I’m Done

What would Blaine think when he sees? Everyone will know, even Burt. Everyone will think that he’s dating Sebastian. Of all people, Sebastian Smythe. Kurt wrapped himself in his covers, hiding his face from the countless tears that were staining his flushed cheeks. He wanted to lay in this bed forever. Able to hide from every uncompassionate being who were out to make his life known to the rest of the world. It was unfair. The only thing he held onto so dearly could very well have been ripped from him. Just like the sheets covering Kurt were doing right then. Kurt felt the air cool his damp cheeks as Quinn gripped his shoulders and harshly shook him. “What?” he sobbed, wiping off his tears with his hands and struggled to sit up.

“I know you feel horrible but you have to tell me what’s going on,” she ordered offering a tissue. Kurt took the tissue and blew his nose, sniffled, then yanked the bag she was holding from her arms.

He pulled out two burgers, fries, and diet cokes. “Oh, thank God for fast food,” he mumbled taking a sip from his soda. He took a big bite of his sandwich and chewed slowly. It took a few more bites before he began to talk, “I don’t like Sebastian,” he muttered around the food. Quinn sat cross-legged with Kurt on the bed.

“I know,” she popped a fry into her mouth and started unwrapping the burger.

Kurt sighed, rubbing his tired eyes with a free hand then sloppily took another bite, “I told him that I was ready to be in a relationship, but not with him,” he paused to stuff a few fries in his mouth. “Then I said that he should do the same. Move on. Settle down. Fuck,” he pressed the heel of his palm to his forehead to try to settle down his headache that suddenly stricken.

“So, then what happened?” Quinn asked around a full mouth of food.

Kurt groaned eating a few more bits of his burger to try to calm his emotions. “He agreed, but said that he doesn’t know how to not… be that kind of guy. So I… I told him that… he doesn’t have to be that guy. So then he, uh, he asked if he could,” Kurt took a large bite from his burger making sure to take the slowest of chews until he swallowed thickly, “kiss me,” he finished.

Quinn gulped the last bites of her burger, “Then why’d you do it?” she asked slipping fries into her mouth.

Kurt sipped from his side, trying not to cry again, “He, uh, I… I knew that if I did, our messing around would be done”. Quinn looked confused, and then she wiped her mouth with a napkin, waiting for Kurt to continue. “I did it for Blaine,” he said. Why was this so difficult to explain? There wasn’t really a clear reason why he agreed to it. Quinn just stared at him, still confused to a point where she didn’t even try to say anything. Kurt bit his lip, “Maybe I did it to kindly break our,” he sighed, “our fuck buddy relationship. Sebastian was sort of confused, so I wanted to help him – God, I’m not making any sense – But, I just wanted him to, you know, have some dignity so he can start an actual relationship with someone else. I did it for Blaine because, it would end my, I don’t know, whorish ways. But now,” he paused and gave a small smile. A smile decorated with crumbs and sauce from his food, “Now I know that I want to be with Blaine over sex any day. So if I had to kiss someone to end it, then I would”. Kurt gulped big swallows of soda and looked at Quinn.

She stared back at him, emotionless. Though she was no longer confused, her face stuck stone straight, “Okay,” she simply said grabbing the garbage and standing from the bed.

“You’re such a fucking bitch,” Kurt laughed watching her throw their mess in the garbage can.

She turned around and curtsied, then neared Kurt squeezing him in a tight hug. “Kurt, I understand, I just think we wouldn’t be in this mess if you just dated Blaine in High School,” she pulled away with a grin and looked down at him, “You could be married with kids right now if you had,” she chuckled.

Kurt’s cheeks turned a deep red at the thought. Yeah, this was going way too fast.

Blaine hesitantly lifted his fist to the wooden slate of the door. He tried not to think of how this “little chat” would end up like but he couldn’t help but to think of his father’s glare waiting to meet him on the other side of the door. He pushed every thought aside and knocked on the door, it wasn’t loud, maybe slightly soft, but just enough for someone to know that there was another being behind the wood. The door swung open slowly, his father meeting his eyes. It wasn’t a glare, nor was it necessarily happy. It was neutral; he could even go as far as to say that it was emotionless. Blaine pushed his hands in his pockets and dared his lips to smile. His father surprised him with a smile in return. Then it happened. Blaine could see a glimpse of his father’s same smile he saw when he first learned how to ride a bike. Shocked, proud, delighted. Blaine brightened his smile but his father looked at the ground, mouth forming a frown. Almost as if the memories came back. This was gay, unrealistic, runaway son. Blaine sighed and watched his father step to the side, allowing Blaine to come inside. Was it weird that to feel like this wasn’t even the house he grew up in? It had the same furniture and decorations but it felt unkempt and empty. Like his mother spent hours pacing in the living room, and then ripped off all of the cushions to search for something. How odd. His father closed the door behind them then sat on the couch, gesturing Blaine to sit at the one adjacent.

