Author's Notes: Chapter 16

Sebastian was proud of the fact that the last time he'd thrown a fit or even shed a tear was back when he was a little kid. Since then the adult Sebastian Smythe was so shut off from emotion he never broke down, especially not in front of anyone, until now. There was nothing left in him to fight back, he was too physically weak from sickness and too emotionally wrung out by fear. So he didn't resist Kurt's attempts to comfort him and let his friend’s strong arms wrap around him, rocking him as he cried out all the pain inside. Sebastian didn't yell at Kurt to fuck off when he led him to his room and placed him on the bed. He wasn't strong enough to recover but neither was he in any state of mind to turn Kurt away, who let Sebastian to fall asleep in his arms.

Sebastian slept like the dead for well over fourteen hours, lately he'd tried to keep himself awake for far too long. So when Sebastian awoke in the afternoon the following day (still clinging onto Kurt's sleeping frame) he felt way more rested but totally pathetic. What the hell had he become? Sebastian knew he had a very good reason for his debilitation, but that didn't make him feel any better. In fact he felt worse. What the fuck had he done to deserve this? Okay, plenty, but still. At first Sebastian had taken everything in stride, things happened, there were tons of reasons the call back about his tests was late.

He was always so safe when it came to sex, there was no way he could be in any danger. After all his many sexual escapades Sebastian prided over the fact he had never caught a STD. As it turned out, even his luck could run out and now he felt worse than ever before. So it shouldn't surprise Sebastian that Kurt would notice the change in him, he wouldn't be able to hide his distress as the days went on. Every day that went by where Sebastian didn't get that life-giving call had wore down his usual smugness. Bringing him here, and how reaching the third week since he'd got the test meant his breaking point had come. Silence when it came to medical results was never good (even he knew that much).

Sebastian was many things, was called a number of insulting terms but the word coward had never been uttered in front of him. Sebastian wasn't as immortal as he claimed; it turned out he had limits just like any other human being. Which was why he didn't have the guts to call the hospital himself, if he did then would be no going back to the life he knew (and loved).

Kurt finally stirred from the slight movements Sebastian made when he'd woken up. He was trapped in Sebastian's embrace, with his roommate’s forehead pressed against his shoulder. From the corner of his eye he could see Sebastian was awake but not in a talkative move and Kurt couldn't blame him. “Feel any better?” he coaxed.

“No,” Sebastian answered flatly.

“Feel like letting go of me at least?” Kurt asked.

Sebastian instantly released his hold of Kurt so he could shift his weight and get more comfortable on the bed. Kurt wasn't use to being cuddled and spooned all night despite how more frequently he was submitted to the act lately. Kurt didn't fully move away from Sebastian, when he easily could have. Instead Kurt lay on his side facing Sebastian, who still refused to look him in the eye. Sebastian looked so ghostly pale and clammy and his breathing sounded raspy. For once Kurt's strong stubborn side was proving to be very useful, though Sebastian would hardly agree. “Sebastian, tell me the facts so I can try to understand what's going on,” he pleaded.

Sebastian let out a tired breath as he rolled over to lie on his back, coming to stare at the ceiling as he ran a hand over his damp face. “I got my regular tests done like I always do about three weeks ago and everything was normal. They're so routine, and I'm so careful that there was no reason to worry, same as always. But then, over the last week I started to feel sick... and then I found out a guy I fucked right before my test is HIV positive. I tried to remain calm, I mean... this isn't the first time I've had a scare...” Sebastian explained, leaving out that the risk had never been so serious as HIV before though. “But over the past week I've gone from feeling slightly off to fucking horrible. Then, if things weren't bad enough, the hospital’s a week late in calling me back with the results. Hearing that you got your test back weeks before mine finally made me hit rock bottom,” Sebastian explained, his voice full of bitterness.

Kurt remained silent as he was brought up to date; it all seemed so impossible in his mind. But Kurt knew first hand how cruel the word could be and no one was safe from its dark underbelly. “Have you called the hospital?” Kurt asked when he was finished.

“Nope.”

That confession caused Kurt to cease remaining sympathetically calm. “Why the fuck not! Bloody hell, Sebastian! The results could still be negative and even if they aren't, it might not be HIV! Time is of the essence if you want to overcome sexually transmitted diseases! What's the point of being so careful up ‘till now if you're just gonna wimp out?” Kurt yelled in anger. One of the few things (if not the only trait) Kurt felt envious about Sebastian was his ability to never let anything trip him up.

“Okay I've heard enough of you're whining to last a life time. It's time to grow up and be a big boy! You chose to live this life Sebastian and it's time to get through the tough shit it’s caused. You're going to fucking call the hospital right now! Or so help me, I will show you what living through my own hell has turned me into. If you think you can play the villain... you have no idea...” Kurt ordered as he hauled Sebastian up into a sitting position and planted his cell in his hand.

Sebastian it seemed had no desire to give into Kurt's orders, long gone was his usual cocky self. “Why bother,” he whined, letting the phone fall the floor.

Kurt rolled his eyes. Who knew his roommate could be such a fucking baby? Kurt decided it was time for tough love, he hated to even use that stupid four-letter word but it fit. No more Mr. Nice guy, Kurt stood up and snatched the phone off the ground. Muttering coarse language under his breath as he brought up the screen and he frowned. “You have a voice message... and a missed call before that. I recognize the number, we go to the same hospital,” Kurt told him hesitantly.

Sebastian fell back onto the bed with a thud and turned over, showing his back to Kurt. “It's only gonna be bad news, has to be after all this time,” he grumbled stubbornly.

“Why don't you find out and oh, I dunno, listen to it!” Kurt urged, his voice becoming louder with every word.

Sebastian leaned back to finally look at Kurt and the raw intensity his face felt made him falter for a moment. Until Sebastian convulsed and ended up throwing up into the bucket he had placed next to his bed.

“Sebastian!” Kurt called out in alarm.

“Nothing new, I've been barfing for a while. Serves me right for trying to eat something and keep it down I guess,” Sebastian said with a mocking laugh.

“Listen to your message!” Kurt barked.

Never wanting to loose any power battle, Sebastian told Kurt his password number and threw back he could do it himself if he cared that much. He tried to look impartial when Kurt simply let out a frustrated cry and did it. When he saw the expression on Kurt's face turn from annoyance to worry, he allowed himself to slip back into his defence mechanism and shut off from the world a little more.

Kurt was having none of that and when the call was over he casually went to lie over Sebastian, resting his chin on the dip in of Sebastian's side. “Well... that wasn't very helpful,” he began.

The added weight of Kurt on his tired body was making Sebastian cranky and he reached down deep to gather enough energy to get angry. “What the fuck did it say?” he demanded as he pushed Kurt off of him.

Kurt's ploy of giving tough love (or whatever the strictly platonic between two fuck buddies could be called) was working. Kurt got up off from the bed and took the bucket from the floor without batting an eye. “It was the hospital but the message was just them asking if this was the number of Sebastian Smythe...” Kurt began as he walked into the bathroom and washed the bucket out. Returning with it and a damp face cloth in hand. “And if so to contact them,” Kurt finished, handing the cloth to Sebastian and putting the now clean bucket back.

Of course things rarely went to plan when Sebastian was concerned, since normally he was the mastermind with plots and schemes. So when his weakened roommate made no cocky remarks or snide comments, he sighed. Kurt had his work cut out for him it looked like. Kurt went straight to Sebastian's dresser and began to root into the top drawer, picking up one of his box of condoms inside.

Sebastian narrowed his eyes at Kurt, letting out a low growl. “Drop em' Kurt, we can't have sex... even if I am clean,” he warned.

Kurt threw the box right at his friend and it hit him in the shoulder, “You think I'd try to have sex with you right now, you fucker? Oh my god you are impossible at times! Forget the fact that I would never put myself in danger... I'm not that sort of person. I know all we are to each other is a good lay but for once in your self absorbed life, try to wrap around your head that sex is not everything!” Kurt shouted at Sebastian.

“Maybe not to stuffy prudes like you!” Sebastian snapped back.

“Empty insults Sebastian. Yes I like to have sex, it feels good but I could live without it if needed. Clearly you can't, you haven't had sex for at least a week I take it?” Kurt asked.

“I stopped as soon as I found out one of my past partners is HIV positive,” Sebastian confirmed. “If you're not trying to fuck me, what are you doing?”

“I'm getting you a clean pair of underwear if you must know. You have an appointment to make... so it's time to put on some proper clothes,” Kurt explained as he tossed the pair of boxer briefs onto the bed in front of Sebastian. Not giving him the chance to complain or argue (though Sebastian did bother to) Kurt head off into Sebastian's closet next to put something together for him to wear.

