Chapter Seven

Most people at Flare instantly caught on that whenever Hummel spent an extended amount of time alone in his office, it meant he didnt want to be bothered. Kurt tried to tell himself that, this time at least, he wasnt going there to avoid people, but even he wasnt buying it. Kurt knew the actual reason that everyone was leaving him alone was the upcoming date.

Before Kurt could begin to remember that horrible day, a sudden knock at the door startled him back into awareness. Kurt got up with a loud grumble; it could be Blaine and he was the last person he wanted to see right now. So Kurt was ready to dish out whatever anger he could to make the intrusive man stay away as he yanked the door open with a glare already in place.

But it wasnt Blaine at all, but Tobin, one of the servers who had been working at the club for nearly three years. Kurt knew all about him and his work performance of course, as he did with all of the staff. Tobin was in his early twenties, a little on the conceited side but dedicated enough when it came to work to remain employed at Flare.

Kurts annoyed expression melted away at the sight of him, because he knew that look; it was the face of a terrified man fearing for his life. “Tobin? Whats wrong?” Kurt asked with genuine concern.

The man's whole body began to shake as he struggled to speak but no words came out of his mouth. Kurt made no attempts to make him talk and hugged Tobin tightly when he started to cry. The young man fell into Kurts embrace and wept into his shoulder while Kurt stroked his back lightly. He had a feeling he knew what this was about, since Tobin had come to him three weeks before to discreetly report a personal problem.

“I... my test came back positive...” Tobin finally breathed.

“Its HIV?” Kurt asked softly.

“Yeah, but we both know it will progress to AIDS. It's just a matter of time,” Tobin said bitterly.

Kurt made no attempt to dispute the claim. All he could do was to comfort the man in his arms the best that he could. He tightened his grip on Tobins shaking figure, gently moving them to step inside his office, and pulled one arm free to close the door behind them.

“Why? Why the fuck did this have to happen to me?” Tobin sobbed.

Kurt had no answer to give and he wasnt about to offer Tobin any false hope by saying it would be okay or anything along those lines either. Kurt knew such statements would only fall flat and could make things worse at this point. “I dont know. I dont think anyone does. Shit just happens... sometimes to the least deserving people. But the one thing I do know is ... AIDS is not punishment for homosexual sin. So dont you dare start believing that, okay?” Kurt said.

It took a while but eventually Tobin was able to pull himself together enough to stop crying. “What am I going to do?” he asked Kurt desperately.

Again, Kurt wasnt an all-knowing deity that could offer Tobin ultimate salvation. But there was one thing he could give, something he wished hed had during the difficult times in his life. “Im here for you, Tobin. No matter what happens next, youre not going to go through this alone,” Kurt told him.

Tobin's smile was bittersweet, but the sight of it meant a great deal to Kurt regardless. “Thank you, Hummel. I knew I could come to you,” he said.

“Its Kurt. Now, come on... I know just the place to take you,” Kurt said as he gave Tobins arm a supportive squeeze.

Tobin nodded, sniffling as he took Kurts offered handkerchief to blow his nose. “Sure. What have I got to lose?” he said weakly in response.

Sometimes reality hit hard, reminding people that no matter what they were going through, someone else, somewhere, was going through much worse. It was a life lesson Kurt had to take to heart; for all of the pain and loss in his life, he still had plenty to live for even now.
________________________________________________________________________________

“Youve reached Dare to Flare, manager Stephan speaking, how may I help you?”

“Hey, Stephan, its Blaine... um, is Hummel there?”

Blaine wasn't sure if he was imagining the awkward silence from the other end of the phone. He really should have thought this through a bit more, because calling Hummel would seem totally out of the blue to just about anyone.

“Hes not here right now. Is anything the matter, Blaine?” Stephan asked with mild concern.

“Its nothing really...” Blaine lied as he quickly tried to come up with a believable excuse for his call. “It was just something about the show, but it can wait until tonight.”

“I doubt Hummel will come in at all tonight; he has a private matter to attend to,” Stephan explained.

Did that mean Kurt had actually confided in Stephan about what was going on between them? The possibility hardly seemed likely so Blaine quickly chose against fishing for possible clues. “Oh, okay... Its no biggie… don't worry about it,” he replied.

“Its not my place to say, Blaine, but I feel I should warn you. This is a difficult time for Hummel ... so I would conduct your interactions with him very carefully,” Stephan warned.

If only Blaine had heard those words of advice weeks ago, then maybe things would have turned out very differently. But there was no point in contemplating what could have been. All that Blaine could do now was attempt to deal with his current situation. “Thanks... Ill keep that in mind and Ill see you tonight at work,” Blaine said and ended the call.

