Looking around at all that talent and seeing that, even though he had learned all that stuff in NYADA too, he was there with only a sheet music and a portion of a script, he felt so inadequate and unsure, that even the thought of auditioning sounded ridiculous.

He was out of the studio in less than a minute, but in his hurry to get out, he stumbled upon someone who was getting in.

He braced the person in front of him so they would fall, but it wasn't until the person talked, that he looked up to see their face.

- I knew you would try to run away.

- K... Kurt?

He immediately let his friend go and took a step back.

- Wh... what are you doing here?

Kurt let the funny façade fall and looked embarrassed for a moment.

- Well, I couldn't let you do this alone. You're still my best friend.

A wide smile rose to Blaine's face and his eyes sparkled with hope. Noticing this, Kurt felt the instant need to tone down his optimism. He wasn't there for "hope".

- Look, we still need to talk...

- Yeah, sure, I know that. After my audition we can go to that coffee shop on the 66thstreet, ok?

Kurt nodded.

- Had I known earlier that convincing you to do the audition would be so easy, I would have sent one of my people instead of coming here myself.

- Oh shut up, I just needed a little bit of fresh air, I wasn't really running away.

- Yeah, right.

- Let's slay some NYADA peasants, shall we?

Their conversation was easy and light, but there was an undeniable undertone of discomfort and tension that both of them were trying very hard to disguise.

Because he wasn't really allowed in the audition room, Kurt had to stay in the outside hall, waiting for his friend, trying to understand what was going on by pressing his hear in the door and focusing on the muffled sounds.

He heard the already familiar notes of the piano, Blaine's faint singing voice, then some indistinguishable conversation lead by what seemed like the acting part of the audition, some silence after that and then conversation again.

He managed to understand the words: "risky, unexpected, dangerous, edgy and successful" amongst all the babbling.

When Blaine opened the door, Kurt was still crouched against it trying to hear what was going on.

The actor just laughed at his friend, his smile beaming and infectious, and told him it wasn't nice to eavesdrop.

- Oh just up and tell me, how did it go? – They began walking towards the exit.

- It went well, I think they liked it! – Blaine sounded like he was trying to tone down his excitement and hope. It seemed too good to be true.

- Do you think they will call you back?

- The director basically told me that. But the producer said they would call me by the end of the week with news, bad or good.

- That's amazing! I'm so proud of you.

He hugged his friend happily. That slip-second when their bodies touched brought them to the reality of his current situation.

It was too easy for them to fall back in the ordinary pace of their friendship and that tended to make them skip through their problems and issues.

But I guess this problem just too big to be ignored. It was like a giant stain in a light-colored Oscar gown.

- We should get going, I still have pass by LIGHT before 6.

The mood darkened substantially after that and when they arrived at the coffee shop, they could barely look at each other.

They ordered their drinks and found a place in the back of the coffee shop in a relative silence that extended for a couple of minutes.

- Look Kurt, I know this is all too confusing for you. It is for me too. But I just need you to know-

- Please Blaine, let me talk first, ok?

For a second, the younger man looked like he was about to protest, but his better judgment told him to let his friend talk.

- You know, seeing us now, almost 10 years after we broke up, I'm really proud of what we became. We managed to stay in each other's lives and be there for each other no matter how big the storm was between us. It only shows how important and essential we are to one another... you really are my greatest friend and I know I'm yours too. Seeing that, I guess it's easy to believe we should take what we already have to another level. It's almost logic. I can see that. But we need to understand that's a fantasy. A trick our heart is playing on us because we're lonely and longing. We're mixing up the feelings we once had for each other for the nurture we feel for each other now. What we had was amazing and powerful, but I think we were bothnaiveto believe it would last forever. We dove in too deep because of that belief and look what it got us when our trusted eternity was shuttered? Heartbreak. I can't go through that again, I don't even know if I'm able to love like that again. Do you understand?

Even though his heart screamed for his protest, rationally he understood.

- Yes, I see your point.