Things made a lot more sense now and gave some explanations to Sebastian's recent actions. Like turning down sex with Kurt earlier, and being okay with people thinking he and Kurt were an exclusive couple. As always, Kurt had become something Sebastian could use to his advantage, since it would lessen the chance of guys propositioning him for sex. Sebastian Smythe rarely said no, at least when possible fucks met his usual criteria and when he did brush them off it was usually because he found someone with more to offer. If all of a sudden Sebastian quit casual sex cold turkey, the entire local gay community would know in an instant.

Even if Sebastian’s test results were negative, his reputation and high regard could still be ruined. Kurt knew all too well how that went, though from a very different situation. It turned out Sebastian got very cranky when he was forced to be celibate. Add the fact that he was sick as a dog and Kurt was faced with his biggest challenge yet.

If Sebastian did indeed have an incurable STD, then the casual sex would have to stop. Above all Kurt didn't blame his current low state and he almost felt sorry for his roommate but sympathy wasn't what Sebastian needed right now. Time to embrace yet another role reversal and push Sebastian out of his comfort zone for once. Kurt wasn't about to let Sebastian wallow in misery and he had a very good reason to. Kurt had a hunch that Sebastian was making things worse than they were, out of fear but it was still a bad call. If he truly was HIV positive then the hospital wouldn’t have left such a vague message.

“That's it huh? You expect me to just get up and voluntarily walk off like I'm heading to my execution?” Sebastian muttered.

“And you call me a bitchy drama queen! Not getting laid sure has you all off kilter,” Kurt taunted as he reappeared with a pair of jeans in hand, shoving them in Sebastian's face.

“Did you forget how you just cleaned up my vomit bucket? Or can't you see how fucking sick I am? Here, time for another reality check,” Sebastian said as he grabbed Kurt's hand and placed it on his forehead.

Kurt flinched, while his temple was nowhere hot enough to burn it still caught him off guard. “Shit you have a really high fever, Sebastian!” Kurt hissed.

“No fuck.”

“Good thing we're going to a hospital then,” Kurt countered.

“You can, I'm not giving into your pushy ways.”

“I get it, you're really sick... and irritated from having to abstain but I am not a push over,” Kurt warned. “Nor am I enjoying this type of banter with you, I'd rather be fucking if I had the choice,” Kurt grumbled as he went back to get a shirt.

“I'm not enjoying this either. I normally don't go a day without having some kind of sex. Jerking off by yourself doesn't compare either,” Sebastian muttered in annoyance.

Kurt was back and tossed a lightweight blue shirt Sebastian's way, finishing the outfit. “Get dressed Smythe, we're going to find out the answer in person,” he declared.

“Fuck you,” Sebastian snapped.

Kurt wasn't about to back off, he knew how to deal with stubborn men when it came to their health. Kurt's compassionate side always came out the strongest when people were in need of a moral rock to support them. Kurt went over to Sebastian, peeling the dirty shirt off of his torso and threw the clean replacement over his head.

“If you end up being clean, then by all means fuck me till the cows come home. If that's what it will take to get you to strap on a pair then I'll take one for the team. Now MOVE!” Kurt bellowed as he stared down his bedridden friend and didn't budge.

Sebastian managed to hide his true reaction, once again he was getting a taste of the darker side of Kurt, the one who had come to be because of the hardship he'd faced. Sebastian rolled his eyes and got up from the bed without a word, stripping off his shirt and the rest of his clothing until he was stark naked. He went to walk past Kurt but was stopped when Kurt reached out and grabbed onto his arm, holding him in place with surprising strength. “Would you unclench, I'm just gonna take a shower. I can't let the world see me like this,” Sebastian replied, his smugness returning slightly.

Kurt didn't care to hide his amusement and relief in seeing the signs that Sebastian was back and he let go of his arm. “But I can?” He teased.

“I've impressed you enough,” Sebastian taunted as he took a step towards the bathroom. But it was hard to keep the facade of superiority going when he almost toppled over. His cocky attitude might be recovering but his faltering health had not.

Kurt silently grasped Sebastian's naked torso with his arms, making it possible for him to get into the shower. Kurt took off his own clothing, not from wanting a round of hot shower sex for once. Instead he took on a new role of Sebastian's caretaker and while Sebastian's kept giving him infuriating looks that were trying his patience, Kurt was allowed to offer his help. Once the pair were clean, dried off and redressed Kurt kept to his guns staying in Sebastian's personal space, ever pushing him to face his fears head on. He knew they should both eat something but he had a feeling Sebastian didn't have much of an appetite. So Kurt grabbed a bagel and ate his own quick breakfast on the run.

Sebastian was in a weird mindset, he wasn't about to fight Kurt's attempts for him to 'man up' as his roommate had put it. Deep down he knew he was better than this but even Sebastian was susceptible to the mistake of failing to act. Kurt could see right through Sebastian's poker face but decided to add to the illusion that he was heading off by his own two feet. In truth Sebastian was simply too weak to resist Kurt's less than gentle prodding as they made their way out of the apartment and to Kurt's car. Not willing to give Kurt any chance to act high and mighty, Sebastian remained silent through the whole drive. Kurt's forcing him to listen to Madonna during the trip didn't make his bored look of indifference break, proving he too could be equally stubborn.

Kurt was quietly relieved when they managed to make it hospital without a scene; sure Sebastian was being quiet but he wasn't resisting either. It made him somewhat concerned how out of character Sebastian was acting, but again he had a good reason. Kurt parked the car and walked over to the passenger side of the car, opening the door and holding his hand out in offering. “Come on, almost there,” he urged.

Sebastian just looked at Kurt with cool detachment, batting his hand away and pulled himself out of the car. But his weakness wasn't completely emotional, he still felt like crap so he ended up stumbling and Kurt caught hold of him, saving the near invalid from an ungraceful fall.

“Just let me fucking help you Sebastian! It's not worth falling on your face for,” Kurt hissed.

“Talk about calling the kettle black, like you depend on anyone,” Sebastian argued.

“I don't, I'm well aware but I'm also willing to admit how fucked up I am. You're sick, we stand before a hospital and since you refuse to help yourself, then it falls to me. The sooner we get this over with the faster you can regain control,” Kurt pointed out.

With Kurt bearing most of Sebastian's weight the pair slowly made their way to the building ahead, where the fate of Sebastian's test results lay. Once inside Kurt led Sebastian up to the front desk like he was a scared child, and in some small way he was. Sebastian hated change, he loved his life and he didn't want it to stop, he wanted to fuck and keep on fucking, one ass a time. He was always so careful, safe and never a complete jerk when it came to sex. Only now his reward to all that work, control and common sense was to be punished and he hated it. Up until now nothing in Sebastian's life could be seen as difficult. So he didn't know how to react and deal with the hardship he was now facing and he was doing very badly in that area.

During his inner monologue Kurt stepped up to the desk still holding onto Sebastian slightly, who finally pushed him away. Kurt regained his composure as he approached the woman at the front desk politely. “Hi, um, we're here because my friend got a call from the hospital, asking to get in touch. His name is Sebastian Smythe, he had some... tests about three weeks ago and hasn't heard the results,” Kurt explained.

The receptionist's look was neither cold nor overly sympathetic, but she nodded at them in greeting. “Okay, let me look up his file...” she replied as she began to type on her computer.

For once Sebastian had no patience to wait, the seconds felt like hours and he went with the rude demanding approach instead. “Any day now... while I'm still breathing,” He muttered under his breath.

“Here we are, Smythe… yes, oh… it seems there was a problem,” the woman began.

“I fucking knew it,” Sebastian said far too loudly.

“Shut up and let her finish!” Kurt hissed at him.

“The problem being that there was an issue with your phone number, not the test results,” she informed them.

Kurt blinked at her in confusion. “What do you mean exactly...” he began; the vague reply didn't answer if the results were positive or negative.

“It seems the contact number we had on file was no longer active and Mr. Smythe failed to give a proper emergency contact, so we had no way to reach him otherwise. Then the attempt to reach his family got no reply at first, as they are currently living abroad. Eventually someone who was watching their house gave us what they thought was Mr. Smythe's recent phone number. Last night the hospital attempted to call him at the number but got no reply, so a message was left,” The woman explained.

Patience was thrust out the window and Sebastian was fed up with the woman's professionalism. “The hell woman, just fucking tell me if I have HIV or not!” Sebastian shouted.

Kurt gaped at Sebastian, feeling mortified by his outburst. “Oh, my god I am so sorry,” Kurt said in embarrassment.

“It's understandable, but I think I'll let the doctor tell you to.... to avoid any further outbursts out here,” the woman replied.

Kurt cut off any rude follow-ups Sebastian would have by poking him in the side and dragging him to do sit down and wait. Kurt forced himself to calm down; it would be rather stupid to get hot and bothered by Sebastian's childish antics. Fortunately the wait for the doctor to be ready to see Sebastian wasn't long. At first Kurt had expected to be asked to wait outside but when he was allowed to join them. He hoped Sebastian wouldn't need moral support once the test results were given.