Left with no other alternative, because Blaine wasnt about to poke his nose in Kurts personal matter, even if he was directly involved, Blaine knew what he could do instead. “Time to jumpstart the educational process...” he muttered to himself.
______________________________________________________________________________

Blaine wasnt even aware that there were places in New York where he could learn about HIV and AIDS at all. Hed always thought finding any unbiased information about the disease (before he knew there was even a difference between the two), let alone moral support for the infected, was impossible. But such places, whether Blaine had believed in their existence or not, were real and now Blaine was in one. The shabby building hardly looked comforting on the outside, but within the halls of the little community centre was something many people, gay or straight, longed to find: acceptance and knowledge. Blaine had first gone to collect every available pamphlet on the subject so he could learn everything he was lacking. Now better informed but still slightly terrified, Blaine felt he could use a little moral support, to see with his own eyes what comfort could be offered for those who had tested positive.

Blaine was on his way to one of the support group sessions he had been invited to observe when he heard voices. He made no attempt to hide because he was allowed to be there, at least until he caught sight of the two men ahead and froze. Its Kurt... he thought in amazement. ... and Tobin? What are they doing here?

“Thanks for bringing me here, Kurt. I didnt think anything could help... but I was wrong,” Tobin admitted weakly.

The pair were oblivious to the fact that they were being watched.

Kurt smiled at Tobin. “Realizing that youre not the only one going through this type of struggle is important,” Kurt remarked, though that comment made him feel like quite the hypocrite. “I know its scary, and I know that your fear is justified ... but dont give up. You need to keep fighting.”

“Thats easy for you to say,” Tobin said, mildly sarcastically.

Kurt smirked at him. He was glad that Tobin was in a well enough state to attempt humour. “Im not as ballsy as people might think, you know.”

“I know that now... and your support is really appreciated, Kurt. You didnt have to do this for me...”

“No, but I wanted to, so I did. Its as easy as that,” Kurt responded, tutting.

Blaine was too entranced from seeing the softer side of Kurt at such a close proximity to walk away or make his presence known. Hed heard before that Kurt was supportive of the staff, but hed always doubted the real likelihood of it. Now there was no denying it since it was happening right before his very eyes. Blaine knew how few people, even inside of the gay community, would have stepped up to help a friend in need if he had AIDS. Tobin looked scared and tired and, from how Kurt was going out of his way to comfort him, it was easy to deduce that was the scenario.

Kurt, who had no idea Blaine was hidden around the corner, stopped walking down the hall and turned to face Tobin.

“I wish I could tell you that this wont matter at work. We can keep your condition a secret but ... theres always a chance it will get out. As soon as you start rejecting any sexual advances you would normally have no problem accepting, people will start to talk,” Kurt began.

“Yeah, I figured that...” Tobin said with a sigh.

“Youre not fired of course ... but honestly, it would be in your best interest to stop working at the club soon. HIV attacks the immune system, so placing yourself where there are large quantities of people is dangerous. Not to mention that despite my best efforts, sometimes the hygiene at the club is questionable. What all this means is that the life you know will need to drastically change,” Kurt explained.

“Everything youre telling me makes complete sense but I still wish I could keep lying to myself,” Tobin admitted.

“Look, Tobin, life is short ... whether youre healthy or not. So all that any of us can do is live... and... Fuck, sorry, I swear I was going somewhere with this,” Kurt grumbled.

“So I guess I should go ahead and quit.”

Kurt shook his head. “No, I am going to lay you off. I might not be able to offer you any sense of security, but I can at least help you by giving you a generous severance package.”

“Wont laying me off with no good explanation get you into trouble?” Tobin questioned.

Kurt grinned. “Ah, you forget that Im Hard-Ball Hummel and that no one is safe from my wrath. I dont need to give a good reason because people will make one up on their own.”

Once Kurt and Tobin were on the move again, Blaine made no attempt to follow when he already had far too much to process. Hed pegged Kurt totally wrong; he wasnt an emotionally distant robot who kept people away because they werent worth his time. Kurt was a morally compassionate person who was fiercely loyal. Honestly, he reminded Blaine of the perfect man he'd described to Tina.

The trouble was, Blaine hardly would have thought that his perfect match could be such a hypocrite. But if he had any hope of Kurt seeing the error of his ways, then holding a grudge wouldnt help his plight at all. The solution, or the beginning of one at least, was simple: it was time for Kurt to practice what he was preaching.
_______________________________________________________________________________

“Why isnt there more time in the day?” Kurt groaned as he made his usual trek into Flare.

“Tired from burning the candles at both ends, Hummel?” a cocky-sounding voice said from somewhere behind him.

