“No! We can figure this out!” Thad said.

“Maybe we can talk to this kid and find out where they’re going, then we’ll go attack wherever they’re going to be!” Nick said as if he couldn’t believe he hadn’t thought of this before.

“It’s called a ‘Gap Attack’, Nick,” Even Jeff knew that the alternatives were getting out of hand now, “Listen. We have to go through with it, if we call it off now Kurt will know something’s up… Mysterious Lover-Boy or not,” Blaine’s expression hardened.

“Peter” Blaine said distractedly… revulsion rolling off his tongue.

“We’ve got to go through with it,” Jeff repeated, ignoring Blaine.

“Don’t you ever tire of creating terrible nicknames?” Blaine asked him.

“Never,”

“I’m going to go call Jeremiah,” Blaine spit out the name, “and tell him we’re calling it off. Sorry he won’t get to practice his acting,” Blaine scoffed. The funny thing was… Blaine didn’t feel sorry at all.

“No, I’ll call him,” Jeff announced, already halfway out of the room, “He’s my cousin after all…”

Blaine deflated back into his seat as Jeff bounded up the staircase to the room he shared with Kurt.

As he approached the door to his room, Jeff heard Kurt talking animatedly. The way he spoke only with his girlfriends. Jeff knew this from countless nights he’d listened to Kurt talk them through boy troubles. What the hell kind of name was Finn anyway?

“No, Rach! I told you so! You should have seen his face! Totally, totally! He definitely fell for it,”

When Jeff entered the room, Kurt was sitting on his bed, which was closer to the window, looking out at the sky. Kurt’s back was facing him, so he’d try to just grab his phone without bothering his roommate. He tiptoed over to his nightstand.

“Yeah, I told him it was Peter! You know, the guy who’s playing Elpha-boy,” Kurt mocked the name.

Jeff stood frozen to the spot. He watched the clock on his phone transition from 4:06 to 4:07

“No! He’s not even gay! He said it would be a great acting exercise!”

Jeff swore he felt his jaw hit the floor.

“I didn’t think it was going to work, I mean… he’s still going to the Gap Attack, so maybe I’m just fabricating this whole thing in my mind, but I could pretty much see the jealousy bubbling up in his eyes,” Kurt laughed at something Rachel said.

“I know! I never thought I’d say this, Rachel Berry, but you are a genius! Now I just need to figure out how to get Peter to annoy Blaine the most…”

“I think I could help with that,” Jeff announced his presence, sliding his cell phone deep into his pocket.

~.~*~.~

Jeff spent his entire walk back to the Senior Commons coming up with his story. The Gap Attack was on.

And those were the exact words he spoke as he stepped into the room.

“Jeremiah needs us,”

Blaine scoffed in disgust at the very notion.

“Believe it or not, he wasn’t in it for acting practice…” A few of the boys looked intrigued, but Blaine’s scowl seemed to be carved into his features.

“He wants us to help him… make his co-worker jealous.”
Blaine glared at Jeff. Sore subject.

“Another Gap Gay…” Blaine snorted out, antipathy for the entire establishment gathering inside his stomach.

Jeff thought quickly, Kurt would thank him later.

“Actually… a Dalton Gay.” Now every ear in the room was trained to Jeff’s voice, “Peter Carson.”

~.~*~.~

Blaine hated the Gap. No, he abhorred the Gap.

After the Gap Attack he vowed never to step foot in a Gap ever again. Even if Zac Efron worked there, Blaine would stay far away from the Gap. He hated the Gap like he hated the Nazis. No, he detested the Gap like Kurt detested stir-up pants. There was never an excuse for the Gap.

From then on the Gap became the root of everything evil. The Warblers had turned this into an inside joke, but he felt nothing less than pure unadulterated loathing toward the Gap.

He would put on the Gap Attack. He had to. Hopefully Peter would run into the arms of Jeremiah and the two of them could live happily ever after, and he’d never have to see either of them again.

Blaine had no idea what went on for the rest of the warblers meeting.

