We didn’t go back to bed, that’s enough to be said. How could we?

I’d found out, after a good thirty minutes of hugging and crying, that it was four fifteen in the morning and that our foster son was arriving at ten. That gave us six hours to prepare the apartment; get enough food to feed three people now and tell our parents. Six hours may seem a lot but when you’re as excited as we were, it seems that nothing is enough.

As the two of us calmed down from our respective highs Kurt took the time to explain the situation to me clearly. We sat down on the old leather couch, a mug of coffee each in front of us, and facing each other gripping onto hands tightly. “His name is Henry and he’s five. He was placed into care last night after his guardian was taken to hospital.” Kurt said quietly, his voice growing nervous at the end. “Which means he’ll only be with us for a little while,” he added, upset.

I’d noticed the sad change in his eyes and tilted his chin back up from his chest, where it had fallen. “Hey, just because Henry may only stay here for a small amount in time doesn’t mean we have to treat him any differently to if he were staying with us forever.” He reassured my husband softly, smiling gently. Kurt nodded in agreement and then abruptly pushed himself to his feet, picking up his RENT coffee mug in the process of doing do.

That was when the panic stage started. Kurt immediately walked for his iPad in our room, opened up the list writing software and began to type up the jobs needed to be done. Muttering to himself, he paced the living room in front of me, his hands starting to run through his hair messing it up a little bit and then after checking through the list at least five times, he looked at me and simply smiled. His nose crinkled slightly and the crow’s feet appeared; I love it when Kurt smiles like this because he’s so beautiful that it makes me smile too. He took a small step forward so that he stood in between my legs and let out a small sigh as I ran my thumbs over his knuckles. “This is really happening, isn’t it?” he asked, rubbing a hand over his tired face.

I laughed and nodded enthusiastically, “This is really happening, Kurt.” I pulled on his hands so that he fell into my embrace, the tablet squished between our chests. I gave Kurt a small kiss on the nose before smiling again and saying, “I love you, K”.

“I love you too, B” he replied softly, before standing back up and scrolling through that god forsaken list again. “Okay, we need to get the spare room ready for inhabitation. Come on, Bedhead.” He insisted, ruffling my hair in a patronising manner. Yet I couldn’t help but follow him into the guest room, that ass is just so convincing.

~*~

By the time nine a.m. came to be, we were both still rushing around the apartment preparing for Henry’s arrival. I’d already returned from an emergency trip to the grocery store to stock the cupboards with enough food for a small army and from what I could understand from the surroundings, Kurt had been rushing around the place making sure everything was perfect. We’d changed out of our sleepwear a few hours ago; Kurt looked fantastic as always in straight blue jeans and a burgundy cardigan over a navy Henley. I, however, went for what I like to call the college-slob look which equates to my old Dalton Hockey Team sweats (that embarrassingly still fit me) and a plain white t-shirt.

After taking a break, which consisted of feeding the kitten and making more coffee, a managed to stop Kurt from over working himself and sit down for a breather as well. I left him there to put on a record to keep us away from tedium, but when I turned around he had already left to excavate the old Disney movies from the boxes at the back of our closet. I watched him scramble around in the closet for a while before kissing him on the temple and leaving him to do what he had to do.

After years of living with each other I had learnt that when Kurt goes into list-mode there is no stopping him. The only occasion when I could was during the wedding planning process, but that was because he wanted it to be our wedding. And I’m no good at planning and would just confirm or shake my head when needed. But I managed to convince him that bowties were the best for the tuxes and stand by that as my big contribution to our special day.

At quarter to ten, we both sat down on the bed in the guest bedroom. I slung a lazy arm around Kurt’s shoulders and fiddled with his wedding band with my spare hand. “You did good sweetheart, this room looks fab.” And it did, before we went to bed last night the guest room was lifeless and slightly cluttered with some of our old college text books and wedding gifts we barely use. But now the single bed had been pushed to the corner of the room so the headboard was directly underneath the window overlooking the park; the bed side table and chest of drawers we both emptied and cleaned from dust. The closet was a little less full of tat and there were new linens on the bed.

After that, we just sat in silence letting the emotions of the past hours flood into our bodies all at once. I was going to become a dad, albeit just a foster father, but that was so exciting I could barely help myself from watching the minutes tick away on my watch. Kurt was buzzing beside me too and I could just tell that he was as excited as I was. I looked into his smiling blue eyes and gave his left hand a hard squeeze.

That was when the intercom buzzed from downstairs, they were here.

~*~

Apparently the social worker had a number of children to drop off at foster homes today and so they asked us to meet them at the front of our apartment block. So Kurt and I slipped on our shoes, grabbed a set of keys and bustled out of the door to the stairs. We linked hands as we met with the top of the stairwell and began our miniature trek down to the ground floor. That was the only downside to living in our block, the elevator had been out of use for the whole time we lived here and living on the top floor meant it was a bit of a journey getting up there but the building wasn’t too tall and it was just about manageable after a long day at work.

By the time we reached the first floor we were both jittering with a mixture of nerves and excitement, Kurt was picking at a loose thread on his Henley a telltale sign that he was anxious. Accompanied with a bitten lip, I was reassured that my nerves were completely normal. Kurt surged forward to the remaining stairs but I stopped him by his wrist. At the pull, he turned around one eyebrow quirked upwards. I shook my head at his simply adorable facial expression and wound an arm around his slender waist. In pure instinctive reaction an arm of his went around my neck and the other met with it near my shoulder. “This is it, Kurt. The last moment of freedom.” I said, leaning forward ever so slightly so that our foreheads touched.

He laughed gently and nuzzled his nose against mine, “Somehow, I really don’t care.” I agreed whole heartedly and expressed this in a soft kiss. We broke apart simultaneously then practically ran down to the lobby, hand in hand.

