So, here I am. In the Capitol. The girl next to me, the other tribute from my district, what was her name? Terri? Tara? Oh, right. It was Tina. She looks a bit sick but still tries to smile for  the people around us. But everyone could see that she is crying from inside. I wonder if I can bet with the mentors how many days, hours or minutes it will take until she brakes down.
The breakfast was great. I never ate this much before in my life. It's good that I won't die starving. Since that short woman drawed my name I am thinking about how I will die. I feel like I should protest and not fight. It's not possible for me to win this game anyway and I hate violence. Someone huge like that Azimio guy or the Karofsky dude will win I watched the recap of the reapings yesterday and these volunteered or this girl Lauren. Oh gosh, she could kill me without even blinking.
Kurt Hummel - Killed by a girl - without fight. Shame for my district. But that doesn't matter for me. I told my father I will most likely not fight and die like I lived - peacefuly, a pacifist. He just nodded, hugged and let me go. The tears in his eyes were visible but he didn't let them flow. That's my dad, always staying strong for his family, for his son. He loved me.
My "big" brother, Finn, said I could make it. I just have to try. I am great, he told me and that made my eyes mist. We don't talk much even if we love each other brotherly. I am a misfit and he is someone everyone adores. It's good that it was my name and not his I think.
I tried so hard to stay strong but then there was Carole, she cried. She said that she is now losing the second man to the Hunger Games. Finn's father died there too. Carole was 16 and pregnant and Finns father 18. His last year. He didn't made it. Some years after Burt, my father took her and Finn in. Mom was still alive back then but after she got sick and died dad married Carole and Finn and me became brothers. It's not like Burt had an affair with Carole, no. My mom, Elizabeth and Carole were pregnant at the same time and became best friends and Finn grew so fast and Carole couldn't feed them alone anymore. There was no way we would have watched them starving to death.
I am a bit older than Finn but we are still the same age and he behaves like the 'big brother'. It's calming to know that from next year on there won't be any possibilities he will be in the games. He will be 19. He will be safe.
I told Carole to stay strong. They are all safe now. Nothing will happen to them and that they have to live on. I made her laugh when I told her I will eat and celebrate in the Capitol until I puke. Hopefuly on someone fancy I added.
I am happy that no one volunteered for me. I am lucky that I don't have to watch someone nicer, someone braver than I am to die for me. That would be much worse than just standing on the metal circle and waiting for death.
-
The people in the capitol are all nice and wave at us or want to touch us. All the lights make me feel so important and loved so every smile I return is honest and full of love. Rachel Berry the escort from the Capitol who comes to my district since the last 4 years to read out the name of the reapings approach me from behind.
"Kurt?" She whispers in my ear. I turn around and watch her biting her bottom lip.
"Yes?"
"Say, that tall guy back in District 7," she begins and makes big eyes.
"What's with him?" I ask.
"He is your brother?"
"Stepbrother." I say with a warm smile.
"Oh," she says while blushing. "What-What's his name?"
I have to giggle a bit. I never heard of a romance between someone from the Capitol and someone from a district.
"His name is Finn Hudson."
She nodds and then some of her rosy color vanishes from her face. "How," she begins.
"How?" My smile falters.
"Ehm..." She gulps.
"What is it Rachel?" I ask her and narrow my eyebrows at her. She looks sick. I take her hand reassuring and try to give her a calming pat on her back.
"How old is he?" She asks quietly after some deep breathes.
"Oh." I chew on my upper lip. "We are the same age. Next year he will be 19." I get back my smile and feel a bit happy for Finn after there is relieve visible on Rachel's face.
"Hey!" I look to my left and see the female mentor from my district approaching us. Mercedes Jones. She won 3 years ago and is something like maybe my only friend. She is one year older than me and I cried everyday while she was gone. It was all big coincidence that she won back then but I was more than happy that she survived. Everyone was afraid of her because of her attitude back at the training camp and the interview. And after the 60 seconds on the metal circles she just ran and ran and ran. It was the shortest Hunger Games ever. There weren't any alliances and everyone else left killed each other right there at the Cornucopia. It didn't even take half a day until the last person bleed out and died. I was so happy, she won out of coincidence, out of luck but she won! She. came. back. home.!
"Okay. Kurt, Tina the Remake Center awaits you and Rachel, Mike and me will... talk to some sponsors." She look intensly at us. Then she lock eyes with me for a second. "We will try our best for you two. Try your best now, too." I swallow the lump in my throat down and begin to stare at my feet. She knows that I already gave up. I told her yesterday when we layed in my bed in the cabin. "Now go and don't forget your stylist knows best!" Some Peacekeepers escort us to a clinic and Tina and me get seperated. Some people from my prep team bring me to a tub, get me naked and wash me. They talk to me and admire my body and how much my stylist will like me but I am not really listening. I am thinking about Mercedes how hard this all here must be for her and about Finn and Rachel. Maybe these are perfect for each other but I know how Finn thinks. He will hate Rachel and everyone from here after I am dead and Rachel will take over another district and they will never get a real chance to get to know each other or maybe love each other, they could be destined for each other but they will never know. I sigh.
I am a total romantic, I loved it when dad found more in Carole as only a friend. I saw their love blossom and I was so happy for them. I am happy for everyone when they find love and happiness. I never looked for those things myself. I was just... I was just, I am just different. And now it doesn't matter anymore. I will be dead in a few days.
The prep team finish me rather fast to their own surprise. They tell me just to wait until my stylist will come to me but that it will take a lot of time because no one thought they would be so fast. I feel like they were thinking about turning an ugly beast into a handsome prince but they got me and now don't have much to do except admiring my pore free skin.
I sit down half nake only white briefs covering my private parts and wait. I still wait over an hour later and maybe another hour after this too and my stilist haven't arrived yet. I sigh impatient and think about to take a look around at the other prep teams. Normally I am too well behave to just stroll around but I am totally bored and thought I would get a bit more entertainment in the Capitol. But no, no one is here to watch me or to keep me company no one from my team and no Peacekeeper.
A bit nervous I begin to look around. I find rather fast Tina, her prep team is cutting her hair and her skin looks red, free from hair and sore. Poor girl, I think. I see other girls with the same problems and can't stop myself to feel sorry for all of them. I see Karofsky and his prep team , they are plucking his eyebrows and he is crying silently. Must hurt being hairy.
I hear someone shouting and when I turn around I see Lauren Zizes from District 2 like Karofsky she is about to punch some guy from her prep team but then they are finally some Peacekeepers who hold her back. She screams, "Get away from my legs with that glue!"
Okay, I think, one girl will still have her body hair after the parade.
I listen to someone laugh behind me and a boy tribute I didn't pay much attention before to appears at my left side. Like me he is only wearing white briefs. He is looking at me like at a friend and I feel uncomfortable because of it but I still can't take my eyes away from him. The soft dark hair on his well build chest and the toned arms and defined muscles. His body looks really good but what I like the most are his eyes. They are shiny like the sun and they remember me of maplesyrup. I like his dark curls too, they looks so jumpy and make him look so young. I wonder why I didn't notice him while watching the recap last night.
"Hey," he says.
I look at him some heartbeats longer and then turn around go away without saying a word. I don't need to talk to someone who is one of my potential muderers.