Deewani
March 2, 2012, 9:13 a.m.
They can't touch us or what we have: New Beginning?
M - Words: 1,190 - Last Updated: Mar 02, 2012 Story: Closed - Chapters: 7/? - Created: Feb 15, 2012 - Updated: Mar 02, 2012 308 0 0 0 0
Blaine
It felt like I was falling… It wasn't even as scary as I would have thought. It was just… dark. But it was slightly comforting darkness. I just felt… nothing. I was there one second… and the next second - I just wasn't. And I didn't have slightest idea how long it would last. How long I'd be here, just standing in darkness, still having my memory and my conscious. I was dead, or at least dying, I knew that for sure.
And then… I saw it. A light. Very bright light. I felt like someone was pushing me. Pushing me, and pushing, forcing me to go towards the light.
So, that's it, I thought. Now I will go to heaven… Funny, I never really believed in it. I was more religious than Kurt, I kinda believed in God… but I never was really bothered by thinking about heaven or hell… Well, I was gay, so I was designated to go to hell, no matter what I've done, right? At least that's what people were always telling me. So I never really bothered myself with this whole 'heaven/hell' idea , because it was really scary. I was scared to go to hell, but I was happy that life gave me a chance to be sent to hell, because I'd done something. Something what I never considered being bad. Because it was too good to be bad. Love. My Love. His Love. Our Love.
The pushing becomes even harder than seconds ago. Well, so that's it. I see that I'm clearly designated to go to heaven instead of hell.
But wait? Can I hear the voices? "You can do it baby, once more, it is almost here!" Yes, I can clearly hear the voices.
One more push… Why do I feel like someone is pressing my skull? But… WAIT! I'M DEAD, RIGHT? So please, let someone explain to me… HOW CAN I EVEN HAVE A SKULL? "It's a head! We can see the head!" I've heard them again. Well… it doesn't sound like God, does it? It almost sounds like…
"Congratulations! It's a boy!" I felt some hands grabbing me, covering me with some blanket… I opened my eyes… Wait… WHAT THE HELL?
########################################################
Kurt
"I'm so sorry Blaine," I thought, when I started to sink into the darkness. So, that's how it feels. Dying. That's how my mother felt, when I was eight. That's how Pavarotti felt when he died when I was seventeen.
I know that it's stupid, but I never really stopped crying because of that little bird. Every year Blaine helped me to organize small memorial for Pavarotti, for just two of us. You know… after every memorial, we were celebrating. I know it sounds bad, but how could I not celebrate? Because when Pavarotti died, Blaine finally saw… ME. Finally fell for me…
Blaine… I'm so sorry. How could this happened? It's wrong! It's so wrong! It was never supposed to happen! We were supposed to be always happy. Supposed to always be together, for the rest of our lives… OK… technically speaking, that's what happened. We died nearly in the same moment… But why, WHY did it happen? We were supposed to get married in few months, adopt children, then rise them, then have grandchildren… And die from old age… FROM OLD AGE! We are… well… were 25! FUCKING 25! We just started living for good! There better not be God somewhere out there… OR I'LL KICK HIS ASS, THE SECOND I SEE HIM!
Was it really so wrong? Our life, our love, our dreams? WE DID NOTHING WRONG! We were even HELPING OTHER PEOPLE! What have we done to deserve such a fate?
But wait! What is it? Can I see a light? YES, I CAN CLEARLY SEE A FUCKING LIGHT! What is it, some kind of joke? The whole life I was damned, because being gay was a sin… I WAS EVEN KILLED, BECAUSE SOME DOUCHEBAGS THOUGHT, THAT IT WAS A SIN! And now I'm suddenly going to heaven?
"He isn't breathing!" wait, what? Did I just hear someone?
"Come on kid, you were just born, don't die," I heard again. I was born 25 years ago and killed today, thank you very much.
"We are losing him!" I felt some fingers pressing my chest… Wait… I've got a chest? I shouldn't have a body after death, right?
"Charging… clear!" I felt pain… I clearly could feel it. I am dead! So why do I feel pain?
"Once again… charging… clear!" the pain is even harder this time.
"We've got him!" someone is saying.
I clearly feel something cold being pressed to my chest; I can feel something strange sticking from my mouth… And I can clearly hear it now. Voices… and sounds… Silent sobbing from somewhere… a rhythmic "bip… bip…bip…bip…" a sound… the sound of air being forced into some tube… Some worlds spoken in language which I heard earlier watching E.R. and other medical dramas… I feel tiny, so tiny, so small…
Wait, what had I heard earlier? "You were just born"… Is it even possible?
I open my eyes slowly… And there he is… Standing behind doctors in white. There he is… with his comforting smile and his curly hair. He is looking at me with these big, hazel eyes… But there is something strange about him. He is pale… and I can clearly see thought him. And no one else sees him?
"Blaine…" I think and then I drift to sleep… I'm not dying anymore… I am alive… so much alive… But how is it even possible?
#########################################################
Blaine
I knew who I was… I still know who I am. I'm Blaine Anderson. I was born 25 years ago. I died… And I'm born again. I know that's impossible… But it just happened.
I clearly see another children lying near me in this place when newborn children lie in hospital… I don't remember name of this place… but it isn't really important, is it? I'm born again.
I can see my tiny hands and my tiny legs, I can feel myself screaming and crying when I'm hungry or dirty. I don't even think about it, this whole screaming. It just happens. I feel like my body has a life of its own… "Well, of course it has a life of its own, you forced yourself to it!" I think.
But still… something is not right… OK, this whole situation is not right, but there is something more… And then I suddenly realize, that something is missing. Like I have huge hole, somewhere in my heart, in my soul… Like part of me isn't here, like it is somewhere else. But where it can be?
"Remember I'm never saying goodbye to you?" Oh… "I'll never leave you. Don't cry, begin new life… Please, do it for me… And remember… I'll always be there for you" Oh…"Even after my death"… Yeah… I suppose it makes sense now. I died, but not completely. I could never die completely, not with Kurt around. So that's what happened… I died, but part of my soul stayed with Kurt. Part of my soul is still alive in his heart.
I'm happy, Kurt. I'm happy that I could keep my promise. I hope you're happy too…
End Notes: 1. Yes - this story about reincarnation, that's the main reason it's supernatural... Yes, I DO believe in reincarnation and I actually have a sh** load of information about it because learning about Buddhism and Hindu religion is one of main parts of my studies. No - I'm not Hindu or Buddhist (I'm in fact atheist, but I love learning about religions and spirituality and all that stuff... but that doesn't mean that I have to really believe in any of it and even if I believe... you can say that I'm making my own religion...). And no - this story is not really about reincarnation in Buddhist or Hindu kind of way... you can say it's about reincarnation in my own kind of way (I'm making all of it really simple, without 'karma' or 'dharma' or other things like that... just simple - you die - you are born again law without any 'if you were good in your past lifes you will eventually have a good life') 2. Yes, it's also partially about ghosts... but not entirely [my Blaine (well... my spiritual Blaine which I'll later address as HIM) is not really a ghost... you can say that he is partially ghost? he can't be the whole ghost because he is just a part of someone's soul - not a whole soul]