Three words: Sadie Hawkins Dance.

When I got to school today, I saw the posters all over the place.

Through all the chaos in my life, I had almost forgotten about it. My friends had been gushing over the girls they wanted to get asked out by for weeks, but all of it had just gone past me. I was so absorbed in the humiliations, the threats and the fear that I really didn't have the mental capacity to take anything else in.

But now, it turns out to be the perfect opportunity.

It would be, at least, if I had the courage to do what has to be done.

Oh, I really want to do it, don't get me wrong.

I've thought about it countless times now and tried to wrap my mind around the idea of asking out a guy for the first time in my life, but I have to admit that despite my resolution, I'm uncomfortable. I'm out and not ashamed of being gay, but do I already have the courage to go to a dance with another guy?

Wouldn't that be an almost insolent provocation?

Wouldn't I risk everything by rubbing it into their faces, by making them see?

Wouldn't that effectively turn us into walking targets?

The answer is simple: Yes.

But it would also be a signal to all of them, and all of them at once. That way, I could show the entire school that these homophobes don't have the power to chase me away. I could show them that they can't bring me down, no matter how hard they try. I could show them that I won't budge. Not in a million years.

And I could maybe, for the very first time, be out and proud. Just a little bit.

Am I willing to take the risk? I'm not sure.

I'll have to think about it a little bit longer.

But even if I decide that I want to go, who should I ask?

There's only two options, really.

The first - and only viable - option would be John. He's become a good friend and almost like a brother to me, and he's definitely gay.

The other option isn't even an option. It's a beautiful fantasy that has been on my mind for weeks now, although it gets clearer and clearer with every day that passes, with every baby step I'm taking towards fully accepting myself.

I just have to close my eyes, and it's right there in front of me and so, so tangible that it's almost scary.

When I close my eyes, I see Blue Eyes and me.

We're both dressed in black suits with matching white roses on our blazers. I'm picking him up from wherever he lives and his dad is taking a picture of us while his mom is watching with a big smile on her face. Then, I take his hand and lead him outside to where the limousine I've rented for the night is waiting for us. We both sit down in the back, holding hands again, and engage in a friendly banter which is so easy and comfortable that I want to start crying right then and there. And all the time, he's looking at me with those beautiful blue eyes, and it feels as if he could see right into my soul.

When we arrive at the dance, I get out first to open the door for him and take his hand as he's getting out of the car. I don't let go of it the whole way towards the entrance. Then, I'm leading him inside and we make our way through the staring masses with our heads up high and a smile on our faces.

As the music starts, I hold out my hand and ask him for this dance, and we slow dance together right there, in front of everyone. I wrap my arms around his neck and rest my chin on his shoulder as he pulls me close, pressing a gentle kiss to my forehead. We both close our eyes and let the music embrace us.

And we don't care at all what everyone else says.

Because with him, I can be proud.

As strange as it sounds, I have the feeling that I could be all I want to be with him, and more.

With him, there'd be no limits.

But in order to make this happen, I'd have to go to the Lima Bean, introduce myself and somehow persuade him to accompany me, a complete stranger, to a dance at a school full of homophobes that's not even his own. He'd have to be completely out of his mind to agree to that. Oh, and did I mention the fact that I don't even know if he's gay?

You're such a hopeless dreamer, Anderson.