They worked feverishly on Adrian’s as-yet-to-be-named monster, drawing pattern pieces and cutting the shapes out of fabric. Adrian helped push the pedal when Kurt would stitch pieces together on the sewing machine, and Kurt let Adrian draw the details he’d later stitch over so it would really be Adrian’s work. And then there were the giggles when the thread would catch in the bobbin or when Adrian was convinced a rectangular piece would never, ever, ever in a million bajillion years become an arm only to be proven with a few stitches that yes, indeed one shape could turn into another. The main portion of the monster was done, only needing to be stuffed and closed up when Adrian announced he was starving.

They went back to Blaine’s house for dinner because he had better kid choices. Tonight’s choice was sloppy joes. After an explanation that sloppy joe sauce didn’t always come from a can, Adrian left Kurt to it and settled in to watch a DVD. Kurt reveled in the quiet, soothed by the sounds of sizzling beef, the repetitive action of chopping vegetables, and the simple pleasure of cooking in someone else’s kitchen.

He had just put the skillet on to simmer when he heard a strange racket from the living room. Peeking in, he caught Adrian attempting to climb a bookshelf. An enormously tall, heavy, most-likely antique bookshelf. Everything perched on the upper shelves wobbled and shook even with Adrian’s slight weight.

“Adrian! Get down from there!”

Kurt didn’t have to make it across the room before Adrian scurried down, bashfully shrugged and sat back down to his movie. No more words were shared and Kurt went back to the kitchen. A few moments later, the racket began again. A sharp Adrian and an fiery glare from Kurt got him down the second time, but the third time, Kurt said nothing. Adrian was so deep in concentration at getting to the top of the bookshelf that when Kurt’s hands grabbed at his waist, Adrian squeaked and stiffened, almost causing both of them to topple backwards.

“Woah! Buddy! Hang on…I’ve got you.” Adrian spun around in Kurt’s arms and buried his face in his neck. “What’s going on with you? You’re going to get hurt…”

“I’m sorry…I just…”

Kurt stepped back from the bookcase to look up to the topmost shelf and then he saw it. “Oh…I think I see. Here…” Kurt squatted down, putting Adrian on the floor. “Climb up on my shoulders. Let’s get that down a safe way, okay?”

Adrian straddled Kurt’s neck and giggled as Kurt stood. “Oh my goodness, I’m SUPER tall now!”

“You are…now be careful not to knock anything else off…”

Adrian cautiously plucked the framed photograph off of the back of the shelf and hugged it close as Kurt lowered him to the floor. “I wanted to show you my mom…but Daddy put this up too high."

Kurt took hold of the photo, Maggie, Adrian and Blaine in much happier, healthier days, Adrian sporting extra baby fat and a lot less hair. "She's very pretty, Adrian."

"Yes. She's an angel now. And your mom’s an angel too?”

“Yes, she is.”

“Yes. And you know daddy. He’s…he’s not an angel.”

Kurt laughed and Adrian missed his joke, but smiled with him anyway. “No, he’s not. Your dad is most definitely not an angel.”

Hearing it put that way, Adrian got it and laughed too, still looking at the picture leaning into a kiss Kurt was putting on his temple before Kurt even realized he was doing it. “She was sick. She wore pretty scarves on her head when she was sick.” He sighed and touched her face, then Blaine’s. “Was your mom sick?”

“Not like yours, no. She was sick, but really fast. She didn’t have to wear scarves on her head or anything.”

Adrian nodded and put the picture on the bottom shelf. “D’ya think Daddy can keep this where I can see it?”

“I think you need to ask him. He misses her too, so not seeing her picture might be easier for him.”

“Maybe we could put it in my room?”

“Maybe…you talk to him. He’ll listen.”

“I’m sorry I climbed on the bookshelf.”

“That’s okay. Just tell me if you need something next time.”

“I need sloppy joes.”

“Hey! I have sloppy joes!”

“You do?!”

Kurt scooped Adrian up like a sack of potatoes and carried him into the kitchen as the boy squealed and squawked, still giggling as he took his first bite of homemade sloppy joes. The trick to getting kids to eat some vegetables, Kurt decided, was trickery and distraction.