Sebastian's doctor was middle aged but had a kind face and he seemed to be familiar with his patient. Sebastian fought to keep himself upright, his mind was reeling and all he wanted to do was crash and sleep.

Before either Kurt or Sebastian could prompt him to start, the doctor took the direct approach, proving he knew the best way to handle Sebastian in his current mood. “I'll cut right to the chase Sebastian, you're HIV results came back negative,” he explained.

Sebastian's reaction to the news was to slump back into his chair like he was weighed down by too much emotion to react. “Oh look, the world can still surprise me, who knew,” Sebastian laughed mockingly.

Kurt on the other hand let out a loud sigh of relief at the news, holding his hand to his heart. “Oh, thank god,” he muttered, the fact that he was an atheist didn't matter.

“If you were only so vigilant about keeping your contacts up to date as you are with practicing safe sex you could have avoided this,” the doctor chided, though his tone was light.

Sebastian laughed once more, not offended by his doctor's forwardness since he had been the one to insist on dropping all the formally between them during his appointments.

“Um... then if it's not HIV, what does Sebastian have exactly? He's been pretty sick and has a high fever...” Kurt piped up, being the one to ask the sensible questions.

The doctor gave Kurt a polite smile. “At least your...” he began, eyeing the pair showing he didn't want to get their relationship wrong.

“Roommate, this is Kurt,” Sebastian answered.

“At least Kurt knows to ask proper questions. What Sebastian has is a nasty stomach virus on top of a throat infection. Luckily you're through the worst parts for both, but as I'm sure you've discovered the combination mimics the symptoms of HIV. I've already prescribed medication that will clear both up with proper rest,” the doctor said.

“So I'm free to go?” Sebastian asked, like he had narrowly missed a prison sentence.

The doctor nodded. “Free to go and live your life. Mix ups like these often happen for a reason.”

Sebastian shrugged as he stood back up and Kurt came over to take hold of him once more. “I'd rather do without, thanks Doc…” Sebastian said in dismissal and he and Kurt headed out the door. “For nothing...” he whispered to Kurt.

Kurt rolled his eyes, it's not like the physician had done anything that needed an apology. It was Sebastian's own fault he hadn't remembered to change his number, or had the guts to call himself. For once Kurt was fine to let it slide that Sebastian was getting a break he himself never had. He was relieved the results were negative, it didn't matter that Sebastian wasn't his boyfriend. But Kurt now knew they were still something, friends.

Kurt snapped back into nurse mode, which he had perfected back when his father had been recovering from his heart attack. Sebastian proved he was on the road to recovery when his protests became louder and more obnoxious but Kurt matched him at every turn. Really Sebastian was too worn out and soon doped up on medication to put up much opposition and Kurt barely managed to put him in bed before he crashed out cold. He ended up sleeping the whole day and night. Kurt checked up on him and saw to his basic needs, making sure he was still alive as time passed. Now with the HIV scare over Kurt finally allowed himself to accept that it was okay to hope for some things and once in a while, those hopes could come true.
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By the second day Sebastian was showing signs of recovery, he could hold food down but wasn't well enough to leave his bed. Over the past forty-eight hours Kurt had to put up with his constant bitching, whining and moaning. Kurt could have bailed at any time but he felt compelled to stay. Who else would be able to tolerate the bastard enough to be there for him? Kurt knew Sebastian didn't have anyone close in his life; casual sex partners yes, but actual friends, not so much. Of course Kurt was sure that was mostly by choice, as Sebastian could be charming when he wanted yet most of the time he rarely bothered.

Thankfully Kurt was well accustomed to stubborn bed-ridden men so he wasn't that put out by the chore, at least he could escape Sebastian by leaving his room when needed. If anything the recent turn of events were keeping Kurt distracted from the void Blaine left, not that Sebastian filled in any way. The trio had unintentionally formed some weird almost bordering on a co-dependent relationship and with one member gone everything was falling apart. The life Kurt had gained months ago was changing and Kurt had to remind himself he could adapt to anything. For now he'd simply wait until Sebastian was fully recovered and see if an intervention was needed when it came to them.

When Kurt went for a final check in on the resident invalid to make sure he was still breathing before bed he found Sebastian was alive and kicking. He was also naked. Sebastian hadn't bothered to dress for his visitor and when Kurt scanned his nude state (with Sebastian lying on the bed) it didn't take much to figure what he had in mind.

Kurt sighed, coming to cross his hands over his chest in defiance. “What the fuck are you insinuating with that look Sebastian?” he asked.

“You brought it up first, didn't you say I could fuck you senseless if I was clean?” Sebastian reminded him.

Kurt rolled his eyes. Was there any real reason to resist him, he wondered. “Are you up for it? Might be better to ease back into the water and before plunging head first,” Kurt pointed out.

Sebastian's usual amused face faded to reveal he had been putting on an act; it turned out Sebastian hadn't recovered so easily from his shake up. With his usual smugness gone what was left on his face shocked Kurt; desire, raw need but for once it wasn't just for sex. Sebastian's underlining need to be tactile, the want to touch and be touched was seeping through. The difference this time was it was separate from the usual wanting to come. Sebastian faltered, not sure what to do in the new situation, he was still totally messed up from the HIV scare. Sebastian let out a frustrated sigh, asking for something he couldn't get on his own. “Kurt, I need... just let me...” Sebastian pleaded softly.

At first it was hard for Kurt to accept that Sebastian was actually begging for something Kurt could give him, comfort. Through touch that would still be very sexual he chose to give consent to what Sebastian needed. Kurt didn't love Sebastian, at least not in the way one would a boyfriend, but he had come to care for him, in some loose sense. Sebastian was his friend, someone who was a prominent figure in his life and possibly a kindred spirit even. It was a totally different connection from whatever he and Blaine felt or shared (denial aside). But Kurt wasn't about to go think about the endless possibilities about what both men in his life meant to him exactly. There were far more pressing things to attend to first, mainly a horny (and needy) fuck buddy who seemed to be slightly off. So he simply gulped and nodded at Sebastian nervously, not sure what he would be in store for exactly. “Okay,” Kurt said, his voice breaking slightly.

“I won't hurt you,” Sebastian assured him softly.

“I know that!” Kurt snapped in defence.

The slight relapse into their usual anger charged banter before sex made Kurt more at ease, making it easier to relax. Kurt walked over to the bed and once he was within Sebastian's reach he let himself be pulled down onto it. He didn't get snarky or protest as Sebastian started to work his magic on Kurt's body and how his light touch was more like a tender caress. The usual rush didn't come next, but remained oddly slow paced. Sebastian took his time exploring Kurt's body with his hands and mouth, capturing, captivating and savouring every inch and the resulting sensation.

Sebastian finally began to peal off his clothing, but kept an infuriating pace as he disrobed Kurt layer by layer. Kurt's body tensed up with panic, the reaction wasn't intended but Kurt wasn't use to sex being like this. Things between Sebastian and Kurt had never been like this, whatever it was. Heck even when Kurt and Blaine had fucked during the threesome Kurt wasn't put off guard by so much. But Kurt knew he was in no danger, which shocked him the most because that meant he trusted Sebastian. “Fuck, Sebastian! I'm not you're boyfriend... what are you trying to do me?” He blurted out.

Sebastian made a quiet soothing noise as he let go of Kurt's cock and pushed him back down on the bed. Kurt was finally naked but Sebastian could tell by his ridged body language he was far from becoming relaxed. “Kurt, chill, just give in to this... I want to feel alive,” Sebastian murmured between kissing his collarbone.

“What, through me? Like I'm some sort of medium?” Kurt grumbled.

“My you catch on quick, don't worry... I'm doing this for myself, same as always. This isn't some romantic declaration of love,” Sebastian assured.

“Fine, use me for all I'm worth... but this better turn out to be worth it in the end,” Kurt muttered.

“You're all heart,” Sebastian said mockingly as he got to work on Kurt.

This was nothing like their usual forays into sex. They had fucked when they were too tired to get angry, but this time everything was off kilter. It was more raw, Kurt realized there was nothing between them, no emotional walls, no anger, just need. Soon there was no clothing between them and Kurt felt Sebastian's own heated body press up against him from behind. Kurt was gently manipulated to lie on his side, Sebastian's hands glided down his torso, his mouth following, grazing his teeth lightly against Kurt's smooth skin.

Sebastian was playing with Kurt in a sense; with every caress Sebastian felt Kurt's immediate reaction while Kurt moaned with pleasure. Kurt was his medium and it was like he was actually feeling sensual pleasure vicariously through Kurt's response. As if it were possible to transfer the sensations through the tips of his fingertips and Kurt's skin. It was true that Sebastian wasn't big on change but the scare had shaken him up so much that now he felt the need to experience something new before he could revert back to his old self. Kurt was the only one who could do this for him; anyone else would think the act meant Sebastian had developed actual romantic feelings. But with Kurt, Sebastian could become almost tender in appearance and there would be no danger of mixed messages. As always, this new experience would end like all the others, with orgasm being achieved, multiple times.

