I had another dream last night.

It was one of those dreams again. Seriously, what the hell is wrong with me? It's like I'm turning into some hormone-driven creep who has lost all control over certain parts of his body, and it's just getting embarrassing. I'm usually so put together (some might even say uptight - which is totally not true), but now I'm experiencing this new side of me where I really lose control and it's actually kind of scary. I mean, I've had dreams before and I've done some research on what sex between boys is like and tried out a couple of things, but I really have no sexual experience with another person - which obviously doesn't stop my dreaming brain from throwing this STUFF at me without warning. And now I'm rambling.

Good Lord.

Anyway.

I dreamed I was lying in my bed, trying to fall asleep. Suddenly, I felt a pair of hands on my bare back, trailing a line from my neck down my spine until they reached the waistband of my pajama pants, lifting it and pushing my pants down over my ass cheeks.

Lips were traveling along the edge of my hairline and slowly all the way down my spine, and I felt a tongue licking its way along my lower back, from the left to the right and back again, teeth scraping the skin ever so slightly.

I don't know why, but I couldn't move. I tried to turn around, but my body stayed limp, waiting for whatever was about to happen next. I was absolutely helpless. And it felt divine.

All of a sudden, the hands were on my ass, kneading and grabbing, before moving back to my hips and up to my lower back, just to make their way back down a few seconds later, repeating the same pattern all over again.

And then, I felt the pressure of another naked body on mine, covering the entirety of my back and my ass and my legs.

Oh. My. God.

Okay.

I need a moment before I can go on. I have never had a dream that erotic before, and now that I'm trying to write it down, it's kind of - well - let's say "challenging".

"Challenging" as in "Holy shit, all my blood has just left my brain and traveled south and I'm not able to write like this"-challenging.

Fuck.

I just hope that nobody I know will ever find this and read it without my consent, because that would be totally embarrassing. Holy crap.

So.

Anyway.

I felt his erection (oh god, his erection!) move slowly along my ass crack, brushing my hole on the way and a sudden jolt of electricity traveled down my spine.

He uttered a soft chuckle, pressing our bodies even closer together, and slowly rubbed his dick against my ass, a bit hesitant at first, but quickly getting bolder. He picked up his pace, a soft moan escaping his mouth as it reconnected to a certain spot under my hairline at the nape of my neck, sucking and licking and teasing.

And finally, finally I was able to move and jolted up, grinding my ass against his cock and back down into the sheets beneath me a second later.

Oh god, it was glorious.

I wanted to see his face, so I turned over under him and lay down on my back before reconnecting our bodies and picking up our old pace, our cocks now rubbing against each other.

Blue Eyes looked stunning. Sweat was glistening on his face and his chest in the soft moonlight. He had his lips slightly parted and his eyes closed, thick lashes brushing over his blushed cheeks, as he threw his head back and exposed his long neck.

I'm pretty sure I have never seen anything more beautiful in my entire life. And the noises he made. Oh god, the noises!

He reached between us and got a hold of both of our cocks, pressing them together in his hand and just holding them there while we continued thrusting against each other.

And then he uttered a loud, throaty scream and came all over our bellies, contorting his face in pleasure and throwing his head back even more. His whole body shuddered, his legs shaking uncontrollably as he rode out his orgasm.

I must have come from the mere sight of this, but weirdly, I didn't wake up at that point like I usually do when I have a wet dream. This one just went on, as if there was more left for me to experience than mere physicality (which was already fucking amazing).

He collapsed on top of me, both of us still breathing heavily, and for a few minutes we just laid there, clinging to each other, panting and sweating and completely spent.

After a while, I grabbed something to clean us up and moved back into his arms. His warm body moved closer from behind, spooning me, his breath ghosting over the sensitive skin in the nape of my neck, as his hand searched for mine, intertwining our fingers.

I tilted my head to allow his chin to settle down in the crook of my neck.

"I love you." It was the first time that Blue Eyes had said something to me in a dream.

I turned my head ever so slightly, my lips brushing softly over his scruffy jawline, before locking eyes with him.

"I love you, too."

That's when I woke up. My body was covered in sweat and come, I was still panting as if I had just run a marathon and my legs were trembling violently. I felt dizzy and grounded and light headed and focused and tense and relaxed - all at once. I had no idea one could feel that way. It was almost too much to bear. He had said "I love you" and I had said it back. In my dream, someone who's not my family had told me they loved me. He had told me he loved me.

For a long time, I sat there in my bed in the middle of the night, hugging my pillow. It felt as if he was right there with me and I just wanted to wrap myself around him and cry of happiness.

But then I buried my nose in the sheets, trying to inhale the scent I had dreamed about only to discover that it wasn't there. That he wasn't there.

Because it's not real. It's all just happening in my head and I don't even know his name.

I don't know how his voice sounds, I don't know what his skin feels like, I don't know how he smells. I don't really know anything about him.

And here I sit, writing fluffy porn (oh my god - I'm writing porn!), because I don't have the courage to finally do something about it.

But I promise myself here and now that this Saturday, after the Sadie Hawkins Dance, when I've been out with a guy in public for the first time, when I've been courageous enough, when I'm truly out and proud, I'll go to the Lima Bean and wait for him.

And if he isn't there, I'll come back every single day until I meet him.

And when I do, I'll walk over to him. I'll introduce myself and buy him coffee and finally, finally talk to him.

I'll do it.

After the Sadie Hawkins dance.