***

As they finished, Blaine called and upon questioning Kurt’s sincerity that everything was going well, Kurt put him on speaker and laid the phone on the table. “Tell him Adrian. How are things going?”

“Hi, Daddy!”

“Hey buddy. Kurt says you’re having fun, huh?”

“Yes. We made a monster!”

“You made a mon-…how did you make a monster?”

“With fabric from Kurt’s treasure chest. And stuffing and it looks like my pi’ture!”

“Wow. Did you let Kurt work?”

“Yes. ‘cept we can’t talk now, Dad. We hav-ta stuff it and stitch up its belly. We’re busy.”

“Oh. Well. Ex-cuse me! I’ll let you get back to it, then.”

Kurt shooed the boy back to the living room so he could clean up, taking the phone off speaker. “See? O ye of little faith.”

“You’re the one who painted a picture of some tyrant who hated any human under 4 feet tall.”

“That’s enough. So, what’s happening with the fire? It’s too quiet for you to still be there.”

“Just got back to the station. We need to do a debriefing and I smell like…well, an apartment fire, so I need to shower before I’m stuck in a car with myself. There were four townships involved, so it’s still going to be awhile.”

“So, I need to get him to bed?”

“If you…do you want me to send Mrs. Harris over? She’s available now.”

“No, no. We’re good. He doesn’t need another caretaker shift.”

“I can’t thank you enough, Kurt.”

“Well, when you…do you think you’ll have any energy to talk when you get home?”

“To you? Yes. I’ll buy some on the way home if I have to.”

“Okay. Because…we need to talk and I guess I’d like to do it sooner rather than later.” Blaine was quiet for a moment and Kurt tried to find words to fill the space, but really – it all needed to wait. Instead, they talked about Adrian’s bedtime routine and said their goodbye’s, Kurt suddenly buzzing with anxiety. Anxiety he could not allow Adrian to see.

***

“See, Kurt. Here’s my pi’ture like yours.” Adrian pulled the frame off of its hook and plopped down on his bed next to Kurt. “I know that says star and that one is stars and…that one’s sky and stars again, and the last word is laugh.”

“I love languages. In the French one, the last word is stars.”

“But they say the same thing?”

“Yes, we just put our words in a different order.”

“Read it to me. Like Daddy does.”

“In one of the stars I shall be living. In one of them I shall be laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars will be laughing when you look at the sky at night. Say the last part with me since you know it.”

“You, only you, will have stars that can laugh.”

“So…we both have laughing stars, huh?”

“We do. Scoot down in bed now.” Kurt leaned to grab the book Adrian had picked but the boy stayed put and crossed his arms around his new monster.

“I don’t want to lay down.”

“You can sit up as I read….whatever you normally do.”

“No, I mean, I don’t want to go to bed. Kurt…I don’t like sleeping.”

They stared each other down and a flicker of fear in Adrian's eyes pulled Kurt out of the potential stand-off. “I’ve got an idea.” Kurt held out his arms for Adrian to climb into and he swung him on his hip, the oversized fire department t-shirt Ade wore as a night shirt getting twisted around his skinny little body.

“Where are we going?”

“Outside…but not to play.”

Adrian rested his head on Kurt’s shoulder as they walked, exhaustion from a full day taking over his body whether he liked it or not. “Kurt, I’m not supposed to go back outside after I have my ‘jamas on.”

“Well, tonight we’re going to break the rules.” Kurt settled onto the chaise Blaine had used the night after the fatality. There was comfort here and Kurt suddenly realized why. “You cozy?”

“Yes. And confused.” He squeezed into Kurt tighter, the green spikes of his monster’s head popping out from under his chin.

“Look up. It’s a clear night.”

Adrian stayed curled up to Kurt, but looked up at the night sky and sucked in a tiny breath understanding everything with one glance. “Oh my goodn-…which one is Mommy’s?”

“I think that’s up to you.”