“Oh lord,” Kurt muttered with a shudder.

Sebastian knew Kurt wouldn't think he was being rewarded for letting his roommate have his way with him. He hadn't even bothered to touch Kurt's cock yet and it was pretty obvious how painfully hard he was. Instead Sebastian began to nibble on Kurt's inner thigh as he caressed the right side of his buttock lightly, trailing his tongue upwards, bypassing his dick all together and kissed Kurt's hips instead. Sebastian didn't need to feel Kurt's cock to know how turned on he was becoming. Kurt was simply putting up with it and all for Sebastian's sake and the gesture wasn't ignored. This was what Kurt did to throw Sebastian for a loop; slowly the snarky young man had started to open up to Sebastian. Revealing parts of himself he hadn't meant to show and in turn Sebastian was experiencing something he had never encountered before with anyone, intimacy.

But not all emotional connections were rooted in romantic love and the pair had shared something just as profound. In any other situation Sebastian would never give into the temptation to go in this direction, which was bordering on sentimental. Now he found himself not only embracing his weird exploration into the unknown but he found himself craving it. But he wasn't in his right mind currently and that was an understatement. The biggest difference for Sebastian was he wasn't just making sure his partner's pleasure was equal to his own, he was surpassing it.

It didn't escape Kurt how quiet Sebastian was staying during whatever this was, not that Kurt could form any words himself. He was far too busy trying to process what was being done to his body, all of which were overpoweringly pleasurable and it was almost too much to take. The worst thing was Sebastian wasn't even getting to main event yet, would he survive penetration at this rate? There was only one way to find out and while he was becoming slightly impatient, Kurt was in no way planning to ask the skilled bastard to stop. “Sebastian, shit!” Kurt breathed as his bucked his hips forward. He couldn't take it anymore; if Sebastian didn't give his cock some proper attention then he'd break through and do it himself. “Will you just fucking get to it...” he wheezed.

Sebastian didn't bother to make any smartass remarks, choosing to grant Kurt's request without making any verbal conformation. Sebastian took hold of Kurt's shoulder and rolled him to lie on his back, bringing his head down between Kurt's legs. Finally focusing on Kurt's cock but he kept on playing the game of tease and take. He took his time, slowly running his mouth over Kurt's hard length, switching between liking, kissing and sucking its surface. Then switching his attention to Kurt's ball-sack for a long interlude, which caused Kurt to sputter off and swear.

It was like Kurt's senses were heightened from the slow and agonizing pace Sebastian had set but instead of pain, everything was pleasure. Each part of Kurt's body was given proper attention, teased, coaxed and explored until there was nothing left to neglect. Sebastian finally let his hands and lips take a back seat and he brought his body up to bat. Pressing their fronts together as Sebastian came to lie on top of Kurt, keeping most of his weight off. During which Kurt wasn't doing much more than making loud noises of pleasure as he focused on breathing.

“You don't have to act like your dead Kurt, like I'd want to fuck a corpse,” Sebastian coaxed with amusement.

Kurt gave Sebastian a smirk as he began to rut himself against Sebastian's body, rubbing their slick cocks together. The pace wasn't their usual speed but at least it was no longer so slow that Kurt found it unbearable anymore. “Like this?” he taunted.

“Hmm, oh yeah... that's it, right there,” Sebastian breathed as he got into the rhythm of things.

Silence fell once more as the pair focused on their own needs, their heavy breathing being the only noise to fill the room. Kurt tensed up, his toes curling as Sebastian inched them both towards orgasm and considering what Kurt had been put through so far it was no surprise he wasn't going to last for much longer. Especially when Sebastian picked up the pace to send Kurt over the edge and made him to come at last, reaching blessed release. The orgasm brought forth in Kurt, there were no words to properly describe what he felt and he sure didn't have the ability to call up any to define it. All Kurt could muster was to slump back onto the mattress and his heart almost stopped as Sebastian rolled off of him, who hadn't come himself yet. Kurt's lungs began to move up and down through his gasping; who knew you could have such an intense orgasm without any penetration?

“Well... that was interesting,” Kurt breathed.

“You ain't seen nothing yet,” Sebastian warned as he stopped to kiss Kurt hard on the mouth.

Who knew Sebastian Smythe could be so passionate and giving when it came to sex? At first Kurt was fine to keep passive as Sebastian rolled him onto his side once more and he knew what would come next. Sure enough Kurt felt Sebastian's hard-on rub against his ass and when Sebastian stroked his behind, Kurt let him. It wasn't until Kurt noticed what was missing for him to bring out his snarky side and forced himself to form a coherent sentence once more. “Either you get a condom on that cock of yours or you'll get no entry clearance,” he growled in warning.

Sebastian withdrew a little but only stopped the contact from their lower regions, bringing his front to press against Kurt's back. “Why? We're both clean... this is the one time there's no risk...” Sebastian whispered into Kurt's ear provocatively

There was that tense feeling of unease again, this time for an entirely different reason. Kurt sat up quickly on the bed and grabbed Sebastian's wrist, giving him an intense stare of defiance. “Like that's a reason not to use protection,” he threw back.

“Where's your sense of adventure? Didn't you come here to experience new stuff? This qualifies I think...”

“What the fuck's gotten into you Sebastian? I get it, you got a really big scare but I can't see how that would make you want to... with me of all people?” Kurt demanded.

“We both know what this is and isn't... that's why... don't try to over think here, Kurt. It's all about sex and the pursuit of pleasure, nothing’s changed,” Sebastian explained.

“This is not when I sighed up for!” Kurt shouted.

Sebastian brought his face in close to invade Kurt's personal space; Kurt refused to back down from the move. Instead he found himself responding to Sebastian skilled hands, which once more began to glide down his body and proved how well he knew Kurt's sweet spots. Kurt let out a throaty moan when Sebastian started to pay proper attention to his neck, leaving a hickey. “I don't hear you saying no or telling me to stop...” Sebastian said.

That was very true, if Kurt really wanted things to stop all he had to do was say the word and Sebastian would retract, but his roommate knew him better than that. Kurt was quite annoyed with the clever assessment and wasn't about to acknowledge it with words. Again, Kurt didn't fight Sebastian as he advanced on Kurt, slowly moving them both to lie back on the bed. He didn't tell Sebastian to stop when he found himself on back on his side, or make any snide remarks of protest when Sebastian went for the tube of lube. Kurt knew Sebastian wouldn't start to fuck him without his consent either; he still had his morals in the bedroom, thankfully. When Kurt felt the familiar sensation of his ass being invaded by Sebastian's prodding finger and not his cock all he did was moan.

“Are you afraid?” Sebastian asked as he began to finger Kurt slowly.

“No!” Kurt shouted back instantly.

“You sure?”

“Yes! Would I still be here on this bed if I were? I'm not scared but I don't like what you're trying to make me do...” Kurt gasped.

“I'm not making you do anything,” Sebastian corrected. “You didn't have to stay and let me do a single thing to you, but here you are, moaning away.”

“That's because you're making me feel so fucking good!” Kurt admitted.

“Then maybe you're still too focused on pleasure to realize what I'm offering you here, Kurt. This is my final first when it comes to what I've done and haven't done with sex. I've never fucked anyone bareback before. Here I am, trying to return a favour... so take it or leave it. If you're answer’s no… then I'll use a condom and we'll fuck the night away with protection,” Sebastian assured as he slipped a second finger inside of Kurt, thrusting them in and out.

How the hell was Kurt supposed to make such a decision when Sebastian was fingering him? What he told Kurt was true; there would never be another chance like this. They hadn't fucked anyone else since their tests results and while it was probably a bad idea, Kurt had to agree he'd probably never get such an opportunity again. There was no risk of catching a disease and more importantly, no possibility of catching something far worse; feelings. Kurt did sometimes wonder if going bareback would feel any different. Kurt finally decided this would be a one-time thing. Coming to this conclusion meant Kurt knew what his next step would be; time to yet again give Sebastian what he wanted. “Do it... fuck me bare,” he urged.

Once Sebastian was given the okay to continue, he withdrew his fingers from inside of Kurt, ignoring the box of condoms he'd left within reach. Like Kurt, Sebastian had never considered fucking someone bareback before. It went beyond being safe; this was the first time Sebastian trusted someone enough to believe Kurt wasn't lying about being clean himself. Being so emotionally detached from sex, he hadn't felt the urge to go that far with someone, until now. There was no denying Sebastian owed Kurt a lot for his selfless actions over the last few days. No one would have done that for him and Sebastian couldn't blame them either. Sebastian usually was a lone wolf, who had casual sex partners, old hook ups and new targets, not actual friends he trusted. Sebastian hated to be in anyone's debt but offering Kurt this rare experience wasn't exactly pay back. “You sure?” he asked before making the final move.

