My heart was beating hard in my chest at what I’d seen. There was no place to turn to. I was lost. I heard him calling after me and it seemed like the worst thing in the world right now to have to face him..so I ran. And ran. When I got home I lied in bed and cried.
I knew that he had feelings for him. All the times he didn’t say ‘no’ or ‘stop’ to his constant flirting showed me that and tonight I couldn’t be more certain. I stayed in bed. Dad’s calling me and walking around my room. I can’t speak so I tune him out until he grabs my comforter and pulls it off me. I wrap my face around my pillow and curl into a ball and I can feel him sitting next to me. Somehow I find myself telling him everything and when I’m done his hand he hugs me. I pledge to myself that this is the final time I cry over Blaine Anderson.
Going to school the next day is hard. I have to change the times I go to my locker because he knows my schedule. Trying to ignore him is giving me a headache along with my heartache. Rachel keeps trying to talk to me and I wonder if Blaine told her what he did. At home dad pays more attention to me than he usually does. I feel five. Telling him that I’m going over to Rachel’s gets him off my back, but now I have a free night and no where to go.
Scandals. Maybe if I went there and danced a little I could feel better. If I run into Sebastian I can just slap the dirty whore around. Maybe I should bring my ninja swords. Fearing I’ll kill him I leave them at home. Getting in is easy and a quick scan reveals no Sebastian unless he’s giving blow jobs in the bathroom, which doesn’t seem unlikely. It isn’t drag queen Wednesday like it was the last time I was here. Everybody is dressed in jeans and t-shirts. The music reminds me of Blaine and after ordering a dry martini I get the urge to hurry home even if dad discovers I lied. A tap on my shoulder stops me. My heart is a flutter and surprisingly its not Sebastian but Karofsky. Dave Karofsky, the man who bullied me until I had to leave school. His eyes are dark under that ball cap and although I’m sure my dad carries the same cap on him it looks different. Dangerous.
“Can I sit here” he says, pointing at the stool next to me.
I’m about to tell him that I am going to leave. I’m about to tell him that I can’t stay, but there’s something in how he’s waiting for my response that has me saying ‘sure, go right ahead’. He sits gingerly, almost unsure of joining me at the bar now that I’ve said its okay.
“So what’s wrong?”
“Nothing, why?”
“Come on. I can tell you’re upset”.
Some irritation creeps in and I stare him down, but he doesn’t look away. He keeps his eyes on me and I turn away. The silence that follows is filled with tension. His hand is on my shoulder and I almost can’t believe the guts he has. I mean, it hasn’t even been that long since he was shoving me into lockers and now he was coming on to me.
“Take me somewhere, Karofsky”.
“Where?”
“Anywhere”
Having said that I should have expected his hand on my hand and his leading me out of that dinky club, but I wasn’t. Behind the deep chasm of despair I’ve carried since seeing Blaine with him I feel a thrill. I was doing something just for the heck of it, for once. No thinking, just going with the flow. We were outside now and some sanity returned.
“I can’t leave my car here.”
“Fine, we’ll take your car. I know a place.”
Nodding, I take out my keys and hand them to him. He strolls to my car and for the briefest second I wonder how he knew which car was mine, but I’m mostly just trying not to think. It’s getting harder to do as I see him turn the ignition and take me who knows where.
“So, where are we going?”
He smirks at me. He doesn’t answer. I panic just a tad, but he navigates the wheel with one hand and uses the other to pat my knee. I know he’s trying to comfort me, but the reality of the situation has become more vivid and dad’s ‘you matter’ speech is running in my mind.
“I’ll take care of you tonight, Hummel. I don’t know why you are doing this, but it doesn’t mean nothing to me. I hope you know that.”
His eyes are focused on the road. Just a year ago doing this kind of thing with him would have been crazy and perhaps suicidal, but I know he’s changed. There’s a lightness in him now and feeling accepted by the people from Scandals has made him kinder. In other circumstances I would be more cautious about spending one-on-one time with him, but the emptiness in me is raging. Before he puts his right hand back on the wheel I put my hand over his and interlace our fingers. He’s warm.