Sept. 26, 2015, 7 p.m.
To create a home: Chapter 15
E - Words: 4,149 - Last Updated: Sep 26, 2015 Story: Complete - Chapters: 24/? - Created: May 20, 2014 - Updated: May 20, 2014 118 0 0 0 0
Hello! Sorry once again for the delay.I had trouble getting this chapter out and to be honest, Im still not completely satisfied with it. I want to do our boys justice, but oh well, I hope youll like it!
Dont hesitate to comment and let me know what you think, and thanks to everyone thats already been doing so!
Kurt didn't know what to do. He could feel Blaine watching him playing with Emily, and he knew he would have to talk to him at some point, this couldn't go on.
They had brought back Emily from the hospital three days ago, and the little girl was doing great, but the same couldn't be said for her father. Since they had been home, Blaine hadn't left Emily for more than twenty minutes at a time. And that was only when it was absolutely necessary, like him going to the bathroom or something similar. Kurt was fairly certain Blaine would have taken Emily in there with him too if he hadn't been afraid of scaring her for life. He would watch her like a hawk, worried about what could happen to her if he stopped checking on her. He couldn't get the image of Emily lying in her hospital bed, looking tiny, and he knew the image would haunt him for months to come.
Coming home had been a hard transition for all of them. At the hospital, things had been tense. The uncertainty was difficult to deal with. But at the hospital they all knew Emily was safe. They knew that if anything happened, a doctor could be there in just a few seconds to help her. At home, things were different however. Before leaving the hospital, Kurt, Isaac and Blaine had all attended a meeting with a specialist about Diabetes in order to understand the disease better. They were all care givers for Emily, and the doctors had made it clear that it was important for them to know what they would have to deal, and understand how their lives would change.
They now knew that there were certain foods that Emily wouldn't be allowed to eat anymore, and that they had to learn how to administrate the insulin shots to Emily, as they couldn't depend on doctors to do it all the time.
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Blaine was sitting next to Emily's bed as he had been for the last three hours. The little girl had gone back to sleep, and Blaine was hoping she would wake up again soon, even if the doctors said it was normal for her to be this tired. When Emily had fallen back to sleep, a nurse had approached Kurt and Blaine to let them know that a meeting had been set up for them with a doctor specialized in Diabetes, and that he would explain everything to them better. Kurt had called Isaac to tell him about the meeting, and all three men had attended seeing as they all spent so much time with Emily. The doctor couldn't help his surprised face when he saw the three men come inside his office. Blaine could see that the doctor didn't understand the dynamic in their little family, but he was still too shaken and raw from what had happened to care about explaining everything.
After the meeting, they all had a better understanding of what would be going on in Emily's life, but that didn't really help Blaine be less nervous about everything. Adapting their diet, they could do without too many difficulties. Emily was so young, that she wouldn't really miss any type of food yet and would get used to her diet pretty quickly, and Blaine, Kurt and Isaac were all willing to cancel certain items from their diets. If Emily wasn't allowed to eat those anymore, then they would do the same.
No, what worried Blaine were the shots. Until Emily was old enough to learn how to deal with her blood sugar level and Insulin injections, he was going to have to take care of that. As her father, it was his responsibility to protect Emily from all sorts of pain, and he hated that he would have to cause his baby girl pain by injecting her with the insulin, even if it was for her well-being.
Blaine was broken out of his thoughts when the door to Emily's room opened, and Kurt came inside. The man had been with Blaine through everything, all the worrying and the meetings. Despite the fight they had had earlier, Kurt was there for Blaine and Emily, just like he had said he would be.
Blaine stared at Kurt for a moment and realized that the man was carrying a couple syringes in his hands. Blaine frowned as he looked towards Kurt questionably. Kurt just smiled reassuringly, and pulled out another chair to sit just next to Blaine besides Emily's bed.
“I saw the look you had on your face when the doctor was explaining how Emily would have to be injected with insulin 3 to 4 times a day. I saw how freaked out and worried you were by the idea.” Kurt said softly.
“I hate that I'm going to have to do this” answered Blaine, looking defeated. “I hate that I'm going to be so bad at it at the beginning, and I hate that it's going to cause her pain…”
“It's for her own good Blaine” Kurt tried to reassure him.”Sure, it's going to hurt for a few seconds, and she might get a couple bruises at the beginning until we learn how to properly deal with the shots, but in the long run, we're doing all of this so that she can be healthy.”
“I know that Kurt, but I still hate it! I've never had to deal with anything like that before, and I'm so worried that I'm going to cause her even more harm. Am I supposed to just use her as my guinea pig until I get better at it? How am I supposed to deal with that?” exclaimed Blaine, distressed by the idea of causing Emily any type of pain.
