“I could always borrow one from my friend Rachel if he really doesn't believe you… apparently she and her dads go every weekend…” Kurt said as he typed ‘Country Clubs, Lima, Ohio’ into the Google search bar, “Yeah. No, it’ll annoy him more than anything if you ditch in the middle. Its perfect.”

Jeff was stretched across his own bed, propped on one elbow, rudely listening in on Kurt’s conversation with his fake boyfriend.

“He hates the whole golf-playing, spoiled, rich kid thing,” Kurt said, glancing over at Jeff, “Probably reminds him of his dad…” Kurt trailed off, feeling a little guilty. Jeff gave him a thumbs up. “Also, Jeff’s letting me borrow his mom’s Hummer. I think that should be irritating enough for a first impression.”

Jeff motioned that he’d like to say something.

“Yeah, just a second, Pete.” Kurt pulled his phone away from his ear, putting it on speakerphone.

“You should insist that he and Jeremiah ride there with you,” Jeff said, “then when Peter goes off to ‘play tennis’ or whatever Kurt can walk Blaine back to the mall to get his car,” Jeff winked as if ‘walking’ was now somehow a euphemism for sex.

“What about Jeremiah?” Kurt asked blankly.

Jeff had thought the logistics of this through, but he hadn’t thought up a lie for that just yet...

“Uh, Blaine told me he was only planning on going out with him for like an hour. Apparently it’s Jeremiah's sister’s birthday or something on Friday.”

“And Blaine wouldn’t leave, no matter how much he hates you,” Kurt said into the receiver.

“He’ll want to soak up as much detestation for your arrogance and condescending countenance as he can,” Jeff said in an excessively snooty voice.

“Also, mention something about beer, or cars or-” Kurt said.

“Like you care more about your Hummer than your boyfriend!” Jeff added.

“Oh! And act overly misogynistic! Like I’m just a tally on your bedpost kind of thing!” Kurt said enthusiastically. He and Jeff waited for a few long seconds, realizing Peter hadn’t said anything for a few minutes.

“Pete?”

“Yeah?”

“Just wanted to make sure you were still there,”

“Yeah, no worries, man. I was just taking notes,”

“Alright, I’ll see you at rehearsal tomorrow,” Kurt stifled a giggle.

“Later dude,” Peter said before disconnecting.

“Taking notes?” Jeff chuckling in disbelief, “I approve,” he announced, offering Kurt yet another suggestive wink.

“Really, Jeff? He’s not even gay!” Kurt said, as if he would actually date Peter anyway.

“If only…” Jeff stared blankly into space.

Kurt cleared his throat loudly.

“I mean, for you of course…” Jeff looked down at his shoes.

“Whatever you say…”

~.~*~.~

“This better not end up like Welcome to Ohio, Lucky Lindy…” Wes warned his fellow warbler as Jeff turned into the parking lot of the West Hills Mall, his mom’s Hummer full of blue-blazer clad boys.

“Don’t worry about a thing, Wes. I’ve got it all under control.”

The Warblers parked three separate SUVs next to each other in the structure. There was a max exodus from the vehicles as navy filled the parking lot.

“Hey Jeff, did you get a new car?” Blaine said, eyeing the Hummer with mild disgust.

“Nah, Pete asked me to bring it over for him,” Blaine stiffened, “He caught a ride with Jeremiah this morning,”

“I- uh, I didn’t know you were friends with Peter,” Blaine's words were stiff, and he couldn’t hide the betrayal in his voice.

“Yeah, he’s a pretty cool guy, actually.” Jeff said nonchalantly, pretending he hadn’t noticed Blaine’s distress. One day they would laugh about all this, Jeff was sure of it.

The Warblers formed a tight circle as Jeff pulled Blaine in next to Wes, the three of them now standing in the middle.

Blaine was only able to shake off his uneasiness with the thought of Jeremiah and Peter going to work together. Maybe there was something going on there that he hadn’t seen... and just maybe that’d leave Kurt sullen and brooding...

He felt guilty, but the opportunity to comfort Kurt pushed it from his mind.

“Alright,” Jeff began, “It’s Show Time,”

~.~*~.~

“Ready to rock, Boy Toy?”

“Ready as I'll ever be..." Kurt said sullenly, "And stop calling me that!”

“Do you prefer Lucky Lindy?” Jeff laughed.

“That doesn’t even make sense!”

Kurt and Jeff lingered toward the back of the herd of boys heading through the mall.

“Last time the Warblers did an off campus performance it was dedicated to a very fortunate lass named Lindy…" Jeff took on the tone of a tour guide, "While in present day Ohio-”

“Wouldn’t Jeremiah technically be ‘Lindy’ then," Kurt cut in, "as this performance is for his benefit…?” he asked pointedly.

