October brought rain and cold to Lima, Ohio. Blaine sat and watched the rain make rivers down the glass. So much had changed but stayed the same. The same city, the same people, the same school, but they’d all changed in very simple, inexplicable ways. His friends didn’t leave each other alone, they were all closer, it seemed like everyone at school was extra careful of each other, revelling in the feelings and notions of being a collective student body and friends while going about their daily business, in case something terrible happened and there was one less of them again.

Burt and Carole were still wary of leaving Blaine and Finn alone, wanting to keep them close and spending more time together, none of their eyes daring to stray to the empty seat.

Finn and Blaine were friendlier, more like brothers. They hung out and did things that he’d never imagined doing with Finn a couple of years ago.

Lieutenant Fitch was around, checking in and relaying any leads but in the months that had passed most of the leads had dried up. Kurt was gone and they were dealing with it.

Cooper visited, keeping an eye on his little brother and involving himself in the lives of those who loved his brother, wanting to know them and about Kurt.

Blaine had changed the most. His style was much simpler these days. Preferring to let his hair curl, to wear normal tops and shirts to school, still in bold colours but he wasn’t the dapper young man he used to be. He played the guitar, sang and danced more than he ever had. His episodes were getting few and far between. The doctors and psychologists had helped at first, teaching him how to come to terms with what had happened and his new life but after a while Blaine had taught himself that Kurt had chosen this, so Blaine had to choose happiness and one day when Kurt came home that happiness would be fulfilled.

Blaine looked up at the poster on his wall, reading the caption. ‘Life just happens; sometimes we must learn to breathe without, before we can live within’. It was about love, how sometimes things just don’t work out and the people in that love had to learn to be without whoever they wanted before understanding they could live without them, but sometimes they didn’t have to. Blaine could understand. Every day, more and more, he felt like he could live without Kurt, but he didn’t want to. He wanted to be with Kurt, wherever he was. Sometimes he imagined him, off at some big audition or walking around New York, getting by with life.

Sometimes Blaine dreamt of how it would be if Kurt hadn’t gone. Maybe Kurt would have gone to New York, enrolled in Juilliard or a design school or done what Santana had and just gone for his dream without the schooling behind it. Maybe he would have stayed in Lima, gotten a job doing something and waiting for Blaine to graduate and take on the world together.

Wherever he was, he hoped he was happy.

Blaine had applied to colleges all over the states. He really wanted to go to Juilliard or California State, knowing both colleges would be amazing, well known for their music courses. He looked out of the window again, watching the rain pour and drew a heart on the glass, breathing on it to seal it there and whispering. “One day Kurt, we’ll see each other again.” He leant his forehead on the window for a while, staring at the heart and the world outside, dark and stormy before getting up and walking downstairs to Burt’s call for dinner.

The others checked in when they could, sending Blaine and Finn stories of their progress, their colleges, and the people they met. Rachel was enjoying NYADA and New York, revelling in the place she’d dreamed of since she was small. She sometimes spoke about Kurt, talking on Skype about memories of him and how she looked for him in every Starbucks, every time she walked past Tiffany’s and every person she passed in Central Park. She’d had to deal with being in a place where she wasn’t ‘the star’ but she was good under pressure and was carving her own niche.

Santana called when she could, between auditions and call-backs, screaming with excitement before regaining her cool, telling them about every call back and the part she’d won, small, but a part in Evita, a stepping stone on her way to bigger things.

Puck’s business was doing well; he visited occasionally and sat with Finn, Blaine and Burt watching football games. He’d given Blaine a picture of Kurt he’d found taken long before Blaine had met him, after Puck had helped sort out some old boxes. He’d framed it and given it to Blaine as a way of showing he cared about them both, knowing nothing he could say would be enough.

Mike was doing well at Joffrey, sending them pictures of him performing and telling them about Chicago. He’d come by when he visited Tina a few weeks ago and he and the New Directions and Finn sat and talked about the year and how they missed Kurt. It had been a good day.

Quinn was excelling at Yale, determined to succeed and ‘do better than the extreme’. She’d gotten stronger and stronger after the school year ended and could dance as well as before. She had been the one to call least but Blaine couldn’t blame her, he liked her but she hadn’t been one of his friends and her old relationship with Finn made things slightly awkward, he didn’t know how to confide in her.

Mercedes was the one to call most, as Kurt’s best friend, and then own of his closest they clung to each other. She called almost every day, telling him what had happened that day, how her backup singing was going, how she’d managed to wow people into becoming a bigger part and maybe getting her own contract someday soon. She sent them pictures and videos and demanded they visit when they could. Blaine missed her. She was infectious.

