Dec. 31, 2011, 6:01 a.m.
How It Falls Apart: Chapter 26
E - Words: 4,353 - Last Updated: Dec 31, 2011 Story: Complete - Chapters: 29/29 - Created: Oct 28, 2011 - Updated: Dec 31, 2011 193 0 0 1 0
Finn took a brief moment to not only splash water on his face but also gulp down some water from a paper cup. He said a quick goodbye to Ryan before hobbling his way out of the hospital and into the parking lot. Spotting Kurt almost immediately, Finn cursed under his breath as nearly tripped over his crutches in his haste to reach his stepbrother's vehicle. He tumbled inside, about to share his surprise over Kurt returning to pick him up when the expression on the other teen's beautiful face stopped him dead in his tracks. "Kurt...? What happened?" As dim as Finn was, he didn't have to be a rocket scientist to tell something was seriously wrong.
"We broke up," he answered, voice hollow and fragile. Before Finn could ask for more details, he pleaded, "When we're home?" Thankful that Finn remained silent in compliance, Kurt started the car and drove as quickly as he dared back to their house. By the time they got there, his hands were all but shaking with the effort of holding himself together. As soon as they were parked and the keys were out of the ignition, Kurt slumped back in his seat and the tears began to fall. Not wanting to put on a show for the whole neighborhood, Kurt climbed out and walked over to Finn's side of the car. "Need help?" he murmured, still sniffling.
"Thanks," Finn accepted, wanting nothing more than to crush Kurt in his arms and make his stepbrother believe that everything would be alright. He felt enormously guilty over having fooled around with Ryan, only he never dreamed things would turn out this badly between Kurt and Blaine. Hobbling into the house with Kurt's much appreciated help, Finn saw that his Mom was still at work and Burt busy at the garage. They had the house to themselves. Which, as it turned out, was ideal for talking without interruption. "Come on," Finn urged, indicating the sofa with a nod of his head. "Tell me what happened..."
Kurt gladly steered them in that direction. He collapsed onto the cushions almost as heavily as Finn. It hurt too much to stay upright. Now that he was letting the reality sink in, he felt as if he'd been hollowed out and then refilled with nothing but an aching sense of loss and disappointment. "He thought I was with you. At the party. He thought I was... with you. Apparently the next natural step in that equation is to... to..." Kurt groaned and let his head fall back on the cushions. "He doesn't trust me. I don't think I trust him. Not now. So there was just... what else could we do?" He looked to Finn, almost pleading for someone to agree that he hadn't just lost his mind and given up one of the best things to ever happen to him. "We're... going to try to... stay friends..." It sounded ridiculous said out loud, and Kurt felt a new flash of pain at the idea that it might not happen and that Blaine might truly stop being part of his life. The tears began to fall in earnest then, and he wrapped his arms around his chest.
//Jesus...// Finn never expected this to happen, not in a million years. Kurt and Blaine had seemed inseparable, and he had all but given up hope of ever having a chance to truly love his stepbrother. Only this was not the time to ponder what might or might not happen with Kurt. Kurt needed him and, heedless of his strained arm, Finn wrapped both around the emotionally wrecked bundle seated beside him without hesitation. "Kurt, man... Saying I'm sorry isn't going to cut it," he murmured, embracing him warmly. "I'd rather this was happening to me, because I'd rather be hurting instead of you." How could Kurt and Blaine remain friends? That never worked, but Finn wasn't about to tell Kurt so. "Maybe... maybe things'll work out? Get better?" It sounded incredibly stupid. As badly as Finn wanted Kurt for himself, seeing the other boy like this was killing him.
"I don't know... I don't..." The words broke off in a ragged sob, and Kurt buried his face against Finn's shoulder once again. It was ridiculous how often he was crying lately. He hated it, hated feeling so weak, hated feeling like everything was falling apart at the seams. "I'm sorry, Finn. I'm so sorry... you shouldn't have to..." He sniffled and drew his legs up onto the couch. There was absolutely no way for him to ever find a way to thank Finn enough. His stepbrother was going above and beyond in terms of being a friend, especially considering the situation between them. Knowing the way Finn felt, Kurt could only imagine the way he was hurting.