Kurt turned and felt instant relief when he saw who had approached him, because Sebastian wouldnt treat him any differently. “Im just a bit worn out,” he insisted.

Sebastian obviously saw through the lie but made no attempt at calling Kurt out on it, which was the first clue that even he could manage to show some compassion. “So, planning to show at the memorial service tomorrow?” he asked.

Kurt narrowed his eyes at Sebastian. No one else had the nerve to ask him that. “I doubt it.... I wasnt the one to organize it so its not like I have to go. The way I see it, people will just judge me either way, so why bother,” he explained.

“Too bad, I was hoping youd perform something. So few people have heard your angelic voice, at least thats always how Adam always described it,” Sebastian said.

It was true that Kurt rarely ever sang in front of people, and it wasnt because he lacked any real talent. Kurt had a beautiful voice, one that could hit impressive high notes, only singing meant sharing a part of himself that Kurt didnt feel comfortable exposing. “Your guilt trip wont work. And Im sure you can find someone else,” Kurt dismissed.

Sebastian didnt chase after Kurt as he made a hasty retreat to his office and slammed the door shut behind him. He was in a grumpy mood and, contrary to what most people would think, his melancholy state wasnt solely due to Adam. Blaine was the person who Kurt hadnt been able to forget no matter how hard he tried. At first Kurt was relieved that Blaine hadnt so much as approached him since their last run-in, but deep down Kurt had expected Blaine to put up more of a fight and the fact that he hadn't bothered him for some reason.

But Kurt managed to momentarily forget about Blaine when he noticed a new item in his office, which was something hed been secretly craving. Placed upon his desk was a large cup of coffee from Kurts favourite cafe and, to his delight, the drink was not only full but still steaming hot. “Oh hell yes, maybe angels do exist,” Kurt murmured as he grabbed the cup and brought it to his lips. The drink instantly warmed his insides and brought colour back to his normally rosy cheeks. Upon tasting the contents, he discovered that it was his usual nonfat mocha and it was heavenly. “Sweet lord... that's the stuff. I dont even care if this is poisoned...” Kurt nearly purred.

Kurt doubted his gift of java was a practical joke, because taped to the cup was a Post-it Note.“For the valiant soldier... from a secret admirer...” Kurt mumbled as he read the words out loud. Hed never gotten an anonymous gift before and he wasnt sure what to think of it.

Stephan suddenly opened up the door to Kurts office, because he was the only one brave enough to risk the repercussions, and strolled inside. “Afternoon,” he said in greeting, even though it was already 7 pm.

“Were you the sweetheart who got me this?” Kurt asked as he held up his coffee cup.

“No, it wasnt me. Looks like you have a secret admirer… how romantic,” Stephan gushed.

Kurt rolled his eyes. “Oh please... If someone thinks they can win me over by buying me coffee, then theyre kidding themselves,” he scoffed.

“Says the guy whos clutching that cup like its the holy grail,” Stephan pointed out.

“I could go and buy my own, so its hardly special,” Kurt argued.

“Except whoever gave you that knows you rarely have the time to indulge. I wonder who it is...”

Stephan was acting like he and Kurt were a couple of teenage girls giggling over boy crushes or something. After putting his troubles aside to come to Tobins aid, Kurt really needed a break at this point because he was having a very hard time with trying to keep to his whole forget about the looming test results and Blaine plan.

“Im really proud of what you did for Tobin, Kurt. He told me what happened and how much it meant to him,” Stephan said softly.

Kurt took another long drink of his coffee before bothering to comment. “Its what anyone would have done in my situation...”

“Oh we both know that isnt true, Kurt. Not everyone is as giving as you. Its time you recognized your strengths...” Stephan commented. ... as well as your shortcomings... he added mentally.

“Im not going to the memorial service tomorrow. I cant,” Kurt announced, even when Stephan hadnt asked him.

“Alright. People wont judge you for that choice --”

“—Yes, they will. When I dont show people will act like they know the real reason why, that maybe I didnt care so much about Adam after all. Then theyll go on to say that I recovered from his passing far too quickly and slept with loads of men. Ive heard it all for the past two years and Im so fucking sick of it. Im touched that the service is still being held and its not like people arent allowed to grieve for Adam. Its just... I dont want to participate.”

“Why? What is the real reason youre so against going, Kurt?”

Since Stephan had dared to ask the question outright, Kurt chose to give him an equally gracious answer. Kurt stared him in the eye, revealing a small hint of what was really going on behind his emotional barriers. “Because if I go... Ill break under the strain... and... come completely undone,” he confessed.

Stephan made no attempt to touch Kurt, because he knew that his friend was too closed off to accept any sort of physical comfort. “Alright then, I wont push you,” Stephan promised.