“See, I had a feeling that's what you were going to say, so I had an idea. We're going to practice.” Said Kurt with a knowing smile, lifting up the syringes he had in his hands.
“Practice? You want me to give her a shot while she's still sleeping?” asked Blaine, not quite understanding where Kurt was going with, with his idea.
“Of course not! I want you to give me shots, until you're better at it.”
Blaine still looked confused, and didn't seem to understand what the other man was offering.
“I got these syringes from a nurse. They're empty syringes, and used to train interns when they first arrive at the hospital. I explained our situation, and she kindly gave me two of them and said that we could practice with those, as long as we through them out in the appropriate trash can when we were done, seeing as they wouldn't exactly be sterilized or anything anymore. The doctor explained the different places it would be best for us to inject Emily and he explained all of the theory, but we didn't get to practice, and I knew you wouldn't want to first try it out on Emily, so voila. You're going to use me as your guinea pig instead of Emily okay?” asked Kurt with a kind voice and a happy smile.
Blaine couldn't believe what he was hearing. Not only did Kurt know him well enough to tell he had been worried about administrating the shots to Emily, but he was offering a solution to Blaine, a solution that surely wouldn't be comfortable at all for him, and yet, he was willing to do it. For him, and for Emily. Blaine couldn't stop staring at the man in front of him. Kurt, beautiful and perfect Kurt, was once again here to help him. Putting others before himself.
Blaine didn't know how he got so lucky. He didn't know what he had done to deserve to have such a kind, generous, perfect man in his life. Kurt saw that Blaine was lost in his thoughts again, even if he didn't understand why Blaine seemed to be so focused on his face, and agitated the syringe in front of Blaine's face to get him to come back to the present.
“This is probably going to hurt you Kurt…” Blaine said hesitantly, once she came out of his thoughts.
“Well, I know. But better me than Em right? Plus, I trust you. I know you'll do your best not to hurt me too much, and at least when Emily wakes up and needs her next shot, you'll be prepared.”
If Kurt hadn't been so focused on his explanation, he would have noticed the love that shined in Blaine's eyes when he looked at him, he would have understood how much this meant to Blaine, but he didn't, and Blaine swore he would do everything in his power to make things right between them again, and to make Kurt understand how much he meant to him. Even if he had been the one that was scared, he didn't want to run away anymore.
Blaine finally took the syringe, and with an apologetic look towards Kurt, who just smiled reassuringly, he gave the shot to Kurt. The first shot out of many that followed in the next two hours until Blaine got better at it.
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Kurt was still sitting on the floor, playing with Emily and observing Blaine from the corner of his eyes when he decided that he had to do something. Blaine had been sitting there and just watching Kurt and Emily play for the past hour, worried sick about the little girl. Kurt knew he would have to have a talk with Blaine, and he had to take Blaine out of the house. He knew Blaine would hate this idea, but he knew Blaine needed that. He needed to be away from Emily for a couple of hours, and realize that the world hadn't ended while they were away. That his little girl was still fine.
“ISAAC!” Kurt shouted in order to get Isaac to come out of his bedroom. Kurt's loud voice seemed to pull Blaine out of his thoughts and he looked towards Kurt questionably, wondering why the man was suddenly calling their friend. Kurt just shook his head and waited until Isaac came out to explain.
“What's going on Kurt, why are you shouting?” said Isaac grumpily when he came out of his room. He dropped down next to Emily, and yawned, having evidently been having a nap before he was awoken by Kurt calling for him. Emily, seeing her Uncle Isaac half asleep and drooping on the floor, couldn't stop her giggle, which brought a smile to Isaac's face.
“Ise, can you watch Emily for the next hour or two? Blaine and I are going out.” Asked Kurt to a still half asleep whom Emily was trying to wake up by hitting him on the face.
“What?! No we're not!” exclaimed Blaine, panicking at the idea of leaving the apartment without Emily and not having the little girl under his sight for a significant period of time.
“Yes we are.” answered Kurt decisively. Before Blaine had time to protest, he continued to explain: “Since you've been back from the hospital, you've been watching Emily like you're afraid she's going to suddenly disappear. I understand the hospital was scary Blaine, I understand that you're afraid of losing her, but this isn't healthy. She's perfectly fine now, she's feeling better and now that she's getting the proper amount of insulin, she's healthy as ever. You're the one that isn't fine. You haven't been sleeping or eating properly, you watch her like a hawk, you haven't been to school since the beginning of the week, even if you know Ise and I can take care of her just fine. This isn't healthy. It's not healthy for her because you're smothering her, and it certainly isn't healthy for you. You're driving yourself mad. So yes, we're going out for a couple of hours. We're going to go to the park, we're going to walk around, we're going to have a cup of coffee, and then we'll come back and you'll see that the world hasn't stopped spinning.”
