I came home from work, tired as hell. You would think my job would be absolutely thrilling. Working in the fashion industry had always been a dream of mine. But as of lately, things haven't been quite the same anymore.

Yes, I love doing it and yes, I do enjoy it. Yes, it has an okay pay.

Though now, I feel that if my "spark" and love for it, is slowly but surely dying out.

I picked up singing again; my voice has changed a bit since the last time I had taken singing seriously. A bit more rough, and a bit more low, but still the countertenor that I was back in Ohio. Back in Lima. Back in high school.

Back when I was happy.

So I picked it back up, figuring it would bring back a tinge of the happiness that I once had.

I've been thinking about the past few years as of lately. I remember on how focused I was to get out of that hell-hole that I called home. I also remember the pathetic thing I called a "love-life." OH GOD.

Jeez, doesn't that bring up the worse memories. I had that stupid and utterly ridiculous infatuation with Finn, who ended up being my step-brother (definitely wasn't the 'closeness' I had intended for at the time). Then the year after was the 'I-do-not-dye-my-hair' Sam, who's hair that was obviously bleached blonde that I thought screamed gay, but he was like Finn. Not gay. At. All. Then there was Noah. Which was okay, I suppose. We dated a little over a month, in secrecy, not out in the open, but like he always said, he was the "sex shark" of McKinley. Then I remember … I remember Dave Karofsky. The bully, the confused, closeted gay who forced himself upon me. I had never been so scared in my life after he threatened me, and that's when I left. To an all boys school.

That was when I was truly happy.

And that's when I found him. I hadn't been looking for him, but I found him.

Blaine Everett Anderson. My first and last love known to date. We were suppose to be those typical high school sweethearts and have the cliché happily ever after story tale ending. Except for the fact that we were both males.

I suppose it was college, but that was just an excuse. But I did it anyways, out of love.

He had really set his mind to going to law school, even though he was a amazing singer. But he wanted to come to New York and follow me whichever way I went. Meaning I was in the way of what he would do with the rest of his life and I couldn't do that to him, not my lo- to Blaine.

I remember that day we, I-I mean that I, told him it was over. The day I told him I couldn't handle our perfect relationship anymore. I think it was the worse mistake of my life.

~4 years ago~

(Two weeks before I was to leave for New York)

I can do this I told myself, look him in the eye like you mean it, its for his own good.

I was organizing all my belonging carefully into the boxes, while Blaine sat on the bed, folding clothes that I was going to bring along. We were in a comfortable silence, but I felt the tension slowly creeping up on me.

"Blaine," why did that come out as a whisper crossed with a whimper, I thought.

"What is it love? I'm folding the clothes just li-umph," I ran over to him, and kissed him, because I knew it was going to be the last time I was ever going to see him, probably even speak to him because he'll hate me after this, damn you conscience.

"Whoa, okay, not that I don't love kissing you love, but what with the all the suddenness?" Blaine asked me, god he looks so innocent and happy and oh my god I don't think I can do this.

"I cant kiss my gorgeous boyfriend now? Well then," I got up and continued packing and Blaine just looked at me with mocked hurt in his hazel eyes. Oh dammit Blaine, don't pull the puppy dog eyes, you know I cant handle when you do that.

"Okay, fine, I give in. I just … I love you, you know that right Blaine?" He nodded with a big goofy grin spreading across his face, and you might as well thought that it was the first time I had ever said that to him. "So am I forgiven," I asked him, sarcastically as ever.

"Nope, not until you agree to let me take you out to dinner tonight, a romantic dinner at that," Blaine said as he wiggled his eyebrows, those gorgeous triangle eyebrows, Im going to miss them so much. "And where are we going out? And whats the occasion?" Blaine smirked, "So I cant take my gorgeous boyfriend out to dinner without any special reason?" knowlingly mocking me as he said it.

"Ha ha, youre hilarious Anderson, now tell me. Pretty please. I'll love you forever," I said.

"Hm, I think that sounds like a pretty good offer, but even if I don't, youll still love me forever, so I think Im going to keep it a secret as to where Im taking you," he said. God, it will be the last time, after tonight, after the dinner, you have to do it. Do it for Blaine.

"Alright, but let me change first, I look absolutely horrid."

"I think you look beautiful."

"Blaine?"

He turned to look at me, "yes love?"

"I love you," I whispered.

Always.