Adrian looked around, having silent conversations with every star his eyes landed on, moving to another, going back to a previous and finally settling on one in the eastern portion of their view. There really weren’t many visible since Blaine lived so close to the city’s center, but there were enough to make this work. “That one.”

Kurt followed Adrian’s finger to the brightest star in the area, figuring that was his choice. “I think that’s a good one.”

“Which one is your mommy’s?”

“Here’s what I’m thinking, Ade…I think since you and I are friends? That your mom and my mom are friends now too. So, what about that softer one nearby?”

“I think you’re right. Do you…do you think they’re watching us?”

“And laughing. And smiling. And telling all sorts of stories about us.”

“Do you still miss her?”

“Every day. Not like I did when I was young, but yes. It’s a happy feeling now, though.”

“Missing her is happy? I never feel happy when I miss Mommy.”

“You will one day. I know that she’s seen every good thing in my life and has helped me through every rotten thing. And at night? She’s watching over me. It’s a happy feeling.”

“I miss her hugs.”

“I always missed how she smelled. I’d open up my mom’s dresser drawers and lay on the floor. After awhile, it just smelled like cedar, not like mom, but I still tried.”

Adrian yawned and snuggled closer somehow – if he got any closer, he’d be behind Kurt. “I think I’m ready to go to bed now.”

Kurt wriggled himself up, under the sleep-heavy boy, carrying him and his monster to his room, trying not to trip up the stairs, feeling like Adrian gained an extra pound with every step, with every blink closer to sleep. He tucked Adrian in and kissed his forehead. “Thanks for a fun night, Adrian.”

“Thanks for my monster. And my star.”

“Can you do me a favor as you sleep?”

“What?”

“When you see your mom in your dreams?...”

Adrian’s eyes popped open and he gasped. “Oh my goodness, hoow do you know??”

Kurt smiled and continued. Adrian knew how he knew. “Even if she doesn’t talk back to you…ask her to say hi to my mom, okay?”

“What’s her name?”

“Elizabeth. Dad called her Lizzie.”

“I’ll ask Mommy to say hello to Lizzie…for my friend Kurt.”

“…for your friend Kurt. Goodnight, sweetie.”

***

Kurt grabbed a blanket and got comfortable on the couch, mindlessly flipping through channels. His mind was mush, his heart was mushier and now that everything had stilled and quieted, the only sensation that was functioning was scent. And this house? Smelled of Blaine. Hints of his cologne, the slightest whisper of smoke that permeated everything he wore no matter how often he washed it, and a scent Kurt could only describe as fresh? Clean? Blaine. It just smelled like Blaine.

One second shy of Kurt getting up to find something to drink for the simple purpose of keeping his brain and his heart disconnected from his nose, Blaine walked in through the back door, hair damp and eyes heavy with exhaustion. “Hey…”

“Hey there, Hero.” Kurt threw the blanket off and Blaine put up a hand to stop him as he toed off his unlaced boots.

“No. Don’t get up. I’m landing.” He grabbed the blanket and tossed it back over Kurt, settling into the opposite end of the couch, sharing leg space and a smile. “How’d it go?”

“Fine. I actually had a great time.”

“No trouble at bedtime?”

“Nope. We had a nice talk about Maggie, though.”

“Oh? Is he okay?”

“He’s fine. We decided our moms were friends now, so…she’s not alone up there.”

“I bet they are.”

“It’s a comforting thought anyway.” Kurt’s pulse was racing, trying to find the place to start. Trying to find the words to start. Trying to spill the thoughts that had been eating his brain for the past few weeks. Instead, all he could come up with was, “There’s leftover sloppy joe in the fridge for you.”

“Thank you.” Blaine raked his hands over his wet hair and sighed. “You know. Tell me about your night later. You said we needed to talk?”

“Yes. We do, but it can wait. You’re exhausted.”

“No.” Blaine sat up and crossed his legs, picking at the blanket before settling his eyes in the home of Kurt’s. “Go.”

Kurt sat up too and held his breath for a moment before speaking, the earnestness, the want, the please tell me in Blaine’s eyes more than he could handle.

“Blaine…I can’t do this anymore.”