~.~*~.~

“I can’t believe Kurt isn’t going to the Gap Attack” Blaine said sullenly to Jeff as they walked back to their dorm after class, “The whole point of the plan was to make Kurt jealous! Now he won’t even be there… We should just call the whole thing off! Who cares about Jeremiah, or fucking Porter…”

“Peter” Jeff corrected.

Blaine glowered at his strikingly blonde friend. Jeff apologized silently.

“That just means it’s working! He’s testing you! If you call off the Gap Attack he’ll know you’re trying to make him jealous. You have to convince Kurt that he’s got nothing to do with your loooove” Jeff drew out the word, pinching Blaine’s cheek, “for Jeremiah,” Blaine’s frown deepened.

“This was a stupid idea… from the start. I hope you know that,”

Jeff feigned offence.

“Don’t worry, everything will work out,” Jeff told him as he left Blaine at his room, “I’m sure of it,” he said, before continuing down the hall.

~.~*~.~

“I’ll pay the extra five dollars for them to make him a fucking nametag, just please Jeremiah!” Jeff whispered desperately to his cousin through the phone.

He stood in the Janitor’s closet on the first floor, his back against the door. The cupboard was completely dark with the exception of a stripe of light protruding from underneath the threshold.

“C’mon! Haven’t you ever been in LOVE, you dipshit?” he pleaded.

One would imagine that calling someone a dipshit was probably not the best way to persuade him or her, but in Jeff’s family it usually worked.

“Yesss!” Jeff hissed, “Peter Carson,” Apparently it had worked, “Yeah, he’ll be there fifteen minutes before the rest of the Warblers,” There was a pause as Jeremiah spoke, “Yeah, I’ve got it all worked out. Just look kind of put off, as if you’d rather be on a date with Our Petey,” the voice on the other end got louder, “I know, I know, you’re not gay,” Jeff rolled his eyes.
Everyone knew Jeremiah was as gay as the 4th of July.

“Just consider it the ultimate acting exercise. Its not like you have to kiss dear old Pete, just look at him every few minutes like you want to fuck him,”

“Talk to you later bro, I owe you one,” Jeff said, “Fine, fine! I owe you ten. See you on Friday,” Jeff snapped his phone shut.

“Commence Phase Two,” he said to himself, before yanking the door open and stepping back into the river of boys rushing through the hallways.

~.~*~.~

“This is going to mess up the entire plan!” Kurt said into his phone, his voice rising a bit. “Why? Why of all places did you have to work at the Gap, Peter? At least if you worked somewhere else I could pretend we were out having coffee while you were actually at work, but now that you’re actually going to be there…” Kurt let out a sigh as Peter answered him.

“I know, I know, nothing’s working though. We need a new plan. Blaine doesn’t dislike you enough yet,” the voice on the other line rose.

“Oh get over it,” the other boy’s voice grew softer, apparently Peter was attempting to get over it, “No, just subtly annoying. Not enough to make him hit you or anything, we just need you to get under his skin.” Kurt said deviously.

Right then, Jeff unlocked the door.

“I still can’t believe you didn’t tell me that you work at The Gap, Pete,” Kurt sighed into the receiver.

Jeff had to conceal a mischievous smile as he dropped his bag next to his desk.

“Yeah, sure. I’ll talk to you later,” Kurt ended the call.

“What’s going on?” Jeff asked innocently.

“Someone neglected to tell me,” and even though he knew this ‘someone’ was Peter, Jeff couldn’t help but feel like Kurt was talking to him, “that he works at, get this… The Gap,”

Jeff turned his back to Kurt, unable to suppress the grin that stretched across his face after observing his brilliant plan in action.

“Peter?!” Jeff asked, proud of the astounded note in his voice.

“Yep,” Kurt said in frustrated tone, “and someone happens to be working on Friday night…”

“But wasn’t that the night of your ‘fake date’?” Jeff said, fueling Kurt’s aggravation.

“Mhmm” Kurt ground out, “What am I supposed to do now?” He sunk onto his bed.

“Don’t worry, everything will work out,” Jeff told him confidently, “I’m sure of it,”