We rounded the last corner from the stairwell and I held my breath. On the other side of the glass doors at the front of the building was a slightly overweight middle aged man dressed in stained chinos, a patterned dress shirt and converse all stars. I had this fantasy that when we would first see Henry, I would be taken aback by his radiant smile or his cute face but that didn’t happen. The first thing of Henry I saw was his sneaker clad feet behind the social worker’s dumpy legs and the side of his backpack. It was an adorable rucksack I suppose!

Kurt leant over to press the button to allow the social worker to open the door to the lobby. The boy visibly jumped as the buzz of the lock started but followed the adult obediently, this was when we first got a look at the child we would be caring for. When we first saw Henry he was very sleepy, his thin blonde hair resembled mine earlier that morning, and he even had to lean on the man’s legs to stay upwards when they stopped in front of the two of us. We each offered a hand to shake and the social worker introduced himself as Seth Yeomans and softly nudged the boy so that he stood in front of him. “And this is Henry,” he said and the little boy rubbed his small fist into his eyes and yawned loudly. “He’s been awake since we picked him up last night and I think he’s about to conk out so it’s probably best if you just put him to bed. Say hi Henry.” He ordered tenderly.

“Hello,” he said after a particularly large yawn and oh dear hypothetical-god was that the sweetest thing I had ever seen. He yawned again and stumbled somewhat on his own feet causing him to fall against Kurt’s shins. My husband just smiled and dropped to his knees to greet the shy boy.

“Hey Henry, I’m Kurt and this is my husband Blaine,” he said gesturing up to me.

“Two dads?” the boy asked excitedly. I nodded when he looked up at me questionably. “Awesome!” he said, yet his exuberance was stifled with a big yawn. Kurt laughed and gave his shoulder a pat. Henry began to talk to Kurt in a slurred voice and since he was so occupied, the social worker and I quickly made the arrangements official. Henry noticed the man walking to the exit once we had finished and waved good bye, “Bye, Mr Yeomans,” he said tiredly, rubbing his eyes again.

“Take care, kid” he said before closing the door to the block and opening the door to a minivan heaving with children. Once the black vehicle drove off, Henry turned to face the two of us and I finally got a good look at him. From comparison to Artie and, his wife, Poppy’s daughter, who was the same age as Henry, I guessed that he was a little on the small side for a child his age. He was also quite scrawny, timid looking and thin. But the most distinctive part of him was his smile, it was radiant and youthful and full of pure joy. It’s one of those grins that just makes you want to smile too. His eyes were a dark brown and his hair a very fair blonde. He was dressed in a pair of jeans that were too long for him and therefore were rolled up at the bottom and what looked like a red graphic t-shirt underneath a dark green hoodie with sleeves too long for his arms.

“Alright then, we live on the top floor and the elevator doesn’t work. You okay to walk up? Seth said you’ve been awake for a while and you look exhausted.” I said patting him in between his shoulder blades. Henry nodded his head and we led him to the stair well. After three floors I felt a tug on the pocket of my sweats and looked down at the boy who was staring up at me with weary eyes.

“Can you carry me?” he asked raising his arms.

“Sure thing,” I replied, helping him take off his backpack, handing it to Kurt to carry and then hoisting Henry up onto my hip. We continued walking up to the apartment and when we had reached the door Kurt looked at me wistfully. Only then did I notice that the child had fallen fast asleep and that his head was now hidden into my neck. It hit me then that this was actually real, Kurt and I had a child to look after and that made me so unbelievably happy, tears started to leak from the corner of my eyes. Kurt smiled watery-eyed as well and reached over to catch my tears with the pad of his thumb.

We entered the flat and I immediately laid the little boy down on the sofa, wrapping his petite body in the throw we kept on the far arm. Whilst I made sure he didn’t rouse, Kurt carried his bag into the room we’d made up earlier, so I made my way to join him. I walked through the door and saw my husband sitting on the narrow bed the contents of the rucksack emptied on to it. He was rifling through the bag on the bed as if he was looking for something in particular. Looking at the stuff on the bed, I could see why. There were essentials like a hair brush and a toothbrush amongst other items such as a few extra t-shirts and trousers; spare underwear and socks, and a pair of pyjamas. But it was surprising how little there was on the bed and it seemed that Kurt thought so too. In fact he began to unzip the outer pocket to continue his search and he did come across a sealed envelope addressed to Henry’s Carer(s).

Curious, Kurt tore it open and began to read. I remember looking at him for the whole time, waiting for any indication of what the letter held. Eventually Kurt stopped but he didn’t say anything, he just placed the letter beside him and rested his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. “Kurt?” I queried.

“I can’t... just read it Blaine.” I did and I remember word for word in a messy, barely legible scrawl.

Dear Henry’s Temporary Carer(s),

                                                I presume that Henry is now in your care and that he had given this to you as instructed, however if you have stumbled across this without assistance I hope you will punish the child for his disobedience. As you may know my current health has left me unable to care for Henry and therefore he has been placed into your concern. Before leaving I demanded that Henry must behave respectively to you and I hope he doesn’t disappoint.

At home we stick to a rigorous discipline code and I ask you to keep to it so that the child does not lose his mind set. Firstly if Henry does misbehave in any way he must be punished accordingly and at home naughtiness leads to him missing any following meals of the day. The child tends to act up quite often and this tradition will hopefully correct his attitude. Additionally if he begins to cry, I never offer comfort to him, for the child is too soft and needs to man up. Please keep to these guidelines for I do not want to deal with the consequences of the incompetence. If the child does require punishment please take into mind that I do not oppose the corporal form. Please do not hesitate to smack him if he plays up. It’s common in our household and he will be expecting it.

