Sunrise Rehabilitation Clinic was ridiculous. 

The building was made to look like an old fashioned wood cabin. It was nestled deep in the forest next to a lake. The amount of old furniture made him feel like he was in his grandparent’s house and the cheery motivational posters made him feel sick. 

“You’ll be in the Hemingway room,” Tabitha said cheerfully as she opened the door. 

“The Hemmingway room?”

“All of our rooms are named after famous authors,” She turned on the light and he followed in. “So here’s your bed, your dresser, your closet, and you get your own bathroom which is right through there.” 

Blaine stared blankly at the faded yellow quilt and flowery wallpaper. He placed his duffle bag on the bed. 

“Here’s your orientation packet. It includes a map and your daily schedule,” She handed over a packet. “So do you have any questions?”

“Nope,” Blaine fiddled with the envelope.

“Now, dinner ended just as we got here but if you want we can go down to the kitchen and get you something to eat,” She smiled warmly. 

“I’m really not hungry,” Blaine mumbled. 

“Okay, I’m sure you much be tired. I’ll let you settle in then. Lights out are at eleven,” She patted him on the back. “Rest well, I’ll see you in the morning.” 

The door clicked shut behind her and Blaine flopped down on his bed, pulling out his schedule. 

6:30am: Wake Up

7:00am: Scheduled Nature Walk

7:30am: Breakfast

8:00am: Room Checks

8:30am: Group Session

9:40am: Lessons

11:45am: Lunch

12:45pm: Group Session

2:30pm: Homework or Tutoring 

3:30pm: Individual Session 

4:30pm: Dinner

5:15pm: Scheduled Nature Walk

5:45pm: Group Recreation 

7:00pm: 12 Step Meeting

8:00pm: Free time and Snack

8:30pm: Homework

11:00pm: Lights Out 

He read through it a few more times before sighing and turning to stare at the ceiling. This was jail. He was stuck in jail. 

“Lights out,” A charming female voice rang over the intercom and all the lights in his room shut off. 

“Fuck,” He sighed. 

The next morning came far too quick. All his lights flickered on and that same voice came on the intercom.

“Good morning residents! In thirty minutes we will be going on our nature walk. After we will have a breakfast of scrambled eggs, bacon, fruit, and biscuits.”

Blaine scowled and burrowed further under his blankets, pulling them over his head. He was just about to fall back asleep when someone knocked on his door. 

“Blaine?” The door opened. “Good morning!”

“What the hell?” Blaine spun around glaring icily at Tabitha. “You cant just walk into my room.”

“I can,” She just smiled. “Now get up and get on some thick sweat pants and a heavy coat. It’s cold out there.”

“I’m not really up for a walk,” Blaine lay back down. 

“It’s not an option. You have to go,” She said cheerfully and yanked his covers away. “Now up you go!” 

Blaine grumbled and pulled on his clothes before following sullenly behind her. She waved hello to the other residents she passed but Blaine kept his head down. 

“Alright, let’s head out!” A tall blonde man waved the small group onto a path leading into the woods. 

“So you’re the new guy?” A man, dark haired and thin, smiled at Blaine. “I heard you got here last night. I’m Clyde.”

Blaine just hunched his shoulder forward. 

“I didn’t feel like talking much either when I got here,” Clyde continued. “I’m on day twenty nine now. It’s not too bad.”

“It’s where everyone wants to be,” Blaine said slowly and some people glanced among themselves. “The vacation destination.”

“Ah, you just got through detox huh?” Clyde laughed loudly and Blaine finally turned to really look at him. 

The man had to be over six and a half feet. While he was wearing a thick coat and hat Blaine could still make out tattoos climbing up his neck and piercings through his ear, lip, and eyebrow.

“Don’t worry we were all bitches when we got here,” A woman laughed next to him. 

“Be nice!” She slapped his arm and rolled her eyes. “Sorry hun, he’s a little blunt. I’m Carrie.”

“Charmed.”

“This morning walks do take a while to get used to but eventually they become one of the best parts of the day. You’ll get the hang of it Q-Tip,” She pushed Clyde again. 

“Q-Tip?” Blaine frowned up at her. 

“Yeah…you’re tiny, skinny, an have a puff of hair. Q-Tip,” Carrie shrugged. 

“So we have to do this every morning?” Blaine tugged his coat tighter around himself. The frosty air nipped at his nose. 

“Yup,” Carrie kicked at Clyde’s feet who just laughed and jumped out of the way. 

“Christ,” Blaine scowled and hurried up to get away from them. The two just shared a look and shrugged, just continuing on with their walk. 