“Can you blame me for being a little worried?” asked Blaine defensively. He knew Kurt was right, but he still didn't like being called out on it.
“No, I really can't. We've all be worried about her and I understand how freaked out you must be right now. But me understanding doesn't mean that I'm going to let this go, so put on your shoes, get your coat, kiss Emily, because we're going out.” Kurt said with a final voice, getting up himself after having kissed a babbling Emily on the forehead.
Blaine didn't want to leave and be apart from Emily, but he knew Kurt was right. He was so afraid of Emily getting sick again that he could barely sleep at night afraid that if he closed his eyes, something would happen to Emily. Maybe getting away from the apartment and Emily for a bit would be a good thing.
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An hour later, both boys were walking together in companionable silence in Central Park. They had stopped on their way to grab a coffee at a Starbucks nearby, and they were now both sipping their drinks as they walked around. Blaine was feeling better than he had since the hospital. Kurt had been right of course, Blaine had been driving himself mad staying cooped inside the apartment like that, and getting some fresh air was good for him. Of course, that didn't mean he wasn't worried about Emily, but he knew she was in good hands and she would be okay.
“You were right.” He admitted to Kurt quietly.
“About which part? You're going to have to be more specific, this happens to me quite often you see.” Answered Kurt teasingly, eyeing Blaine with a playful smile.
Despite the teasing and Kurt helping Blaine so much since the hospital, Blaine knew they weren't totally okay. He had still hurt and angered Kurt after the party, and Blaine wanted to make things right. He was tired of being afraid, and he wanted a shot with Kurt, if Kurt would still have him. Having made his decision, Blaine decided that now would be the perfect time to talk to Kurt and try to right his wrongs.
He stopped walking and grabbed Kurt's wrist delicately, bringing him towards a bench close by and both men sat down. Kurt was looking at Blaine with a confused look, but he didn't question or push Blaine to say anything. Finally, after a minute of Blaine thinking of what he was going to say exactly, he lifted his head and looked at Kurt dead in the eyes.
“I'm so sorry Kurt.” He started by saying. This was the most important thing we wanted Kurt to know. He Blaine wanted Kurt to understand how sorry he was for doubting Kurt and hurting the man. Kurt suddenly got a somber look on his face, but didn't say anything, waiting for Blaine to continue.
“I'm so sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry for pushing you away and running away after we kissed at Rachel's party. I'm sorry for not explaining and just leaving you like that. But most of all, I'm sorry for what I said at the apartment. I got scared and I doubted you, and I had no right. I had no right to be that way before, when you've been nothing but perfect and kind since Emily's arrived, I had no right to question you still being here for her if something went wrong when you've been here for her since the beginning, when you didn't even know her. So I want you to know how deeply sorry I am for all of that. Please, forgive me.” Blaine said with a shaky voice.
Kurt just looked at Blaine for a moment and didn't say anything. In that moment, Blaine got scared. He was scared that it was already too late and he had already gone too far with Kurt. He was scared that in spite of Kurt being there for him and being amazing since Emily's hospital stay, the man was still angry with him and wouldn't want to forgive Blaine.
However after what felt like hours to Blaine but was probably barely a minute, Kurt nodded softly and smiled: “It's okay Blaine. Yes, I was hurt and what you said pained me, but after everything that's happened these past four days, I think it's just water under the bridge don't you? I appreciate your apology, and I'm glad we can go back to being friends, to being the way we were before.” By the end of his answer, Kurt had a friendly smile on his face, but Blaine couldn't help but frown hearing these words.
Kurt made to get up, but before he had the time to, Blaine grabbed one of his hands and took it in his, forcing him to stay seated on the bench. Kurt turned towards Blaine with a surprised look in his eyes, but Blaine started talking again before he had the time to open his mouth.
“That's the thing Kurt, I don't want things to go back to the way they were before!” said Blaine vehemently. He hoped with all his heart that it wasn't too late for him and Kurt, and he would do everything to convince the man in front of him to give them a shot.
“What are you saying Blaine…?” asked Kurt uncertainly, and Blaine could see how guarded he looked, almost as if he was afraid to hope in fear of being hurt again. Blaine felt a pang of guilt knowing he was the reason Kurt was being so hesitant now, but he was determined to make it up to the man.
“I'm saying that I like you. I really really like you, and I was scared. I was scared of what would happen, I was scared of Emily losing you, I was scared of losing you myself, so I took the easy way out. I ran away, thinking that if I didn't open myself up to you and to a possible relationship, then I wouldn't take a chance at being hurt. But I was wrong Kurt, and I don't want to run anymore. So I'm asking, will you please give us a chance and let me take you out?”