"Yes, I should," Finn stressed, caressing Kurt's arm as if he could somehow magically soothe the pain away. "Kurt, I promised I'll always be here for you no matter what. I'm not going anywhere. You cry all you want..." He meant every word; regardless of his true feelings for his stepbrother, their friendship meant the world to Finn and the roof could damn well collapse before he would ever leave Kurt's side while the other teen needed him. "I'm probably the last person you oughta take advice from, but," he ventured softly, "maybe all you both need is a little time?"
"A lot of time," Kurt corrected softly. "I... every time I think of him, I think of him with Damien. I can't stop, and part of me thinks that I deserve it for... but that doesn't make it go away. It doesn't mean that if I see them together on Monday I won't think..." Just the thought of it made him shudder. Kurt wiped at his eyes and tried to take some deep, calming breaths. For all that he was a dramatic person, Kurt hated to let his emotions rule him entirely. "We both will. We'll think about it whether it's true or not, and that just won't work."
Finn gave a shuddering sigh, nearly clutching his chest as he felt an invisible knife twisting his heart. If he had simply been able to keep a little control, hide his blossoming feelings for Kurt, then none of this would have ever happened. His jealousy over Blaine made little difference where Kurt's happiness was involved. And it was Finn's fault that his stepbrother had suffered such a terrible loss. Finn's touch roamed over a shuddering shoulder as he tenderly caressed the back of Kurt's neck. "You are worth waiting for," he reiterated firmly. "Don't you ever forget that. If things were meant to work out with you and Blaine, then they will."
"Yeah. You're... yeah. Of course." Kurt took another shaky breath and found that the tears had stopped flowing for the moment. He was too exhausted to cry. Instead Kurt squared his shoulders and offered Finn the most genuine smile he had managed the entire day. "Want anything in particular for lunch?" He didn't honestly know whether his stomach would tolerate anything, but he knew that cooking sounded more pleasant than sitting around and stewing about it. It wouldn't make the time that was supposed to heal all wounds pass anymore quickly.
"Why don't we just go out and grab something?" Finn suggested, adding as he returned Kurt's smile with one of his own, "My treat?" It wouldn't be long before the parental units returned home, and Finn realized that the last thing Kurt probably wanted was to explain what had happened all over again. "We don't have to get out or anything," he continued to pitch. "Let's get some take out--your choice--find someplace to park, and watch the world go by while we eat?" It sounded ideal, especially if Kurt felt like talking more. Plus, it would get his stepbrother out of the house and keep him from dwelling on his heartbreak.
That actually sounded heavenly. Kurt knew he would break down all over when he had to tell the story again, and oblivious as his father could be sometimes, Burt would notice his son's obvious depression. "Perfect," Kurt agreed with a soft sigh. He considered their food options and settled on his second favorite comfort food. Italian would remind him far, far too much of his dinner date with Blaine not so long before. "Sushi?" He somehow - all straight jokes aside - couldn't picture Finn eating raw fish, but he suspected the jock would be surprised at how good it could be if he'd give it a shot. "We can definitely pick something else if that's a bit much for you."
Finn considered, then decided, "If it's sushi you want, then I can always go for some egg rolls." He reached for his crutches and hauled himself off the sofa with a grunt and a groan before offering Kurt his hand. Helping his stepbrother to his feet, Finn tenderly caressed his stepbrother's cheek, smiling warmly. Kurt's eyes were red and sore from crying, and Finn knew him well enough to know he wouldn't step foot outside of the door looking the least bit unfabulous. "You want to freshen up? I'll leave Mom and Burt a note so they won't worry about us."
"Yes," Kurt agreed, smile growing stronger at the easy affection. He had never expected Finn Hudson of all people to end up being one of the warmest and kindest people in his life. Shaking his head over the strange turn of events, Kurt hauled himself off the couch and headed upstairs. It took a lot of cold water and some serious cover-up work before Kurt dubbed himself human again. He made his way downstairs and found Finn already waiting at the doorway. "Oriental it is," he pronounced before leading the charge out to the car. He helped Finn in carefully and then took the wheel. "I'm getting extra sushi. You're going to try it, and you're going to fall in love."