The warmth of the center was a welcome relief from the icy morning air and Blaine stomped his feet a few times on the hardwood. To his surprise every room had a fireplace that was lit. 

“Come on Q-Tip,” Carrie wrapped an arm around his shoulders and steered him into a room with several tables. “You sit with us.” 

“I’m really not hungry,” He tried to shrug her off, desperate to get back to his room. 

“You need to eat kiddo,” Clyde placed large hands on his shoulders and pushed him into a chair. He put a plate of food in front of him and anger welled up in his chest. Both Carrie and Clyde sat on either side of him and started eating. 

“Eat,” Carrie prodded him. 

“Don’t tell me what to do!” Blaine shouted sharply and the room went silent. 

“There you are,” Clyde smiled slightly.

“You two be nice to the new guy,” Tabitha sat at the table with them. “Blaine if you don’t want to eat you don’t have to but we do ask that you stay in here with us.”

Blaine pushed his plate away and slouched down, staring at the eggs and fruit. 

“So Clyde, how far along are you on your painting?” Tabitha spread butter on a biscuit and smiled. 

As soon as breakfast finished he was allowed to escape to his room but it wasn’t long before he was joined by Tabitha. 

“I need to look through your room,” She seemed a little apologetic as she started looking through his room. “I just need to check for contraband.”

“Seriously?” Blaine raised his eyebrows. 

“We do it with everyone the entire time they are with us,” She explained. After a thorough look she stood up, satisfied. “Wonderful! Now, we ask that you make your bed and tidy up every morning. So…if you would.”

“Really?” Blaine took a step back. “I’m not going to have you act like my mom and make me make my bed.”

“Then you’ll miss out on recreation later,” She shrugged. 

After a long pause, Blaine scowled and quickly made his bed. 

“Wonderful! Let’s go to group,” She steered him down the hallway again, ignoring the tense set of his shoulders. They walked up to a room with a cheerful, smiling sun painted on the door. 

“Everyone,” Tabitha announced to a group of about six, Clyde and Carrie included. “This is our newest group member Blaine, I expect you to welcome him.”

With a sigh, Blaine sunk down into a metal folding chair and stared at his hands. 

“Our topic for today is what sobriety means to you,” Tabitha pulled over a whiteboard and sat in the circle. “Who wants to go first?”

“I’ll go,” Clyde raised his hand slightly. 

“Wonderful, introduce yourself then,” Tabitha opened her notebook and gave him a reassuring smile. 

“My name is Clyde Daws and this is my twenty ninth day here,” He gave the group and smile and nodded. “For me sobriety is freedom. When I was on dope I was tied to it. I didn’t give a shit about my girlfriend, my job, or my kid. My life was planned around getting my next hit. Now, I don’t have to wonder if I can get through a movie with my son without shooting up or worrying about it for hours. I finally have the chance to live my life. Sobriety gave me more than being sober did.”

A few people nodded and mumbled their agreement. 

“Thank you for sharing Clyde, Allan will you go next?” 

The group went in a circle, expressing exactly how sobriety was helping them. Blaine couldn’t help but notice that everyone in the group had been there at least twenty days and felt his insides go cold when Tabitha turned to him. 

“Blaine? What does it mean to you?”

“Um…” He leaned forward and studied the wood grain on the hardwood floors. “I don’t really have anything to add.”

“Are you sure?” Her calculating gaze made him clench his jaw. 

“There is no judgment in this group,” Carrie said gently which only made him angrier. “We’ve all been through it.”

“You can say anything,” Tabitha touched his shoulder and he jerked away. 

“Do you know what sobriety means to me? It means being alone. It means being hated. It means being scared and hurt and empty. It fucking terrifies me,” His hands shook and he felt his cheeks heat up when the room was silent. 

“I tried to kill myself a week after I finished detoxing,” Clyde spoke up. “All I knew for years was the drugs. The idea of living without the thing that had been numbing me all those years was beyond horrifying. Kid, we understand.”

“I don’t think you do,” Blaine could feel his forehead prickle with sweat. “I don’t know if I really want to be sober. You all talked about sobriety meaning being aware, being free and making your own happiness. I’m here because my brother wants me to be here. I was miserable before and don’t want to go back to that.”

The room was silent and Blaine winced as his muscles jumped. 

“Do you have anything else to share?” Tabitha said gently. 

“No.”

“Alright, thank you. I hope you know Blaine that everyone in this room is here for you. We learn from each other and help each other grow,” Tabitha placed a hand on his back and again he jerked away. 