Regards,

Roy Parker

I scrunched up the letter in rage and threw it angrily across the room, very obviously missing the waste basket in the corner (not like I would get it in if I tried). I clenched my fists a couple of times before I felt my anger dissipate into my surroundings. I risked a look at Kurt to see him in the same position before only now he was looking out into the living room. You could see poor, exhausted Henry curled up on the sofa. His thumb was tucked into his mouth and his hair was even more of a mess, it was absurd to think that anybody would want to neglect the boy in front of me. Looking back I know I should’ve have taken more thought into the last part of the letter but the comment made about leaving the child to cry because he needed to ‘man up’ tore at my heart strings. He seemed so happy, albeit a tired sort of happy, when we first met down stairs but I suppose the affection he received was alien to his neglected mind.

“How could anybody do that Blaine, I don’t understand.” Kurt said brokenly, turning slightly in my direction. I rubbed his hunched over back soothingly.

“Me neither Kurt,” I said. And I really didn’t and couldn’t comprehend what Henry must have gone through during his short life. Being loved seemed to be a right all children should have and coming from a joyful childhood made it even harder to identify with his suffering. “But he’ll be loved with us, Kurt. And we will do all we can to keep him here for as long as possible.” I added. Kurt nodded in agreement then stood to begin to put away the little clothing Henry brought with him; I joined in to help grabbing the remaining t-shirts and coat from the bed and laughed as I found a particularly adorable one in the middle of the pile. Kurt heard me chuckle and frowned at me. Holding up the Captain America t-shirt, I showed Kurt and he laughed to. “We have a comic book fan amongst us. Sam will like that!” I joked, folding it and placing it with the others in the drawer. “Do you think he’ll like TinTin?” I wondered aloud. Kurt actually snorted at that and tugged the tiny anorak from my hands.

“I doubt it,” he began, walking out of the room. His volume reduced as we walked past the couch, “But in no doubt he will by next week if you have anything to do with it,” he said wholeheartedly. He’s always like to tease me about my vaguely concerning obsessions, for example TinTin, College Football and bowties. But it’s all good natured and I get him back every now then, especially when he pretends that he’s not reading Harry Potter for the thousandth time or listening to N-Sync like a nineties tween. After he’d hung up the small coat on the pegs by the door, Kurt and I continued to walk back into the guest bedroom to put away the rest of Henry’s belongings. We passed by him again and I noticed that he’d turned and the blanket had dropped to the floor. I picked it up and draped it over him again gently. I froze as Henry snuffled into the cushions and turned again, thumb still tucked into his mouth but he soon settled down again. I glanced back after a moment of just drinking in the sight of the child and saw Kurt looking at me again, with the same wistful expression. “The poor soul’s completely shattered.” He whispered, coming up behind me and rubbing my side lovingly.

“Yeah, Seth said that he’s been awake since about six yesterday evening when they took his guardian into hospital.” I explained for Kurt since he’d been chatting with Henry when Seth told me this. Kurt hummed in understanding and squeezed my hip gently, drawing my attention from the sleeping child to him. “You okay?” I asked.

“I’m a bit taken aback but excited nonetheless.” He replied with a small smile. “We still need to tell the family,” he reminded.

“Yeah, do you want to do that now?”

“I might as well.”

~*~

Two phone calls later, Henry still hadn’t woken up and I decided that he might be more comfortable in bed, so lifted him into my arms to transfer him to his room. I was stunned by how easily I did so, the child’s body was nothing compared to the weights I usually lifted when I had the time to go to the gym. Suddenly a part of the letter flashed through my mind, ‘...at home naughtiness leads to him missing any following meals of the day... The child tends to act up quite often...’ Not only was Henry’s carer over looking his feelings but he also refused to feed him when he did something wrong and it showed by the lack of substance the child’s boy contained. My anger for this unknown Roy Parker grew exponentially and I had to watch myself so as to not wake up Henry who was still in my grasp.

I strode into the bedroom and laid the boy down under the covers. He appeared to be a light sleeper for he moaned quietly just like he had done earlier in the living room; although this time he started gripping at the bed sheets for comfort and he became quickly restless when nothing seemed to bring him the relief he wanted. I thought that maybe he was seeking for a favourite toy or stuffed animal and I looked around to check if Kurt had pulled one from Henry’s rucksack earlier and put it somewhere in the room but there wasn’t one to be seen. Henry began to whimper softly in his sleep and I grew desperate wishing the anxious noises to cease. I racked my brain for any recollection of a stuffed toy with him when he entered the building but I couldn’t. He began to stir next to me and before I could do anything to stop it his eye lids fluttered and he looked around at the unfamiliar place, obviously alarmed. He made more noises of panic and fretfulness, his eyes darting over his surrounding and his breathing becoming erratic.

That was when I noticed the inhaler on the nightstand. I didn’t have much experience with them but I’d seen my team mate Joey help a boy in his training group with his inhaler so I copied what I remember him doing. I first sat down on the edge of the bed, which caused Henry to look at me confusedly, and then cautiously moved one of his hands so it rest just under my ribcage before holding the pale blue object to his eye level. I placed the inhaler into Henry’s mouth hurriedly for his breath was now coming out in wheezes and I had begun to panic all the same. From there Henry seemed to know what to do and took the medication from me and inhaled the substance once it had been ejected. After a few more deep breaths, in time to mine, Henry shrunk back into the pillows looking absolutely defeated. “I’m sorry,” he said weakly, looking at his hands, almost as if he was ashamed.

“There is no need to apologise,” I insisted firmly, touching his leg kindly. “Are you okay now? Do you remember where you are?”

“Yes, I just forgot.” He admitted, embarrassed. “I’m sorry I was bad, I didn’t mean to.”

“Don’t worry about it okay. Do you have asthma attacks often?” I questioned. Henry nodded again and began to fiddle with his hands.