“Thank you,” Kurt replied.

Stephan placed a hand on Kurts shoulder and gave a gentle squeeze before heading to the door. “Adam was a lucky guy... and I really hope youll find someone who you can hold dear.”

If Kurt was HIV positive, then he doubted hed ever find someone who would want to be with him. While Kurt himself had stayed with Adam, on some small level that he still felt guilty about regretting that difficult choice and the pain it had brought him. But he pushed those thoughts deep down inside himself, worrying that regretting such a thing would make him a horrible person who didnt deserve to be loved at all.

Stephan and Kurt left the office together, though Kurt remained quiet and Stephan knew well enough to leave him alone. But while Kurt was off in his own little world, he turned the corner to bump right into Blaine.

Blaine reeled back on his heels, swaying forward to grab onto Kurt before he could stumble forward and fall. As soon as they were both steady and upright once more, Blaine instantly dropped his hold on Kurts body. “Whoa, careful there, Hummel,” he said with a casual smile.

Kurt glanced at him, finding no urge to give any of his usual snarky remarks in reply. “Sorry,” he muttered.

Blaines smile widened. “No harm done,” he assured before continuing down the hall.

“Im glad you two are finally getting along,” Stephan observed.

It would take too much effort to correct Stephans comment, so Kurt just let out a tired sigh. He didnt know why, but there was something about Blaines warm smile that made his gloomy day feel just a little bit brighter. “I suppose...”
_______________________________________________________________________________

Ever since the set list meeting Sam and Blaine had been anxiously waiting to see what their stage outfits would look like. Now the wait was over and the performers could see just how skilled Hummel was with fashion. Considering how flashy stage clothes tended to be for music artists there was no telling what he would come up with, but they needn't have worried, because somehow Kurt had managed to combine a number of fashion trends and yet still keep everything flattering. Comfort might have been compromised in consequence but such sacrifices were often necessary evils.

Sam and Blaine were both awestruck with delight as soon as they walked into their dressing room, which Kurt had miraculously transformed into a makeshift backstage area, complete with two canvas changing tents. On the left were two makeup chairs, while the couture in question was out on display on two dress form mannequins.

Sam let out an impressed whistle as he neared the dress forms. “Wow... Hummel sure went all out for our costumes.”

Blaine completely agreed with his friend's assessment, even more so because he knew Kurt had quite a lot on his plate already. But Blaine figured Kurt already knew how to put his own personal struggles aside to get the job done. He stepped up to the ensemble that was clearly his, even without any labels to confirm it. The pants were bright red and had a black leather belt looped through, the white t-shirt had a red lightning bolt across the front and a red leather tie was draped over top of it. “He... Hummel modelled my outfit after Freddie Mercury,” Blaine said with wonder.

Sam turned his attention from admiring his own outfit to inspect his partner's costume. He whistled again. “Youre totally right. And isnt Queen your favourite band?” he asked.

Blaine nodded. “It sure is,” he confirmed.

“Thats awesome, dude!” Sam cheered as he cuffed Blaine on the shoulder.

When it came to Sams wardrobe, Hummel did not disappoint him either and the whole set showed the same attention to detail as Blaines did. Sams pants, while equally bright, were a striking royal blue, his t-shirt was white with an artistic pattern of overlapping black shapes and, while there was no tie, there was a pair of navy suspenders.

Sam studied his ensemble for a moment longer. “I think... That Hummel picked something for me that would let me keep passing for gay, but where its not too obvious, you know?” he deduced.

Blaine hadnt even considered that. “I think youre right,” he agreed.

Both men had instructions to dress themselves in their stage attire and to wait for the makeup artist to show afterwards. When Blaine stepped inside one of the changing tents, his mind was still focused on Kurt and how, even in a time of crisis, he still managed to go the distance.

“Say, Sam? We should thank Hummel somehow for all the effort he put into our costumes,” Blaine suggested.

“For sure!” Sam called back in approval.

Blaine wished he could tell Sam what was really going on with himself and Kurt, just so he could have someone to talk to. Everything was rattling around in his brain: the tests results, his possible feelings for Kurt, and what they even were. But he knew it was too dangerous, so Blaine had no choice but to cope on his own and act like nothing was going on in the process. Once Blaine was fully dressed in his costume, he stepped out of the tent and found Sebastian lying in wait.

Sebastian paused to give Blaine a good once-over before flashing the man a grin. “Hey there, hot stuff. Lookin good,” he said smoothly.

Blaine resisted the urge to roll his eyes, because Sebastian really wasnt so bad, and he managed to smile instead. “Its all thanks to Hummel,” Blaine explained.