"I love you too, Kurt, and don't you forget it," he said with a wink ad he continued to leave me so that I could get redressed for our night out. Our last night out, I thought, as the loneliness had officially settled in. I got redressed within 30 minutes and went to find Blaine, who was laughing at something Dad had said. And Carole was laughing with Blaine, as she had her hand on Blaine's shoulder.

The scene played out in front of me made me think that this is what we could look like Im we ever got marri-no, I scolded at myself for thinking about being married to Blaine, knowing fully well that I was ending the relationship tonight.

I can do this, I told myself, I can do this.

~Later at dinner~

"Blaine, can I open my eyes yet?"I asked with somewhat annoyance in my voice.

"Nope!" he replied back, cheerful as ever.

"Oh come on Blaine, I thought we were going to dinner! Where on earth are you taking me?"

"Somewhere only we know," he sung low against my the back of my neck. "O-okay, just make sure that I don't trip over anything, these are Alexander McQueen boots Ill have you know," I said full of my witty sarcasm, trying to make up for the stuttering that occurred when I spoke.

We kept walking for what seemed like another couple minutes, when we came to an abrupt stop. Then Blaine let go off me. "Blaine, where are you going?" I said as I started to open my eyes. "Uh uh uh, keep those blue eyes off yours closed mister!"

I waited for another moment, and then I heard something shuffling in front of me and I heard Blaine's breath becoming more heavy. Blaine only breathes heavy when he's nervous. Why would he be nervous?

"Okay, Kurt, open your eyes."

It took my eyes a minute to readjust my eyes. Instead of directly looking at Blaine, I took in my surroundings. Why does this place feel oddly familiar-oh. Its … its Dalton.

"Blaine, why are we at Dal-" I stopped. I froze mid-sentence. I gasped. I cant breath.

There he was. On one knee. Why can't I breath? I feel like I'm being suffocated.

There he was. The man who loved me. The man I loved, down on one knee. In the place we met two years ago. There he was. The man and I's relationship who I suppose to end after tonight so he could go after his own dreams. There he is. Now's the time to say it. Do it. Now.

"Kurt, I know this may seem very sudden to you, but I love you so damn much, that it hurts me. You are my complete world. You've changed me in so many ways since we met. I don't think I would be the same person if I had never met you. Im so glad that you stopped me that day you came to spy on us, cause I would have never known you. You saved me Kurt. And- and I-I love you so so much. And I already asked Burt for his blessings, today actually while you were upstairs getting ready. So what I am trying to say is that, Kurt, will-will you do the honor in marrying me?"

I was still shocked. Not shocked with happiness, but shocked with complete guilt. Kurt, say something dammit. Do it now, make a decision.

"Kurt, love, are you alright?" Blaine asked, his voice filled of concern.

"No," I said. "Do I need to take you back to your ho-"

"I said no Blaine, I-I-I cant marry you." Oh, but I want to so much, I love you, please see through my façade Blaine, please. Tell me that you know that I love you.

Blaine's eyes were instantly full of hurt, "Like I said Kurt, I know it was an all-of-the-sudden thing, but I'll wait-" "I don't want to date you anymore Blaine." I could hardly believe the words were falling out of my mouth. The look of Blaine's face was just too much to handle, "Im sorry, I cant, its for your own good," and with that I turned and walked down those stairs, and continued walking, not looking back. Not once.

I called Mercedes to ask for a ride as I approached the doors of the school, and that's when I heard it. I heard a cry, more even like a scream of pain coming from behind me, back towards the stairs. Im such a horrible person, please forgive me Blaine, Ill always love you.

Present day~

So here I am, still sulking still after all these years, because of my stupidity.

I picked up my phone and dialed my work number.

"Hello, this is Angie speaking, assistant director to Mr Hummel, Vice President to Vogue magazine, how may I help you?" "Angie, its me, Kurt." A gasp slipped on the other side off the phone. "Oh! Mr. Hummel, sir, what can I do for you?" "Tell Janelle that I quit." "What wh-" Click. I hung up the phone.

I just quit my job, what the hell. This is one hell of a fucking day.

And that's when I decided that I needed to get out of this stupid apartment. The only way to take my mind off things was to sing, and that's exactly what I was going to do. I usually perform at some places, just for fun, but my favorite place was a little coffee shop that was a about a 10 minute walk away called Julia's.

So I grabbed my phone. I grabbed my keys and my wallet and proceeded out the door without even glancing at myself in the mirror. Its not like Im going to see anybody whos important so what does it matter, I thought.