“Yeah, usually when I’m scared or upset,” he explained softly.

“What was it this time?” I pushed.

“Both, more upset than scared.” He admitted.

“What about?”

“I wanted Barney, I can’t sleep very well without him.” He replied. “Uncle Roy wouldn’t let me bring him; he said toys are for babies and girls. I’m not a baby or a girl so I left him,” he added sadly.  

“That’s not true, I have toys. So does Kurt and we’re not girls,” I persisted urgently. “At least I think we’re not.” I joked, eliciting a small giggle from Henry. “Who’s Barney then?”

“He’s my teddy bear and my best friend,” he confessed bashfully. “I miss him.”

“I’m sure you do, but how about we go out later and get you another toy. Not a bear like Barney but something different, to keep you company whilst you’re here.” I suggested.

“Really? Another one?” Henry asked, amazed at the prospect.

“Yeah,” I agreed nodding my head with a smile which Henry returned enthusiastically. A glanced at my watch, “Are you hungry?”

“I suppose so,” he said, so I pulled back the sheets to let him get out of the bed. “I like my room,” he commented offhandedly, before following me out into the living area. Kurt was at the breakfast bar leaning over a script, glasses perched on his nose and a highlighter in between his lips. He jumped at the unexpected noise, but beamed when he saw me leading Henry to the kitchen.

“Look who’s finally awake,” Kurt teased gently, but Henry took it seriously and looked down at his feet, embarrassed. “I’m only joking with you Henry, are you feeling less tired now?” he enquired.

“Yes, thank you,” he replied sending a small smile Kurt’s way.

I placed my hands on his shoulders and said, “He did say that he was hungry though and I promised him a little outing later on, so how about the three of us go to the mall first and go to the cafe for lunch after. I’m sure Sam would love to meet you Henry.”

“Who’s Sam?” Henry asked intrigued, standing on his tiptoes to peer at Kurt’s script on the wood worktop.

Kurt shifted to face Henry and lifted him by his under arms to sit him on the work surface. “Sam is one of our friends and he owns a really nice cafe near Times Square. He loves comic books and his wife is my best friend.” Kurt explained as he shifted the papers into a pile.

Henry’s eyes grew wide, “I like comic books too,” he said excitedly.

I chuckled loudly, which caused the little boy to look at me confused. “I thought you did, we saw your Captain America t-shirt earlier whilst we were putting your stuff away. You and Sam will have a lot to talk about!” I replied with a similar enthusiasm. However Henry’s eager expression faltered, unexpectedly and he jumped down from the bar and stumbled quickly into the spare room. The two of us rushed after him following a shared look of bewilderment. “Henry? What’s going on?” I asked before crashing through the door, Kurt right behind me. We found Henry huddled over the bag Kurt had propped up beside the door, his hands were flying over the zips and he checked them all twice before Kurt knelt down to halt his actions.

Sobs shook the boy’s body and he fought against Kurt’s hold on him but my husband wouldn’t let him win and pulled him against his chest in an attempt to calm Henry down. Soon he fell limp and crumpled into Kurt’s arms. “I’m sorry, sir. Uncle Roy told me I had to give it to you and I’ve lost it. He’s going to be angry and disappointed and I really wanted to go get a new toy today. I’m so sorry.” He wailed. Kurt just hugged him again.

“You’re talking about the letter aren’t you?” Kurt asked after holding the still crying boy at arm length and Henry nodded in the affirmative. “We found it when we put your things away earlier. We’ve both read it and we want you to know, Henry, that we will never ever hurt you. And that’s a promise. Whilst you are here, you’re safe. Also Henry to you we’re Blaine and Kurt, there are no formalities in our home.” Kurt said seriously, looking the boy in the eye. I thought that might be the moment to join Kurt, especially after Kurt raised his eyebrows at me gesturing to Henry.

“Uh, yeah. Kurt’s right, there’s no need to be afraid of us,” I said inarticulately, very much unlike the doctorate student I was and should be acting like. Henry was still crying slightly and I felt the need to make him smile again, hating the forlorn look on his face, “How about we go get that new friend?”

“Yes please,” he answered, wiping his eyes with his hoodie sleeve. I guess old habits die hard, because I instantaneously dug into my pocket for the handkerchief I never forgot. I mopped up Henry’s tears and he finally smiled after I’d finished. We sent him to put his sneakers on and left him to do so. I grabbed a canvas bag from the hook on the back of our bedroom door with the logo of the University’s History department plastered on it and packed my wallet, keys and phone before grabbing my and Henry’s anoraks and an umbrella for Kurt on the off chance that it might rain. I met up with Kurt, by the door, who slipped my subway pass into my hand and gave me a slight smile. I gave him a quick peck prior to calling for Henry and the little boy came scampering out of his room whilst trying to zip up his jumper simultaneously. It turned out to be extremely endearing for he would stop every two steps in attempt to draw the zip up before breaking out into a small run again, occasionally stumbling over his feet. “Can you put my inhaler in your bag please?” he asked politely, holding it out. I nodded and placed it amongst the other things in the bag.

~*~

When we reached the subway station closest to our apartment block it had just turned twelve o’clock so it was heaving with business people trying to make their ways to various lunchtime appointments. Henry looked startled and little scared so I leant down to grasp his hand in mine, which earned me a grateful smile from the five year old. The three of us queued to get Henry a subway pass for the next week; we figured it’d be best considering one of us would have to take him to work once the weekend ended. Once we stepped on the platform, Henry began to fidget hopping from one foot to another. I glanced down at him and he gave me an excitable smile and said, “I’ve never been on the subway before!”

“Really, do you not live in the city?” Kurt said; holding onto Henry’s other hand.

“Nope, but when we do come in we always take the town car,” Henry responded. “I don’t like it though; we always get stuck in traffic.”