“Great.”

“Does anyone have anything to add? We still have time,” Tabitha smiled at the group. 

“I wanted to mention something about creativity,” Clyde spoke up. “I paint. I’m kind of the classic fucked up artist, turning to drugs and shooting up in people’s lofts because I thought it made me more artsy. I never painted on drug. I could never find inspiration or motivation. Since I’ve been here I’ve done thirteen paintings. It’s impossible to look beyond the tiny box you’re in when you’re on drugs.”

“Your paintings are amazing. They’re hanging in the rec room for anyone who wants to see,” Tabitha grinned and made a few notes. “Alright, we’re going to break for classes now. Thanks for sharing everyone.”

“Tabitha,” Blaine grabbed her sleeve as she started walking out. “I really need to get some rest. I don’t think I can go through lessons. I really don’t.”

“I understand it’s exhausting at first,” Tabitha nodded. “But you can’t break schedule. Just go, you might enjoy it.”

“I really don’t think I want to,” Blaine shook his head weakly. 

“How about if I sit with you?”

“Yeah…that’s not really going to help,” He shrugged. 

“I’m sorry but it’s not an option,” She gave him a small smile. “Now come on.”

Blaine followed behind, scowling, as she led him to a small study. She introduced him to his tutor, an older woman named Mary, and they started on his calculus.

Having something to focus on besides his feelings actually made a huge difference and he found himself really enjoying the lesson. When Mary closed his books and gave him his homework he was almost sad to go to lunch. 

“Blaine! Over here!” Clyde waved his hand and a plate was handed to him. 

He hesitated for a moment before sitting down at their table and taking a small bite of pasta salad. He half listened to the chatter of the table as he ate. 

“So, I’ve started reading the West Side Story screenplay, just for fun you know?” Carrie said excitedly. “It’s based off Romeo and Juliet right? So Juliet is Maria and Romeo is Toby. It follows the plot but it’s set in…”

“Tony,” Blaine spoke up.

“I’m sorry?”

“It’s Tony, not Toby,” He gave a small half shrug. “Sorry…I played Tony in my school’s play.”

“So you sing?” Carrie’s eyes lit up. “I don’t have a musical bone in my body. You have to sing for us sometime.”

“I don’t know. I’m not that good,” Blaine stared at his half eaten sandwich. 

“Good enough to play Tony,” Carrie teased. “Come on, there’s a piano in the rec room. Sing us something from the play.”

“Maybe,” Blaine glanced up and gave her a small smile. 

The rest of the day was exhausting. After all the therapy he was beyond stressed, shutting down by the end. During another nature walk he just kept his head down and walked with the group, staying silent. 

“Come on Q-Tip,” Carrie smiled as soon as they walked into the rather large recreation room. “Play us a song. Maria was one of my favorites.”

“It’s been a long time since I’ve sung or played,” Blaine blushed as the entire room watched curiously. 

“I’d love to hear you sing,” Clyde smiled from where he was sitting behind an easel. “I painted stick figures for the first week I was here. At least give it a shot.”

After another pause, Blaine took a seat at the piano bench and placed his fingers on the keys. He tried the beginning notes of the song and winced when his fingers got tangled up. 

“Sorry,” He muttered, frowning. 

“It’s fine,” Carrie nodded. 

With a deep breath, Blaine started playing again. The notes came out stronger and he almost felt the same joy he did when he used to perform. 

The most beautiful sound I ever heard

All he beautiful sounds of the world in a single word

Maria

I just met a girl named Maria

And suddenly that name

Will never be the same to me

Maria

I’ve just kissed a girl named Maria 

And suddenly I’ve found

How wonderful a sound can be!

Maria!

Say it loud and there’s music playing

Say it soft and it’s almost like praying

Maria

I’ll never stop saying Maria!

The most beautiful sound I ever heard.

Maria. 

His fingers slid off the keys and his heart pounded as he stared blankly at his hands. Soft clapping broke him out of his daze and he looked up. 

“Blaine, that was amazing,” Clyde’s face split into a wide grin. “If that was you rusty I can’t imagine what you sound like after some practice. 

“I always loved performing,” Blaine whispered, feeling himself smile. 

“Seriously though, that moved me,” Carrie placed a hand to her chest and for a moment Blaine’s body stiffened. 

“Hey kid play us something else, it’s been a long time since we had a decent musician here,” A man shouted from the back of the room and a few other people shouted their agreements. 

“Okay,” He smiled slightly and placed his hands on the keys again.