Aug. 5, 2013, 10:11 a.m.
Start Again: Chapter 1
M - Words: 2,611 - Last Updated: Aug 05, 2013 Story: Closed - Chapters: 3/? - Created: Jun 07, 2013 - Updated: Aug 05, 2013 118 0 0 0 0
Blaine stood on the stage, strumming the guitar. He looked out across the sea of faces and smiled. So much had changed in the past few years. He'd endured his senior year alone and segregated as it was slowly found out about his cheating and his friends turned their backs. In the end he would always be Blaine Warbler, the intruder and they'd taken Kurt's lead and walked away from him. He'd applied to every music school he could across the states, carefully avoiding Ohio and New York. He'd gotten in to the San Francisco Conservatory of Music and set about rebuilding, relearning and finding himself. He'd learned how self-centred he was, how stupid he was and how much he had to change before anything could be good again.
He hadn't talked to Kurt since he'd gone home to Lima. Sure, he'd sent flowers, notes, pleaded over emails, answer machines and letters but in the end, after a long silence Kurt had sent him an email, telling him it was over, that he couldn't forgive Blaine and never to contact him again. He'd been devastated, but understood. He'd cheated. He was a hypocrite and he disgusted himself.
Since then Blaine had changed, found himself and learned how to live life alone, to its fullest.
College was a new start and he'd had a blast. He'd learned so much and changed. He slowly stopped dressing so preppy, gelling his hair and found him a new confidence he'd never had as a teen. Sure he had his moments and sometimes gelled his hair and was still a huge dork but he liked himself now and the 26 year old him would never do the stupid things 18 year old him had.
He looked over the crowd and smiled. SFCM had given him so much and launched him into where he was now. He'd gained his first contract through college contacts and his first cd had been a massive hit, going platinum and ensuring the world knew his name, or at least America.
It was why he liked doing small, cosy shows like this with just a hundred or so fans, a way to give back to them. Of course they knew he was working on a new album so the place was packed. It was an eclectic mix, mostly teenage and young women, even some guys who didn't look like they were dragged by their significant others.
Blaine's lips quirked slightly. He'd give anything for that as his eyes landed on a couple about his age. They were leaning against the wall, talking, their eyes connected and in their own little world. Once upon a time that had been him and Kurt and he missed it. Sure he'd had a few dates in college but nothing had ever really happened. His heart still ached for Kurt and the future he'd ruined. He'd never find another like Kurt and he was ok with it. He'd loved it, missed it but he understood and felt blessed that he'd had true love for a while, even if it could never happen again.
"So this is a song I've sung a couple of times. It means a lot to me and it's an awesome song." He said into the microphone, his heart hammering. He hadn't sung this song since that terrible night but he wanted to now, to give it another try and to re-label it instead of tying the memories to that night, instead it was about new beginnings. He'd met Kurt the first time, lost him the second and now he'd come to terms with himself. He was ready.
The crowd laughed and whooped as he started singing Teenage Dream, giving it a slightly rocky edge to stop the tears he felt fighting with him and the memories of the second time trying to force out the first.
He looked across the crowd and suddenly words failed him. Across from him, near the back stood a man he knew. All grown up, gorgeous, auburn highlighted hair and glasz eyes shining in the light, stood Kurt.
"Uh, sorry, forgot the lyrics there." He said and chuckled along with the laughing crowd. He started again and looked over but Kurt was gone. Had he imagined it? If he hadn't why was he there? When Kurt had left him he'd imagined Kurt everywhere he went, picturing him in the choir room, the hallways, his room, the mall, everywhere but those visions hadn't haunted him for years. Why now?
He ended the song and stepped off stage to have a drink. His manager caught his arm and told him a drink had already been ordered for him and he looked. On his chair sat a glass of water. Surprised, he looked at his manager and asked if he knew the guy, he'd told him about Kurt but never showed him a picture. His manager shrugged and walked away. Blaine sipped his drink and stepped back on stage to carry on the set, Kurt nowhere to be seen.