“What changed?” asked Kurt softly. He wasn't making any move to encourage Blaine, but he hadn't pulled out his hand either and he looked vulnerable and scared. Blaine gently lifted one of his hands, and cupped Kurt's face with it.
“When Emily wouldn't wake up, I was so scared. I've never been so scared in my life Kurt. When we arrived at the hospital, I was so lost. All I wanted was to have you by my side, I knew you would make everything better, I knew you would know what to do and I would be okay with you there, but I also knew I might have burnt that bridge. That day was the worst day of my life, not only because Emily was hurt and I didn't know if she would be okay, but also because I thought I had lost you. After what I said to you and your reaction, I was so sure you were done with me, with us. When Isaac arrived, one of the first things he said was to contact you, but I didn't. Not because I didn't want to see you, because in that moment I needed you more than ever, but because I wasn't sure you would come, after the way I had acted the previous night and the things I said, it would have been normal if you didn't want to hear from me for a while.” While Blaine was recounting his story, he had tears pouring out of his eyes, remembering one of the worst days of his life.
“But you came. You came and you were amazing.” Blaine continued with a soft smile on his face this time. “You were there for me and for Emily, and you held me and you helped me without a second thought. After everything I had put you through that day, after running away from you the day before, you would have had every right in hating me, but you didn't. In the hospital, I realized how lucky I was to have you in my life and how wrong I had been. I was scared of losing you and worried about what would happen if we broke up but you were right. What if we didn't end? What if it did work out and I threw this away because of fear? Here you were, at the hospital being scared for the well being of my niece, and being there for me and willing to let me give you shots so that I wouldn't hurt Emily. There you were putting yourself out there and I wasn't brave enough to take a risk? So I decided this had to change. So here I am, taking a risk for you Kurt, and begging you to please give me another chance. Let me do this right, take you out properly and start again the way our relationship should have been if I hadn't been a coward.”
“Blaine…” Kurt said, his voice shaking with emotion. He didn't know what to say to all of this, he didn't know how to react. Jumping in bed with guys; that he knew how to do. But relationships… He knew it wouldn't be like that with Blaine, it would be different. He liked the man, hell, who was he kidding, he loved the man too much already. And because of this, he knew he would say yes. He was scared and nervous, he hadn't been in a relationship in such a long time, but he was willing to try it out, with Blaine. Everything with Blaine. Before he had the time to say this however, the man surprised him once again.
“However, you were wrong about one thing Kurt.” Seeing Kurt's confusion, Blaine cupped Kurt's face with both of his hands and got closer to the man. “When we thought at the apartment, you said that you were not worth fighting for, that no one in your life ever fought for you. Well you were wrong. It might have taken me a while to get there, but here I am, fighting for you. Because I was too stupid to see it, but you were always worth fighting for, and if that's what it takes, then I'll keep fighting for you until you say yes and give us a chance. Because you're worth everything.”
By the time Blaine was done with his speech, Kurt had tears running down his cheeks. No one had ever spoken to Kurt the way Blaine had just done. No one had ever held him at such high esteem and believed in him so deeply. And now, looking in Blaine's eyes, Kurt could see the nervousness. Even if Blaine seemed confident and assertive, Kurt could see how scared he still was. How nervous he was that Kurt would just refuse to let go and would reject him.
Before Blaine had the time to worry even more, Kurt cupped both of his hands on Blaine's cheeks and brought the man closer until their lips met. Kurt kissed Blaine gently and tried to put all of his feelings for Blaine into the kiss. He tried to show Blaine how grateful he was for his words and that he too, was willing to take a risk, a let himself be with Blaine. Kurt kept the kiss soft and gentle and gently nibbled Blaine's bottom lip in between his. Kurt moved one of his hands to Blaine's hair and he gently cupped the back of his head and played with Blaine's curls. When Blaine got over the surprise, he leaned forward and put one hand on Kurt's neck while the other went and rested on the other man's knee. This was how things should have been during their first kiss. They should have shared a gentle and tentative kiss with no miscommunication, no alcohol. This was perfect.
Before things grew too heated between them, Kurt broke the kiss and leaned his forehead against Blaine's. He felt giddy with the kiss they had just shared, and he was still so happy about everything Kurt had said to him. Kurt opened his eyes and looked tenderly into Blaine's eyes.
“Yes Blaine.” He ended up saying. “Yes, I'll go out with you.” Which brought a soft laugh out of Blaine, who couldn't believe how great things had turned out. Kurt pecked him again on the lips softly, pulled a little further away and said:
“It will always be yes with you.”