Once he settled, his father licked his lips absently, tapping a foot in anticipation. “Son, what did I do?” His father looked down at his hands as Blaine blinked at him. 

He never really blamed his reasons for leaving on his Dad; he did this because he just wanted to leave Lima. He wasn’t exactly happy with his father, but he never thought he attributed to his reasoning for quitting his job and living with Kurt. “What do you mean?”

The other man sighed tilting his head to the side and raising his eyebrows, “What… did I do to make you leave?” he straightened in his seat. “I never meant to push you away. I know I didn’t necessarily support you being gay but it’s not like I dwelled on it-,”

“Bullshit!” Blaine interrupted, the house echoed from his raised voice. It seemed absurd for him to be shouting already since his father looked so calm, but it was all an act. Blaine knew his father didn’t want his son to be a dreamer. And when he came out, that was when fear and hatred were mixed into his eyes. “You told me to never mention it at work.”

“Son,” his father warned, his softened face that showed before replaced by a stiff glare. “You know that you’ll never get a promotion with them knowing that-,”

“I never wanted that fucking job in the first p-,”

“You watch your language, young man.”

“No,” Blaine said standing up, his father’s glare growing sharper. “I’m not a ‘young man’; I’m a grown man and can make my own decisions. I don’t like that job, I never have. And I want to be open about my sexuality. Not pretend that I’m your straight golden child, following your every precious footstep. I’m not like you”.

“What are you doing?” his father asked sternly standing from the couch to tower over him. “You really think that you can provide for yourself by staying with Hummel’s son? You think you can live with him, get married, and start a family? Because you’re only hurting yourself. You’ve been in love with him since you claimed to be gay, but what happens when he brings another boy home? What happens when he starts dating him, kissing him, sleeping with him in front of you? What happens when he asks you to move out? What happens when you come crawling back to ‘Daddy’ and ask him for a job? Because I won’t give you that if you leave. You have two decisions. Stay. Take your job back. Get over Kurt and marry a nice girl. Or leave. Commit sins away from my house. Be a failure, heartbroken”.

Blaine stared at him, tears welling in his eyes. He wasn’t exactly sure if he was angry or sad but tears came to fast to make a decision. “I love him. I just need a little time and he’ll come-,”

“It’s been 8 years, Blaine,” His father stepped closer, ignoring his son’s streaked face to pull him a stern look.

“I don’t care,” he laughed unconvincingly. “Kurt is the love of my life, I can feel it. I don’t care if I’m living on the streets, just as long as-,”

“Stop, Blaine, get it through your head! He doesn’t love you!” his father yelled pushing a printed out article in his son’s hands. Blaine stared at the sheet, blinking at it and trying to comprehend what he was seeing. It was a picture of Kurt kissing Sebastian pasted above the article. He remembered Kurt texting about getting accessories this morning and here he stood with an accessory bag slung on one arm and his chin cradled by the other mans pasty hand. His lips were pressed against Sebastian’s, eyes shut, and head tilted. Blaine sobbed at the picture. They kissed today. Today. The picture blurred as Blaine squinted at the paper through heavy tears. He crinkled the paper in his hands, ripped it, balled it up in his fists, threw it across the room, and then jabbed the heels of his hands into his eyes. After a few moments of Blaine hiccupping sobs, unable to control the emotion pouring onto his face, his arms raised and shaking as his father wrapped his arms around Blaine and let him cry into his shoulder. Blaine shook his head as his tears soaked into his father’s shirt, “Blaine,” he patted a strong hand on his back and smiled, “Why don’t we have some lunch at Lima Bean? That’ll make you feel better, right?” he asked.

Blaine sobbed and whimpered for a few more minutes until he lifted his head from his father’s chest and sniffed sadly, “I’m still mad at you,” he wiped at his eyes and sniffed again, “but food sounds really good right now.”

“Thanks for coming to talk to me,” Blaine’s father said after they finished their meal. He was slowly nursing his coffee and staring at Blaine who was fairly quiet the whole time. Blaine would nod or shake his head if need be but he was mostly focused on listening and eating. He would start at work next week with a higher pay than before. Blaine didn’t protest the money or job; he used it as an opportunity to get over Kurt. A very short-term distraction. He wasn’t sure how he would spend the obscene amount of pay check that would be coming in, but it wouldn’t matter. It seemed impossible to dream at this point. “Blaine,”

“What?” Blaine asked looking up from his barely touched sandwich. He sounded beaten, like he was too upset to just get up and leave. Too upset to scream at his father, steal his money, and move to a different state. He just slung his head low and tried to ignore the stinging in his dry eyes.

“You okay?” his father sounded tired. He had been talking the whole time since they stepped in the Lima Bean. Ordering their food, clarifying on their plans for the next few months at the job, and unemotionally saying sorry for showing him the article but he needed to know the truth for the better. He talked of how bright their future would be once he got over Kurt and became his father’s worker. Blaine could only think of how much he didn’t want to be here. How the thought of returning to his hated job and so-called friends made every bit of food that he shoved into his mouth distasteful. After feeling so happy with Kurt, this was definitely the worst of them all. Losing his love, losing his ability to dream, and gaining hatred, sadness, emptiness. It was almost too much bad things at once. And now his father was asking his if he was okay? Was it not obvious that he was absolutely miserable? These feelings don’t just go away after “Daddy” takes him to lunch.