The set ended and Blaine walked offstage to the makeshift area set up to separate him from the fans and let him prepare. He grabbed his guitar and coat, slipping it on before walking out to thank his fans and leave. He shook hands, wrote autographs and high fived some, thanking them all. Finally he stepped out into the cool evening air, his managed taking his guitar case to the car as he looked around him.
"Hello Blaine." The lilting, melodious voice rang behind him and his heart jumped.
"Kurt," Blaine whispered, turning around to take the other man in. Kurt was washed in the glow from the streetlamps. He was wearing a tight black shirt with gold edging, black jeans with silvery edging and black shoes. He looked beautiful. "What are you doing here?"
Kurt cocked his head slightly, looking over his own outfit and Blaine shifted self-consciously. He'd picked out a blue and black shirt, black jeans, black sneakers and black blazer for the show, leaving his curly hair tousled too. "I was visiting Mercedes and meeting people about a store here. I heard you'd be here tonight so I came to see you. Old time's sake I guess."
Blaine stared at him. 7 years he spent rebuilding, making himself happy and at peace and Kurt turns up out of some desire to reminisce and Blaine's a wreck again. Nothing's changed. "Old times sake? That's all? Why did you let me see you then? Why did you buy me a drink? Do you know how long it took to rebuild my whole life after you left? I do understand but do you know how long it took?" Blaine snapped, losing his temper.
"Probably as long as it took me, Blaine." Kurt says low, looking at him in the way he always did that made Blaine feel chastised.
"I'm sorry, I-" Blaine bit his lip. "I can't do this. Bye Kurt." Blaine said and walked away to the car and his manager waiting.
"I like the outfit!" Kurt calls, evidently not done with Blaine for this second, wanting the last word.
"It's yours!" Blaine shouted back and slammed the car door as he got in, letting tears overflow as his manager drove them away.
Four days later Blaine's walking down the street, window shopping and enjoying the sunshine on his day off when he sees Mercedes. She's standing in an empty shop talking animatedly on the phone. At first he wonders why she's there but then he sees a familiar sight coming towards him and sighs at the fates that seem to be laughing at him. Of course. Kurt's here looking for store space for his clothing range. He'd bought a few of the new line himself, stupidly wearing the shirt and blazer to the show where Kurt had turned up.
Today Kurt's wearing a blue top, the black blazer Blaine had worn the other night and black trousers, topped off with black boots and black sunglasses. Why did he feel weak when he saw the older man?
Kurt saw him and slowed, glancing in the window. "Hang on 'Cedes. I'll be in in a second," He shut off the phone and the men looked at each other. "So, we meet again," Kurt says and Blaine nods before he starts to walk away. "Wait Blaine, can we talk?"
"Kurt I'm not interested in old times. It was great seeing you but please, let me go." Blaine says and he's half shocked at himself and half proud.
Kurt takes his sunglasses off and gives Blaine a pleading look. "I'm sorry about the other night. I didn't mean it. I'd really like to talk but I need to see this store, can we meet in an hour? Please?"
Blaine sighs and nods. Since when could he say no to this man? "Okay. There's a Starbucks across the road. I'll see you there."
An hour later Blaine watched Kurt cross the road talking on his phone. He looked excited; he'd probably chosen the space for his new store. Great, Kurt would probably be moving here at least for a while to oversee the new store. More chance of running into his ex, though if he was honest with himself he was a little thrilled at the prospect.
"Hey," Kurt says breathlessly. "Sorry about that. That place was perfect." He smiled and sat down.
Blaine nodded, "I understand. Aren't you going to get a coffee?"
They shared a look that said 'You'd never say that all those years ago' and Blaine wants to tell him things have changed, but he can't, not right now.
Kurt shook his head. "No, I'm trying to cut back on caffeine. I live on it, practically."
Blaine smiled a little despite himself. "You always did."
They share a smile and Kurt fiddles with the stirrer Blaine had discarded. Finally Kurt broke the silence and looked him up and down. "So, you've changed."
"More than you know." Blaine said back and Kurt cocked head, curious.
"Tell me."
Blaine smiled and launched into the story of the last 7 years. All the trials, the stress, the pain, the loss, coming to terms with life, himself, the achievements and the creation of this fairly new creature called Blaine Anderson.