“I would expect nothing else from him. So, Blaine, I have a favour to ask you,” Sebastian began.

Whatever he wanted, Sebastian must be pretty desperate to use his real name. Before Blaine could answer, Sam walked out of his tent to notice the new arrival. He eyed the pair curiously and muttered something about not wanting to be a third wheel before scurrying out of sight.

“What can I do for you, Sebastian?” Blaine asked in a friendly tone.

Sebastian's charming smile intensified as he closed in on Blaine. “You play the piano, right?” he asked.

“Yes, I actually minored in piano in college, so Im not boasting when I say Im quite good,” Blaine confirmed.

“Theres a memorial service going on tomorrow night at Flare and I am in need of a piano player for it. Are you at all interested? Youd get to play a solo piece in addition to instrumental music for the event,” Sebastian explained.

Blaine raised his eyebrow curiously; hed heard something about a service going on but not much else. “Is this for Adam?”

Sebastian showed no surprise in Blaine knowing who Adam was because it was common knowledge around the club, even if his name wasnt mentioned very often. “Yeah, its the two year anniversary of his death tomorrow,” he confirmed.

Blaine didnt need any time to think about it. “You can count on me. Just let me know the details and Ill be there and ready to play,” he accepted.

“The service starts at 10, but its nothing big. Just some people paying respect with stories, memoirs, music... stuff like that. Shouldnt last more than an hour,” Sebastian explained.

“Alright, that sounds fine. Are there any specific instrumental pieces you want to me to play? Also what about my solo?”

“Im sure youre talented enough to come up with something good in a day. Just make sure its fitting,” Sebastian said as he turned on his heels, only to stop at the doorway. “Oh and dont expect Hummel to show, because he didnt come last year,” he added.

Blaine gave Sebastian a thumbs up in confirmation and watched the bartender go, leaving him with the daunting task of choosing appropriate music to play at the service. It didnt help that Blaine knew absolutely nothing about Adam, but he was determined to pay respects to someone he had never met because it was the right thing to do. Blaine wasnt doing this for Kurt. He would do it for himself and for all of those who had ever lost someone.
________________________________________________________________________________

The first official performance of Dare to Flares cover bands (which still didnt have their own name) new set list had finally come. It was the day before the 2nd year anniversary of Adams death, which meant Kurt was a conflicted mix of emotions that night. People kept looking at him, but hardly anyone bothered to approach him to say anything. The few who did knew Kurt well enough not to treat him any differently. It all felt very familiar to Kurt and hed hated it just as much back then as he did now, when his own health was in danger, and he could barely stand it.

Because of tomorrow Kurt did have the perfect excuse for his blue mood at present, but it didnt make him feel any better. Showing any sort of emotional weakness was the last thing he should do at the club, so Kurt had turned down Stephans offer to stay home that day, saying that hiding away wasnt the answer; not when he had no plans to show at the service. What Kurt needed to do was hold his composure no matter what.

The only way Kurt thought he could manage that was if he kept his distance from the stage, especially now that Sam and Blaine had just arrived on the scene. Instantly Kurt tuned out the excited cheers, thankful that such a reaction was the norm for him. His mind was elsewhere and so he didnt notice Sebastian approach him at the bar until he placed a drink in front of him. “I didnt order this...” Kurt pointed out.

“Its a token of gratitude, Hummel, from the two gentlemen up on stage,” Sebastian explained.

Kurt perked up at the news. “Really? Do you know what for?”

“Theres a message that came along with the drink. Here,” Sebastian said as he handed Kurt the piece of paper. “I guess they didnt trust me to tell you... which was a good call.”

Curiosity got the better of Kurt, so he opened up the note to read the message, instantly noticing how the handwriting was nearly identical to the note that had come with his coffee gift earlier that day. I should have known it was Blaine, Kurt thought, though really it could have just as easily been Sam for all he knew.

Thanks for making us look so good.
-Sam and Oates

Kurt eyed the cocktail before him; it was orange in colour and was decorated with maraschino cherries. “What type of drink is this exactly?” he questioned.

“A Harvey Wallbanger, which is made with vodka, Galliano, and orange juice,” Sebastian explained.

Such a concoction sure sounded delicious to Kurt and he was always up for trying something new, at least when it came to drinks. “Oh thats yummy...” he said after he gave it a try and licked his lips.

He heard Sebastian snicker, which probably had something to do with how Kurt never spoke like that but he gave no response. Kurt was content to remain at the bar with his delectable drink and keep his attention away from the stage. His attempts were working, until Kurt heard a familiar song start that instantly caught his attention.