“Well just make sure you stay with us, it’s going to be busy,” Kurt ordered, shooting me a look that clearly said ‘Town car?’

Our train pulled up at the station and the three of us scrambled into an already heaving carriage. Henry’s eyes were wide in wonder but he ensured that he stayed close to me and Kurt. There were no empty seats so we stood near the doors leaning against the end of the compartment. During our shuffling in the confined space Henry let go of my hand and I was momentarily panicked but when I looked around I saw him clinging onto Kurt’s right leg in order to keep his balance so I moved to stand next to my husband and grabbed his right hand instead whilst his left supported the child’s back. After we passed the business centre of the city the crowed thinned and two seats freed up at the end of the row, therefore we rushed to grab them before anybody else could. I gestured for Kurt to take the one then helped Henry into the other, opting to stand to the side of them. Henry’s head was turning and his eyes darting around the new environment, lingering on things I supposed he’d never seen before such as the obviously homeless drunk sitting at the far end singing to himself.

We hopped off the train in a comfortable silence and followed the flow of people up towards street level, Henry still in between us gripping our hands like lifelines. We took the short walk to the shopping mall we visited regularly and halted at the floor plan. Kurt grabbed a map from the holder underneath and began scribbling over it with a pen from his back pocket. “Well I’ve got to get some highlighters and I fancy a trip to the music store. And you’ve got to get some stuff for your end of semester staff party on Friday.” Kurt stated pointing to each X on the map.

Henry shuffled forward peering at the paper too, “Can we go to the toy store after?” he asked quietly.

“No,” Kurt said sharply folding the map away causing Henry’s wishful look to drop quickly. “We’re going there first silly!”

~*~

Henry had been staring at the stuffed animal aisle for fifteen minutes. Gazing up at the shelves, his face full of wonder. It took him one more minute to find the crocodile in his right hand and another two to find the panda in his left. He was now holding them both protectively as if somebody might take them, despite the fact that there were plenty of others on the shelf. I could tell that he was trying to pick which one and I looked at Kurt pleadingly. He nodded his head discreetly and left me to tell the boy, not before mentioning he would make a quick trip to the stationery shop. I walked over to Henry and patted his bony back. “Hey bud, have you decided yet?” I asked bending to my knees to reach his height. He looked from one toy to other, conflicted with his decision.

“No, I really don’t know which one to choose. Which one do you like best Blaine?” He said.

“We’ll the crocodile is pretty awesome but the panda is really cute,” I said.

“Yeah, but I saw the crocodile first. I don’t think that’s fair.” His innocent reply made my insides warm with his childlike sense of justice.

“Are those two your absolute favourites?” He nodded. “Alright then, we’ll get both.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“Thank you,” he whispered in awe. We took off towards the checkout, Henry trailing behind me clutching the toys to his chest. As we walked to where Kurt planned to meet us I saw a display of children’s bed sheets, specifically one with the logo from Captain America’s shield emblazoned on it. Henry would love it, I thought. The sheets on his bed currently were just a generic off white colour; it wouldn’t hurt to buy it right? So I sneakily slipped the sheets from the display into my arms, Henry was too engrossed in his two new toys to notice. We went through checkout relatively quickly and walked out the shop to meet up with Kurt by the stationary store around the corner.

When Kurt came into view Henry rushed forward, excited to introduce his new toys, who had still yet to be named, to my husband. At first I was a bit worried with his running off whilst in a relatively large crowd but he reached Kurt okay so it wasn’t that bad. I walked slowly towards them and Kurt looked at me sheepishly. There was the distinctive Crayola logo peeping through the top of his own shopping bag and I was sure Kurt’s job didn’t require colouring in at any point.

These fatherly acts weren’t forced or uncomfortable as I thought they would seem to be at first. I worried that the first few days with Henry were going to be awkward and painfully slow as we all got to know each other a little bit better and Kurt and I got used to caring for a small child. But it wasn’t so, some would say it came naturally and yes I believe that in a slight sense; however it can’t be said entirely. Kurt and I had been preparing ourselves for this for the whole time we’d been on the lists, waiting to be chosen. Fatherhood does not come naturally, we are not all meant for parenthood and some know this from the time they’re teenagers and some find out after a child is born and that poor being has to suffer for it. And for Kurt and I, I would say that one day was the time that we realised how made for this we were.

~*~

We’d spent approximately an hour and half at the shopping mall, it usually would’ve taken us much less time but with a five year old with us we slowed down significantly for one of our strides equalled about three of Henry’s dainty steps. It didn’t bother us though, Henry made sure of that. Whenever conversation fell to silence he would offhandedly make a comment about how much he was enjoying just walking around with us or question us on something that caught his eye. It was the light-hearted reminder that told us all the waiting was worth it after all.

It was just after two o’clock by the time we strolled into Sam’s cafe. There were still a few customers eating a late lunch, like the three of us planned to do. There was a mother and baby group at the table by the window and an old aged couple in a booth near the back. Other, smaller tables were littered with the occasional business person accompanied only by their coffee mugs and laptops. Kurt left to find Sam and explain the situation whilst I was left to usher Henry to an empty booth. We’d decided to ask Sam not to tell any of our friends about Henry yet, especially since only yesterday we’d said there’d been no progress in the adoption process. We knew we could trust Sam with the secret for the time being, until we’d decided when and how to tell everybody else.

I sat down next to Henry at the table and kept him occupied with the menu. He complained about being too warm so I helped him out of his jumper and placed it in the canvas tote I’d brought with me. As we did so I saw him eyeing the crocodile’s tail poking out of the toy store bag so I took the two new toys out and put them on the table in front of him. He toyed with teeth of the crocodile and shifted around slightly, “Blaine?” he asked.