- Giving us another chance would just ruin our friendship because we would both be, consciously or not, searching for the relationship we left unfinished other than building a new one. You'd be searching for the boy who sang Blackbird to his death warbler and I'd be searching for the boy I stopped in a staircase at Dalton, when both those boys are gone.

He knew this was Kurt's rational side talking, protecting him from getting hurt again, but could it be truth? Was this just a trick of his heart, like Kurt said? Were they looking at each other and fantasying about someone they could never be or have? Kurt continued:

- There was a reason why you stopped trying to win me back and there's a reason why I never let you do it, we just need to find those reasons again and understand that our time has passed. Our second chance was never taken and now it's too late. So, here's my proposal: take some time to think and shake off this silly fantasy, away from each other. A week or so. We clean up our heads, sort out our priorities and then try to find the pace of our friendship again, how's that?

Looking at Kurt now, so eager to protect his feelings, he had to agree that losing their friendship because of a ruined romance would be far worse than living without testing the appealing "what if" of a reconciliation. Even though his whole body was calling for him to protest,to say that there were other reasons why he stopped trying, that itwasn'tthat simple to explain, he didn't.

- I guess I won't have any other choice, will I?

- Please don't be like that, I'm doing this for us!

- No, you're doing what YOU think it's right without even caring to know what I think or feel.

- Oh by all means, tell me what you think!

- I think that yeah, there might be a chance of you being right, but that's not the reason why you're running away from this. I think you're just afraid of what the other option may bring to you and you're using this "we're fantasizing about our past" as a way of not having to deal with the feelings you're having in the present. I think that yeah, I look back and I envy those times when we were together, but I want to have a chance with you because I love us now too. I love you now.

There was a silence after that with Kurt looking startled at his friend, speechless for a moment, until the ice look returned to his eyes and he just became downright angry.

Blaine was being selfish andnaivefor believing what he was feeling was love. How could he say he loved him with so much ease? How could he waste that precious word? If he had loved him all this time, then why did he stopped trying to get back together with him back when Kurt desperately wanted him to? Kurt spent a long time coming in terms with the fact that Blaine had moved on anddidn'twant him anymore and he was not about to lose all that process because of a silliness.

- But I don't love you. Not anymore. Not that way at least.

Those words cut through Blaine's heart like a knife and pulled down his spirit like a ice-cold shower after a afternoon in the sun.

Hedoesn'tlove me.

He was so hurt. Once again he had put his heart on the line and once again Kurt was breaking it with his denial and fear. Years ago he had understood him, but now he just felt too hurt to care.

He got up andharshlysaid, before leaving:

- I guess that week apartdoesn'tsound so bad anymore.

Kurt was left alone and feeling empty. Had he just lost Blaine?

OoO

The days passed by with them still not talking.

Kurt took the week off, claiming he needed some time to finish his collection, whichwasn'texactly a lie as he spent his days dwelled in his sketches, barely sleeping or eating and drinking unhealthy amounts of coffee. As long as he had his mind occupied with fabrics and measurements and styles and cut designs hewouldn'thave to think about how he had probably ruined his most precious friendship, the one thing that usually kept him ashore and sane.

As for Blaine, after quitting Street Lights (whichwasn'tthat bad of a decision), he now spent his days home watching old movies and writing new music, only leaving his bed for his gigs at the local bars, from where he comes back in the early hours of the morning, death drunk and too exhausted to think about how miserable his life is without Kurt.

Both of them had lost count of how many times they had picked up the phone to call the other or picked up a card to write somethingplacatory.

It was hard, because neither of them could find a reason to be truly sorry for, theydidn'tthink they needed to apologize.

As the week came to an end, and their situation remained unchanging, Blaine received a call with apparent good news.

- Are you saying you want me to come back?

- Yes, Robert was really impressed with you. I'm not supposed to tell you this, but he said you were the perfect image of the Tony he had imagined.

- Wow, that's... that means a lot, thank you.

- Don't thank me, I'm just delivering a message. He'll see all the guys next Monday after lunch, ok? This will be a more dance-focused audition as he already saw your acting and singing, so be prepared. But don't bother creating or coping a routine yourself, you'll be expected to learn one and perform it on the stop with Brooke and Zach, our choreographers. Questions?