Kurt bit his bottom lip, nodding in response but since Sebastian was situated behind him he couldn't see the visual cue. Kurt sat up lightly, rolling his eyes and he arched his head over and nodded again.

“I need you to tell me,” Sebastian said.

“You really do need total consent at all times don't you?” Kurt asked in amazement.

Sebastian shrugged. “Shouldn't it always be that way? It's not like I had a bad experience where I was taken against my will. I just don't like people acting like I'm a rapist when our pants are back on, it's not sexy,” he dismissed.

Kurt kissed Sebastian on the lips, an act they rarely bothered with. Letting that change up set the mood and Kurt took a little interlude before giving his full consent. Kurt let his lips do the talking without forming any words and as soon as he let up Sebastian instantly took over once more. Kurt, for a very rare instance, was giving up complete control, because he too trusted his fuck buddy.

Sebastian's mouth switched became more demanding as he and Kurt began to heavily make out. During which he grabbed the tube of lube and handed it to Kurt. Who managed to uncap the top and squeezed the right amount onto his hand and set to slicking up Sebastian's cock. How he had remained hard after being denied release for so long was an amazing feat but Sebastian had proven his sexual prowess long before now. Kurt found himself feeling oddly bashful; a first for him to experience during sex and now it was time for another big first. There was no uncertainty left in his demanding body, he just needed to convince Sebastian. “Do it Sebastian, fuck me raw,” he demanded.

Not needing further convincing, Sebastian's usual smug expression spread across his face and he was glad to see Kurt was fine to let him take charge. “Okay then...” he said with amusement. After getting his answer Sebastian was fine to move forward and do something he never thought he would. The many times before his fucks had tried to get him to forget about protection had resulted in his loosing interest and he left them hanging. At first Kurt didn't get what position Sebastian was trying to move Kurt's body into and he chuckled. Sebastian knew his current thoughts might be seen as sappy but not to him, or to them rather, since it was still just sex, only on a different level. “Spoon position, Kurt,” he said.

Kurt kept quiet and simply leaned forward on his side, bending his knees to get into the right position for what Sebastian had in mind. He felt Sebastian push his ass cheeks apart as he guided his cock to Kurt's entrance. Kurt gripped the bed sheets when Sebastian pushed inside of him slowly. Oh great, he was going to take his time even during this; Kurt's first reaction was to forget he was going in without a condom. It didn't feel all that different; the penetration of course was more or less the same. It felt slicker and as Sebastian's cock went deeper, Kurt felt a slight difference but it was hard to describe. What it did feel like (as sex tended to be like when Sebastian was involved) was the definition of pleasure. By the time Sebastian filled his ass completely coming to press fully against Kurt, he let out a sharp cry. “Oh, my... fuck!” he moaned.

“Feeling good?” Sebastian asked smugly.

“Obviously but that has nothing to do with going bareback,” Kurt pointed out.

Sebastian began to slowly pull out of Kurt and he moved his leg up to get the right footing to ease his cock in and out. A different position to go along with a new experience and the result was so good it was almost painful. Both men still preferred their usual fast paced angry sex in the long run. But there was nothing wrong with wanting to step out of their comfort zones (even during sex) and experience the unknown.

The slow intensity their lazy pace brought meant their orgasms were being prolonged, but luckily their stamina was holding out marvelously. Proof that there were some positive side effects to fucking for so long; they knew how to read each other’s bodies well.

“Notice any difference?” Sebastian asked Kurt.

“I was gonna ask you the same thing,” Kurt countered.

Sebastian barked out a mocking laugh as he kissed the back of Kurt's neck, bringing his hands forth to stroke his stomach before making his way to Kurt's cock. All the while listening and feeling for Kurt's physical reactions, which were very easy to pick up on. Doing so made it possible to keep them back from the brink of reaching orgasm, because he didn't want it to be over yet.

“Oh god, don't tell me you're delving into tantric sex!” Kurt muttered in alarm.

“Like I could manage to go on for that long,” Sebastian scoffed.

“Couldn't you?” Kurt taunted in reply.

“Fat chance, fucking you bareback is making everything way more sensitive and I can only manage so much here,” Sebastian grunted under the strain from holding back. In reality fucking without protection did feel incredible, but not so much that he was confident he would miss it. Because he didn't intend to do it again not after tonight at least. Sebastian wasn't planning on remaining in their current position forever though and he bit Kurt's shoulder lightly to up the game a bit. “Wanna switch positions up?” he finally asked.

“Just... do whatever the fuck you want to me,” Kurt blurted out in response.

Sebastian took the answer to his full advantage while he pondered how he wanted to finish taking Kurt, for their first orgasm anyway. He slid out of Kurt, grabbed for him and rolled Kurt over on his back and came down on top of him, resting in between Kurt's spread legs. Not choosing to worry about the eye contact the position brought there was no risk in it triggering an feelings of sentiment. Missionary was an oldie but goodie and second to doggy style in Sebastian's sexual position handbook, but normally Sebastian evaded it. He chose to bother with it now as he pushed himself back into Kurt, sliding inside with ease. Sebastian could feel Kurt's wet heat way better without any latex between and he had to try harder to keep himself at bay. Sebastian thrust into Kurt, quickening his speed and force with every forward push. Sebastian was in a very weird mindset but he was confident the odd moment would pass come the morning, so for now he'd simply embrace it. “You feel so good...” Sebastian moaned.

Kurt gasped for air, he felt like he'd get the wind knocked out of him at this rate. Either that or he'd blackout as soon as he came. “I can't believe we're fucking without protection,” Kurt muttered.

Sebastian rolled his eyes, it didn't escape him how Kurt didn't stop moving but actually went so far as to meet his forward thrusts. “You said yes.”

“No shit! I mean shit it is really good right now... but can we just get on it with it, please!” Kurt cried out. This had to be the longest time they'd gone in one sprint without either of them coming. Unlike the many porno's out there, their endurance wasn't fake and achieved due to camera cuts and editing.

“‘Least you came earlier,” Sebastian grunted.

Kurt had forgotten that fact as he was so focused on himself and so he relented since Sebastian was worse off than him. Really there was no need to complain anyway and Kurt set to shutting up. It was better if they stayed silent during such a high level of intimacy. There was no escaping how lover like their exchange was, or how close they were coming to crossing such lines. Until their usual sex patterns started to return to them without any prompting, proving how close they were to reaching their breaking points.

Lost time was made up in a heartbeat, Sebastian captured Kurt's mouth and bit his bottom lip in a sharp pang of pleasure. Kurt yelled out in surprise and sputtered off between moaning and shouting profanities. Things were no longer leisurely, now the pace he and Sebastian were going at turned frantic and rushed.

“Shit!” Sebastian swore as he felt his whole body tense up and he snapped his hips forward with one last fevered thrust. Coming hard and fast, right into Kurt's ass and at long last orgasm was achieved, savoured and over with.

Kurt's own release came a second later, the sensation of Sebastian's come filling up his ass sent him over the edge. Okay this was sure different, feeling the hot and wet rush it brought forth. If Kurt had to put words to what he had felt, the saying butterflies in his stomach fit the best, which he hated because it sounded so pathetic. All he chose to conclude was it felt good but also, wet and sort of gross once the initial rush and novelty that followed was over.

Sebastian by this point had already collapsed down on Kurt's body in a sweaty heap once the act was over. There, he'd finally done it; there went his last sexual first. Because he couldn't think of anything else he hadn't done. Sebastian let out a long breath that sounded more like wheezing, laughing away. When he and Kurt finally looked at each other there was a weird atmosphere forming between them, probably from realizing what they had let happen. This time Sebastian knew Kurt had gone along with it for his sake more than his own. He hadn't intended to say anything until he noticed Kurt was still looking at him. “So what's it feel like? Having someone come inside you with no condom?”

Kurt was glad he could laugh in response, causing the tension between them to drop and feel more relaxed. He allowed his mind to settle a bit before trying to answer, Sebastian was still inside him but with going bareback that didn't matter. It was true that they never got very talkative or this physical after orgasm was reached. No, they usually either stopped or went straight for round two, pillow talk wasn't in their usual repertoire. Right now they were doing neither but considering how long they had lasted, Kurt figured they were due some recovery time.

“Honestly... I'm not sure I get the appeal. Okay maybe I do, because yeah it was great and I felt some difference. Maybe it was more noticeable to you since you topped for it. Feeling you come inside me... fuck that sounds so stupid! It was good, I sure felt the heat and the rush and all that... but for me, it wasn't that different. ‘Least not until the end, doesn't make me want to forget protection. If anything the clean up is way more of a pain. Because right now I feel wet and sticky and not in the good way. I don't find the fact that your come's dribbling out of my ass that fun,” Kurt explained.

The answer made Sebastian laugh; he was still too tired to move off of and out of Kurt just yet. It turned out sometimes he did have an actual refraction period like the masses. The day kept on getting weirder it seemed, what the fuck was wrong with him? “You let me fuck you bareback, Kurt.”