I turned my head towards him and saw the visible signs of nervousness. Like Kurt he was fidgeting in his own unique way, Henry’s was shifting his weight from side to side, and he was picking away at the skin around his fingernails. I put a hand over his to stop is excessive scratching and gave him a sincere look. “Don’t let Kurt catch you doing that, otherwise you’ll have to sit through a very long lecture and that will be so boring. Trust me I’ve had it so many times!” I joked in a quiet voice just in case my husband was in hearing distance. My gag elicited a short giggle before he turned to fiddle with the stuffed animal again.

“Do you think your friend will like me? Am I good enough?” he mumbled anxiously, now fiddling with a lose thread from my sweats. I was surprised by this, most children were usually excited about meeting new people but Henry was worrying about his behavioural standard being up to scratch, even doubting it after acting perfectly all day. I flashed back to that bloody letter and then another realisation hit me. Henry must have been told that his blameless behaviour was bad and he’d received unjust consequences for it.

I reached my hand down and rubbed his knee. “Henry?” I said wishing to gain his attention, but he continued to stare at his jeans. “Henry, look at me,” I said sternly. I didn’t like being firm with Henry but it did the trick for he finally looked at me. My face softened and I threw my arm around his shoulders. “You’ve got nothing to worry about; Sam is going to like you Henry. I’m sure of it.” I reassured him. He looked up at me a smiled a little and completely subconsciously I pressed a kiss to the top of his head. It just felt right at the time, admittedly straight afterwards it did feel slightly awkward for me but Henry seemed no different.

The two of us continued to play and talk about his crocodile and panda until Kurt rounded the corner from the kitchen with Sam in tow. They were chattering between themselves and Kurt looked anxious beyond belief. I caught his eye and gave him a supportive smile; he smiled back and gestured to Sam with his eyebrows raised. The blonde was visibly bouncing, energetic as always, asking a question every second. They reached our table and Henry shuffled closer to me, visibly nervous. Kurt and Sam slid into the seats opposite us and began shuffling awkwardly in the silence, until Sam said directly to Henry, “That’s a pretty awesome crocodile.”

Henry shifted even closer to me so that his whole right side was pressed against me. A tightened my arm around his shoulder and gave Sam an apologetic smile, “He’s a little nervous,” I explained. “But I’m sure he has nothing to worry about.” I added. Henry looked at Sam and his eyes widened when he noticed the shirt he was wearing.

He tugged on my sweater sleeve and pointed at Sam’s chest, “Look Blaine, look. He’s got an Iron Man t-shirt on.” He scrambled out of his seat, much against Kurt’s demands not to, and knelt up on the cushioned bench right next to Sam. “Are you Toni Stark in hiding?” he asked enthusiastically.

Sam chuckled deeply and shook his head, “No, but that would be pretty awesome. Wouldn’t it?”

“I suppose,” Henry replied with a little less gusto. “I’d rather be Captain America though.”

And from that the two of them talked like they were the best of friends. Kurt and I were forgotten and Henry. Well Henry was the most talkative that I had ever seen him. He explained things about whatever comic book universe with such eagerness and sophistication that it was increasingly difficult to believe that Henry hadn’t even attended kindergarten yet. His facial features lit up and his brown eyes were animated like I’d never seen before. Sam kept up in conversation too, transferring his knowledge unto Henry who was in awe; particularly when the elder told him that he’d met Stan Lee before he died six years ago.

It was challenging to get him to eat the pasta we’d ordered for him, but a little persuasion and noisy stomach got him to settle down and eat. Much to Henry’s dismay Sam had to leave half way through our lunch to carry on working and for five minutes after he took his position front of house Henry was in a gloomy mood. However it disapparated after Kurt started to talk to him for a while.  Yet at one point Henry began to get restless and was fidgeting again, only this time with the panda. His gaze kept shifting to the door behind Kurt. We looked towards the door and noticed a policeman stride through in full uniform and a baton in his belt. I heard a small whimper and noticed that Henry had turned his face into my side and curled up into a ball. The man ordered a coffee at the counter and left straight after his order arrived but Henry continued to make small crying noises and his breathing became erratic like it had done earlier on in the apartment. Kurt looked completely lost and rushed over to the other side of the bench to comfort Henry whilst I dug into the bag, I’d brought, for the inhaler. “Blaine, what the hell are you doing?” Kurt asked in a panic; arms around Henry’s heaving shoulders.

“Inhaler,” I breathed quickly, before persisting through the bag again. I gave up and just emptied the contents onto the table; I found the item instantly and hastily pulled the cap off. Like this morning Henry took charge of the next step and pushed the nozzle into his mouth and released the vapour, breathing it in before repeating. Tears were falling from his eyes and Kurt tried to comfort him by rubbing his back. He took the inhaler out of his mouth and dropped it on the bench weakly; his chest was still rising and falling dramatically but the sound of his breathing became less alarming. Tears were now flowing rapidly and his head was hung so they rolled off his chin onto his jeans.

“I’m sorry,” he blubbered softly, his hands reaching up to rub at his eyes.

“Don’t apologize, Henry. It’s not your fault, don’t worry,” Kurt said in reply, visibly shocked with Henry’s words like I had been this morning. The little boy heaved a great sigh then fell back against Kurt’s chest looking both exhausted and ashamed. “Did you get scared by the police man?” Kurt asked tentatively. I was expecting Henry to deny it at first but he was simply too weary and just nodded, sniffling whilst doing so.

“Why’s that Henry?” I persisted, wanting to get to the source of the problem. It was clear that the policeman triggered the attack which was worrying for most young children looked up to them as role models, peace keepers. Henry obviously didn’t, and for good reason.

“I thought it was Uncle Roy.” Henry muttered, now curled up against my husband’s chest. “I was afraid that he’d take me back. I didn’t want to go back.” At that Kurt looked at me, a broken look to his eyes. I shook my head sadly and reached over to take one of Henry’s hands and squeeze it.

