<i> Come on sweetheart. You’re being such a good boy for me. Such a good little slut.

            He could feel the hands trailing across his body, light fleeting touches that made him shiver. Warm breath ghosted across the back of his neck and he whimpered.

            This was so wrong.

            The hands that firmly gripped his hips were too rough, the thrusts made him cry out, and the constant stream of whispered words made him shake.

            This is what you were meant to do.

            Perfect whore.

            Want you so bad.

            The ache in his chest burned even more and he couldn’t breathe. Slimy lips trailed down his back and he moaned weakly.

            He could remember the way Kurt’s hands had trembled when he touched him. The way they giggled nervously as they stripped each other. The way he had craved making Kurt moan and beg. The overwhelming feeling of love as they rocked together.

            No matter many times he tried he couldn’t even come close to matching that feeling.

            He remembered Kurt whispering how much he loved him. How amazing he was. How beautiful he was.

            Instead he heard about how much the men wanted him. How tight he was. How slutty he was.

            The hands gripped him possessively and a hand slapped his ass hard, making him cry out. The man laughed and fucked him harder, twisting a hand in his hair for a moment before gripping his throat.

            Sorry I was rough but I couldn’t help myself. </i>

            Blaine jerked awake and sat up quickly, pulling the sheets up to his chest. Tears blurred his vision and he body jerked with repressed sobs.

            He swung his legs over the side of the bed and pressed his palmed into his eyes as he shook. The feeling of phantom hands made him shudder and he jumped up, pulling on slippers and a coat over his pajamas before walking out quietly.

            “Blaine?” He jumped and turned to see Patty, one of the night employees, looking at him curiously. “Are you alright?”

            “I…I just…I need to get some air,” His voice cracked and he ducked his head.

            “Need me to come with you?” She frowned, looking concerned.

            “I’m not going to run off or anything. I just need fresh air and to be alone for a bit,” He shrugged a little and Patty nodded, opening a nearby closet and pulled out a thick blanket. “It’s cold out. Let me know if you need anything.”

            Blaine gave her a grateful smile and took the blanket from her before stepping outside. It was snowing lightly and a thin layer had already started sticking to the group. He took in a deep breath, icy air burning his lungs, before starting down the path to the lake.

            He wrapped the blanket around himself and sat on the chilly stone bench near the shore. The lake was so peaceful it looked like glass. Being so far out in the woods the moon and stars shone brightly in the cloudless sky, perfectly reflected on the surface of the water.

            The freezing air made him snuggle down further in the blanket and he sighed.

            He could get better. He could get past the itch in the back of his mind begging him for a hit. He could become a responsible member of society.

            He would never forget what he did.

            He didn’t think he would ever feel clean. The happy memories he had with Kurt were tainted by the memories of being with those men. Who would want to be in a relationship with a boy who prostituted himself out for drugs? Even if he did get help, that was still a part of him.

            He started humming softly to distract himself from the thoughts swirling in his head.

            <i>I don’t wanna be adored

            Don’t wanna be first in line

            Or make myself heard

            I’d like to bring a little light

            To shine a light on your life

            To make you feel loved

            No, don’t wanna be the only one you know

            I wanna be the place you call home </i>

            His voice rang out clearly in the still night and for a moment he was overwhelmed by emotion.

            <i>I lay myself down

            To make it so, but you don’t want to know

            I give much more

            Than I’d ever ask for.

            Will you see me in the end

            Or is it just a waste of time

            Trying to be your friend

            Just shine, shine, shine

            Shine a little light

            Shine a light on my life

            Warm me up again. </i>

            He was trying so hard to be a better person, to be his own person. He knew that he was supposed to be defining himself on things that he felt he was. He knew who he was and he had made the decision. No one made him do anything.

            So, if he defined himself as something bad based on how he felt about himself was that still going against what he was trying to do?

            He felt dirty and used. No one was forcing that idea on him. He came up with it all on his own.

            <i> Fool, I wonder if you know yourself at all

            You know that it could be so simple

I lay myself down

            To make it so, but you don’t want to know

            You take much more

            Than I’d ever ask for

            Say a word or two to brighten my day

            Do you think that you could see your way

            To lay yourself down

            And make it so, but you don’t want to know

            You take much more

            Than I’d ever ask for. </i>

            He took a deep breath and pulled the blankets tighter around himself.

            The icy wind stung the tear tracks on his cheeks.

~*~

            After days of rigorous cleaning Cooper finally got Blaine’s room back to normal. He even had all his childhood trophies dusted and put neatly up on his shelves.

            It made him feel much calmer knowing that at least something was back to normal.

            His phone rang and without looking at the caller id he answered with a smile on his face.

            “Hello!”

            “Cooper,” His mother’s sharp voice made the smile slip off his face. “What is this I heard about Blaine going to some kind of…clinic?”

            “Mom I told you already. Blaine got into some trouble and he is getting help at a drug rehabilitation center outside of town,” He sat down on Blaine’s neatly made bed.

            “You couldn’t do this with a little more subtlety? We could have sent him to a much nice place where they work to hide this kind of…of…information from others. I don’t need him flaunting his mistake all over town. God knows we’ve already been through that,” He could practically hear her roll her eyes.

            “The goal of treatment is to get Blaine better. It’s not to hide him from the world,” Cooper’s throat tightened. “I’ve researched the center and it is amazing. It’s what he needs.”

            “What about what the family needs?” She snapped. “We don’t need everyone to know that our homosexual son is also a junkie! God, this is so embarrassing.”

            “You know what’s embarrassing, having a mother who is more worried about what people think than helping her son,” Cooper’s hand ached. “Maybe this wouldn’t have happened if you ever paid any attention to your kid. Being a parent is about being there for your children, not using them as a bragging point and getting upset when they aren’t your little clones.”

            “Are you seriously telling me how to be a parent?” Her voice was high pitched. “Cooper Anderson I am your mother!”

            “I telling you how to be a fucking decent person, something you’ve been lacking in,” His teeth hurt from clenching them together. “If you can’t support Blaine then don’t get involved. He doesn’t need poison like you two in his life. Act like a parent or fuck off.”

            He snapped the phone shut and tossed it on the bed, falling back with a groan.

            It was becoming more and more troubling realizing just how little support Blaine had.  

            It had been thirteen days since Blaine left and the house was so quiet. Before it all went to Hell, Blaine was extremely lively. He was either singing, blasting music, or playing a movie loudly.

            Probably to makeup for the silence of an empty house.

            Cooper stared sadly at the ceiling and sighed. When he was a teenager he always had his friends and brother around. He had loved having a little brother who basically hero worshiped him and he was popular enough that he always had friends.

            Blaine had come out when he was in college and Cooper was so involved in his own life that he was hardly involved in his brother’s. He had answered the heart breaking phone calls in the middle of the night and had sleepily listened to his brother’s sobs.

            He had thought he was there for his brother. He had patted himself on the back for being so supportive and amazing when in reality he had done less than the bare minimum.

            It would be hard but he had to make up for lost time.

            His nightstand was covered in support books and DVD’s and for the duration Blaine was away he had already signed up to go to several seminars.

            He was going to be the big brother that Blaine deserved.