Kurt rolled his eyes, shattering the tender illusion by sputtering off with annoyance at the comment. “You can't rope this one on me,” Kurt grumbled. “I let you yes but if it was still your doing. Trust me... if you hadn't had clean results, it never would have happened. Don't act like it meant anything because you know it didn't,” Kurt accused.

Sebastian felt his old self return to him but the night was far from over. He finally arched up and pulled out of Kurt, but when Kurt made no effort to move him off or tell him to, Sebastian didn't. Instead the pair just lay there, not sure what to say next, Sebastian was trying to decide if he'd offer Kurt the chance to try it himself. But so far he wasn't about to voice that idea, not when right now things were so off base. Instead his brilliant mind gave him the perfect answer and mirror something Kurt had told him in another weird situation. One that had put them both in immediate ease back then. “I don't love you,” he told Kurt softly.

Kurt's response was to break out laughing, the confession causing the weird air around them to dissipate. It was the perfect thing to say and Kurt didn't hide his relief. “Thank fucking god... that's the last thing I'd need right now,” Kurt declared through muffled laughter.

“Guess that means the feelings mutual, or lack there of?” Sebastian commented.

Kurt pushed Sebastian off of him finally, who was fine to roll of and come to lie beside Kurt. The pair exchanged amused smirks, like they had just shared a very funny joke. Kurt wanted to fully define what they were to each other then, as it was needed. “What are we then?” he asked.

“Friends?” Sebastian offered.

“We are, aren't we... wow... who would have thought,” Kurt muttered.

Sebastian took a deep breath and stretched from his spot on the bed. “What a feeling!” he shouted, half singing.

Kurt blinked at the sudden move. “What?” he asked.

“Just a observation, though not a smart one, sorry I've been pretty fucked up over the last few days.”

“I've noticed.”

Sebastian proved he was always in the mood and since they had gotten passed any possible deal breakers he wanted to move the night along in the most desired direction. “That mean you're up for more?”

Kurt just shrugged. “Sure, just don't let it get so fucking slow this time. I don't want that with you,” Kurt muttered in annoyance.

“Do you want it with Blaine?” Sebastian asked, proving his old self was back.

Kurt simply ignored the question as he was in no mood to humour the idea or Sebastian for that matter. Instead he went so far as to steer the conversation into something far less personal by going straight for Sebastian's cock. True to his amazing ability to get hard with little coaxing, it didn't take long for his cock to respond. “Asking me stuff like that won't help you get back into my ass you know. But uh... it's kind of a mess in there so might not want to,” Kurt warned.

Sebastian grinned. “You could top then as it has been a while for you. In fact you haven't fucked me since the threesome, miss it?”

Kurt shrugged, “Maybe... I think by this point I'd consider myself more of a versatile really... as I like it both ways. I honestly find no need to label myself though. But I'll fuck you good if you're offering since you wouldn't want your ass to get sore again. Have you let anyone else fuck you lately?” Kurt asked, turning the tables with his own personal question.

“No, not since Blaine during the three-way,” Sebastian answered, proving he'd answer any question thrown his way.

“Should I finger you first if it's been that long? Wait... what are you insinuating with me topping?” Kurt asked warily, catching the undertones Sebastian was projecting.

“That if you wanna fuck me bareback you can. To make this a fair exchange,” Sebastian said, getting straight to the point.

“I dunno if we should...”

“It's not like we're gonna wanna do it all the time. My offer expires after tonight...”

“Okay good because being monogamous with you in any sense makes me...” Kurt began with a shudder, not being able to finish the sentence.

“You sort of have been though, you've only fucked two guys other than me,” Sebastian countered.

Kurt knew Sebastian was only trying to push his buttons, so he didn't dismiss the accusation. “That has nothing to do with you, you fucker. I just don't have the same drive to get myself out there like you do,” he answered casually.

“Fine, it's your call then, same as before. As long as you make me come the other details hardly matter,” Sebastian stated with indifference.

Kurt narrowed his eyes at Sebastian, whenever he made it the other guy’s choice Kurt realized it kept the pressure off of him. So there was some benefit to being sensible in the sack and waiting for full consent before going in. Kurt was sure there were times when things weren't totally clear but that was Sebastian's life, not his, another reason why he didn't seek out multiple sex partners. Dealing with someone like Sebastian was tiresome enough. Why was he shying away, or rather why wasn't he? That answer at least was simple, why not make things even cross another first off his list? If Kurt truly was a versatile, experiencing both ways was the sensible choice, though the word choice wasn't the greatest. Nothing Sebastian and Kurt were currently doing made much sense but then it didn't need to.

Sebastian watched Kurt's facial expression and knew things were going to go in his favour. Sebastian leaned over to Kurt and kissed him but didn't use his hands to help his roommate make his mind up. Not that he needed to, Kurt's body was responding without having to do much work and that was another oddity. He knew Sebastian was acting very different than when they usually went at it, he was still out of whack. In truth the test results being negative still left Sebastian feeling scared shitless. It sent him a shock wave of reality, making him acknowledge you could be as safe as possible and you still weren't actually safe.

The chance of catching something was high when you had as many sexual partners and encounters as Sebastian did. That didn't mean Sebastian was about to turn his life around, he'd keep being as careful as possible but he wasn't about to give monogamy a try, not with Kurt or anyone else. No, even when the test scare had left him in an odd place, he knew it wouldn't amount to a life changing moment. All he wanted right now was experience something new in sex, for the novelty and thrill it brought. It was still weird and a moment ago what he and Kurt had been doing couldn't be called fucking but it wasn't making love either. What it could be (though Sebastian wasn't fully aware himself that it could be) was Sebastian experimenting intimacy with someone. Which meant fucking bareback wasn't the only first left for Kurt to take from him, or rather to give.

Coming back to Sebastian's offer, Kurt had reached his decision and it was the same as before. “Let's do this then but before you ask me if I'm sure. I'm not completely sure, so the real question is does that matter to you?” Kurt challenged.

“It probably should but fuck it! It's time to be impulsive when it comes to sex. There's a first time for everything,” Sebastian answered, not missing the intentional double meaning.

Kurt let out a tired groan from the silly pun, he needed the sexual tension between them to build up if he had any hope of getting to top bareback at this rate. “Okay then but after this the condoms go back on. If you wanna fuck through the night as some sort of big return to the game,” Kurt warned.

“I do believe this is one of the few times we agree on something. Should we be worried?”

“Let's not go there...” Kurt replied in warning.

The use of repetitive laughter showed the strange mood Sebastian was in hadn't lifted yet but the night was young and his senses were still dull. Feeling slightly numb to the pain meant he could recover and really having a randy night of sex was the best medicine he could think of, next to antibiotics. Sebastian ignored the warning signs since they weren't due to feelings and pushed Kurt down on the bed until his back was resting against the mattress again and Sebastian reached for the lube. To fuck without protection when you were both clean was one thing, to go so far to not bother with lubricant was another and that was one line Sebastian never planned to cross. Some boundaries were still firmly in place, despite his weakened state. Kurt remained passive like he was picking up on some hidden signal Sebastian was giving out and let his roommate do what he wanted to him.

Kurt wasn't really alarmed by the change in Sebastian anymore and considering his ordeal, he could hardly blame him either. While he admitted he wouldn't have reacted the same way, there was nothing going on that sent him any warning signals. So Kurt let it happen and didn't say anything in protest he just moaned with pleasure. In fact if Sebastian hadn't been through so much emotional turmoil in thinking he was HIV positive, then Kurt would have sworn this was just a new way for Sebastian to torment him.

Sebastian had already gotten Kurt's cock hard again and he set to getting things going once more, by giving him a quick blowjob and stopping before it went too far. “Just don't expect me to give up any control when you're topping. Since you're still gonna be on the bottom for it,” Sebastian announced as he coated Kurt's cock with lube.

“I figured,” Kurt said with a sigh.

“Good boy,” Sebastian sassed.

Kurt watched as Sebastian straddled him, lining Kurt's cock up to his entrance and slowly lowered himself down. Kurt let out a low-pitched moan as Sebastian moved down on him and he had to admit no condom made things feel more sensitive. Not overly dissimilar when protection was used but enough that Kurt noticed a difference. It felt slicker, more wet and hot but to his relief it didn't cause a heightened connection between him and Sebastian. When Sebastian finally fully slid down onto Kurt's cock, Sebastian didn't move as he rested there.

“Having second thoughts? Cause it's a little late for that,” Kurt commented.

Sebastian shook his head; he was quite surprised Kurt wasn't freaking out with how different he was acting right now. “Naw, just trying to see if I feel a huge difference here...” he explained as he ran his hands down Kurt's chest.

“Do you?”

“Not sure, right now all I can tell is the difference isn't as big when you top bareback.”

“I'd have to agree with you, so far anyway.”