There was no room for argument, and when they reached the nearest place that fit the bill - the sign outside was a confusing jumble of Korean and Japanese - Kurt left Finn to fiddle with the radio and returned fifteen minutes later with two bags of food and a precariously-balanced gallon of green tea. He knew well enough that Finn could both eat and drink twice what any normal human could ever hope to manage. Kurt smiled brilliantly at the other teen and then picked up where they'd left off, driving them to a lovely park and stopping in one of the back lots where they weren't likely to be disturbed. "I think this should do for privacy."
"Perfect," Finn agreed, unsure whether he meant the view or his beautiful stepbrother. In his heart he knew which, and before he could get carried away, Finn gave the food an appreciative sniff. "Smells good. I'm still not sure about the sushi, dude... But, I'm willing to try anything for you." Seeing Kurt light up with his million dollar smile again warmed Finn's heart, and lessened the sting of his being responsible for the other boy's heartache. He divided out the contents of the bags, passing Kurt a handful of napkins. "Thanks for doing this," he said, pouring a glass of green tea. "Getting out of the house, and all..."
"I suppose we both needed it," Kurt agreed. He loved the ritualistic nature of sushi, setting out the soy sauce, mixing the wasabi, eating the bitingly sweet pieces of pickled ginger. Though they were in the car, he did his best to mimic the usual set-up on the dash, dipping a beautiful piece of albacore tuna sashimi into the soy sauce before holding it out toward Finn. "Tuna. The most universal of all fish." He knew that Finn wasn't enthused by the prospect, but he loved that the other boy was willing to try it for him.
Finn eyed Kurt's offering dubiously. He swallowed, closed his eyes and took a tentative bite. Convinced that he would grimace with distaste Finn prepared himself... And was taken aback by how genuinely amazing it was! "Mmm, that's awesome," he said, taking another bite. "Remind me to never doubt you again?"
"You never should. I'm always right," Kurt agreed breezily. He was pleased that Finn had enjoyed the sushi despite looking at it like it might fight back at first.
Swallowing back his tea, Finn toyed with the radio until he found a station playing something Kurt would enjoy. He grinned softly, reaching for an egg roll and munching quietly as he gazed out at the park. Every now and then couples would stroll by, and Finn hoped the sight wouldn't cause Kurt further pain. "So," he started, clumsily looking for a way to make his stepbrother smile again, "Does this qualify as our official first date?"
The question took Kurt by surprise, but when he saw the look on Finn's face, he realized it was an awkward attempt at a joke. "Do you really think I'd go parking on a first date? Honestly, Finn Hudson..." He let the silence stretch out between them for a minute before answering more quietly, "I know that you're sort of seeing someone at the moment, but... maybe once things die down and if you and Ryan don't end up being a long-term thing, then... maybe we could try a real date." Kurt's cheeks were pink by the time he finished, and he couldn't quite bring himself to look at Finn.
Finn choked on his tea, coughing and spluttering. "Sorry," he apologized, brushing his mouth with a napkin. Of all the things Kurt could have said to him, Finn had not expected *that* in a million years. He blinked at Kurt in surprise, whispering, "I'm not seeing Ryan..." He flushed hotly, shifting closer as he explained, "He's not into dating; told me so himself. He just likes... having fun... You know? Fooling around?" Sex was a sensitive subject for Kurt, so Finn did his best to weave around it. "Ryan's cool, don't get me wrong... But, I could never love him the way I love you." Finn reached out and touched Kurt's chin, gently urging his stepbrother to look at him. "Kurt, as much as I want to say 'let's go for it,' I'm not going to push," he told him, his smile warm. "I've waited this long, I can wait a little bit longer."
The words bolstered Kurt's confidence visibly, and he smiled back. "Good. I just... not yet. I don't want anything else in the way. We both deserve a... a clean slate." He knew that Finn's relationships had a tendency to start under less than ideal circumstances. He didn't want there to be any room for the beginning to be the end when it came down to it. He sighed and took a sip of his tea. "I've been selfish again." It had almost ruined things between them before when they'd been barely-friends on their way to being stepbrothers. He had pushed and forced and utterly ignored Finn while he worked on his own fantasy life. Kurt didn't want to make that mistake again. "Things have been a bit strange for me, but I can only imagine how you're feeling." Though Kurt certainly hadn't always been out, he'd always known who he was. Finn's whole perspective on the world had shifted in the space of a few months, and that had to be a great deal more jarring.
