies, not confetti."

"That's barbaric!"

"Not every place is this kind Trent."

"You two ready to bring the house down?!" David yelled at both Nick and I.

"Yeah!"

Nick looked a little nauseous, "maybe..."

"Oh come on Nick, you're amazing."

"I feel like I'll faint the moment I open my mouth."

"See? That's how I feel! And I'm not even singing a solo!"

"You should totally try out with some crazy Adele song for Regionals."

"I love how you are positive that we are going to Regionals, Jeff, we haven't even sung yet."

St. Trent piped up, "We're wonderful people, I'm sure we will do great."

"Well we can at least beat those old people."

"Old people competing in show choir is just weird..."

"What about New Directions?"

We all looked at Kurt.

"As much as it pains me to say it, they're good. And the judges love their feel good emotions and looks."

"Yes but we sing better right?"

"Well a cappella is a whole different world so..."

"Freak."

"We'll do fine, we have three awesome soloists and as much as he drives me absolutely insane, Wes has done an amazing job."

"Why don't we just sing and not worry?"

"That is so much easier said than done." Nick mumbled.

•••

We all clambered off the bus in a wreck of conflicting emotions. As much as I didn't want to, I finally let go of Kurt's hand. I didn't want today to be ruined by people who couldn't handle two boys who cared for each other. We were immediately rushed into a practice room by Wes where we spent another hour going over everything one last time, and then it was time to go to the green room.

We heard the announcers and judges all make terribly un-enthralling speeches that seemed to last longer than the three kingdoms of Egypt, and then they announced the Hipsters.

We watched from the wings as a bunch of adorable old people sang to the tunes of their youth. It was kind of sad because they had no chance of winning whatsoever, but at least show choir was putting some energy back into their lives.

They walked off stage, their shining blue uniforms disintegrating into the lightless wings, and the announcer came back on.

"From Dalton Academy in Westerville, The WARBLERS!"

This is everything we have put our lives into, and we have ten minutes to show it to the world.

We walked on stage, got into our spots, and Wes counted down until the backup harmonies began to bubble up behind me. And I sang.

I saw the Dalton kids cheering us on in the back. Carver and Simon were sitting beside each other (that's new) and a beaming Luci was attached to Simon's side.

I was floating, flying, soaring, singing.

This is who I am.

The song ended and I began to grin like a maniac as I took a bow and led the group offstage to view Marcello's solo.

A chorus of breathless whispers congratulated me as we all turned to watch our Edge of Glory performance. I swear that Marcello made every girl swoon.

Then everyone else was back on stage providing vocals for Nick's solo. I knew him well enough to know that the brunette was about to die of nerves, but if you didn't know him, he looked amazingly calm yet energized.

He was flawless, of course, but I kept finding my eyes drawn over to Kurt.

He was so beautiful when he sang.

He was so beautiful.

In ten minutes the past six months dissolved into one performance, slightly stunned, we all took our seats in the audience to view our competition.

The New Directions' first performance was that Rachel girl singing with melodramatic flare that wasn't that incredible when compared to what the choir could probably do as a whole. The second number was pretty cute, two blond kids were singing a sweet duet.

Their last number, though, was stupendous.

Santana can sing.

She was belting out the notes to Valerie with such FEELING it was unbelievable, and Brittany and the cute asian were breathtaking.

This was good music.

•••

So we tied.

Not bad.

We were all mingling in the house now, trying to find any friends or family members. I obviously wasn't expecting anyone to come so I said hello to my friends from Dalton and then went of to find Kurt and his family.

"Blaine!"

"Hey Kurt! You didn't fall and die!"

"I know!"

"You did amazing!"

"Your solo was incredible."

"Hey kid, you were great up their."

"Hello Mr. Hummel, thank you."

"I'm sorry to hear about that black ice, honey."

"It's alright ma'am."

"BLAINE!"

Huh?

"Ollie?"

"Hey Blaine," Aunt Jillian was standing behind me, an excited Ollie attached to her arm.

I could tell my mouth was hanging open, "You came..."

"Of course," she smiled, "Who are you're friends?"

"Oh, um, this is Mr. Hummel and Ms. Hudson, "I had finally figured out her name," and this is Kurt. This is my Aunt Jillian and my cousin Ollie."

"Hey, sorry to interrupt but we have to go collect our bags and regroup for a moment." Wes tapped Kurt and I on the shoulder.

"See you outside the lobby in twenty minutes?"

"Sure dad."

Mr. Hummel turned to us, "Would you three care to join us for dinner?"

"No, we couldn't-"

Jillian interrupted, "That would be great. I would love to meet at least one of Kurt's friends."

Kurt and I headed backstage, on the way sneaking past a steaming Rachel who was screaming pitiful obscenities at any Warbler she saw. We made it almost to the green room when a group of girls came up to Kurt, hugging him tightly. I figured these were the New Directions girls, so I let hime be.

Santana gave Kurt a quick smile before coming towards me, "Nice voice Charming."

"You were great!"

"A compliment? Interesting."

"So how are you and Brittany?"

"If you're being nosey, yes we are dating and stuff. Are you and Kurt married yet?"

"No."

"You act like it."

"How about we end this conversation now."

"You're already a sickly sweet old couple, kiss the boy already."

"Yeah, ok, bye."

"See you around Prince Charming."

Kurt gave the girls one last shy hug and smile each before grabbing my hand (blush) and getting our bags, "See? Now that I'm holding your good hand I get to be the gentleman and carry your stuff."

"Yeah, yeah..."

"Your cousin is cute."

"She is."

"You never talk about her or your aunt..."

I didn't have an excuse so I just shrugged. He got the point and dropped it.

"Your solo really was wonderful."

"You have been hearing it in practice for months."

"It's good every time."

•••

We ended up going to Breadstix for dinner. Finn took an immediate liking to Ollie, they both worked on the kids menu coloring pages the whole time.

It was too cute.

The adults were all talking amongst themselves about adult things and how good we all performed so that left Kurt and I to ourselves.

"You ready for Rent tomorrow?"

"I am preparing myself for the heartbreak."

"We should get ice cream."

"Blaine Devon."

"We SHOULD!"

"God I can't resist your puppy eyes."

"Yes! You can get something fancy and I can get orange sherbet."

"Why orange? Orange is a hideous color!"

"Just for you I am wearing orange tomorrow."

"No!"

Dinner of knock-off Italian was pretty good but we had to leave to get Ollie home for bedtime. It was the first night in my new house, my feelings were a jumbled mess of too many emotions.

Kurt walked me out to the car and turned towards me as Jillian fought to get Ollie all buckled up.

"So I'll see you around ten?"

"Yup! I'll be there...wearing orange!"

"You're wonderful Blaine Devon."

"Thank you." Before I knew what I was doing I kissed him on the tip of his cold nose.

His breath stuttered, his eyes glinted with an exotic glow, "Goodnight," I breathed, my breaths tickling his cheekbone.

He gulped and nodded, squeezing my hand before walking away. I didn't miss the way his hand ghosted over his nose, feeling the spot where my lips had just been.

"Mommy?"

"Yes baby?"

"Blaine just kissed that other boy's nose."

"I know, it was adorable wasn't it."