~*~

After mopping up the tears, we finished our meals at a slower place. Kurt didn’t move back to his original seat opting to stay close to Henry in order to comfort him and encourage him to finish his lunch. It was evident that by the time we arrived back to the apartment neither of us wanted to do anything else for the day so I ordered Henry to change into his pyjamas and return back into the living room to watch some movies on the couch under as many blankets as humanely possible in the June heat.

Meanwhile Kurt and I were changing in our own room. I was about to tug on a wife beater when I felt Kurt slip his arms around me from behind, resting his chin on my left shoulder. I place my hands on the arms crossed on my midriff and nuzzled Kurt’s cheek. “Mm...I love you.” Kurt whispered tightening his arms before releasing me into the expanse of our bedroom. I slipped the shirt over my head and then faced Kurt so our toes were touching. Grabbing his hands, I tried to express all the thoughts in my mind. It just didn’t compute with me that this Roy figure felt no need to love his nephew, who had proved to be so sweet and polite all day. Henry was so conscientious for a child his age, almost too conscientious, and that worried me. “I don’t want him to leave, Kurt. I don’t want Henry to go back there,” I said quietly, shaking my head sadly. I stopped when Kurt’s palm cupped my cheek.

His eyes were sincere and his facial features loving, “We’ll call Seth and tell him our concerns, it’s all we can do sweetheart.” He said, dropping his hands to rub along my arms. By now my own were at his side grabbing at the loose t shirt that pooled around his hips. I leant towards him and brushed my lips against his softly. At first it wasn’t urgent but as the time ticked on hands started to wonder and the kiss deepened, well on the way to make out standard. I was about to give into my desire to throw Kurt onto the bed when a barely audible tap was heard on the door.

We broke apart and I laughed, “We better get used to this,” I joked quietly. Kurt grinned in return and strolled over to open the door. Revealed was a much drained Henry, his blonde hair sticking up on ends and his body in the navy and white pin striped footsie pyjamas we’d unpacked earlier. He held both new toys in his arms and one thumb was tucked into his mouth, the index finger curling around his nose. He looked a little uncomfortable, eyes taking in the surroundings of the new, unfamiliar room. “You can come in kiddo,” Kurt said, offering a hand to the boy.

Henry took a hesitant step through the door and slipped his free hand into Kurt’s, tucking the panda in his arm pit so he could do so. My husband led the boy to where I stood by our dresser and when he arrived, hoisted him up to sit on it. Henry giggled and began to swing his legs. He looked at me with a strange look upon his face and his head tilted to the side in an adorable look of confusion. He removed his thumb and used the index finger which before was hooked around his nose to point at my right shoulder. “What’s that?” he asked quizzically. I’d thought that I might have had something on my shirt when I realised that the shoulder he was pointing at was the one with the tattoo on it.

“It’s a tattoo.” I replied matter-of-factly.

“I know that,” he insisted with a sigh, “what’s it meant to be though?”

“Oh it’s the tribal tattoo of a Maori community my mother’s from.” I answered proudly. I’m not ashamed of my heritage; it’s something I take great pride in (even if I may only be half Maori). I’d gotten the inking whilst the two of us were on our honey moon in New Zealand and have never regretted it since. On the trip, we connected with so many relatives who I’d only every heard of, never seen. Being gay wasn’t an issue for any of them and they’d been ecstatic to meet both me and my new husband.

“Maori? What’s Maori?” asked the five year old, confused by the new vernacular.

“They’re the natives of New Zealand. My mom’s is a Maori, so am I.” I explained slowly. “They’re famous for their war tattoos, but this is just a tribe symbol.”

Henry smiled, obviously intrigued. “That’s cool,” he said happily.

Kurt then stood in front of Henry, placing his hands either side of his body. “They also say hello in a pretty cool way too,” he added. “Do you want me show you?” With a nod, Henry did what Kurt told him to. First he touched his nose to Kurt’s, giggling at the slight tickle he felt. Then, simultaneously, the two breathed in. It was a touching sight, seeing my husband acting in such a paternal way, pure love emulating from Kurt’s face to Henry’s.

We stood around the dresser in silence for a short time more before we, I mean Kurt and I, were ushered back into the living room by the excitable little boy. “Can we watch a movie now?” Henry asked, slumping onto the sofa cushions. I chuckled at his very Finn-like antics and bent down to open the cabinet next to the TV to bring out the shoe box of all the Disney films we’d found in the closet this morning.

“Well we don’t have many, but they’re all great. You can choose.” Kurt insisted, taking the box from me and placing it on Henry’s lap. Then he stood and walked over to me, “I’m going to start to make some stew for dinner. Is that okay?” he asked me, resting a hand on my chest; eyes looking into mine. I nodded and told him to be quick so we could cuddle on the couch.

~*~

Forty-five minutes later Kurt had returned and slipped underneath the comforter that covered both Henry and I. He smelt like freshly chopped onions and stock, and I caught a great waft of it when he sidled up closer to me, swinging his legs on top of mine and leaning his head on my shoulder. Henry turned to flash Kurt a smile then turned back again to Wall-E on the television screen. So immersed into the movie, Henry didn’t notice that Kurt started to press kisses to my neck and that I started rub his thigh underneath the blanket. Our actions stopped when the boy decided to shuffle towards me to cuddle into my unoccupied side, I can’t begin to imagine what would’ve happened if he did realise what we were up to.

Tucking his thumb into his mouth, Henry continued to watch the screen intrigued with the story and happy just to sit there and stare. I slung an arm around his narrow shoulders and felt myself relax into the moment. So relax in fact that I dozed off at some point. You can’t blame me though, it was cosy and the relatively busy day left me tired.