"You're not selfish, Kurt," Finn assured him, polishing off his egg roll and munching on the next thoughtfully. "You know what you want, and you go for it; I like that." It probably ranked as the most profound thing to ever tumble from the jock's lips. He blushed again, swallowing down another mouthful of tea. "I'll admit things were a little... weird at first," he confessed, focusing on Kurt. "Not in a bad way, just... different. It was like one day I woke up and all I could think about was you..." His smile faltered a little. "You probably don't need to hear this today of all days, but I want you to know that I never meant to hurt you." Finn swallowed, his throat thickening with emotion. "I was scared, and that's why I lied to you about not remembering prom night. Kurt, I'm not scared anymore."
"I know, and... honestly, I appreciate that you're willing to talk about it," Kurt answered carefully. "I know that you never meant to hurt me. I know you wouldn't. Honestly. And... after that happened... whether you said you remembered or not, I should have ended things with Blaine. It wasn't fair not to. He had too many doubts, and so did I. I don't know what's going to happen in six months or a year, but I know that right now, it isn't right. Right now... I still have too many questions. Thank you for understanding that I need to wait, Finn. It wouldn't be right just rushing in again."
You're right," Finn replied with a decisive nod, then broke out into a boyish grin, adding, "See? I'm learning." He finished his second egg roll, swallowing it down and feeling a hell of a lot better about things now that he and Kurt had laid all of their cards out on the table. His pulse hammered; Finn could barely contain his excitement. He had a shot, a real chance of being with Kurt! All he had to do was wait... "Kurt, promise me one thing?" he suddenly asked, his brow creasing. "You won't let anybody steal you away?"
Kurt couldn't help smiling at that. "I don't think it will be a problem. Things are more than complicated enough as it is." He shook his head and saw the light of worry still shining in Finn's eyes. "I promise that I'll be entirely on my own... if you promise that you'll do the same." It might have been slightly unfair to ask Finn to take a vow of celibacy too, but he wanted to be sure that Finn could keep his hormones under control. If not, there was no chance for them anyway. "I already have trouble resisting the urge to slash Rachel's tires some days. Don't give me a real reason."
That brought on a smile, and Finn's whole face lit up. "Dude, you have nothing to worry about," he assured Kurt, resisting the overwhelming temptation to kiss him right then and there. Although he had enjoyed exploring new things with Ryan, there was no way in hell he was going to continue that now. Kurt had given him the best gift of his life--hope. Finn was so deliriously happy he didn't know what to do with himself. He clasped Kurt's palm, threading their fingers together as he pressed their intertwined hands to his own chest. "Kurt, I don't have a good track record with promises lately," he began softly. "Can you feel my heart? That's my guarantee to you. You're the only one I want."
It was easily one of the most romantic things anyone had ever said to him, and Kurt blushed even darker as he nodded. "Okay." The promise had been made and accepted in the wonderfully awkward space of the front seat of the car, and for the first time in quite awhile, Kurt felt at ease. One thought stole that away momentarily. "I may be putting the cart before the horse, but when this does happen... what exactly do we say?" Kurt was out of the closet, but he knew full well that being gay was one thing. Dating your allegedly straight step brother was another. "I'm not entirely convinced that our parents won't castrate us both."
Finn hadn't considered that; How would their parents react? Shocked? Happy? Disappointed? There were too many options. "How about we cross that bridge when we get to it?" he decided, figuring there was plenty of time to worry about what to tell his Mom and Burt. "Let's concentrate on you and me until then, okay?" Finn, still holding Kurt's hand, brought it to his lips and offered up a soft kiss. The innocent contact kick-started his heart, and the blushing jock shifted awkwardly in his seat. "Ugh," he groaned, glaring down at the plaster surrounding his leg. "I still can't maneuver around with this thing." His eyebrows arched, and that playful grin returned. "Hey!" he exclaimed, "You still haven't signed it."
"No, I guess I haven't." Kurt set aside the mostly empty plastic tray of sushi and fished a Sharpie out of the center console. Pausing for a moment, Kurt looked up at the other boy again. "I never want to have to do this again. You're not so much as allowed to break your arm playing football." He pressed the pen against plaster on top of Finn's thigh and scrawled his name quickly but with penmanship that somehow still looked perfect. He finished with a flourished heart and then cast a shy little smile up at Finn. "There. Hopefully you'll be able to get this off and you won't be looking at it for long."