Dinner at the Hummel-Hudson-Anderson house was quiet these days. They talked about their days but then the silence set in. They all knew why. A few weeks back Burt had started talking about their first Thanksgiving without Kurt, he’d gone on so long that Finn had thrown his dinner at the wall and stormed out for the evening. No-one spoke about it after that.

Blaine watched Finn try to mop up his gravy with the remains of his meat, failing terribly, the gravy going all over his shirt.

“You know there’s easier ways to make us all sick.” Blaine sniped, watching as Finn got some on the floor.

Finn looked at him, gravy all over his chin. “Then don’t watch me dude.”

Blaine glared at him, lips curled in disgust. “It’s hard not to, you sound like a freaking hoover.”

Finn’s eyes turned hard, glaring back at the shorter teen as they ground their feet in, ready for a fight.

Cutlery slammed onto a plate and their broke their eye-lock, looking at Burt who’d slammed his cutlery down, tired of their arguing. Burt glared at them. “Blaine go to your room. Finn wipe the gravy off the floor then go to your room and stay there, both of you.”

Both teens stood up, glaring at each other and Blaine stormed upstairs. Finn got a dishrag and wiped the gravy up before storming up himself but closing his door quietly, not wanting to anger Burt any more.

Burt looked at Carole, at a loss for words. “What do we do?”

Carole shook her head. “I don’t know, it’s been hard without Kurt but I’d hoped they’d be getting on better. They both just seem to annoy each other.”

Burt sighed, collecting the plates. “I know they’re both passionate young men and they’re angry and sad about everything but trying to fight each other won’t change anything.”

Carole nodded. “I’ll go talk to Blaine.” Burt nodded and watched her walk up the stairs and knock gently, opening the door.

Carole looked in. Blaine was sat on the bed, his back to her., his hands folded in his lap. She walked around the bed and sat down next to him, his shoulders were shaking, tears rolling down his cheeks. “Hey Blaine, it’s ok, come on its ok.” She wrapped her arms around the teen and held him tight. Slowly the tears stopped and she let go, smiling at him reassuringly.

Blaine sniffled. “I’m sorry about dinner. I’m trying Carole, I am but sometimes…” He trailed off, not knowing the words.

Carole smiled, understanding. “I know, it’s hard. Sometimes you feel so angry and hurt and just want to scream, right?”

Blaine smiled and nodded. “I wish he was here, Carole. I wish I knew where he was, just to hold him, to ask him why he left and why he’s been gone so long. It’s been 4 months. I miss my boyfriend.”

Carole smiled at him. The teen was so sweet, he was a perfect match for Kurt, she hoped he knew what he’d given up when he’d run away. She worried and was scared for him and wished he’d come home but the people he’d left behind had been ruined by his vanishing. “I miss my step-son.”

They looked at each other and gasped, laughter bubbling out of them before they were giggling, leaning on each other.

Finally a throat cleared and Blaine and Carole turned to see Burt and Finn in the doorway, Finn had changed out of his gravy-stained shirt.

Burt smiled at Blaine. “I think you two have something to say to each other.”

Blaine got up and walked over to Finn, looking up at his friend. “I’m sorry Finn.”

Finn opened his arms, grinning and the two hugged each other tight. “I’m sorry too man. We’re kind of idiots.”

Blaine chuckled. “Your words not mine Frankenteen.”

Finn stared at him in mock horror. “You…hobbit!”

Both teens laughed and Finn turned tail to run, Blaine chased him downstairs and Burt and Carole watched them circle the piano, running at each other.

Weeks later Blaine sat at the piano, playing a melody running through his head. Burt watched quietly as he started to sing.

There’s a place in my heart for you

It’s reserved for just us two

Where sunny days

Don’t melt away

There’s no heartache

When you left my world turned grey

I thought nothing could numb the pain

But there you are

My love

Somewhere in the dust

I’ll walk this world to

Say your name again

I’d give the world just

To hold you in my arms babe

To whisper your name

To see your beautiful face

And if it all comes to nought

If I’m not good enough

I’ll know I was loved

And that’ll be enough

Cos when you loved me

Nothing else mattered to me

You taught me to be

Anything I wanted to be

While the world turns

And the search turns cold

I’ll be here waiting

To have and to hold

My beautiful baby boy

You meant the world to this boy

And if I have to search the world

For a million years

I’ll find you Kurt

And nothing else on earth

Will pull you away from me

Finally happy we will be

I promise you

I will find you.