Dear Diary,

            Today was a good day. I haven’t had one of those in a while and it feels amazing. I don’t know how long it will last, but I’m going to enjoy it while I can. That’s a very optimistic thing to say, don’t you think? “Tomorrow might suck so I’ll enjoy today.” Well, maybe it’s only a little optimistic, but it’s certainly better than I’ve been. I sang a solo in glee club today and everybody loved it. Even Santana had a smile on her face, though she’s been much nicer to me since the slushie incident. I wish it didn’t have to take me nearly getting blinded for her to come around, but I’ll take what I can get. At the end of rehearsal Mr. Shue announced the soloists for regionals and I GOT ONE! I got a competition solo. Somehow it feels even better than it did at Dalton. Maybe it’s because I know from Kurt how hard they are to get above Rachel and Finn. Maybe it’s because I feel accepted. Nobody got mad about it; nobody called me a spotlight hog. They congratulated me. It felt nice.

            Kurt and Rachel both decided to hold off on Regionals in order to up their chances for a solo at Nationals. I don’t know if it works this way, but apparently Rachel did it last year.

            The look on Kurt’s face when he said I got a solo is something I’ll never forget. It was exactly like a movie. The world slowed down and went silent and we turned our heads and looked at each other. He had that adorable toothy smile on his face and the proudest look I’ve seen since he got his NYADA audition. He’s never looked that proud about me before and it felt amazing.  He clapped and smiled and he kissed me, full on the mouth in front of everybody. He whispered in my ear that he was proud of me.

            I felt like I was on top of the world.

"How was everyone’s day?” Burt asked as he took another helping of the lasagna Kurt and Carole had made that night. 

“Well, Blaine has a big announcement,” Kurt said, and all eyes turned towards me. It was one of the things I loved about the Hudson-Hummels; I always felt welcomed and loved here. They treated me like one of their own.

            “I, uh, I got a solo at Regionals,” I said. Finn just muttered that he already knew that, but Carole smiled at me and promised me extra dessert in congratulations.

            “Wow, well done, kiddo,” Burt said, patting my shoulder. I could feel the warmth of his hand there even after he went back to his meal. My family never showed any affection, even before I came out. Cooper did, I remember, but he’s been gone for a while. My parents were never the touchy-feely type and those little things here always left an impression, always left my skin burning with too many emotions; want of it again, happiness that somebody cared, regret that my parents didn’t, disappointment that nothing I did would change that.

            “Thank you,” I whispered over the lump in my throat.

            “I know from Kurt how hard those solos are to get. I’m proud of you, and I can’t wait to see you perform.” Burt smiled and took another bite of chicken.

            “Well,” Carole said, “I am so excited to see this performance. Your guys’ last Regionals. I’m sure you’ll all make it quite a show.”

            I was so happy Kurt got to have such an amazing family. With all the shit some kids at school put him through, I was glad he got to come home to such a loving environment. I didn’t even live here and Burt and Carole treated me better than my own parents did. Kurt was proud of me, Burt and Carole were proud of me, Finn was busy eating and honestly I didn’t care that much about his opinion, but I was proud of me, too. I felt genuinely happy, like I was the guy I always pretended to be. I had never wished more than in that moment to be the guy everybody thought I was. I wanted to be him so badly, but I didn’t know how to get there. I didn’t know how to be happy when, in the back of my mind, I knew I’d have to go home to a cold, distant family. Not when my parents ignored me, when the Warblers betrayed me for that stupid fuck Sebastian. Not when people sneered at me without knowing for sure if I was gay. I pushed those thoughts as far back as I could as we finished dinner.

            Kurt and I cleaned up after our meal while Burt and Carole prepared for a night out. Finn left right after shoving a whole piece of cake in his mouth to go visit his fucking fiancée Rachel. As soon as we heard Burt and Carole’s car leave, we ran up to Kurt’s bedroom. We hadn’t done anything sexual since I injured my eye, and tonight was the night. The look in Kurt’s eye as he shut his bedroom door told me he knew it too. The door had barely clicked shut before he was on my, kissing me roughly and unbuttoning my shirt as he pushed me towards the bed. I felt my legs hit the mattress and I fell back, Kurt crawling on top of me.

            “I’ve missed this,” he whispered before kissing his way down my neck. I helped him take off my shirt and quickly set to work on his.

            “Pants,” I said, and I could hear the low roughness in my voice.

            It wasn’t long until Kurt was inside me, both of us moaning at the sensation. It’s amazing how much you forget after just a few short weeks. The memory is never as good as the real thing. Our relationship had always been about much more than sex. We were closer, more in tune with each other than any of our friends were with their boyfriend or girlfriend. For that reason, I hadn’t expected sex to change things that much, I thought it would be just another thing we did. I was wrong. Sex changed everything. Suddenly, the things we had been self-conscious of didn’t matter any more. When you’re that intimate, that vulnerable with someone, the little things just fall away because suddenly they’re not important. Kurt and I were completely comfortable with each other. We got to know parts of each other we hadn’t even thought existed. Kurt told me about his mom, and I told him about my first high school and the Sadie Hawkins dance. Months earlier, Kurt had literally kicked me out of his room for discussing sex, and now he was whispering dirty things to me in the hallways. It was the difference between knowing each other and exploring each other—it went so much deeper. Every time we were together reminded me that we still had more to learn, more to explore together.

            We finished together, both of us laying limp and panting. After a few minutes, Kurt finally rolled off of me and cleaned us up. I just laid there looking up at him. I loved how he took care of me, how he always took care of me no matter what was happening. He always made sure I felt comfortable and warm and loved. Moments like this made me want to tell Kurt all of my secrets, all the things I kept buried, and I had to fight to keep them in. Kurt knew me better than anyone, but I didn’t want him to know this, no matter how great he always was with me. Kurt looked at me with such love and affection and awe and I never wanted him to stop.