There was no way Kurt could have resisted one of his all-time favourite songs, Obsession, which meant he was unable to stop himself from tapping his foot to the beat. It didnt surprise Kurt, though it was slightly annoying, that his eyes instantly sought out Blaine. The energetic performer was rocking it out and giving it his all as he sang the male vocals. Kurt couldnt keep his eyes off of him during the number and his throaty voice was pure sex.

When Blaine finally noticed that Kurt was watching him, his smile broadened and he went so far as to wink at the co-manager. Kurt wouldnt have thought it possible but as Blaine continued to sing a song about seduction, Kurt kept laughing. But that probably had something to do with the fact that Blaine kept giving him playful glances, cheeky grins and more winks throughout the number. By the end of the performance, Kurt found his resistance had weakened under the strength of Blaine's charm.

The adorable display was entirely missed by the clubgoers, who were all too focused on their own lives to notice. At the end of the song Kurt finally realized how he was beaming at Blaine and he took a quick look around to make sure no one had noticed. Luckily the coast was clear and so Kurt clapped along with the crowd, acting like it was no big deal. Then, without any warning, Kurt and Blaines eyes met again and this time, Kurt felt it, a tiny spark that jolted him into awareness. Kurt froze, his heart racing and his stomach fluttering. No! Im not ready for this! a panicked voice shouted in Kurts mind. Kurt stood up and slowly made his way through the crowd so he could slip away unnoticed.

On instinct Blaine stepped forward when Kurt suddenly left the room but he didnt get very far before he remembered there was still the second half of the show to finish. Even if Blaine wasnt powerless to do anything, he wasnt sure if he could chase after Kurt. He wanted to, of course, but he had the feeling that all that would do was drive Kurt further away.

Blaine ended up missing his dance cue and stumbled into Sam, who looked at his friend in confusion.

“Where the hell have you gone, Blaine?! Weve got a show to do here!” Sam hissed through clenched teeth.

Blaine snapped back into action and quickly made up for his momentary lapse, robbing him of seeing Kurts lingering look before he disappeared into the back of the club.
_________________________________________________________________________________

Kurt stumbled toward his office in a daze; he wasnt emotionally strong enough to deal with all of the new feelings stirring in his heart. Blaine confused him so much and that scared him, because there was too much at stake. What was the point in falling in love if there was no hope for the future, no happily ever after?

“Kurt? Whats wrong?” Stephans soft voice called out.

Kurt fought the urge to run. Facing Stephan, even though he was only concerned for Kurts wellbeing, would be the final straw. If he tried to explain anything to his friend, whether it was a lie or not, Kurts emotional barriers would fall apart. Already his body was shaking under the strain of keeping his integrity. “I have to go. I cant do this, Steph, Im sorry... its too much,” Kurt struggled to explain.

Stephan didnt advance on Kurt since doing so would only trigger his flight instinct but he refused to back down entirely. Not when his young friend was showing telltale signs of breaking under the pressure. But for all his mastering of the art of handling Kurt, Stephan couldnt understand why he looked so terrified. “Kurt, theres something youre not telling me and Im getting scared about what it could be...” Stephan told him softly.

Kurts inability to confide in someone he truly trusted showed how emotionally unstable he was at this point. He didnt want to be like this, but Kurt couldnt face the truth of his situation, any of it. “Im sorry. Youve been nothing but an amazing friend to me... but...” Kurt hesitated.

There was no way Stephan would add to the stress Kurt was obviously going through, no matter how worried he was. “Come to me when youre ready to talk, okay?” Stephan said.

The only sound in the hallway came from Kurts quiet shuddering breath as he fought to keep himself together. He barely managed to nod without crying. “I will. I promise,” Kurt whispered.

Stephan stepped back to allow Kurt to race off down the hall and walked into Kurts office to pick up the phone as soon as he was gone. Stephan knew his place and that he had no real right to chase after Kurt, since clearly whatever he was going through was deeply personal. But that didnt mean he was about to let the matter drop entirely, because Stephan had a secret weapon. “Hello, Rachel. Theres something I need to tell you...”
_______________________________________________________________________________

“Another night well spent,” Hunter said to himself as he strutted down the hall toward his front door with his usual swagger.

But Hunters good mood swiftly changed the second he set foot in the apartment to find his roommate was splayed out on the floor of the living room with a keyboard on his right. “What the hell, Anderson? The last I checked this was an apartment, not a recording studio,” he grumbled in annoyance.

Blaine glanced up from the collection of sheet music in front of him to look at Hunter. He was in no state to deal with his tiresome roommate; he was a man on a mission. It didnt matter that Blaine had no personal investment in the job either; he still wanted to do it and do it well. “Im busy here, Hunter, so fuck off,” Blaine said warningly.