"Two more weeks," Finn said, clearly anxious for the time to fly. "I've got to lug this thing around till then." He grinned, absently tracing Kurt's autograph with the tip of his finger. "But, I feel better now that you've claimed me." Flushing warmly all over again, Finn's pulse quickened as he noticed how closely he and Kurt were sitting. //Slow, Hudson, slow...// He reminded himself, as he held himself back from kissing his stepbrother's tempting mouth. "It's... kinda getting late," he faltered, noticing the park lights beginning to cast a soft glow. "Think we'd better head home?"
"Sadly, yes," Kurt agreed with a sigh. With Finn's help, he cleaned up the evidence of their demolished dinner and stashed the bag with the refuse in the backseat. He drove slowly, not really eager to go home and talk to his father. "Do you think that there's a chance if I ignore telling him about Blaine that it will just go away? Maybe he won't notice." The idea of rehashing everything - or at least an extremely edited version of things - made him feel sick to his stomach.
Finn, never the brightest bulb when it came to ideas, mulled it over for a while before suggesting, "Well, nobody says you have to talk about what happened." Burt was very perceptive when noticing something off about Kurt, and there would be little chance of fooling him. "If he asks, how about letting me handle it? I've always got your back, buddy." Finn resisted the urge to ruffle Kurt's hair lest he draw back a nub. As they headed back home, the jock felt happier and more alive than he could remember. And it was all thanks to Kurt. Finn determined to find someway of repaying his stepbrother. Most of all he wanted to see Kurt smiling again.
"You do," Kurt agreed, smiling over at Finn as they pulled into the driveway. He helped Finn out of the car and into the house. Unfortunately their timing meant they came in just as his father was heading for the kitchen.
"Hey... Mercedes called. Said she wanted to make sure you were okay?" Burt looked more than slightly concerned but also puzzled. Kurt, after all, looked completely normal.
Kurt winced. He hadn't thought about how quickly rumors would circulate. That's what happened when you broke up with your boyfriend in a public place. In the bathroom of a public place, anyway. "It... Blaine and I... we sort of... broke up."
Burt's eyebrows shot up in surprise at the confession. "Hey, kiddo, are you okay?" He'd seen the way the boys were together, and the news was a bit of a shock.
"Yes. Well, I will be." Kurt forced a smile, and was pleased that it only wavered a little. "It was mutual, really. We just had... things to... to work on is all."
Hauling himself up, he made his way down the hall as quietly as he could. Kurt's door was opened a crack, and Finn peeked his head inside. Finding Kurt snuggled beneath the covers, his back to him, he was unable to ascertain if his stepbrother was asleep or not. The need to comfort Kurt overriding what little common sense Finn had, he ventured inside and shut the door behind him. Carefully he sank down on the bed, draping a protective arm around the figure beside him and embracing him warmly.
Kurt sniffled, surprised by the sudden hug. He'd heard the door open but had honestly thought it was his father checking in on him. He'd remained stoically quiet where he'd been crying seconds before, hoping that his father would just go away. Instead he felt arms encircling him and pieced together the familiar scent and warmth of Finn. Kurt glanced back over his shoulder and offered Finn a questioning look. "And what did I do to deserve that?" he asked in a shaky whisper.
Finn's smile was warm and soft. "Do I really need a reason? I figured you needed me, and I'm not about to leave you alone tonight." He pressed a tender kiss to Kurt's cheek, tasting fresh saltwater lingering there. Kurt was beautiful inside and out, and he didn't deserve the unimaginable heartbreak he'd been through. With no other intention than to be Kurt's human life preserver, Finn snuggled in closer and urged, "Now close your eyes and get some rest." Another gentle kiss, this time to Kurt's exposed throat. "I'll still be here when you wake up in the morning."
"Mmm..." Kurt felt his eyes closing and nodded, snuggling back against Finn and trying to keep any real thought from his mind. He didn't want to dwell on the what ifs and the whys and the things they might be doing that weren't perfectly right. It didn't matter. Perfect was what felt right, and this did. He closed his eyes fully, let out a sigh and with it much of the pain he'd been cradling close all evening. "Thank you," he whispered before letting the bleary exhaustion overwhelm him entirely.