- None! Thank you so much!

Blaine was so euphoric with the news that he called Kurt right after hanging up, without even noticing. It was only when he heard Kurt's faint voice on the other line that he remembered theyweren'tsuppose to be talking.

- Blaine?

- Yeah, I'm sorry, I... misdialed your number.

- OhOK.

There was a painful and obviously awkward silence.

- OK,I'vegot to go.

- Yeah, I'm busy too.

- OK, bye.

- Bye.

Blaine was about to hang up, when he heard Kurt's voice almost shouting his name again on the other line.

- Yeah?

- What did they tell you?

- Uh?

- Oh come on, I'll pretend I believe you misdialed my number, but I won't stretch it to the point where I don't know why you did it. They called you back,didn'tthey?

- Yeah...

- That's... really great Blaine. I'm happy for you.

- You are?

- Of course, you're still my best friend.

- Look Kurt I really think we need to talk...

- Please Blaine, I think neither of us is prepared to have that conversation. It pains me to be away from you... I really... I miss you Blaine.

- I miss you too.

- But I think we need this time out, it'll be for the best.

- I really don't see the point of ignoring-

- PLEASE! Just please, don't push it. I'm not ready. I have to go. Break a leg.

And with that brief and failed conversation the excruciating pace of their days returned to "normal" and they both submerged in work and unhealthy habits again.

Nick was trying desperately to take his friend out of the house.

- Please Blaine, one drink.

- Look Nick, I'm really busy preparing for my audition.

- Oh don't bullshit me, if you were really preparing for your audition you would be in a dance studio practicing your pirouettes and what not.

Blaine looked to his friend defeated.

- One drink.

One drink soon doubled into 2, then 4, then 8 and Blaine ended up the night being dragged away from Kurt's apartment by Nick.

- Nick, you don't understand, there's something I urgently need to tell Kurt.

- Well, I don't think 4am and hammered is the best scenario for that talk.

- 4am and hammered! That's so funny, it sounds like a movie title. You're funny.

So, Nick was obviously regretting his decision of taking Blaine out of the house.

As for Kurt, we spent the whole weekend locked inside trying to finish his line of red andburgundydresses. His eating habits revolved around the vast variety of food composed by coffee, red wine and cheesecake.

Sunday night, Santana got home and found Kurt sleeping in the living room's floor with all his drawings surrounding him.

- Ok, that's enough – she said to herself – Hey, hun! – She shouted nudging Kurt with her foot – Hey, Lady Lips, wake up.

- Leave me alone, I'm just taking a short break.

- I'm sure you are. Now get up.

- Don't want to.

- I'm already angry and annoyed because Barbra Streisand's ugly sister used all the hot water this morning, so you really don't want to test my patience!

Kurt was up in less than a minute.

- Happy?

- Not a bit. Look, I know I may not deliver my messages in the most friendly ways-

- You think? – Kurt ironically questioned.

- OK, I don't. The point is, I'm worried about you, nevertheless. We never got to talk that other day when you went all Britney Spears on me and disappeared barefoot.

- That was just a drunk outburst, nothing more.

- Please, don't insult my Lima Heights trained perspicacity. I'm your friend, I know there's something wrong and I know it's something to do with Blaine. You can talk to me.

Kurt seemed to weight his options. With Blaine out of the picture, his close friends in New York were really just Rachel and Santana.

- You're right, it's about Blaine.

- Continue.

- He kissed me the other day and now he's thinking we should give us another chance.

- Did you kissed him back?

- Well... kind of-

- Did you enjoy it?

- What do you mean? It was just a kiss.

- Youdidn'tanswer my question.

- Of course I enjoyed it. Blaine and I were together for a long time, it's natural that a kiss can bring all that back.

- Are you sure it only felt good because it reminded you of whatyou'vehad?

- What do you mean?

- Are you sure itdidn'tfelt good ALSO because of feelings you might have for him right now.

- I... I'm not sure. But even if that was the case, I can't get back to him.

- And why is that?

- Because... Because I can't.