Hunter smirked. Blaine had never acted so aggressively towards him before, and it was kind of hot. “What are you doing? Writing the next big gay musical?” he taunted.

“Im playing the piano for Adams memorial service at Dare to Flare tonight,” Blaine explained absentmindedly, still focused on finding the perfect song to sing.

“Whos Adam?”

That comment got Blaines attention and he stood up to gape at Hunter in shock. Considering that Hunter was sleeping with Kurt, even if only casually, Blaine had thought hed at least know who Adam was. “He was Kurts boyfriend who died two years ago from AIDS,” Blaine explained.

Hunter ignored the information altogether. “So you know his name now? Howd that happen?” Hunter asked in curious amusement.

Blaine couldnt believe Hunters disregard for what really mattered and he threw his hands up in frustration. “Didnt you hear hear what I just said? Kurt had a boyfriend who died, Hunter, actually died and youre focusing on me knowing Kurts name? You need to get your priorities straight before your bad life choices catch up with you!” he yelled.

“I heard you, but why should I care about a guy I never met and whos dead? Kurt never told me about any past boyfriend of his. We barely even talk when we meet up because all we wanna do is fuck. Dont try to force your moral ethics on me, Anderson. I dont need or want your approval. So back off,” Hunter threatened.

Blaine took the warning to heart, though it was tactless so he couldn't bring himself to feel very guilty about his outburst. But he did realize that venting his frustrations at Hunter wouldnt do him any good. “Sorry. Ive just been under a lot of stress lately. Dont worry, I wont tell you what they are... but youre gonna have to live with the state of the living room for a few more hours at least. I still need to find the perfect song to sing at the service,” Blaine muttered.

“He had to have died before you moved here, so I dont see why youre trying so hard,” Hunter said.

Hunters presence was making Blaine feel more irritated by the second and so he figured he could use a quick break. Getting up off the floor with a sigh, he headed over to the fridge to get himself a beer. “I dont need to have known him to care, Hunter. Losing someone is a situation we can all find ourselves in without any warning. In the gay community casualties like this are bound to increase and I refuse to pretend that nothing is going on,” Blaine said softly.

Hunter shrugged, choosing not to challenge Blaines opinions. “This is why Im glad Ive always used protection when I have sex with men,” he remarked. “Which is probably why Kurt hooks up with me in the first place.”

“Im sure Ill live to regret this, but what's the deal with you and Kurt?” Blaine asked warily.

Hunter shrugged again and paused to get a beer for himself before he told the tale to his roommate. “Kurt was my first. Well, the first guy I ever slept with... for full-on anal, anyway. It happened... oh, lets see... about eight months ago. Up until that point I just ignored being bi and I only went after women, cause that was easier. I sure as hell wasnt gonna get the shit beaten out of me for sucking cock. What I hadnt bet on was meeting a guy so hot and brash that I couldnt turn his sexual advances down. Kurt and I first crossed paths when I was trying on a suit in a high end department store. Suddenly, this stuffy guy started giving me his opinion without asking. Naturally we started arguing and, before we knew it, that anger changed to sexual tension. Who would have thought making out with a guy in a store changing room would be such a rush,” Hunter muttered as he started to smile from the memory. “Shortly after that we went back to my apartment to fuck. Kurt told me right at the start that condoms were mandatory and I said yes cause I wanted him that badly,” Hunter explained.

“Wow... Thats quite the story,” Blaine replied. It was all he could think to say.

“Yeah, well, Kurt didnt care that I was bi and was fine with me staying in the closet... and he was one hell of a lay. So its probably not much of a surprise that we became fuck buddies, though buddies is a bit of a stretch. We never bothered to get chummy; Kurts got quite the stick up his ass most of the time,” Hunter said.

“Hes been through more hardships than you could even know, so try to cut him some slack. Now if you dont mind... I have a song to find and practice,” Blaine said coldly.

Hunter shook his head at Blaine. “Im gonna go then, since the last thing I wanna do is watch your pathetic struggles. Though you might not want to overthink it too much there, Anderson, the guy is nothing but a memory now. Singing about him wont bring him back,” he offered.

Blaine didnt have time to argue with Hunter and his inability to have any sense of sentiment but his snide remark did give him a sudden idea. “Memory...” he whispered.
_____________________________________________________________________________

Kurt took his time coming home, as he was in no real rush to make it to his apartment. He opened the door to find Rachel was silently waiting inside and reading one of his vintage playbills. At first Kurt made no acknowledgement of her presence, choosing to ignore her instead as he put his jacket and scarf away.

“Lemme guess... Stephan called you?” Kurt asked without bothering to look her way.

“Of course he did. Hes worried about you, Kurt. Youve never left work in a state like that before. So can you really blame him?” Rachel replied.