"Wow, you really have changed." Kurt said, breathless and slightly awed.
They smile at each other and Blaine feels something unfurl in him. Oh. That would be his heart. A memory of young men, boys, sitting in an ornate room, a younger version of himself telling a younger version of Kurt that he'd been looking for him forever flashes through his mind and Blaine has to look away before he says something he'll regret.
"You know," Kurt says and Blaine does everything he can not to look into those eyes. "I sometimes think we were too young for our love."
Blaine looks up, horrified, his jaw open. What? "Kurt, I-"
"Hear me out," Kurt says, holding up a hand in defence and to halt Blaine. "We were so young, I know lots of teenagers have relationships and fall in love but we were so selfish and we relied on each other. We were ready to give up everything for each other but the second I took what I wanted you went and did what you did because you were alone and stupid. Maybe that kind of commitment comes later in life, not at 17 or 18."
Blaine can't help the few tears that slip down his cheek and he feels all of the walls he'd built around his heart crack and break. "I did love you. So much and I was stupid. Maybe you're right, maybe we relied on each other too much, me more than you and when I realised that I made the biggest mistake of my life but I'm not going to regret what we had for those years. What we had was amazing. You were the love of my life."
"So were you, Blaine. I'm not saying I regret it. I loved you and what we had was amazing but it ended and maybe it shouldn't have been so intense or ended sooner, so you wouldn't have done it and I wouldn't have left you alone." Kurt says and Blaine looks up to see he's crying too.
"When you told me never to contact you I didn't. I spent 7 years alone. Why are you here now? If you're doing this to get some closure so you can commit to someone else without our old relationship and mistakes hanging around your neck just go now." Blaine said bitterly.
Kurt sighed and for a second Blaine thinks he's going to go and almost shouts for him to stop when Kurt's hand covers his. "I spent 7 years alone too, Blaine. I loved you and you broke my heart. I've followed your career you know, I know which songs on your album were about me. I don't want to leave Los Angeles without talking to you and I don't want to go without knowing something."
"What?" Blaine asked, curious.
Kurt takes a breath in and looks at him, their eyes connected. "To know if I'm still your Teenage Dream."
Blaine's jaw dropped and his heart lifted, his eyes filled and he grinned like Kurt had just told him the world was his. Oh, he had. "Yes!" He says and drags Kurt into a hug.
Kurt giggles and they kiss before calming down and sitting down. "We could do it, you know; still have the epic romance but we'll have to take it slow." He said and Blaine nodded.
"We'll have to learn each other all over again, Mr fashion designer." Blaine says, smirking at Kurt.
Kurt blushed and ducked his head, laughing. "Yes Mr recording artist."
Blaine looks at their joined hands across the table and remembers all the times they did that before, years ago; thousands of miles away in a town neither of them have set foot in for years. They were younger then, more foolish but now they're older, wiser and set up as adults in the world. They're not striving to be and learn any more, they are. "How long are you here for?" He asked.
Kurt shrugged and looked away before looking back at Blaine. "Months, a year. I might not go back. I don't have to. I can have L.A as my base and go to New York when I need to."
Blaine nodded. Kurt's mind always worked at lightning speed and it's never slowed down. He looked between Kurt's eyes and lips a few times. Kurt got the hint and nodded, smiling.
Blaine leant it and their lips connected in a soft, slow kiss.
Out of the corner of his eye he saw a movement and heard a click. The kiss ended and Blaine looked over at the window where a few paparazzi were walking away.
"I forgot we were famous for a minute there." Blaine jokes and Kurt gives him a disapproving look before a smile spreads across his face. Kurt laughs with Blaine and smiles at him. Sitting there across a table, roasting coffee and sugar drifting in the air, smiling awkward smiles Kurt felt something bloom deep inside him, cracking the walls and filtering through his system, filling his veins and filling his lungs and heart with air, lifting them almost. He looked over at Blaine, a pink stain across his olive complexion and realised the same was happening to him. In a coffee shop in L.A, their hearts had started again.