There would be no way to know for sure if Sebastian kept still, so he began to move his hips up until only the tip of Kurt's cock was still inside. Then he pushed back down, stretching himself as Kurt filled him up once more. As if that slight act would make things more clear, so far he wasn't really sure, expect that it felt great but that had nothing to do with going bareback.

“It's kind of more sensitive I guess... that I'll admit. I can feel the heat and you better... but then considering the tightness of anal it's not that like it makes it harder to come with a condom. I can see why people might crave this but then, it's not worth the risk. For me anyway, sure I love to fuck and all that entails but I'm not really getting the novelty,” Sebastian described as he started to ride Kurt's cock slowly.

True to their normal casual nature concerning sex, they were back to talking during and that was a good sign for them. “That's basically what it was like for me when I bottomed, as for being the top now... it's better but I don't really need the increase in sensitivity. Sure it might fell good but then I'm detached from sex for the most part... so the extra mess isn't enough justification,” Kurt added.

Sebastian nodded, picking up the pace a bit and he closed his eyes for a moment. “Couldn't have said it better myself. Save bare backing for the fucking stupid people who think they're immortal or the delusional saps who voluntarily enter a monogamous relationship,” Sebastian snapped as he threw his head back with pleasure.

“Are you still glad we went for it though?” Kurt asked.

“Why not, I mean right now it's pretty great and at least I know one way or the other now,” Sebastian replied.

Kurt let out a throaty laugh, only to be cut off as Sebastian slammed down onto Kurt causing him to shout. “Shit! You know, that's my exact opinion after I lost my virginity!” he admitted.

“Flatterer,” Sebastian said sarcastically.

Kurt snickered until he sputtered off once more since now Sebastian was really getting into it but in Kurt's opinion he wasn't going fast enough. It was becoming very difficult to remain passive when all Kurt wanted to do was flip Sebastian over and start pounding into him with fierce need. Kurt could only give so much and right now Sebastian was taking it all and Kurt wasn't receiving much payback. “Can we stop with the slow sex now... before I snap,” Kurt grumbled.

“A you finally freaking out because I can be this tender?” Sebastian taunted as he went even slower. That caused Kurt to snarl in protest and Sebastian didn't give into the threat, instead he went so far as to fully pull off of Kurt. Before his fuck buddy could get angry Sebastian leaned down and kissed him with surprising passion.

That bold move made it so Kurt finally couldn't take it anymore and he pushed Sebastian away so their mouths broke apart. Panting and feeling so painfully hard, Kurt faltered for a moment and he almost lost it, but it turned out his inner strength had many uses. “No! I know you're not being tender! I just... fuck it I don't know! Look, I get it you need this and once I come I'll let you fuck me as many times as you want tonight...” Kurt groaned as Sebastian began to kiss and bite his neck, rubbing his body against Kurt's. “Where we'll resume using protection of course... but let's go back to our usual right now! Or so help me I'll end up doing something I'll regret,” Kurt hissed. At this rate he'd come out in the open and not in Sebastian ass, loosing the point of them fucking bareback for a second time.

“Like you could do that to anyone Kurt, but have at me then,” Sebastian urged as he assumed the position. Which turned out to be a favourite of Kurt's, since he did realize if he wanted to achieve multiple orgasms that night he'd had to keep his sex partner happy. Sebastian didn't need to tell Kurt what he had in mind, they both shifted down to the edge of the bed. Kurt jumped off as Sebastian moved his hips, hooking his feet over the edge and lifting his ass up in the air, at the perfect position for entry. Neither Kurt or Sebastian bothered with banter and Kurt showed how impatient he was, he was on and in Sebastian in an instant. Shaking hands clamped onto the sides of his hips and he plunged deep inside and Sebastian fought to stay in place from the forced. “Shit! Now here's a difference!”

“So much that you might wanna forget condoms now?” Kurt joked.

“Fuck no, I'm not an idiot! Now get on with it or I won't let you come in my ass, Kurt,” Sebastian growled hungrily.

Kurt let out an exasperated cry as Sebastian moved himself back and forth on Kurt's cock, until Kurt met his thrusts by snapping his hips forward at the right moment. “Oh, my god! You just tortured me with the slowest sex I've ever had and you have the nerve to bitch to me!” Kurt hissed but he was too far gone to dish the same punishment. Kurt wanted to come and wasn't about to prolong it with slow and agonizing hip movements. He had a feeling Sebastian was far from done manipulating and playing with his body either. Kurt merely took this in stride, focusing on his own need for once, planting his right foot on the edge of the bed. Bending his knee out and pounded deep into Sebastian.

“Fuck! You bastard, you found my prostate...” Sebastian yelled out.

“Naturally, I'm a pro by this state,” Kurt scoffed.

“Seeing as how I showed you how that's more a compliment for me,” Sebastian pointed out.

“Well, irony's a bitch,” Kurt sassed.

Another downside to convince the pair that condoms were worth using was the increased sensitivity meant they couldn't last as long as usual. At the pace they were now going it became very clear they were reaching the desired goal, with each ramming thrust. Kurt felt like his insides were on fire as his body tensed up at the peak, crying out with pleasure.

“Oh fuck oh god, I'm... yes oh fuck yeah this is it!” Kurt shouted through sharp grunts as he snapped his hips forward as he came. So fast and hard the release convulsed through his whole body and into Sebastian's ready ass.

“Fuck that's new!” Sebastian shouted in response. He felt Kurt's come shoot inside of him, filling him up. This new wave of pleasure sent him spiralling as he reached orgasm. Kurt went so far as to grab his cock and milked the last streaks of come onto the bed. Sebastian fell forward, Kurt sinking down with him and Kurt rested his head on Sebastian's shoulder, breathing heavily into his ear.

“I get what you mean about feeling sticky,” Sebastian said with a weak chuckle.

Kurt was still too busy panting to make a witty remark, so he focused on easing his cock out of Sebastian. Not enjoying the wet and sticky aftermath that brought, Kurt stopped himself from falling onto the bed. “Between your come still being in my ass and my cock getting covered in my own load... what I need now is a shower,” Kurt groaned weakly.

“Sounds good to me, we should of gone bareback in there... would have been cleaner,” Sebastian said in realization.

“No shit,” Kurt remarked with his usual eye-roll response.

Sebastian got up from the bed and followed Kurt into the bathroom when he saw his roommate stop to get the waterproof lube and he eyed him quizzically. “I wasn't being serious you know...” he pointed out.

Kurt gave him a come hither look, which he had never done before. “I know... feel like being reckless one last time? I don't care if you top again either,” Kurt offered.

Sebastian paused; he knew what Kurt was doing, how he somehow understood that Sebastian still needed him and how his job was far from over for that night. He just nodded, since he found no need to comment on anything they were doing. Instead they went back to their usual habits, minus the lack of a condom, and continued their perusal of pleasure. “Fine but the protection comes back after this.”

“You're fucking right it does,” Kurt agreed.

If this wasn't a way to celebrate the fact that Sebastian could keep living his sex filled life as usual, Kurt wasn't sure what would be the better choice. It was messed up and people would probably have a lot of say about it for sure. But then Kurt thought about his two rules in life: never look back and never give a fuck.
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When Sebastian stepped out of his bedroom the next morning, he was limping with every step but didn't bother to hide it. What was the point when he knew Kurt was way worse off in that department, which made Sebastian slightly proud. Sebastian hadn't seen Kurt since he'd gone to his own room after they were finally finished, topping their sex count in one go. Sebastian had known from the moment he woke up that morning that he was more or less recovered and back to his usual confident self. He was still a bit weak but that was mainly due to the amount of sex he'd had last night with Kurt. Though part of his tired state still could be accounted from being so sick and emotionally worn out over the last week too. But Sebastian was an actor so he was hiding that fact very well.

As he limped into the living area he noticed Kurt was putting finishing touches on breakfast for two. “Are you aiming for a three-way?” he taunted.

Not taking the bait, Kurt kept his attention on the stove, flipping another piece of French toast with skilled precision. “Originally cooking was intended for the need for sustenance, Sebastian,” Kurt said.

“Really? Who would have thought,” Sebastian said sarcastically.

Kurt rolled his eyes in response. Kurt would have been willing to let last night's episode drop completely if there wasn't any underlining worry that Sebastian was pushing himself. If he went overboard then he might come crashing back down. Kurt didn't want to go through anything like he had with Sebastian yesterday again, not if his life counted on it. Even Kurt had his limits and with Blaine gone from his life, he didn't want to loose anything else (or have to move out).

“So have you recovered then?” Kurt asked innocently.

“What from all the sex we had? Please, that's nothing,” Sebastian scoffed.

“So having six consecutive orgasms was nothing? Fuck, what are you a machine?” Kurt grumbled.