Kurt let out a small sigh. “I guess I cant... only I really dont want to deal with it right now,” Kurt grumbled.

Rachel gingerly put down the playbill and walked over to Kurt, eyeing him playfully but in her tough love sort of way. She knew if she wanted to get anything from her brother, she needed to handle him very carefully. If possible, she hoped to help him without a fight breaking out but shed go there if need be. “Kurt, Blaine came to me two days ago... so I know whats going on with you and him. I love you, but youre acting like a complete idiot,” Rachel declared.

“He told you?” Kurt asked angrily.

“He came to me utterly upset and scared, Kurt, all because you wouldnt face him! Not to mention how you literally tossed him out the door. How could you do that to him?” Rachel demanded. She was more than willing to escalate things since Kurt was already going there; she wasnt above turning to dramatics as well.

“What about me? Blaine was the one who had unprotected sex and didnt tell me! Hes the one whos put us both in serious danger! Why am I the bad guy in this? Im terrified, Rachel! Scared shitless and I cannot handle going through this again! Any of it!” Kurt barked.

“You dont even know if the tests will come back positive or not, for either of you! Its totally pointless to work yourself up already. What you should be doing is learning to lean on other and, oh, I dunno... reach out to Blaine? Funny how youll willingly comfort others who are in the same situation but when Blaine made it personal, you just pushed him away. Blaine is sick with guilt, Kurt; hes really upset and confused and you just left him alone!” Rachel exclaimed as she tried her hardest to make him listen to reason.

Kurt was nearly running out of excuses and, most of all, he was so sick and tired of running. “I never meant to hurt him... You need to believe me...” Kurt pleaded.

Rachel touched the sides of Kurts face with her hands, wiping the tears off his cheek with her thumbs. “I do, but Kurt... please tell me what youre going through… so I can begin to understand.”

“Ill try. Just dont expect too much of me, okay,” Kurt said with a weak sigh.

Rachel released Kurt and allowed him to pace back and forth because she recognized that he was struggling with what he could say and not because he was trying to stall for once. “There are four scenarios that could happen, Kurt: either both of your tests come back negative... or theyre both positive... or it could be one of each. I know two of those are really scary. But you have to realize that if youre the one whose test comes back positive... Blaine would never abandon you to deal with that all on your own,” Rachel offered softly.

“I know, but what if he stays by my side because he feels responsible? I know what its like to be with someone who has AIDS, Rachel. Its rough and there is no real reward at the end... only death... and so much fucking pain!” Kurt cried out.

“I thought you said you were over your grieving period?” Rachel asked.

“I was!” Kurt snapped. “Or I thought I was, but clearly Im not. At least not enough to face this fucking mess. If Blaines positive and Im not... then I dont want to abandon him either, but I honestly dont know if I can face that much heartache again. No matter what I might feel for him.”

“Do you have feelings for Blaine?”

“I dunno. Possibly. Most likely. I was wrong about him. Blaine is a wonderful person, but still a really foolish one! He should have known better!”

“Kurt, Blaines isnt the only uneducated gay man who doesnt know the importance of safe sex. You used to be one of them. Before you met Adam you admitted to me that youd had unprotected sex before. But you cant blame Blaine for what happened, not entirely, because the both of you got really drunk. So I doubt neither of you were in your right minds that night. You forgot about using condoms just like Blaine did and you knew their significance,” Rachel rambled.

“Why are you on his side?” Kurt demanded.

“Im on your side, too! Why else would I even be here arguing with you right now?” Rachel challenged.

“Fine! Okay, yes, Blaine isnt the only one to blame. I already know I handled the situation with him badly, too! But I didnt know what to do or how to react... I just knew I had to keep Blaine away,” Kurt barked back in defence.

“But why? Is it because of Adam? Are you afraid if you love someone else that you would be betraying him somehow?”

“No, Adam told me he wanted me to find someone else ... and I know he would want me to be happy...”

“Then what is it? Why are you so afraid to act on your feelings this time?”

Kurt stepped backward as Rachel advanced on him in his desperation and he found himself literally being backed into a corner. His back hit the wall and there was nowhere to run, not from Rachel or the truth. But Kurts fear was still building at an alarming rate and it was making him equally angry in turn. “What the fuck could even happen if I give into those feelings? If one of us is HIV positive and its Blaine... then Ill lose him and when I do... I dont think I could live with myself anymore!”

Rachel was confused beyond ends; Kurt wasnt making any sense. “When Adam died you managed to keep going! You refused to give up on your life, so why... why are you acting like you cant be that strong again?” Rachel demanded.

“Because I never loved him!” Kurt shouted at the top his lungs.