By the time I’d woken up, it was getting dark out; Kurt was in the kitchen and it was now Mulan on the monitor. Henry was still cuddled up with me and the new toys tucked under his chin. Yawning loudly, I stretched my arms above my head, bones cracking every now and then. Henry didn’t seem to notice, still transfixed with the movie, that I was awake and cuddled closer to my side. So close that I could feel his breath brushing against the hairs on my forearm. The clock in the kitchen chimed seven times and then twenty minutes later Kurt came striding out, a tea towel over his shoulder. He grabbed the remote and paused the film. Henry straightened up; surprised before realising that it was Kurt who had stopped the pictures on the TV. “Dinner’s ready guys. Henry could you help Blaine set the table?” he asked the boy politely. The four year old nodded compliantly and stood from the couch, leaving the toys for the first time since we’d bought them earlier.

Kurt disappeared back into the kitchen and Henry turned around to look at me, still half asleep, waiting for further orders. I huffed and pushed myself up with as much energy as I could muster. Henry offered his hand so that I could lead him to where we needed to get the cutlery but instead I decided to sling him over my shoulder and walk him to the table near the window. The whole ride he giggled and squirmed and when I finally plopped him down on a chair we both started to laugh. Henry was so short that all he could do sitting at the table was rest his chin upon the surface, I’d never realised how high the table was before then. I went to fetch some cushions for Henry to sit on and when I came back the boy wasn’t even on his seat. During the short period of time Kurt must have brought out the knives and forks and now Henry was attempting to set the table despite the fact he could barely reach.

Placing the two cushions on the chair, I then proceeded to sneak behind Henry, grabbed him by the waist and hoisted him back into the fireman hold I had him a few minutes earlier. “What do you think you are doing young man?” I asked.

“Laying the table like Kurt told us to, Blaine.” Henry replied, matter-of-factly. Chortling I set him back on his feet and began to help lay the cutlery on the table. With two people it was done in rapid time and when Kurt walked from the kitchen to the table we were already sitting next to each other patiently. Kurt first placed a bowl in front of our newest house member and then he put down a basket of bread in the middle of the table. The waft of newly cooked beef stew entered my nostrils and I pouted at Kurt only to have him pat my hair patronisingly as he walked back to the counter where our servings stood.

He returned in no time and we all began to eat in a calm silence. Kurt broke it first by addressing the boy, “Henry, we were thinking about going to the park tomorrow. Is that alright with you?” he asked whilst tearing a piece of the rye loaf from the basket. Henry nodded enthusiastically, sending a few crumbs flying across the table.

“Can we bring a picnic? I’ve never had a picnic in Central park before.” He asked apprehensively, eyes diverting to the bowl of stew he was eating from.

“I can’t see why not,” I added, eliciting a small smile from him.

We began to eat quietly again and, even though no voices could be heard, and I held a lengthy conversation of facial expressions and eyebrow gesturing. At first he just smiled with a pensive look in eyes. To which I replied with a shrug of the shoulders and expression of easiness. It went on for a while for after Kurt pulled an extremely attractive grimace, Henry laughed loudly. Looking way from each other we realised that the boy had finished his dinner and had spent the last two minutes or so watching our game of face tennis. After that we engaged in a verbal conversation about our lunch tomorrow as Kurt and I Kurt finished our stew.

~*~

Kurt and I didn’t talk much until after we put Henry to bed. That itself was eventful enough to draw out a chat between the two of us as we lay in the dark that night. Henry had brushed his teeth and grabbed his two, new stuffed toys after Mulan finished. Kurt had helped him scrabble into bed and the three of us stayed there for a while in awkward silence. It was Henry who had broken it however when he yawned loudly and mumbled goodnight. I sighed loudly and sat on the edge of the bed, not really knowing what to do.

Somehow the four year old caught onto my nervous exterior and whispered in my ear. “You know I liked it when you kissed my head at Sam’s,” he admitted, blushing slightly. At that my heart swelled with a mixture of longing, love and happiness. After it, I grabbed my foster son around his narrow waist and crushed him in the biggest hug that I could conger. And, just before I pulled away fully, I placed a kiss on his forehead. I had stayed back to witness Kurt bid goodnight to the boy and my heart ached even more when my husband leant over to kiss Henry on his cheek then cup his face when reassuring himself that Henry was comfortable.

As I shut the door to the now occupied spare bedroom, I finally noticed Kurt looking at me. His eyes were shining slightly with tears, but their colour was still the bright blue they’d been this morning. I knew what it meant and just reached over to place a kiss on his lips. When Kurt is like this, so happy it brings him to tears, all I can really do is be there and show him that I love him.

Ten minutes afterwards we were both in bed holding each other as we talked in hushed voices, like they’d disturb the sleep of the young boy on the other side of the apartment or simply because they were so profound that they ought not to be shared with others who may be listening in. I was running a few fingers through my husband’s brunette hair whilst his rubbed the outline of the inking on my shoulder.

“Is it too soon to be in love with that boy?” I asked uncertainly, slightly ashamed at my trait of falling to fast.

Kurt shook his head and made a sound that meant he understood. “I hope not.”

“And is it too soon to want to find out what hospital this Uncle Roy is staying at and shout at him for the lack of love he seems to be displaying to his nephew?”

“Certainly not.” Kurt replied stonily with a straight face.

I snuggled closer, loving the sound of my husband’s defensiveness. We sat there for a while and whilst the stillness surrounded us I was surprised to find that even the thought of Henry leaving us to return to such a cold, loveless environment made my stomach turn with trepidation. “He can’t go back there Kurt. I would never forgive myself if I did.”

“I know sweetheart. He’s not going back without a fight.” He reassured me, wrapping his arms around my torso and planting a kiss on my head, similar to the one I had placed on Henry’s only moments before.