Jeff’s face grew hot.

“Damn”

Kurt sauntered toward the front of the pack of boys, smiling smugly, thinking Jeff was simply put out by his ability to shut down another of his stupid nicknames. When really, Jeff’s heart was racing. He had almost given everything away.

…and he’d liked ‘Lucky Lindy.’

~.~*~.~

“That’s him,” Blaine’s eyes dragged reluctantly away from the coat he was pretending to shop for, “The blonde one folding sweaters,”

“I can see the appeal,” Kurt lied, “Quite a head of hair,” he attempted a supportive smile. It faltered, but that didn’t matter. Blaine’s eyes were definitely not on Kurt.

“Jeremiah,” Blaine sighed longingly, as if Kurt needed reminding. “If we got married, The Gap would give me a 50% discount,” Yeah, they better fucking give me a discount, Blaine thought, to make up for all the times they’ve screwed me over.

Kurt rolled his eyes.

“This is insane, I don’t know what I’m doing,” Blaine starts, thinking of how stupid this entire ‘make Kurt jealous’ ordeal really was. He had to consciously stop himself from just telling Kurt outright.

“We haven’t even really gone out on a date,” he settles on, hoping Kurt will agree that the Gap Attack is a ridiculous idea and just maybe Blaine can still get out of it. “We- we shouldn’t do this,” he says, turning for the door.

Kurt grabs him by the shoulders, turning him back around.

“C’mon, C’mon, man up,” he says, more to himself than to Blaine. Watching him sing to another guy is going to be unbearable, but he’s going to have to do his best.

“You’re amazing,” Blaine softens under Kurt’s words. “He’s going to love you,”

Blaine looked over his shoulder at his best friend as Kurt urged him forward. but I don’t want him to love me Blaine thought.

~.~*~.~

“Vum Vum Vum Vuuummmmm” his friends start and Blaine realizes it’s really now or never. He takes a deep breath and straightens his blazer.
Suddenly his feet are taking him away from the person he’d really like to be singing to, and by muscle memory, forcing him into the choreography.

“Can’t stop that feeling for long, no” think about Kurt he tells himself. Focus on your feelings for Kurt, this has got to be believable or it’s worthless.

Jeremiah shoots a look toward a tall blonde in the corner wearing a blue shirt. He’s laughing alongside a few of his co-workers. Peter. The worst is he’s actually really cute.

“See, all these illusions just take us too long,” he pursues the gap boy across the counter, “And I want it bad,” and does he, just not from Jeremiah…

“Because you talk pretty” that gorgeous, delicate voice, Blaine thinks,

“Because you walk pretty,” and my god, does he! Blaine finds himself glancing back at Kurt, but he remembers to flash him a smile that says ‘Thanks for the confidence, man,” rather than a look to express how he’s really feeling.

Jeremiah’s blatant yet fleeting looks at Peter unnerved him at first, but the thought of Kurt and Peter separated makes Blaine’s heart jump with something he can’t identify.

“On my house,” He grabs a pair of pink sunglasses, covering his gaze just long enough to take a longing glance at Kurt out of the corner of his eye, “On my job,” And he’s delighted at what he finds, “On my loot,” he feels the guilt pang in his chest for a moment “My shoes,” but its easy to suppress “My shirt,” because Kurt does not look happy, “My crew” he’s sure of it, “My mind,” Kurt’s jealous. “My father’s last name!”

The rest of the number is a blur as Blaine’s mind is reeling. He jumps on tables, spins through clothes racks, all the while singing to Kurt in his head, “Baby, you the shh… that makes you my equivalent,” and you are so much more than that Blaine thinks as he catches sight of Kurt’s slack jaw, gaping back at him.

He thinks of Peter, hoping it’ll add more believability to the line as he sings “All these intrusions just take us too long,”

His heart pounds from the thrill.

“Cuz I want you so bad,”

He loses the words, continuing to sing them out only from having rehearsed them so many times. His head is off in a distant world. He steals as many glimpses at Kurt as he can without looking suspicious, but he’s confident he's covered them up well.

Suddenly he’s belting out the final chorus, standing on a table that only a few minutes ago had been full of sweaters and scarves.

“When I get you alone!” and oh god, if I had Kurt all to myself, “When I get you, you’ll know babe,” he thinks greedy thoughts of stolen kisses, “When I get you alone,” Thinking quickly, Blaine jumps off the table, grabbing a pair of socks from a nearby display. This will be the whipped cream to Kurt’s humble pie. He slides down on to his knees dramatically as he belts out the last notes, “When I get you aloone!”

He offers the socks to Jeremiah with a cocky smirk.