“‘Fraid so Kurt, you have no idea what I'm capable of,” Sebastian announced as he sat down at the kitchen table. He knew Kurt had meant something different when he asked about his well being, he simply chose to divert the conversation. But then he knew better than that to hope that Kurt would drop the subject.

Kurt let out an exasperated sigh and turned to glare at Sebastian with judgment. “If you want any French toast you better try again with your answer,” Kurt warned as he began to waft the tasty smell towards Sebastian's direction. “They're so good you'd think they'd came straight from Pariee...” Kurt chimed.

Sebastian wasn't one to give into temptation when it didn't relate to sex, but then this was the first time in days he felt hungry and knew he could keep it all down. So Sebastian just tried his best to act casual and that the day before wasn't so out of the blue. “I'm fine Kurt, yeah I freaked out and went to a dark place. But I crawled back out and I have a lot of lost time to make up for,” Sebastian assured in his normal self-centered way.

“So the fact that you used my body for slow, intimate sex where you barely spoke a word as you kept me away from coming for ages shouldn't alarm me?” Kurt asked.

“It's not like you stopped me from doing it,” Sebastian threw back.

“No, I didn't. Because as messed up as it was, I could tell you needed it... I'm just not exactly sure why,” Kurt admitted.

Sebastian sighed, but before he could stand up to bail, Kurt placed a plate full of French toast in front of him on the table and he was trapped. After he tasted it and agreed in Kurt's high praise of his culinary skills, he figured it was worth the displeasure, to a certain degree. “You really wanna go there? Don't we avoid shit like this?”

Kurt finished making the last piece and joined Sebastian at the table. “Sebastian, you thought your life as you knew it was coming crashing down upon you. I've been there, trust me, I know what that does to you. I'm not saying I don't think you won't revert to your normal self, who I constantly want to punch in the face. But last night, we went so far as to fuck without protection. That's a warning signal, I need to be sure you're not just acting like you're okay,” Kurt insisted.

“Why did you do it? Why did you let me... let us... go there?” Sebastian asked, his expression serious for a rare occurrence.

Kurt paused for a moment as he tried to think of a good answer to give, not forgetting that Sebastian had dodged his own query with a question, but he'd get back to that soon. He actually knew the answer, he just wasn't sure if he wanted to admit it. “I could tell you needed me and I decided I'd give you what you wanted to feel... to help you. That's what friends do for each other, I did you a favour Sebastian,” Kurt explained.

“No one’s friends like us, Kurt,” Sebastian laughed.

“You'd be surprised, I bet there's people even more fucked up than we are. But don't start thinking I'm selfless and sacrificed myself to your whims. I did it for me too. I needed it, after all the crap I've been through. I had to give up Blaine, I know I've put on a brave face, but I... I miss him. I use to want everything he had to offer me five years ago, but to get through my shitty life I had to... what's the fucking word to use here, give up on that ever happening. I hurt him Sebastian, I didn't mean to, but I know I did and that's the worst part. I miss him so fucking much and I wanted to want him, but if I did, I'd break the both of us...” Kurt explained and by the time he started to bring out the anguish he was skillfully hiding behind his walls, but it was too late to build them back up. He ended up crying into his plate of French toast.

Though Sebastian was adapting to the idea of having a friend, he didn't come over and hug Kurt, instead he just looked at his hunched over frame as he hid his head under his folded arms on the table. “Thank you, Kurt,” he suddenly said.

Kurt body froze and his crying outbreak stopped dead cold, he looked over at Sebastian in shock. “What did you say?” He asked in amazement.

“Thank you, for what you did for me. No one else in my life would have gone there,” Sebastian said.

Kurt's mouth hung open, he was dumbstruck and for once it wasn't related to Sebastian's cock. “Uh... you're welcome?” Kurt said sheepishly.

His ploy ended up working, he'd shocked Kurt so much he had forgotten about his own emotional downfall completely. Relieving Sebastian from having to try to deal with him, because he wasn't avoiding the idea of having to comfort him for his own sake. Sebastian knew (and Kurt probably did as well) that no matter how use they had gotten to each other, or how much sex they had or that they were friends in addition to being fuck buddies, Sebastian had his limits, he still had no patience for feelings.

“Okay that's enough maturity for today, don't count on me every saying that again. No matter what you fucking do,” Sebastian added smugly.

Kurt managed to find a piece of his meal that was tear free and he set to eating it, when he was done he just looked at Sebastian and he rolled his eyes at him. “Sebastian, I hope nothing happens that will ever make you want to,” he declared.

���________________________________________________________________________

The regularly scheduled Sebastian Smythe had indeed returned and was even more tiresome than ever for Kurt. More so because they had made a silent agreement to steer clear of each other for a while, as it had always worked before. Sebastian's brush with HIV didn't seem to make him want to ease up on his sexual adventures either, but then, he had always been safe from the start. With the whole Sebastian crisis over and dealt with, Kurt was back to being bored once more.

Which meant he could no longer ignore the overbearing depression Blaine's departure had caused. He didn't even bother to hide it, since Sebastian was rarely around to notice as the days passed. Kurt decided to follow Blaine's lead and finally head back home to visit his family. As much as he didn't want to go back to Lima, he could use one of his dad’s long father-son talks. He wasn't going to go into much detail but his dad knew what it was like to recover after loosing someone, even if it was a totally different scenario.

Sebastian suddenly burst through the front door, startling Kurt, who had intended to call his dad. “I so need a change of fucking scenery,” Sebastian groaned as the closed the door behind him.

Kurt just blinked at him and he knew the feeling. “Oh fuck yes, I'm already ahead of you, I'm heading for home,” Kurt explained.

Sebastian made a face at Kurt. “Are you running back home to Mommy and Daddy?” he taunted.

“God, does this fist want to make an impact on your face right now,” Kurt grumbled a he shook his clenched right hand at Sebastian in annoyance. “No, I'm not turning tail, I'm just going home for a visit. I'll be back before the new school year. I really need a break, even if it means I have to return to my stupid home town,” Kurt told his roommate. He left out that he was taking the idea from Blaine, since he couldn't even mention his name anymore.

“When are you going?” Sebastian asked.

Kurt eyed him suspiciously, he didn't like the look Sebastian was giving him, he knew that look, and he knew what usually happened after that look. He was scheming something and for once Kurt had no idea what it was and he didn't bother to guess. “In three days, why?” Kurt said.

“I bet you're already packed.”

“Of course, not like I had anything else going on to keep me busy.”

“Whose fault is that, you could look for a new friend. What about that chick of Nick’s? What's her name? Stacy?” Sebastian suggested.

“It's Stephanie, but she's out of town, visiting her parents with Nick. Even if she were here it wouldn't feel right to hang out with her. She was Blaine's friend first, so she needs to take his side in this....” Kurt started, but he had no proper way to describe what had happened between him and Blaine. They hadn't broken up, or even had a falling out; they had just put some much needed space between them. But despite neither one voicing it, he knew it was likely it was a true parting of ways.

“Well I have the answer to your promblem...” Sebastian began.

“I'm not ready for sex with you yet...” Kurt interjected quickly, shutting the idea down.

“Wasn't going to suggest that actually. Are you working tomorrow?” Sebastian asked.

“No, I'm on vacation already, why?” Kurt asked with concern.

“Up for a change before heading to the home front?”

“What did you have in mind?” Kurt asked, his suspicious tone increasing with every word.

“There's this bar I've heard everyone raving about in a nearby town. Been meaning to check it out. I think we both could use a trip, up for a bit of a drive? See if it's worth the journey?” Sebastian asked.

Kurt sighed. “Okay whatever, I'll go. Maybe I'll even find someone new to fuck.”
________________________________________________________________________

Later that evening, after Kurt had passed the wait time buy shopping for the perfect outfit for their night out on the town, he returned home. Now Kurt was sitting beside Sebastian in his car (for some reason Sebastian had insisted they take Kurt's instead of his own) as he drove them to their destination. Kurt had remained silent until Sebastian put on a particular song on his stereo which Kurt was not in the mood to hear again.

“Do not play that song again Sebastian, I thought we covered this months ago...” Kurt seethed with clenched teeth. Sebastian had picked up the habit to play 'Hips Don't Lie' whenever Kurt walked into a room and it had taken a number of outbursts to get him to stop.

“Relax Kurt, you're too uptight, it's like you're a virginal bookworm all over again,” Sebastian taunted.

Kurt just gave up, he knew when there was little point to get snarky, so instead he got even. By singing along to the song in a very high pitched voice that could almost shatter glass, until Sebastian turned off repeat before he could go deaf. Kurt suddenly noticed something was amiss when Sebastian suddenly pulled onto the freeway. “Uh Sebastian... where exactly is this bar located?” Kurt asked with concern.

Sebastian simply remained silent at first, not bothering to answer the question. Instead he started a new song, which was 'I May be rude But I'm the Truth' by Cobra Starship, and it didn't give Kurt any reassurance for his rising anxiety.

“Ohio,” he finally answered.