Blaine responded with a head tilt.

Then he heard the bell of the coffee shop door sound. From behind his father’s head, he spotted a man walking in the coffee shop and standing at the counter. It was Sebastian Smythe. Blaine wiped at his eyes and stood, ignoring his father’s calls for him to sit back down. Sebastian held his recently paid for coffee in one of his hand but turned to see Blaine storming towards him. Blaine stabbed a finger to Sebastian’s chest, “Explain,” he simply said.

The other man quirked up an eyebrow then held his coffee with both of his hands. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said blankly but earnestly.

“Explain why you kissed Kurt today”.

Sebastian raised his eyebrows at the other man, “I didn’t kiss him. At least I didn’t force him to. I asked,”

“You-,” Blaine squeezed his eyes shut, anger subsiding and replaced with heartbreak. Tears were already forming in his eyes again. “Are you guys… dating or…?” Blaine avoided Sebastian’s eyes.

“What?” the other man laughed, “Blaine, Kurt and I aren’t dating”.

Blaine looked at Sebastian, hating him more that he looked amused. “So, you’re fuck buddies?”

Sebastian gave him a questioning look then glanced around the coffee shop, noticing a few shocked stares, “Let’s talk about this outside.” Blaine was too upset to decline so he followed Sebastian’s steps and stood in front of him outside of the coffee shop. He shivered at the cooler weather and watched the puffy smoke twisting from Sebastian’s mouth as he talked. “Blaine, we’re not fuck buddies either,” he made sure to whisper “fuck” to not grab any more attention but it seemed impossible with Blaine’s outbursts.

“Then why the Hell did you kiss?” Blaine cried punching the brick wall of the coffee shop.

“It’s hard to explain, but I need you to be calm so I can tell you the whole thing,” Sebastian said quietly, as if he was talking to a child.

“Don’t tell me to be calm! I need answers! I need to know why Kurt kissed you!” he shouted in a way between angry and scared.

Sebastian put a hand on Blaine’s shoulder but the other man only shrugged it off, “He didn’t exactly kiss me either, but allow me to explain.”

Blaine bit harshly at his lip, as if the blood could tell him all of the hidden answers.

“God, this is going to be hard to explain,” he paused and took his first sip from his coffee. “Kurt told me that he was ready to start a relationship.”

“Fuck,” Blaine cried covering his bleeding lip with a finger after he bit it exceptionally hard at Sebastian’s words and attempted to lick the fast flowing blood with his tongue. He pushed aside the pain and stared at the disgusted yet somehow sympathetic Sebastian.

“Uhm, well anyways, he told me that I should try it out as well instead of, you know, sleeping around. I told him that I didn’t know how I could but he said that I could. So, I thanked him, asked if I could kiss him, he said sure, and then we did. That’s it,” Sebastian stayed quiet for a long minute and watched Blaine try to aid his lip and control his emotions at once. He touched Blaine’s dry lips with a warm finger, “You should take care of that.”

Blaine slapped his hand away while biting his lip absently then winced at the pain of his lip, “So you guys are going to start a relationship?” he asked angrily.

“Well, not with each other-,”

“Wait, what?” Blaine asked mouth parted at the words.

“Blaine, you didn’t think that-,” Sebastian shook his head, “Kurt told me he wanted to start a relationship with you. You seriously thought-,”

“Huh?” Blaine asked as his tight frown turned into a smile, tears still pooling from his eyes.

“Blaine,” Sebastian laughed, “The kiss wasn’t anything special. If anything, it just marked the end of our fuck buddy relationship,” he then took a chaste sip from his coffee, “I can’t believe it.” Sebastian smiled at the shocked Blaine, as if he was oblivious to everything. “Kurt Hummel actually likes you. And by the way he talks about you-,”

“What does he say?” he asked more happily.

“Kurt l-,” Sebastian cut himself off then grinned taking another sip from his coffee, “Maybe you should talk to him”.

“Maybe you should talk to him,” Quinn encouraged grabbing one of Kurt’s hands.

The man sighed craving more food; all this crying completely drained him. “I don’t know, I really just want ice cream,” he laughed squeezing her hand.

Quinn laughed along then stood from the bed, “As much as I love eating and crying, I have to cover up the little mess you made an hour ago.”

“I’m sorry!” Kurt said letting go of her hand and stood with her.

“Don’t be. I understand it’s hard to be under the radar. Lucky for you, the show was extended another day so consider the rest of the day free. You know what you need to do,” she gave him a playful glare then skipped out of the hotel room.

“Yeah,” Kurt said to himself, “I know what I need to do.”