- You know what? You are both the most irritating people I know. Everyone, even the homeless guy in the subway, can see that you were made for each other, you're one of those obnoxious movies couples that everyone knows will end up together walking towards the sunset, but you keep avoiding this reality in fear of breaking a clearly unsatisfying friendship. It's sotiringto watch.

- That's just an illusion, there's no such thing as "made for each other" or "soulmates". Why is it so hard to accept that we had our moment, but we grew out of it?

Santana laughed a little at this.

- How many times do you have to repeat that in front of the mirror, for it to sound less like ridiculous denial? Look, I know you're hesitant and insecure, I know you're afraid of being hurt again, specially knowing Blaine has the power to break your whole soul if he wants to and I know it might feel so overwhelmingly risky that the best option seems to be making excuses for not doing it, but there's a reason why this issue is still present between you two even after all these years...

OoO

Monday started in the worst way possible for Kurt. He had woken up from a restless night feeling a heavy weight in his chest that hecouldn'tquite pinpoint the reason for. Maybe it was the conversation with Santana, the weight of all those revelations and realizations that, hewasn'tquite ready to admit, populated his mind.

He was tired and irritated and with zero motivation to go back to work, but not feeling like going out either. fortunatelyorunfortunately, the prospect of a day spent in bed watchingDowntonAbbey wassoon broken by a desperate call from Emma's (his OCDpatient) soon-to-be husband.

- Please call down, tell me what's wrong.

- She ran away.

- What?!

- She left me at the altar and ran away. I think her medication started to lose a little of its effect and all this stress about the wedding was really getting to her and I didn't help at all. Please, you need to help me, New York is not the best place to have a OCD infused panic attack, we need to find her before she hurt herself.

- Ok, calm down, we're going to find her, don't worry. Where are you?

- The wedding was supposed to be at the Trinity Church right next to Battery Park, do you know where that is?

How could I forget?

- Yeah I know where it is. I'll be there in half an hour, wait for me.

He showered and dressed and in less than 15 minutes.

- What's the hurry Lady? - Santana asked from the couch.

Kurt was frenetically searching for his phone among all the papers in the table. He was sure it was there just a minute ago.

- A weeding sprint! Oh I would laugh so hard if itwasn'tso dangerous for the bride to be running around New York and if said bride wasn't my patient. God, where is my damn phone?!Doesn'tit understand I still have to go all the way to Battery Park?

He finally found his phone.

- It died! Fuck, I forgot to plug it in last night. Could this day be any worse?

Oh and that question should never be asked. Everybody knows that's just asking the universe to get your day even worse.

OoO

Blaine woke up early and fresh that day. The excitement for his audition was muffling the sound of his broken heart enough for him to be happy. He started with a jog down to the park, where he embarrassed himself doing the dance routines he still remembered from the last time he had done West Side Story. He got home energized and ready to kill his audition, took a shower and prepared some fancy lunch for himself.

He was about to get out of the house with only a 15 minute gap before his audition, when his phone started to ring.

He frowned out of surprised when he saw the name displayed on the screen.

- Carol?

- Yes honey, I'm so sorry for bothering you, but Kurtisn'tanswering his phone, or has it switched off, I don't really know, and I really need to talk to him.

Carol's voice was trembling and quivering, caring noticeably worry and desperation.

- What's wrong?

OoO

Kurt had been searching for a ginger headamongstall the people parading Battery Park for quite some time now. He knew it was a long shot finding her here. A park full of peoplewasn'treally thechosenplace for an OCD patience to run to (chances were that she returned to a more familiar and secure place, like her house), but he had to try nevertheless.

He was about to give up, when he heard a familiar voice calling behind him and turned to see Blaine running in his direction.

His first instinct is too smile.

Gosh, I missed him.

But his rational judgment was ready to tone down hi happiness and tell his friend he should respect his space and give him his time. That was just what he was about to do, when he noticed Blaine's pale expression, worried eyes and heavy breathing.

Kurt immediately knew something was wrong.

- What happened? – He could feel his heart hammering, preparing him for the worse.

- It's your dad Kurt. He's in the hospital.